Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. Not that is matters in this particular case, but in legal terminology that is known as covering one's posterior.

2013 Author's Note for anyone wondering what in the h**l this is. Zaratan started the Fannie Awards. I'm not a fan, but was asked to serve on the rules committee for the 3rd round. The curse of the Fannies was personal chaos for the organizer and Zaratan went missing for months. I asked for volunteers for personal awards and cranked this out as filler. I wrote chapters 1, 2, 3, 6, and added chunks to 9 & 15. Some other chapters I barely touched and some needed a lot of editing.

First Class Tickets on the Titanic

In retrospect it had been too quiet for too long in the Kim Possible Fanfiction Writers Guild and Quilting Society. Zaratan's disappearance, shortly before the Fannies were due to be posted, had started ugly rumors he had cleaned out the till and headed north for parts unknown. The rumors escalated into plans for an invasion until saner heads pointed out there had been no money in the till to begin with, and anyone living in Canada would flee south.

Plot bunnies bred in the silence. Plot bunnies in all shapes and sizes: small smuffy bunnies with Kim/Ron scenes, odd looking bunnies with crossovers between KP and Rawhide or Fibber McGee and Molly, depressing blood-stained bunnies which begin with alligators devouring the entire cast and then going downhill from there.

Several writers succumbed to the bunnies. Others went quietly mad, although it was not always easy to tell. One man feverishly worked on a cure for the missing Zaratan doldrums, unsure if he had discovered an antidote or had himself surrendered to the insanity.

"An alternative award ceremony to hold us over until we get our annual Fannie fix is what we need," he told himself. (The fact he was talking to himself should have been a tipoff that the mind was starting to go.) "We need a place to hold it, and volunteers to produce it. Maybe this can be like one of those great Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland musicals where 'Hey Kids! Lets put on a show!' results in a spectacular production." Then reality reared its ugly presence like a severed Barbieā„¢ head in a jar of marshmallow fluff, how many Kim Possible writers even knew the 1939 film Babes in Arms?

But first, a PM to Cpneb to get his opinion of the idea.


"I've got StarvingLunatic on the other line. She and I think you should go ahead with it."


"Yeah, could be a few laughs."

"Okay, I'll start working on logistics."

As he hung up the phone Cpneb wondered if he should have mentioned that Zaratan had just announced he was shooting to post the Fannies that same weekend.

The first hurdle didn't take long to overcome.

KiY ducked under the yellow tape which read, "Caution Asbestos Danger," over the door and entered the old theatre. The rental price was right, free, if he could find some other volunteers to clean the place out for the ceremony. He threw the light switch, but no lights came on. Then he remembered, electricity had been cut off to the building for two decades. The power company had promised to restore power for a day, on March 29th, if the Kimmunity agreed to go ahead with the Fonnies. He wondered why the building's owner had referred to him and any potential volunteers as, "Youse and da other mine canaries."

Fortunately the walls of the old theatre glowed faintly, probably the result of being a half mile down wind from the nuclear power station, enabling him to look over the premises. The dust lay thick throughout the building, "Note to self, purchase some dust masks for anyone who wants to work on this."

Up in the old projectionist's booth he found a roll of red carpet. Unfortunately it appeared the moths had found it first. But award ceremonies don't depend on red carpets; they depend on the spirit and joy of the participants to make them come alive. "Another note to self, we're all dead. Who suggested this?"

Still, the grand old theater had hundreds of seats for the people who might come to the Fonnies; and perhaps twenty of them could be used in safety for the people who would actually come.

From the vantage in the projectionist's booth he looked out over the rows of mildewed seats and drew a deep breath before making a profound statement. Actually, he drew a deep breath before going into a sneezing spasm, "Darn dust." With his nose back under control he wondered aloud, "If we hold it, will they come?"

Author's Note Rules for the Fonnies are posted at the Kim Possible Discussion Forum.