Ah, Capemaynuts, Capemaynuts, Capemaynuts. -shakes head- You really shouldn't give me ideas.

Dedication: Capemaynuts.

Disclaimer: I even stole the plastic spoon I'm currently masticating (A word which isn't as dirty as it sounds) from my father.


The Doctor hovered in the doorway, watching the television flicker in front of the sleeping Martha. It was one of those late-night shows which he used to watch a few regenerations ago, but he hadn't really watched this one before, which surprised him.

The man's name was Craig Ferguson, and he had ruffled grey hair and a Scottish accent and was actually amusing, which also surprised the Doctor.

"A small dog will kill you," he said. The Doctor allowed himself a smirk, remembering the dog at the parallel Tyler residence while quietly ecstatic that he could now think the name "Tyler" without too much pain. "Rose", though, was still a tough one, and the two together still caused a breakdown. At least it wasn't instant, though.

"It won't eat you, though," continued Craig.

Was that dog still alive, or was it another casualty of the Cyberman uprising? Or had it succumbed to something else?

Kyle wove himself between the Doctor's legs, his rasping purr grating through the air.

"I've said this many times on the show before, if you die alone in your house— tonight, for example— if you die alone in your house tonight, your cat will eat you."

The Doctor glanced down at Kyle. To his alarm, the cat seemed to be almost smiling.

"You didn't eat the old guy who owned you before, did you?" he inquired suspiciously.

If anything, the cat's smile grew. He licked his lips and yawned contentedly before rubbing against the Doctor's leg again.

The Time Lord opened his mouth, then closed it.

Could he regenerate if the cat ate him? No, that scenario was flawed. He'd have to stay dead for a time first, which he very rarely did.

Could he regenerate if the cat was still in the process of eating him, or would he have to wait until Kyle had stopped? Would there be enough of him left to regenerate?

What triggered the regeneration cycle, anyway? The brain? He assumed so. What if the cat got inside his head and ate his brain? No, that was ridiculous. Unless he had died of a severe head wound. And then his brain might not be in good enough shape to trigger the process anyway.

But he had known Time Lords who had been shot in the head rather messily and had still managed to come back.

If he got shot and Kyle ate his brain, would his body grow a new brain or would his brain grow a new body?

That could be messy.

Would Kyle even recognise him as dead?

Would he care?

The cat in question purred and seemed to be almost laughing at him.

"You worry me," he told him before turning his eyes back to the show.

Kyle just jumped on the back of the couch and begged to be petted.


I must now steal something from Jessa's profile: DO NOT TOSS PLOTS AT THE AUTHOR. She might write them.