A Christmas Lapdance


By darkmosmordreheart

Summary: D&H. Ho. Ho. Ho. Merry Christmas to me! After Hogwarts.

Warning: Sex, slash, and cross-dressing. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: I'm just borrowing a few HP characters to do naughty, naughty things with them for a little bit. You'll get 'em back, don't worry. Sure, they'll be a little sore, but none too worse for wear.

For WiseDraco :D a.k.a. WheezyD for her birthday and for our Cliché Challenge: Take a cliché and run with it! Here is mine: Draco, Harry, cross-dressing, and a strip club; Merry Christmas, everyone! And I don't care that it's not Christmas anymore; I wrote a damn Christmas story for the one I couldn't write when it actually was Christmas. So, shut-up and just pretend it's still Christmas. It's my damn story, I can say it's anytime I want it to be and right now, it's Christmas! And yeah, Just about every sentence I just wrote has the word "Christmas" in it. I don't care about that either! Merry Christmas, dammit! (lol) -DMH


"Oh, Draco, hush! You look prettier than me!" Pansy Parkinson sighed, pushing her short bangs to the side and leaning closer to the restroom mirror. "Don't worry!"

"I'm not worrying, Pans," the blonde hissed back, combing his hair all to one side so that the silvery locks fell over one silver eye. "I'm concerned."

"You look fantastic," his best friend assured, not even glancing his way.

Draco Malfoy stepped back from the large mirror and looked at himself head to toe. "I am in an elf costume."

"So am I, sweets, so am I." As if to prove it, the brunette spun around in a cute little circle, her red and white skirt swirling around then falling perfectly back into place. "And you don't see me complaining, do you?"

He glared at her and walked back to his spot before the mirror, plucking his white and red elf hat from the counter and carefully placing it on his head so not to ruin his hair. "Of course you have nothing to complain about. You're not a man in a skirt."

"Oh, hush up. I said you look nice," Pansy said, contorting her face so that her wand applied her make-up correctly.

He tugged at the short jacket that revealed some of his stomach and curled his lips in disbelief. "I just don't understand why you can't get another one of your friends to--"

"I already told you, Draco!" Pansy sighed with exasperation. "Daphne is going as a candy cane and Millicent just doesn't have the legs to pull off the outfit. Now shut up!"

He made a face behind her back that she returned in the mirror and then turned to retrieve his knee high boots. "High heels, Pans?"

"Oh, don't even act like you can't walk in them."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, sitting on the chaise lounge in the middle of the large restroom to pull on his shoes.

"You don't seem to know a lot of things that happen when you're drunk," she laughed, pocketing her wand and pulling on her own hat, flicking her head back so that the fluffy white ball settled behind her ear. "You're almost cuter than me."

"I am cuter," he corrected, standing and experimentally strutting back and forth. "Huh, I guess I can walk in these."

"Like a model, sweets. Probably better than me," she admitted, a wide smile settling on her face. "You ready to go?"

"I guess. Are you sure I can't put on pants?" he asked a bit nervously.

"Trust me, darling, where we're going, you'll be mad to even be wearing anything at all."


"Oh my God, what he's doing to that pole should be illegal," Draco gasped the moment they had Apparated into the club. "Is that legal?"

Pansy looked towards the direction the blonde was gaping and smiled at the sight of a half clothed "Santa Claus" rubbing himself against a large candy cane decorated pole. "I'm sure it's perfectly fine in Amsterdam."

"I cannot believe you brought me to a Christmas party in a strip club," Draco laughed without taking his eyes off Santa's glistening, golden muscles. "I won't complain though."

"Good," Pansy laughed. "Now let's see if we can get you a lapdance."

Before Draco could either protest or kick his best friend in the head, the brunette had his arm in a death grip and was guiding--dragging--him through the crowd closer and closer to the stage where Santa shined.

"Pansy, Draco is that you?!" The shrill voice pierced through the loud club music and, for once, Draco was happy to see Daphne Greengrass and her sister Astoria.

Air kisses were kissed, phony compliments were complimented, and bland, idle conversation was conversed until Pansy finally blurted out the only thing on her one track mind; "How can Draco, here, get a lapdance with Santa up there?"

"Santa?" Daphne asked and turned to look at the stage as if just noticing the Adonis with a beard flinging his clothing off under the gaze of drooling witches and wizards. "Well, I don't know, darlings. Our stripper for tonight is a bit of a volunteer, so you would have to ask him."

