Regret

Summary: It's Dean last day, and Sam is in wallowing in a pool of regret...

Fandom: Supernatural

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or places that you may recognise. They all belong to their respective owners. I only own my memories and experiences.

Author's Notes: For those who haven't lost a friend, well it's hard. While I was away my roommate who was feeling terribly homesick left after just four weeks. During that month she had become like a sister to me so I was really depressed, sounds pathetic that a girl I only knew from netball could become one of my best friends that fast but it happened. We shared everything with each other so it was really hard and not just for me but also for the rest of my house.

Anyway from that I realised the similarities between my roommate leaving and Dean going to hell...enjoy!

Also I left before the Xmas episode had aired in Australia so this was written before that screening.


You could have done more, you know it in the pit of the stomach. You could've tried harder to save him. He'd do anything to save you, hell he's sold his soul for you and practically raised you and you still can't save him. You could have tried harder instead of wasting your time digging into Mary's past. Who cares about your mom's past when your brother is about to die?

You sigh and take another swig of beer. Dean joins you. You glance around at your surroundings. The sun is setting over some corn fields in Kansas and your both leaning against the Impala, drinking one last beer together before the hell hounds come and get Dean in about an hour. An hour, sixty minutes, probably less now.

You catch what might be your last look at your brother. Rays of sunlight lighten up his face; make his brown hair turn golden, and his green eyes glint. His face is calm, and you have to wonder why? You know he can hear the hellhounds, though you suppose he's just come to accept his death as fate. You wish you could.

You stare at your beer bottle and wonder how long it will take to drown your misery once Dean is gone. You have a sneaking suspicion that Ruby will turn up, demanding you to fight some demons. You smile thinking of your response.

As you glance back at your big brother your mind skims over your childhood. You remember lonely Easters and Christmas' which Dean seemed to always make extra special, or the never ending prank wars that drove John crazy, or the dodgy costumes that you and Dean put together for school plays. You remember greasy hamburgers, practicing soccer in the park (not that Dean even knows how to play), and late night ghost stories and horror films.

When it comes down to it, it's the end of that. It's the end of this crazy road trip you've been on since the Demon choose you. Sure, you'll keep on travelling but it won't be the same, Dean won't be there. You wish that you could've told him so many more things, thanked him for bringing you up, but every time you open your mouth the words get stuck in your throat. He'll never know just how much he meant to you, even just him standing beside you is a constant source of love, a love that in a few minutes will be ripped away. You can't stop it and that's what you regret the most.

You shouldn't have to regret him leaving, it isn't your fault after all, thats what he says over and over again. You want to believe him, just like you've always have but not even he can convince you that it's over.

You wonder what you'd do different if you could go back, and stop this all. You wouldn't go to college, you'd stick around with Dean and Dad (which would in turn save Jess), you would joke around more, you'd try and be a better brother...

"Well I have five minutes," says Dean blankly beside you. You flick your gaze to him.

"You can hear 'em?"

"Yeah," he smirked and then yelled to the empty pace, "Five minutes, you filthy mutts!"

You swallow and start quickly, "Dean, I..."

"No chick flick moments Sam, it's my time,"

"But..."

He turns and stares you straight in the eye, "You have nothing to be sorry for, I love you don't forget it," and then he grips you in a bear like hug. You cling to him, not wanting him to leave. Your eyes are glistening with tears, as are his. The minutes pass, and your unmoving. Then you watch alarm goes off.

You're thrown back as he is pulled away. You see him smile one last time as you see black dogs appear around him. They rip at him, and his body disappears in a cloud of black smoke. Tears roll down your cheeks. You scream in anguish, your knees buckling.

You sit, leaning against the Impala and cry without stopping. The sun soon goes to bed and as the moon bades you in glowing light. That's when you make a vow. You won't live in regrets, instead you'll go to hell and get Dean back.

And that's one decision you know you won't ever regret.

Fin