This is what comes from a hangover and a insomniac at three in the morning.
Not everybody knows this but the original name for Sloth was sadness.
Ashley sat in her penthouse watching the flickering lights of LA shine and glitter in the night sky. She thinks of Ego, and Kyla and the lame photographer and how everything seems so pretty but everything is fake.
She was going to join them but changed her mind at the last moment; hearing that Spencer would be there with Carmen.
She really didn't want to face that.
She couldn't handle that Spencer had moved on.
She didn't want to know that she had practically flung Spencer at the hardcore wannabe.
Hearing the door close, she thought about turning around; but chose not to. She could tell by the waft of aftershave that it was her boyfriend who had just entered.
Aiden was the only guy who would ever step foot into her apartment.
"Hey, baby, are we still heading to Ego tonight?"
She flinches at the pet name. Thinks the voice is too male for it to sound comforting, or caring. Now it sounds more like she is a person's possession rather than a person's lover.
She turns to him.
Aiden wasn't a bad guy he was just young and stupid. His testosterone addled brain and dangly little 'Y' chromosomes got the better of him, and it spilled over the night of prom.
"I'm not sure if I want to go."
"Ash, we haven't been out for a week. Stop being sad, I hate it when you're sad. Make yourself pretty; I want to show you off."
He wraps his too muscled arms around her too small waist.
She's lost weight since Spencer left her and only Spencer noticed.
She sent her a message on MySpace telling her to eat something, or she'd waste away.
Ashley didn't care.
If she didn't have Spencer then what was the point in anything else?
"Maybe for an hour."
She only relented so that he would remove his arms and as predictable as he was, he did.
Spencer's caresses were never predictable.
"I'll wait until you get ready then, babe."
He smiled at her and she dragged herself to her bedroom.
The new term for Sloth is the act of not putting effort into ones actions, an unwillingness to care.
As she slipped on a dress and slid into some shoes; she faced her first deadly sin.
Ashley had gotten Spencer into Ego and an extra spot for her to bring a friend.
That had made Spencer smile and for a fleeting moment it made the possibility of her bringing Carmen worth it.
But as she sipped on her Cranberry Vodka, glaring at the dark haired girl, she realised she would rather Spencer was mad at her.
Because those hands were on Spencer's hips, in places that Spencer didn't enjoy.
Those lips were on Spencer's, in a manner too harsh for what she liked.
She didn't know how to treat Spencer right.
And as Aiden's arm wrapped around her from behind she realised that she too didn't treat Spencer right.
Because now those lips she became addicted to belonged to someone else.
And that laugh she wanted to hear for the rest of her life was for someone else.
The smile that made the taunts of Madison seem worthwhile beamed to someone else.
Someone else had her.
Someone else had Spencer and she couldn't do a damn thing about it.
Because she had an arm wrapped around her like Spencer did.
An arm that wasn't meant to be there, like the arm around Spencer wasn't meant to be there.
But it was.
Blue eyes flicked up to Ashley and Spencer smiled, and then frowned at the presence of Aiden.
Ashley flinched at the hurt behind those blue orbs that she loved.
She only turned away when Spencer kissed Carmen and her eyes finally fluttered closed.
Carmen's too hard hands connected with the small of Spencer's back and pulled her close, a little too roughly.
Spencer liked it slow.
But Spencer wasn't hers anymore.
She finished her Cranberry Vodka and welcomed her second sin.
Aiden's mouth connected with her neck over and over again.
His hands wandered and fingers splayed just beneath her breast, fingering the black decorative strap.
Stubble cut into her jaw line as his beer soaked breath washed over her face.
She winced but managed to save a smile.
He whispered what she assumed to be love notes into her ear, but she didn't pay attention.
She was still looking for the girl with blonde hair and blue eyes that held her heart.
Because she only ever loved Spencer.
Spencer scared her though.
Spencer needed her and wanted her and loved her and craved her.
And that wasn't what Ashley Davies was used to.
Ashley Davies was wanted.
She was pursued and only ever gotten by the lucky ones.
The Spencer broke that apart and she was vulnerable.
Because now Ashley was wanted, and needed, and loved and craved.
And in turn Spencer was wanted, and needed, and loved and craved.
But Ashley didn't do anything more than fucking.
It was what she was good at.
Lips hit hers and she kissed back robotically, only closing her eyes to hide the guilt.
Ashley Davies didn't do 'just fucking' anymore.
She wanted and needed and loved and craved.
