Title: The Fifth Element Torchwood style

Author: Wereleopard

Rating: will be nc-17

Pairing: Jack/Ianto,

Spoilers: Ummm all of Torchwood because you need to know the characters and the film The Fifth Element

Summary: Jack Harkness, a taxi driver gets dragged back into his ex-military life style when a perfect stranger lands in his cab going by the name of Ianto.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Torchwood, or The Fifth Element. I wish.

Thank you to Amazon X for beta'ing this.

Someone has put be forward for abuse because one of my stories contains 'sexual situations'. So if any of my stories disappear that is the reason why but they are on my livejournal wereleopard58

Chapter Eight

"I managed to contact the Dogon. They deplore the incident, but accept our apologies," General Monroe told the President.

"Where were the stones? Were they in the wreckage?" The President asked as he started to untie his shoes.

"The stones were not aboard the ship."

The President looked up at the General. "What do you mean?" He asked.

"The Dogon's never fully trusted the human race…" As the General began to, the small cockroach made its way onto the table, the tiny antenna spinning around. "So they gave the stones to someone they do trust. Her name is Rose. She's a diva and she's going to sing at the charity ball on Fhloston Paradise in a few hours. She has the stones with her. The Dogon's…"


The man slowly maneuvered the cockroach closer so he could get as much information as he can.


"All we have to do is send someone to get the stones."

"Excellent." The President slipped off his shoe, looking across the table, he noticed the cockroach and slammed the shoe on it.


"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" The man screamed scrambling to get the earphones off as quickly as possible.


"I want this operation to be as discreet as possible. No troops, no big operation. I want your best man to go undercover," The President ordered.

General Monroe placed his hands on the desk. "I have the perfect one."


A piece of mail shot down the shoot. Jack turned and looked at it and then turned back to the food that he was eating and the man that had made it.

Mr. Tanizaki pointed to the mail. "You got a message!"

"Yeah," Jack muttered, taking another bite of his food.

"You're not he going to open it? Could be important!"

"Like the last two I got were important; the first from my wife telling me she was leaving. The second was from my lawyer telling me he was leaving with my boyfriend," Jack mumbled as he placed another piece of food in his mouth.

"That is bad luck, but grandfather always say 'it never rain everyday'. This is good news. Guarantee. I bet you lunch."

Jack looked at him for a moment. "Ok." He reached out and pulled the mail from the slot.

"Come on." Mr. Tanizaki waved his hands around, grabbed it from Jack, smiling as he reads. "You are fired." He paused. "Oh, I am sorry."

Jack took it from the other man, and his phone started to ring. "Well, at least I won lunch."

"Good philosophy. See good in bad. I like."

"Hello." Jack says as he answers the phone.

"Jack, sweetheart you got broken fingers you can't punch my number?"

"Hi, mom."

"17 messages, don't tell me your machine is broken again those things are good for a thousand years….."

Jack lit his cigarette and puts the phone to his chest as his mother continued to talk. "Mr. Tanizaki you should go. This is going to take a minute."

He puts the phone back to his ear as his mother still continued to talk. "…… your white pussycat, who you obviously love more than me."

"Goodbye, Mr. Harkness." Mr Tanizaki calls out. "A fortune for you." He threw a cookie over.

"Oh, Christ I'll never be a grandmother!" His mother whined.

"Bring you good luck."

"Yeah, sure," Jack muttered as Mr. Tanizaki unhooked his flying junk ship, singing. Jack rolled down the blinds.

"You have to take me on this trip," Mrs. Harkness ordered.

Jack starts to light another cigarette. "Ma what are you talking about?"

"You want to make your mother beg?"

"No, I don't want to make you beg. I just want an explanation. I just got in, I smashed my cab, lost my job and I got mugged, but besides that, everything's peachy, thanks for asking. Now, will you settle down and explain this to me calmly, please."

"You won a trip to Fhloston Paradise for two for 10 days. I suppose you're going to leave me on the lunar surface to freeze my ass off?"

"If I'd won a trip, someone would have notified me." Just then, another piece of mail shots down the tube, and Jack turned to look at it.

"They've been blaring your name on the radio for the last hour!"

The doorbell buzzed, Jack looked towards it and saw General Monroe on the monitor. "Ma, I'll call you back." He walked over to the door and opened it. "General Monroe, how nice to see you in the 5,000 block," he said, making the coffee as General Monroe and his two companions walked in.

"Nice apartment, Major. Seems you settled into a wonderful life," General Monroe said. "Heard you lost your job."

"You heard that, huh?" Jack asked, suspiciously. "Well, don't worry. I'll get another job."

"Don't bother. We have one for you," General Monroe said as he opened the envelope in his hands. "Major Harkness, you have been selected for a mission of the utmost importance."

"What mission?" Jack asked.

"Save the world." General Monroe said. Jack laughed. "You'll leave immediately for Fhloston Paradise, retrieve four stones from the Diva, Rose, and bring them back with the utmost discretion. Questions?" General Monroe asked.

"Yeah just one: Why me? I retired six months ago, remember?"

"Three reasons. One: As a member of the elite special forces of the United Federated Army you're expert in the use of all weapons needed for this mission." General Monroe opened a roll of paper and it fell to the floor. "Two: Of all the members of your unit, you're the most highly decorated."

"And the third one?" Jack asked.

"Of all the members of your unit, you're the only one left alive. You check your messages?" Monroe asked.

"No, I've had enough good news for one day." Jack watched the other man carefully.

"Might be important!" Monroe hinted as he walked over to the mail slot and opened the mail.

"You're a winner." An electronic voice said, as the General popped open the message.

"You've won a contest, a trip to Fhloston paradise for two," Monroe said. Jack's hands gripped hold of the tube light that was along his shelf, his jaw and fingers tightened as he ripped it off. "Here, are your tickets."

"You rigged the contest?" Jack asked.

Monroe grinned. "Uh-huh. Congratulations." He turned and walked towards the two people who had come with him.

"Couldn't think of anything a little more discreet?" Jack asked.

"Old tricks are the best tricks. Major Iceborg will accompany you…as your wife." Monroe patted the shoulder of the large muscular woman.

She walked, forward clicking her heels and bowed.

Jack looked her up and down. "I am not going."

Monroe walks beside Major Iceborg and his eyes glanced at her body.

"Why not?"