Pairings: Mainly B/C, some B/S friendship, A little S/D. Nate may come in at some point as well. maybe some N/J, not totally sure about that quite yet.

Decription: set after Season 1 Finale. Blair is having some troubles and S, C, and her parents confront her about it. But when she has a panic attack, winds up in the hospital, tries to open her eyes, but finds she can't, what will she do? Will she find her way back to herself, or will she succumb to the temptation Death has to offer? (I know, description's a little lame and cheesy, but it's one in the morning... I like being lame and cheesy when i'm tired) No spoliers intended! If I happen to write something that even remotetly resembles a spoiler, please don't tell me I did! I hate spoilers (well most of the time...) anyways here's the first chapter.

Chapter 1: The Betrayal

She couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe they'd do this to her. Serena, her best friend. Chuck her sort-of boyfriend. She wasn't really sure what to call him actually. They weren't a public couple, but they were still together. Not anymore though. Not after this betrayal. This was the last straw. When he'd gotten drunk and almost kissed another girl right in front of her, she'd written that off as him being drunk, and him wanting to act like normal Chuck, so as not to rouse suspicion. When he'd broken her heart and almost drove her away to France, she'd forgiven him because she was sure that he was what she needed. But now she wasn't so sure. She didn't want someone who was going behind her back all the time, scheming with her best friend, confronting her with her parents like this.

So what? Maybe she'd thrown up a couple of times, but it wasn't that big of a deal. Hell, it wasn't any kind of deal. It was to be expected. Her life was a constant vortex of pain, except when she was with them. They took all the pain away. Made her forget what was happening in her life. In a way, they were just like the Bulimia. They both made her forget, if only for an instant, that she was where she was. She was at the bottom of the food chain. She couldn't get much lower. And the Bulimia took away the constant scrutiny of her mother, of herself when she saw her body reflected in the mirror.

Serena had always known. Right from the beginning.

Her mother, of course had known at the start as well, but when it had gone away for awhile, she had stopped taking notice. She'd thrown all her concerns (if there really were any to begin with) out of her mind. She'd stopped caring. Her father had never known. Her mother forbade anyone to tell him.

That was when Chuck came in. He was her knight in shining armor. He had always been there for her, as a friend, but in the past year, he had been there for her in a different way. A way that made her wonder why he had remained on the sidelines, 'the best friend', for as long as he had. She wondered how she'd ever gotten along without him there beside her, giving her the courage to keep going, even when she thought she was about to give up.

But, still, she needed something for herself. One thing she could control in her life. Her social status was gone, her perfect reputation was shot. She couldn't control what had happened with that. Just like she couldn't control how Serena had been born with the nature to care, even when Blair was a total bitch to her. She didn't deserve a friend like S really… She couldn't control the feelings she had for Chuck, and she couldn't control the feelings he had for her. But she could control this one thing. One action so simple as sticking her fingers down her throat. She had launched herself into this old, familiar sense of security it gave her. She felt a little more like her old self when she binged. She was no longer a fallen princess, but an empowered, confident young woman. She was closer to being the Old Blair. The Blair who spent hours in front of the mirror selecting the perfect outfit to wear to go out in, so that everybody would look, but not stare. She hated staring. That's why she hated the awkward silence in the room right now. Everybody was staring at her. Well, almost everyone.

Chuck refused to look at her. She could see the pain clearly reflected in his eyes. She wished he would just look at her and see the pain in her eyes. The pain he and Serena had undoubtedly caused. They had told her parents. They had told them about what she was doing, what she had turned to. She'd known they were both concerned but pretended not to. It was easier that way. She had trusted them to not tell anyone and they had betrayed her. She didn't want to see them. Not again. She stared at nothing in particular. Her eyes watered. She had to get out of here. No, she couldn't. She wasn't allowed. She was on lock-down until the doctor came to see her. She wasn't allowed to run water while she was in the bathroom. She wasn't allowed to lock the door. Her mother and father stared at her in pain. But their pain didn't bother her as much as Chuck's did. His eyes were changed. They weren't warm, and soft, like they used to be. They were empty, dark, and of course, pained.

Serena was looking at her, concerned. Blair gazed back.

"Blair?" She asked tentatively.

"What?" Blair responded, her voice harsh and cold. Colder than she'd intended. Serena recoiled just a teensy bit at the sound of it.

"Blair, I'm sorry, we're sorry. We just couldn't stand by and watch you kill yourself."

"It wasn't killing anyone. I'm fine? See?" She replied, the words pronounced with a flat sort of expression. She held her hands up as if she were simply asking her best friend's opinion on what she was wearing.

"B! It is killing you! Can't you see that? It's tearing you apart! You're not yourself anymore. You need help." Serena pleaded.

Blair just numbly took a step back. She could tell Chuck was about to say something, but she wouldn't let him.

"No. NO! Just shut up! I can't believe I trusted you! I needed to trust that you could just let me have this one little thing and you couldn't! You have to take everything away from me! Can't I just have this one thing? Can't you back off enough to let me take control of one itty bitty thing?!" She shouted.

"Blair! This isn't just one itty bitty thing! This is your life we're talking about! You could die just because you want to control something! And I'm sorry, but Serena and I couldn't just stand by and let you waste away like that. We love you too much…" Chuck broke in, angrily at first, then softer, until his voice was barely a whisper. His eyes had gone from a hard pain, to a softer, more vulnerable one. She almost believed it.

"NO! If you really loved me then you'd have BACKED OFF AND MINDED YOUR OWN BUSINESS!" She screeched. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT ME! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?" She screamed even louder. And with that she ripped off the necklace he'd given her and threw it back at him. And S's friendship bracelet too. "HERE! TAKE THEM! I DON'T WANT THEM ANYMORE! I'M DONE WITH PEOPLE I CAN'T TRUST AND I SURE AS HELL CAN'T TRUST YOU!" She screamed even louder, if possible. Both Chuck and Serena looked taken aback and backed away a couple of steps as she ranted. She overturned a coffee table and started ripping the cushions off of the couch, as her parents tried in vain to calm her down, before she felt the horrible feeling of her airway being constricted. She gasped for breath, but couldn't get it. She stopped halfway through throwing a pillow clear across the room and clasped her throat, trying to breathe, panic gripped her. She was going to die!

"Blair?!" Her father half yelled, half asked. "Blair are you alright?"

"I-I can't-breathe!" She choked out. "Oh my God! S,- something's- h-happening! Wh-why can't I b-bre-breathe?"

Serena and Chuck both rushed towards her at the same time as her father yelled for her mother to call 911. Her mother shot a worried look at her daughter before running off to get the phone. The last thing Blair heard were the sirens wailing at the bottom of the apartment building and Chuck's worried eyes meeting hers.