I can't believe they're making a movie combining the first three books! I hope they don't leave out too many details. Yay! Anyway, I just felt like writing this angsty piece.

It's a short one-shot.

First attempt at Cirque Du Freak.

I own nothing.

Darren's sort of OOC.


(Darren's POV)

Sitting on the ground, I sunk my nails into the dirt. The Earth was soft tonight probably because of the rain. Either way, I grinned inwardly, if it hadn't had rained, my nails would have clawed it easily.

I suppose it was a bittersweet thing to have such long and strong nails like mine. The sweet part was just that; they were long and strong. I could basically do anything I wanted. The bitter part was that I cut up my clothes constantly and could easily harm a human simply by shaking their hands in the wrong position.

This was the two year mark of my turning into a half vampire. I shivered inside, both frightened and happy. I could sense deep inside my heart that many dangers lie ahead…many challenges were ready to try and take me down. One was always plaguing me constantly; my emotions.

My dreams haunted me with visions of a man and I together. My thoughts circulated around that man and a bed. My cravings became to be near that man. It was bad enough to realize I was gay…but to go after Larten Crepsley! I hugged my legs, pulling them close to my chest.
Part of me was ashamed because…well…he was my sire. And the fact that he was a man. But that was a minor thing for me…

The half of me was longing to be held by him, to hug him, to kiss him and…I felt my cheeks grow hot against the cold wind snapping at me. I longed to feel his skin, his hair…stare into his eyes…

But that would never happen.

To him, I was a useless brat. He had said it several times, saying he regretted changing me and taking me along. And in those times, I had agreed even though it wasn't all true. If he hadn't changed me, I wouldn't have ever known him. Secretly I was grateful to know him, I was happy to even. But I couldn't let anyone know that or I might become an outcast…

So I pretended to hate him.

And sometimes, I think I do.

The way he snarls at me, the way he shouts at me, the way he claims I'm nothing…I hate him for that. I hate him for not seeing my true feelings. How blind can the guy be?!

I rested my back against a tree, feeling the aching muscles relax slowly. Looking up at the sky, I saw millions of stars through the tree branches. I sighed gently, trying to clean off my nails. I had snuck out of the tent with my roommate in it…I'd have to go back before someone realized I wasn't there. I didn't want to get Mr. Crepsley mad again…or Mr. Tall.

A shiver traveled down my spine.

Every now and then, I'll catch that man giving Crepsley and me a look. It's not an unkind one…it's a knowing one. And sometimes I wonder…how much does he know of my feelings?

It doesn't matter if the whole world knew though! To Crepsley, all I'd be is a useless annoying brat who'd rather die than drink blood! I felt anger flood my veins. He'd never care for me; he'd never love me like I did him!

…Love…

I'm a useless brat who loves a stubborn old man.

Sighing softly, I stood up and brushed off the damp dirt from my pants. I turned around to head back when I slammed into a warm body. Nearly falling to the place where I had just been, I looked up, "Watch…Mr. Crepsley…" My voice turned into a whisper.

The way his eyes stared into mine, that sparkle in them…I think he knew. I think he's always known. It wasn't pity he gave me but…compassion. Taking his outstretched hand, I couldn't find anything to say. Ironic how I had spent my afternoons wishing, dreaming of what I'd say and do in this situation…and totally go blank when it happens.

"Come Darren, it's almost time for the show." He spoke softly, turning and walking away. His touch still burned on my hand…a kind touch for a useless brat. I smiled.