"A volunteer stripper?" Draco asked; looking the candy cane clad Daphne up and down apprehensively before switching his gaze to the tight, golden muscles on display. "A man with a body like that has to do this sort of thing for a living. He can't possibly just volunteer for something like this."

"Well, I was told that a few witches coerced him into doing it, the poor dear, but the man has never stripped in his life as far as I know. At least not in public," she told him as she pulled out her wand a levitated a galleon to the stage. Santa smiled his appreciation through his curly white beard and Draco almost swooned.

"We'll ask him when he's done off stage," Pansy told the other woman. "Isn't that right, Draco?"

"Oh my God, Santa just took his pants off," the blonde gasped, rubbing at his stomach as if hungry for the man now dancing in impossibly tight, Christmas tree adorned boxer shorts. "I love Christmas."

Draco barely noticed as his friends pushed him closer to the stage until Santa was gazing right down on him. The long golden body that looked to be dipped in hot honey sunk down the pole and Santa spun until his back was pressed tight against it. Saint Nick rolled him hips saucily as he bent his knees and hooked his fingers into his tight underwear. He thrust his hips forward, bringing further attention to the large bulge between his legs that Draco's gaze was already glued to and he leaned forward until he was on his hands and knees. The crowd whistled and cheered, but Draco merely gasped as the man began to crawl towards him.

As if by magic--probably by Pansy--a gold coin appeared in his palm and he held it up towards the stage. Santa smiled, all dazzling white teeth and warmth, and he accepted the coin with his teeth, his lips and beard brushing against the blonde's fingers.

"Oh God," Draco moaned as Santa jumped back to his feet and spun around on his booted heel only to dip back down and display his tight ass to the already wide silver eyes. Draco finally snapped out of the daze when Pansy's hand reached out and did the job Draco was meant to do; she slapped the well formed behind and Santa stood and gathered his discarded clothing from the center of the stage. The song he was dancing to ended and he pulled out a wand and waved it, sending every coin thrown onto the stage during his show into a large bag beside the stage entrance. He sauntered towards the bag as the men and women of the club cheered and with a final wave to the audience he swung the sack over his shoulder and exited the stage.

"He was amazing, wasn't he?" Pansy asked. Draco gave her an arched stare that basically said, "Of course he was, you idiot. Could you be any more obvious?" But he kept his silence and allowed the brunette to grab his hand and pull him through the crowd.

"Wait! Where are we going?" he asked after a moment.

"To Santa's dressing room, duh," Pansy laughed as she tightened her grip instinctively, knowing that her friend would struggle. Needless to say, she won the battle and continued to push people from her path as Draco muttered behind her. "Damn, move, bitch, get out the way . . . Oh hush, Draco, you know you want this."

"I think you want it more than I do, just so you have a story to tell at parties," the silver-eyed man snapped as they reached back stage. He was surprised to find a clear path straight to Santa's dressing room and he looked around; no groupies in sight . . . Not counting Pansy. "I don't want to do this."

"Stop whining, you wimp," she scolded. She knocked on the door before her and smiled as it swung open. The man had yet to spell the beard and white hair away, but he had pulled his red pants back on. His chest would be otherwise bare had the wide black suspenders been absent. "Hello, Santy Claus!"

White eyebrows arched up in surprise and a crimson tint clouded golden cheeks as a wide smile grew. "Hello. Do you need something, ladies?"

Draco cringed at being called a lady and nervously adjusted his skirt before he realized what he was doing and stopped. Pansy's smile widened and turned devious as she threw Draco forward into Santa's arms . . . strong, bare arms. "Well, Santa, I fear we have a naughty elf here with a Christmas wish . . . Oh shut up, Draco, you know you have a Christmas wish."

Draco shut his mouth and swallowed any words of protest as Father Christmas' hands traced up and down his back.

"A naughty elf, eh? What has . . . Draco, was it?" Draco nodded as he looked into Santa's twinkling jeweled eyes. "What has Draco done?"

"I fear he put off his Christmas wish way too long, sir," Pansy giggled.

"And what would that wish be?" he asked in a deep voice that Draco felt vibrating through his chest.

"All he wants for Christmas is a lapdance."

"A Christmas lapdance, huh?" Santa asked, smiling at Pansy before turning his eyes back to Draco. "I think, despite the naughtiness of one of my favorite elves, Santa can arrange that."

"Lovely!" Pansy squealed, causing Draco to cringe. "I'll wait in the hallway."