Aiden was wanted.
He was good looking and charming and knew the unpredictable Ashley Davies from a young age.
But Aiden wasn't needed.
She could live without him.
Aiden certainly wasn't loved.
More than a brother figure anyway.
And he wasn't craved.
Because Ashley only ever cried and dreamt over Spencer.
While Spencer was loved by Ashley.
Aiden was lusted after by the Davies girl.
When hand wandered underneath her skirt and thumbs grazed her thigh, she said "Hello." to the third sin.
"It's Spencer this and Spencer that. You're too damn proud to admit you love her still. Well I'm done. I'm done being your second choice, your handy man and your go to boy. I'm done."
He just walked out and she didn't apologize.
She didn't feel like she needed to because he knew who she was.
He knew she was Ashley Davies; the heartless bitch.
But he came after her anyway when she was at her most vulnerable.
She had finished having her heart broken for the first time and he came to her.
And he kissed her.
And he told her he loved her.
He knew Spencer was the one she loved.
She didn't need to apologize for liking Lily Allen, or Ego, or Spencer.
Ashley was raised by an uncaring mother and an absent father.
She had twelve million dollars and a long lost sister.
She had her GED.
She didn't need Aiden Dennison and his rippling biceps.
And she didn't need to apologize for him knowing she would hurt him.
That's what she did that's who she was.
He knew it and she knew it.
She needn't apologize for behaviour she's lived with all her life.
Walking over to her dresser and slamming down the cheesy picture of her and Aiden together, she smiled.
She smiled and accepted the fourth sin.
"It's for your birthday. I know it's not for another two weeks, but you deserve it."
"Ashley, I can't take this."
She didn't accept the silver bracelet when it was held out to her.
"Take it. You can throw it away. You can sell it. You can put it on EBay for one dollar. But don't give it me back."
The hand retracted with the silver charm bracelet.
It had a small seashell - Reminding them of the time at the beach Spencer uttered the words "I think I like girls."
It had a small pen - For all the love notes they sent in classes they shared.
It had a heart - Which really went without saying.
"It's really beautiful, Ashley."
"Beautiful things should only ever be bought for beautiful girls."
The blonde sighed and Ashley waited.
She knew she was greedy for wanting Spencer as much as she did.
She wanted what she couldn't have.
Something that was taken by another.
"Don't say that."
"I'm just being honest."
"Ashley Davies and honesty do not mix."
That was harsh but she let it go.
"It's not true."
Blue eyes implored her and she wanted them to.
She wanted Spencer to see it all.
"I meant it when I said I loved you. I meant it when I said I didn't want to hurt you. I meant it everytime I said I wanted you."
The last one got a smile.
"I mean it when I say I'm pathetic without you. I mean it when I say I hate that you've moved on."
Spencer was frowning now.
But she had to see it all.
Because Ashley was greedy and she wanted her to see it all.
"I mean it when I say I miss you and I still love you."
Blue eyes glittered with unshed tears and Ashley swallowed hard.
"I mean it when I say I still want to be...more."
"I get you're with Carmen and you're happy and like, you want to be with her."
"Me and Carmen...we're not..."
"I need you Spencer. You keep me sane and on the right track. I need you to show me I can be a good person, because I want to be a good person for you. And you alone."
"I need you too."
"I want to hold you again, Spencer. Even if Carmen goes "La Vida Loca" on me, I want to hold you once more. Please?"
"I want you to hold me too."
"I love you so much, it hurts."
It was a whisper covered in an embrace but she didn't let go.
"I love --"
"Tell me, Spencer..."
"I love you, too."
It was greed in its purest form and she would take the fifth sin in any shape or size.
Ashley paced her room like a tiger behind steel bars.
Her dark eyes flicked from her blonde, to the window, to the dresser and back to blue eyes.
"It was an accident. She was upset."
An accident is when you knock over a glass of water.
An accident is when you ask a large woman when her baby is due, and she's not pregnant.
Carmen pushing her Spencer into a wall was no accident.
It took two months for Spencer to admit Carmen had hurt her.
That dosen't count as an accident.
If it didn't matter she wouldn't have kept it a secret.
"Bullshit, I'm going to kill her."
Ashley watches as Spencer bounds in front of the door and raises a daring eyebrow at the brunette.
She thinks it wrong to notice how beautiful Spencer is right now, and realizes she dosen't care.
"I thought we were going to take our relationship slow?"
