DISCLAIMER: Disney owns everything except the fictional character


TEASER: In Tortuga Jack and Will are hanging out - but a mysterious

lady seems to catch more than Jack's attention...

WARNING: Rated NC17 for sexual content

GENRE: Humour/drama/romance

What Vexes All Men CHAPTER I

Jack and Will had just arrived at Tortuga after months of looting.

They were both exhausted after a long journey at sea and Jack was

looking for a woman that he could have some fun with. They found the

nearest bar, and stumbled inside, and there, in the middle of it all

was she. Jack had never seen anything like that. She was dressed in a

long white gown, not the kind that the whores usually wore… this

woman seemed more… well, sophisticated. Jack walked up to the woman

with the brown hair:

"Evening, me lady", he said and tipped his hat a little. Behind him

was Will who just shook his head a little. He would have none of this

fooling about with women… he had his Elizabeth in Port Royal, just

waiting for him to return for marriage. But he was worried if she

would love him as much as he loved her.. this thought always wobbled

back and forth in his mind. Would her heart be as true to his, as his

heart was to hers?

"May I ask, me lady, what ye're doin' in such filthy place as this?

This is no place for a lady like you", said Jack as he gently kissed

her hand. The woman sent the legendary captain a sweet smile and just

looked him deep in his hazel eyes:

"I am looking for help, Mr…?", she said and watched as Jack got a

weird look on his handsome, bearded face:

"Ye mean, ye don't know who I am?", Jack asked in utter surprise and

actually looked a little insulted. He tapped his hat with his index

finger and looked questioningly at the woman… no reaction. Jack


"Captain Jack Sparrow, only the most legendary pirate of the sea!",

he said and smiled as she just nodded. She very well knew who Captain

Jack Sparrow was, but she better keep it to herself, she thought.

After all… she had her mission.

"I didn't quite catch yer name, luv?", Jack said and almost started

drooling when her full, red lips smiled friendly at him:

"Cassandra, Captain Sparrow", she said and then looked behind Jack:

"And who is your companion?", she asked as she looked at Will who had

a quite amused look on his tanned face.

"Oh him, luv, him ye don't have to worry about – he's not important…

Will you excuse me for a minute, dear?", Jack said and turned to


"Will, listen, she's obviously into ye, can't ye leave or something,

while I….. talk to her, ye know…", Jack said but realized that he was

talking to thin air. Will had already gone somewhere else. Jack

turned to face Cassandra again with a skew smile:

"Wanna go upstairs, love?", he asked and she merely nodded. Taking

her under the arm he led her up the stairs in the tavern to the first

floor. It was rather poorly decorated with cheap red carpets and bad

paintings. Cassandra and Jack disappeared into a room and Jack closed

the door behind them, turning to face the beautiful lady in the white


"So should we get down to business, miss?", Jack grinned and couldn't

help but stare at her cleavage. She nodded and walked up to him,

placing her slender hands on his shoulders. She suppressed a

wrinkling of her nose as his rum breath hit her face. Jack almost

froze by her touch. She sure didn't say much… he liked that!

"A woman of few words…", he mumbled, but was interrupted when she

pressed her lips against his. He kissed her back eagerly, but she

broke the kiss:

"A glass of rum, my dear captain?", she asked and pointed towards a

small night stand by the double bed. Jack's eyes immediately

brightened just by the word rum':

"Sure, me lady… first things first", Jack smiled and sat himself down

on the bed, receiving a glass full of golden rum, which she handed

him. It was down in one gulp.

"Now second things first", Jack smiled and patted the bed for her to

sit down next to him. She did so and leaned more and more towards

Jack because then she knew where his eyes would be. He nearly drowned

his head in her breasts - this was his second favourite view. He

slowly took his right hand and removed her white dress, and softly

began to caress her inner thighs... He kissed her hard on her lips

again - he was spellbound of those pure, soft red lips. They felt so

alive, so young… like they had never been kissed before. He loved the

smell of a woman who was lightly perfumed, but not overly stenched

with flower water as the usual whores. Now he could hear Cassandra

was beginning to breathe more heavily than before… and Jack

immediately went with it and buried his face in her soft cleavage.

She placed her hand on his dreadlocked head and gently pressed his

face against her skin, urging him on. Jack let out a small moan of

pleasure as he breathed in her scent and felt the smoothness of her

pale skin. He placed his hand on her left breast and started kneading

it, feeling how her nipple immediately stood erect. This was

unbelievable… Jack let go of her and started working on his belt,

almost frantically, but as he stood up he suddenly felt light-headed.