And with that, the brunette was gone, the door shut behind her, and Draco was trapped in a small room with the half-naked man who owned flying reindeer. Santa smiled again and pulled away from Draco to lift his wand from a nearby table. With one wave, a comfortable looking chair appeared from nowhere in the center of the room. "Sit, Draco."

Draco followed orders and sat carefully in the chair as Santa stepped up to him. "Are you really a stripper?"

Santa shook his head. "I'm not and I've never given a lapdance, but I just couldn't deny you a Christmas wish I could easily fulfill."

"You know, you don't have to do this," Draco told him.

The other man chuckled and twirled a finger into his curly beard. "I know, but I want to. Sit back, Draco." The blonde gasped as a strong hand pressed gently against the center of his chest. "I'm going to try my best to give you the best Christmas present you've ever gotten."

"Alright," Draco whimpered as the larger man straddled his lap.

"Is this alright?" He nodded and melted under the flash of white he received from Santa's quick smile. "So, Draco, I understand that you've been a very naughty elf."

"Yes," he gasped as the other began to roll his hips. His fingers clutched the edges of the seat of his chair as he strained not to touch the muscles before him. "Santa?"

"Yes?" Saint Nick asked as he slid his suspenders off.

"Since you're not a stripper or anything . . . where exactly did you get all the muscles?"

Santa looked down as if just noticing the pecs and biceps and six pack. "Well, Draco, I have a very demanding job that requires me to be in tip top shape." Another smile and rough fingers traced over Draco's cheek. "May I inquire where you got such soft skin?"

"I don't know," Draco moaned as his head fell back in pleasure. He heard a deep chuckle and felt the man lift from his lap. His head snapped back up and he watched as Santa pulled his long golden legs from his red trousers only to be left in the form fitting underwear. "Either that's a fruitcake in your pocket, Santa, or you're just very happy to see me."

Santa laughed out loud and pulled Draco up from the chair only to sit in it himself and pull the elf into his lap. "Very funny, but I think you have a surprise between your legs as well."

"Well, I'm not a lady."

Santa cringed. "Yeah, I was kinda hoping you didn't catch that. I'm sorry." Draco just nodded as he began to roll his hips. "You have nice legs."

The blonde shivered as strong hands stroked up said legs. "Thank you, Santa."

"You are very welcome . . . Move forward a bit . . . Ah, yes, like that," Santa praised, sinking his hands into soft silvery gold hair.

"What kind of lapdance is this?" Draco asked before adding, "Not that I'm complaining or anything."

"I told you I've never done this before. I thought lapdances were people grinding against one another."

"I guess--Oh!" Draco gasped as his fingers found Santa's strong shoulders to dig in to. "But--ah--you should try to put a bit--oh--a bit more . . . Oh God! . . . A bit more dance into the actual act."

"I'll consider that for if I ever do this again," Santa said huskily as he lifted Draco's skirt a bit to give his erection better access to the blonde's.

"Oh shit . . . We're going to have sex, aren't we?" Draco asked as the pleasure of an erection pressed against his own brought tears to his eyes.

"Yes," Santa replied, leaning up and swiftly taking the other's lips with his own. His hands pushed up from their position on Draco's waist to under Draco's short jacket to settle on Draco's soft white skin. "You feel so good."

"But I'm very naughty, Santa," the blonde whispered as the other man tugged the jacket from over his head, knocking off his hat in the process.

"You are," Santa agreed as he rubbed his whiskered cheek against a pert, pink nipple. Soon his lips had captured the bud and his tongue was dipping out to taste. "So naughty."

Draco groaned and tugged on Santa's white beard to guide the man to his other, neglected nipple where Santa sucked until it was just as red as Rudolph's nose. He pulled the white hair at the top of the other's head and sunk into a deep kiss, licking and tasting at the other's mouth. "Mmm . . . you taste just like I thought."

Santa smiled and lifted Draco from his lap to set the blonde back in the chair. "And how is that?"

"Like peppermint. It's nice."

He smiled and knelt down between the blonde's spread legs. He nuzzled a pale thigh and kissed up until he was rubbing his face against the apex of the elf's legs. His fingers followed the same path and they slowly pulled away the small red thong Draco's erection was straining in. He licked at the wet spot on the underwear and Draco groaned. "That's nice."

