PLEASE READ!! To all those who didn't read my author's note, here's what basically happened: I live on the Texas coast, right where Hurricane Ike hit. Things were kinda hectic a few days before the storm hit, right when I was working on this chapter. We fortunately evacuated, but when we came back things looked pretty bad, and it tooks days before things stopped seeming like the end of the world.

Not only did alot of things get messed up, but there was no electricity in my area for TWO WEEKS. Yes people, I lived by sunlight and candle for that long. It was torture. And now, everything is crazy with all the catching up to do at school.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twlight.

JPOV

Life as the undead went on in a sequence of battle and murder for five years. I had managed to prove to Maria and her alliance that I was strong enough to survive among the cutthroat world of the Southern Wars, and had faithfully remained by Maria's side, even when claims of treason tore apart our group.

I fought, fed, and trained. It was a monotonous routine that repeated itself day and night, yet when I found the time to be alone with my own thoughts and feelings, I always found myself lost in the remnants of farway memories of my human past.

I recalled my parents, both generous, loving people, who although blurred in my foggy reminiscing, strongly present in my mind.

I recalled my human home, the structure huge yet welcoming, my sanctuary from the demands of society.

I recalled my school years, or at least what I remembered of them, my knowledge and yearning to learn strong traits in my younger human self.

And I rememebered her.

The angel that appeared to me amongst the mundane routine of life.

The angel that brightened my very being with a simple smile.

Bella.

Memories involving my angel were clearer than the few others I possessed. Her humor, kindness, beauty and every detail that pertained to her were etched deep within me. I thought ceaselessly of her and genuinely hated myself for tearing myself apart from the love of my life.

"Jasper! You have a fresh group of newborns to train. The Juarez coven are planning an attack on us soon, and we need all the help we can get." Maria barked as she marched her way lithely through the moonlight. We were in a barren alley in Mexico, finishing up our nightly hunt. I wiped my mouth clean of blood, and focused my now bright red eyes on her small frame.

"I will get strated immediately. How many are there?" I asked, sighing quietly as the routine of five years repeated itself.

"Six. It will have to do for now. You might want to ask Peter to help you." She answered airily as she unconsciously ran a hand through her midnight hair.

I turned away, well aware that she had her mind on other things. Once she gave out her orders, her mind raced on to the next thing on her to do list, effectively forgetting what she had said earlier in the belief that it would unquestionably be done.

I ran back to our location slowly, mulling over plans and attacks that I could implement on the newborns to tame them in the slightest degree. They were volatile and extremely aggressive creatures, hard to handle and harder still to train.

I arrived at the two story house on the outskirts of the city. It was rotting and falling in on itself; the perfect hideout for our group.

A brown haired man stood outside on the shaky porch, his pale skin glistening as his crimson eyes roamed his surroundings. His dark clothes only seemed to heighten the glow of his marble flesh rather than blend him in with the shadowy darkness.

"Peter!" I shouted at him, effectively cathing his attention as I neared.

"Maria has told you of your duties, I see. She could try doing this kind of stuff herself more often instead of roaming around like she owns the place." He grumbled as he began to run out to the field that held six nervy vampires.

"In a sense, she does, actually. Though its not something the humans are aware of." I replied, easily sending of waves of calm to soothe Peter's nerves. Though he had not been with Maria long, Peter had proven to be proficient in battle and less teaty than the average newborn.

We spoke no more as we approached the restless circle of pale walking pieces of marble flesh. They glared at one another with a burning hatred, tensing their muscles and snaping their teeth if anyone looked the slightest bit more angrily at them. It was a fight waiting to happen.

I sighed, immediately assaulted by the tension and raw energy clouding the atmosphere. I focused on calming down and immediate waves of peace washed over the tense newborns as I stepped to the middle of their informal circle and prepared to begin.

The training has gone smoothly. No fights broke out, which was a rarity with such an unpredictable group of creatures. I had ssafely deposited the newborns with Maria and had headed out, trying to clear my head.

I was so lost in my attemp that I failed to hear Peter standing stock still behind me.

"You're thinking about her, aren't you?" He asked, already fully aware of the answer.

"When am I not? She's always in the back of my head, always smiling at me like an angel. I can't forget her." I answered him, despite the rhetorical meaning to his inquiry. I had finally told Peter about Bella when I had inadvertently sent off a wave of sadness and longing out in a field while training newborns. The wave had been so strong that Peter refused to let me go with a smiple explanation to such strong emotions.

"I don't understand why you simply go look after her. What is the worst thing that could happen?" NO one would recognize you if you disguise yourself properly. You want to se her, don't you?" He asked, honestly curious about the answer to speculations he must have harbored ever since I had confessed my past to him.

"I do, but I can't make myself go Peter! Don't you understand? She could be happy right now; she would be living her life with a man she loves, rocking her children to sleep, shopping with friends. She could be a normal human being, Peter. She could have everything that she could never get if she were with me." I whispered, drained by the end of my rant.

"I can't bear to see her, no matter how much I love her. It would ear me apart." I told him honestly, no longer caring if he knew. I was well aware that we our kind were escenscially selfish creatures; I had experienced that first hand. If I saw Bella once again, I would never let her go.

Silence fell upon us as I gathered myself. The sounds of crickets chirping surrounded us tenfold as I turned to face a blank Peter.