He almost lost his balance and stumbled backwards a few steps…

"What's wrong, Captain?", Cassandra smiled innocently as she watched

how Jack tried to focus on her, one of his arms stretched out as if

it was a lever to keep his balance. He opened and closed his eyes a

few times, then shook his head… this cleared his mind a bit. This

woman sure was intoxicating! He finally managed to get his trousers

off and let himself fall onto the soft bed next to Cassandra, who was

just sitting there, smiling. Jack slowly reached out and grabbed one

of her hands and placed it on his chest:

"Easy now Captain... Just lay back and take it easy… I'll treat you


He pulled her over to him and closed his eyes. Cassandra caressed his

abdomen and began to lick his nipples… She slowly moved her way down,

and Jack began to enjoy this more and more..

"Mmhh, Cassandra, ye're not such an innocent lass as ye seemed to

be", jack mumbled with his eyes closed. She kissed him and said:

"I'm not who you think I am"

And before Jack could respond to this, she had already moved down.

She was beginning to play with his noble parts and sooner than he

knew, he felt like he was in heaven. He felt her lips softly swirling

around his manhood and the room started spinning faster and

faster. This is sooo good', Jack thought. He had never felt anything

so good - every little part of his body tingled… and suddenly the

room spun so fast that Jack couldn't figure out what was up or down.

This would have to be the weirdest orgasm ever… if it even was one,

he wasn't certain… he opened his eyes, but his vision was blurry and

the walls were waving back and forth like sea water. All of a sudden

Jack's head tilted to the side and he passed out.

"Finally, why did it take so long for a drunken pirate to pass out?",

Cassandra mumbled and got up from the bed. For a moment she just

looked at the knocked out pirate… she kind of fancied him. He had

such slender and handsome features… and she couldn't forget the fact

that he, after all, WAS charming. None the less she had to do what

she had to do. She smiled at him as he lay there on his back, his

trousers around his ankles:

"Now THAT rum was a bit too strong, huh? Didn't expect ether, did

you, you drunk", she grinned and bent down and started fumbling in

Jack's trousers…. And quickly she found was she was looking for. A

little, hard box by a string in the leather belt. Quickly she snapped

the string and grabbed the compass. She put back on her white gown

and stuffed the compass down her cleavage… and she left the room

quietly, leaving Jack Sparrow behind on the bed, breathing softly.

"Jack, Jack - wake up, Jack… WAKE UP, JACK….!", a sound boomed

somewhere over Sparrow's head.

"Woooww, something is wrong, Will - I cant remember anything from

last night, I mean everything went so fast", Jack mumbled and got up

from the bed – however he had forgotten that his trousers were still

around his ankles…he stumbled over his own feet and found his shirt

lying on the floor. But not everything was where it should be… he

noticed right away:

"Where's me compass? Will, me compass is gone! Cassandra must have

taken it!", Jack burst out almost panicky. He pulled up his trousers,

hiding away his manhood and rummaged about in his pockets and by his

belt – but the compass was no where to be found. This just couldn't

be happening!

"What, she slipped you something, Jack?", Will asked and turned his

glance from the ceiling to Jack – now that he HAD his trousers on.

Jack just looked at him:

"Well, what do YOU think?", he mumbled as he walked towards the door.

"We have to find her!", Jack spat as Will followed him out in the


"But Jack, Tortuga is a big place… she could be anywhere… even on a

ship right now!", Will said, but Jack didn't care, he had to find her


"I think I have an idea about where she can be, Will, because like I

said, she is not like the ordinary whores. I have the idea that she

knew who I was before we met. But we're gonna need some help from

outside, somebody she haven't met before, do you know anyone we can

trust?", Jack asked and looked at Will with an almost pleading stare.

Will just shrugged and pointed down at the bar:

"Jack, you can hire anyone of these drunks", Will said and smiled at

Jack, who was obviously shaken. He usually never asked for any sort

of help… this woman had really turned his head upside down.

"She didn't take your money, did she?", Will asked and watched as

Jack shook his head and held out a handful of silver coins.

"No… she knew what she was after. I bet the lass works for the

governor… we have to track her down", Jack said and headed down the

stairs towards the bar.