'Oh my God. Santa Claus is going to go down on me!' was Draco's last thought before the actual act occurred. A hot mouth took him all the way in and as that tight heat pulled away he gasped at the tickle of the man's beard against his hardness. He swung his boot clad legs over Santa's bare shoulders and buried his hands into thick white hair as Ole Saint Nick went to town. The white head bobbed expertly, taking in a bit of him at some times, all of him at others until he was pumping his hips up to receive even more. Strong hands lift to keep his hips steady and the hot mouth that tormented him sunk all the way over his length once more. "Oh God! Stop . . . Don't, I'll come!"

He regretted his warning as the head lifted up and the bearded man smiled. "You look so cute with your dick poking out of your cute little skirt." Draco bit his lip and allowed the other man to pull him from the chair and position him on his knees before t with his hands resting on the seat. "What a nice little ass you have." Sharp teeth nipped at his behind and he yelped in pleasure. "You like that?"

"Yes," he moaned as a golden hand traced up his chest up to his neck and settling on his chin where long, slender fingers could play with his lips. His tongue flicked out to tease fingertips and soon they were pressing his mouth for entrance.

"Suck them good, Draco."

He followed orders perfectly and was soon smiling when the wet fingers were pressing against his backside. Santa nipped his ear harshly and those fingers pressed into him. He cried out in pleasure as the fingers moved deeper and deeper. "Yes . . . Yes . . . Yes."

He felt Santa smile against his neck at his whispered approval and moved back against the fingers. "I want to be deep inside you, Draco. Would you like that, my naughty little elf? Hmm?"

"Yes, Santa!" he sobbed as those talented fingers pressed a very special spot inside of him. He felt the other man rise up to his feet a moment before he was lifted and turned to receive a deep kiss. Santa pulled away and pulled his holiday boxers down to reveal his big Christmas package. "Ooo, wow, Santa."

The larger man laughed and sat down on the chair, lowering a hand to stroke himself. Draco watched this for a moment before he reached down into his long boots and pulled out his wand. He pressed the tip against Santa's glistening tip and soon the erection was coated and slick. Santa smiled through his thick beard and pulled the blonde into his lap once more. Draco sunk onto him slowly, his head thrown back in pleasure. Encouraging words left the larger man's lips as Draco adjusted to his size with whimpers and gasps.

"So tight . . . Shit," Santa groaned as he pressed his face into a pale neck.

Draco giggled as those white whiskers tickled him and bit his lip as he lifted up only to fall back down onto the other's incredible hardness. Santa gasped and clutched his hips, helping to lift his elf faster and higher. Draco moaned and wrapped his arms around the other's neck, his hand still clenching his wand tightly causing red and green sparks to shot out from the tip.

Santa hissed with each deeper stroke and thrust, a gentle sound in Draco's ear that drove him crazy with desire. "Faster."

Hips lifted up faster and harder until the little blonde was squeaking with each pump that had Santa's tip pressing against that sensitive bundle of nerves inside of him. "Faster."

He gasped in surprise as Santa pushed them from the chair and onto the floor. Those wonderful hands pulled his legs over strong shoulders and soon the bearded man was pounding into him, his hips pistoned forward as he took Draco to a new height of pleasure. Each new thrust hit his spot harder and harder until he felt as if his trembling thighs would give out, even though no weight was put upon them. He felt as if he was either going to burst into flame or melt into a puddle. He had no idea what was happening with his body, but Santa seemed to know perfectly well. With one final thrust the jewel eyed man had him releasing all over his chest, stomach, and skirt, a scream leaked from his mouth and several other sounds of pleasure until the man could do nothing but whimper in ecstasy. Santa threw his head back and yelled out his pleasure as he brought himself to rapture within Draco's tightening, spasming body. "So good. So fucking good."

Draco moaned and smiled in dazed euphoria as Santa pulled him onto his lap for a cuddle. He suddenly noticed the wand in his hand and pressed it against the other's bearded face. The curls of the beard shrunk back into a strong face as the ivory color darkened to ebony. Draco watched as Santa turned back to his former self and he immediately recognized the scar revealed by the short, wild black hair and the emerald eyes and the goofy smile. "Potter."

"Oh shut up, Malfoy," Harry said as he leaned forward for a kiss. "You knew it was me all along."

"No, I didn't!" Draco said weakly as he snuck another kiss and let his head fall against the other's shoulder. "Shut up, Potter. You ruined my Christmas."


Author's Note: Happy Birthday, WheezyD!! Happy Birthday, me! I love you! Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas!! -DMH