"We should head back. Maria needs help with the newborns." I said, beginning to make my way back. Peter remained silent, and I took that as an affirmative to proceed.

"You're wrong, you know." Peter announced as I took the first step. I stood still, waiting for him to continue.

"You love her Jasper. And from what you told me, she loves you just as much as you love her. Do you think, that with her rather unblemished memories, she would forget you? Your own are blurry and you can still recall her face and the feelings you hve for her. That must mean that she would of never forgotten you, just like you never forgot her. Look for her, Jasper. It's worth it."

With that he dashed away, leaving me in an ocean of doubt.

"Kill them. They're no longer useful." Maria commanded as she lounged regally on a delapidated wooden chair, looking over a map and planning strategies against our newest enemy.

It was nothing unusual for her to request the anihilation of "useless" newborns. Once they were used to her satisfaction, she carelessly threw them away, always leaving me with the job of disposing of them.

Disgusted by the void of emotions in her, I stalked outside. I was nothing if a mess lately. Peter's advice had been tormenting me endlessly, the possibilities running over and over again in my head.

It didn't help I still had duties to take care of.

"What are you going to do?" A familiar voice called out as I headed to the remote alleyway Maria had picked for the extermination of yet another group of clueless vampires.

My sullen look, which according to him was the one I got whenever I had to perform this duty, answered his question. An unexplicable panic arose from him, intruiging me further as fear bloomed from him.

"Is something wrong, Peter?" I asked him nonchalantly, watching him squirm.

"Nothing, nothing. Everything's fine, just go do what you have to. I'll be with you in a second." He answered quickly, the wheels of his mind clearly turning as I returned to the job at hand.

The alleyway was eerily quiet, which was highly unusual for the group. I sent calm thorughout just to make sure no one got unexpectedly out of hand.

Dozens of gleaming red eyes focused their laser like intesity one me, gauging my every move as I lumbered past them. I hated this part of my "job"; the blindsidedness these creatures feel when I'm tearing them apart. It's almost like betrayl.

Without hesitation, I began the slaying. My mind went blank as I emitted calmness to my victims. They fought back ferociously, but were no match to the experience I had garnered throughout my relatively young existance.

Limbs were torn off, screeches echoed and fists flew as much as they could under my calming influence as the massacre I had created continued. My body went into autopilot, mechanically disposing of the unwanted vampires on by one as I sedated the rest into submission.

There were only two left. A small woman staring bitterly at me as I incapacitated her of fighting for her life. The other, a young boy no older than seventeen sluggishly struggled against me as I tore into his flesh and threw his remains into the pyre I had built in between the slayings.

Once his final scream was silenced I turned to her. She sat slumped against a dirty wall, her dark red hair messily covering her face as she looked at me from lethargic ruby eyes. There was nothing more than I could do but kill this creature and end, if at least temporarily, this kind of penance.

I took each step languidly as I approached my final victim. My hand reached out to brush her soft hair away from her face, looking at hre with remorse and pity as my fingers closed around her throat.

"Stop Jasper! Don't kill her!" That voice. The desperation in it made me pause; why would Peter care if I killed this girl?

"Why should I, Peter? Why do you care if she lives or dies?" I asked, curious about the strong sense of fear flowing from him.

"Don't Jasper! Don't kill Charlotte!" He whispered harshly, pleading silently with me to relese my hold on the immobile vampire beneath my hand.

"Charlotte, now is it? Why would you know her name?" I asked, taunting him as I tightened my grip the slightest bit. Peter tensed, ready to spring into action.

"Don't do this Jasper. Please don't kill her."

"Why?"

"Damn it, I love her! I can't possibly even think of going through eternity without her! Don't take her away from me, please. We'll go away, and you'll never see us again if that's what ti takes." he screamed, the rush of emotions bursting from him as he made his confession.

I immediately relesed Charlotte as she rushed to Peter and clung to him. He cradele her face in his hands tenderly and kissed her fiercely as she wound her arms around his neck. My heart, though unmoving, shattered as I saw the heartbreaking sight before me.

I couldn't do this to either of them. I might be miserable, but that did not mean I had the right to submit the only being even worthy of considering a friend in this life to the empty hollowness of lost love. I wasn't monstrous enough to do that.

"Go. You don't have to make promises to me. I'll deal with Maria when she finds out." I told htme tiredly, my entire body sagging with the emotional stress of the entire evening.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! I can't tell you in words how much I appreciate this Jasper. I never thought, going into this existance, that I would ever find a friend and true love. But life has given me both and I treasure them more than words can say. Thank you." Peter muttered as he began to pull a silent Charlotte through the shadows, making their slow retreat.

I simply nodded. The feelings were more than enough.

I turned to leave when a high, tinkling voice called out to me.

"Wait! Come with us. You can search for your lost love. You don't have to stay here with Maria, that cruel beast." Charlotte offered, sincerity ringing in every word she spoke.

Her eyes were guileless as I considered her offer. I could go with them and stop by Houston to search for her whereabouts. I could find her. I could go see her, albeit from a distance. I could reacquaint myself with the beautiful angel of my past.

Needing nothing more than the hope of seeing her smile one more time, I nodded.

"What's keeping us here? We have to move on forward."

Please review!! And check out my other story, ART OF DECEPTION.