"What has that got to do with me making her eat the kerb?"
She was pacing again.
Considering jumping out of the window.
She could take the impact on her knees and make it to Carmen in twenty minutes.
She risks a look at Spencer.
"I can't lose you again and if you go after her it's inevitable I will."
She scoffs at the thought.
She could be careful and cover her tracks.
Aiden was talking to her again. He could give her an alibi.
Spencer would hate her more if she ran to Aiden than if she killed Carmen.
"You won't. Baby, she can't get away with this."
Baby sounds better coming from her own lips to the girl she loves than from masculine lips hoping for a kiss.
"She has to live with it everyday."
But Carmen won't care.
Carmen has bitch written all over her and Ashley knows she'll shrug it off.
"It's only a small bruise. It'll fade."
Bruises fade but the thought of Carmen pushing her girl around makes Ashley's blood boil.
She wants to push her.
Find a hard wall and throw her against it, in the least sexual way she can muster.
She wants to let her fist meet flesh and let blood bubble to the surface.
Wants to mix sweat and tears and let her heartbreak out on the body that hurt her girl.
"Ashley, stay with me tonight."
Brown eyes look up uncertainly. Spencer is biting her lip and fidgeting a little in place.
"I couldn't bear it if you acted just the same as her."
"She hurt you!"
"So did you."
Ashley's face paled and she sat down on Spencer's bed that didn't seem as innocent as it once was.
This bed was shared with Carmen.
The same bed Ashley had kissed Spencer on numerous times.
But if Ashley hadn't of hurt Spencer then Carmen would never have been kissed and Spencer wouldn't have been pushed.
"I don't know how to stop, I don't think."
It spills from her lips.
She feels sorry for herself.
And then all she wants to do is hurt herself like she wants to hurt Carmen.
It's all her fault.
"You made me happy eight weeks ago when you told me you wanted me. And needed me. And loved me. And let me see the same Ashley I grew to love."
"I still want to hurt her."
She wants to push her fist into her face hard and fast and watch as she realizes Spencer is hers.
And you don't hurt Spencer.
"I know. Stay with me tonight. The past is called the past for a reason, lets leave her there."
Waves of anger still pour through her body, even after the lights are dimmed and Spencer's soft snores are reverberating into her chest.
She knows she'll never let it go.
But she'll never hurt Carmen.
Her sixth sin is there to stay.
It's the over indulgence of Spencer Carlin that Ashley grows to crave.
She wants her all the time.
Needs to hear her voice.
See her smile.
Listen to her laugh.
Ashley would let her face meet a cream pie if it meant Spencer would laugh.
It was her favourite sound.
She wanted everything that was Spencer.
All the time.
And the blonde was more than happy to give it to her.
She thrived on being waited on.
She loved watching Ashley run around making her happy.
And Ashley knew it.
She knew it in their banter and their playful teasing.
She knew she would want more and more of Spencer because she knows how easy it is to lose her.
"What are you thinking about?"
Ashley looks at her girl and smiles.
Happy in the thought that everything is how it should be.
Spencer's parents have accepted them being together.
Her blonde is off to a good college, and she is dutifully following like the good millionaires slash school dropout girlfriend she is.
"You. How lucky I am."
She wouldn't give anything up.
Because Spencer is all hers.
She has it all, wants it all, needs, craves, and loves it all.
"Don't count your chickens before they hatch, baby."
"What's that meant to mean?"
Strong arms wrap around her waist and soft lips caress her cheek.
"Glen is home from Ohio. We have to have dinner with his sweaty ass joining us. I don't call that lucky."
And she smiles and makes her way downstairs while Ashley follows.
The brunette is happy; she has it all but wants more.
A house on the beach with a dog.
Wants a wedding photo on the table.
And Spencer forever.
She knows she suffers from the Seven Deadly Sins and accepts them for what they are.
They change over time.
Because now she's only sad when Spencer is at school, but knows her girl will always come home.
And she's only envious of Spencer's cute family, but knows they love her too.
It's Spencer she lusts, and loves, after now, especially after hours away from her.
She's still proud, but only of Spencer being hers and how she's paving a life for them to be together.
She's still greedy, because she sneaks potatoes from Spencer's plate when she isn't looking.
And anticipates the playful smack.
She'll forever be angry at Carmen, but kisses and snuggles get her over it.
Playful words telling her she couldn't box her way out of a paper bag have her complaining though.
She still wants it all and accepts her seventh sin with open arms.