Summary: Four months after Diana is taken from Draco's custody, he decides he's had enough, and goes to see her.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Warning: Slash pairing, Mpreg, lots of angst.
Draco's eyes opened.
He glanced at the clock on the bedside table, and saw that it was eight twenty. He heaved himself up from the mattress and walked into his living room in his boxers, rubbing his eyes gently. He boiled a pot of water for tea in his little kitchen, glancing briefly at a downturned picture frame on the shelf by the sink. He quickly looked away.
Draco's morning was dull. He sat on the sofa and drank his tea, and washed out his cup. Then he sat some more, and glanced at the picture frame. Around noon, he got dressed. He chose all black, which he supposed fit for the occasion. It was almost like mourning.
Finally, steeling his courage, he stood and walked to the shelf in the kitchen and picked up the overturned frame. Tears sprang to his eyes when they alighted on the figure of a baby girl, with dark hair and emerald eyes. Her image smiled up and him and soft hands reached for him, but they would never come close. Draco put a hand over his mouth and slammed the photo back down, turning away and wiping his eyes.
Today was her first birthday. And thanks to damn Harry Potter, he hadn't seen her in three and a half months. Stupid son of a bitch taking full custody like that... As if he'd ever had anything to do with Diana. Diana Hazel Potter, he assumed she was called now. It made him want to hit something.
When he regained his bearings, he wiped his eyes and checked his appearance in the mirror. In a moment of insanity, he grabbed his coat and stepped out of his flat. He apparated away to Godric's Hollow.
It struck him, as he stood on Harry's doorstep, that this was a stupid idea. But his hand rose and he knocked anyway. He had a right to see his daughter on his birthday, god dammit, and he wouldn't let Harry take that away from him. The door swung open.
There was Harry, a smile on his face that immediately faded when he saw Draco. On his hip was an infant boy with bright purple hair, who looked significantly younger than a year old. There was noise from inside the house, what sounded like a party and laughter. Harry stood there for a moment, shocked, and then his face hardened.
"What do you want?" He asked, quietly enough that none of the party would hear him. He stepped onto the porch and pulled the door half closed, as though he thought Draco didn't deserve to even see the front hall.
"I-I want to see her," Draco said, holding his head high and trying to dispel the feeling of inadequacy. "Is that too much to ask? It's her birthday, I just thought... maybe for her sake, we could get along, just for today," Draco paused, unsure, but went with his gut. "Harry, I need to see her. I'm going out of my mind without her, I just-" Harry cut him off.
"Stop," He said coldly, fixing a stern glare on Draco. "Fine, you can come in. But only for a few minutes," He turned back to the door, opening it and letting Draco step over the threshold tentatively. He shut the door behind him, following the entrance hall, which was rather small, to what looked to be the living room. Draco followed carefully, and the activity in the room stopped when he came into view. Harry's friends froze.
Ron, whom Draco had never gotten along with, sat in an armchair diagonal from the sofa. There was a small pile of presents on the table, being watched studiously by George Weasley. Mr. & Mrs. Weasley were sitting on the love seat, while Hermione and Ginny sat on the three cushion sofa. Draco's beloved Diana sat on Ginny's lap, mouthing on a little chunk of cookie that Ginny was breaking and feeding to her.
She seemed to notice the disturbance, and her eyes wandered over to him. They were blank for a moment, and Draco was immediately struck by the fear that she didn't recognize him. As soon as this thought hit him, she abandoned her cookie and reached for him with a prompting sound. All was silent, and for a moment Draco didn't move.
"Well? You said you wanted to see her. Don't just stand there," Harry said, moving forward and plopping down between the two girls with the young boy on his hip. Draco moved forward, and Diana made the grasping motion again. That decided it. He strode the entire distance and reached for her, plucking her into his arms with care. Her weight, while much more than it had been, was comfortable in his arms.
He examined her, and noticed with delight that she was not dressed in pink but in a pale yellow outfit. Harry cleared his throat, getting the attention of Hermione. He clearly wanted to stop the staring.
"This is Malfoy, you all know. He demanded to see her," He looked like this was quite a disturbance in his day, and shot Draco an almost scathing look. Draco couldn't have cared less. In fact, Draco was on the receiving end of glares from all the Weasleys. The only one who wasn't was Hermione, but Draco wasn't sure if that was a good thing. She was rather easier going than the others.
Draco ran his fingers over Diana's face lightly, then brushing them through her hair just to memorize the feel. He would hate himself for doing this tomorrow, but he didn't really care. He kept running his fingers through her hair, studying her eyes and her expression. She looked happy enough, well fed-
"She doesn't like it when people do that," Harry interrupted, motioning to the hand movement Draco was repeating.
"Oh?" He asked, continuing to do it. "She doesn't seem to mind," He said absentmindedly.
"Well, I think I know her just as well as you do, Malfoy, so-" Harry stopped when Draco scoffed. "I've had her for four months, Malfoy," He said sharply, adjusting the other infant on his lap. Hermione reached over and plucked him away, muttering something about a Teddy.
"And how long did I?" Draco reciprocated.
"Only twice that. And you shouldn't even be here, anyway-" Harry looked angry, but still no one wanted to intrude on this issue. All the Weasleys looked furious, but clearly Ron had learned to hold his tongue better.
"'Only twice that'?!" Draco asked incredulously, throwing out a disbelieving laugh. "Oh, yes, she just popped out of thin air one day- Really, Harry, only twice that? Use your head for once," He said, turning his attention back to Diana and flat out dismissing Harry, who rose to his feet.
"What, are you trying-?" Harry began, but Draco cut him off sharply.
"You know, I really didn't come here to argue with you, Harry. I came here to see my daughter, and that's what I intend to do," He snapped, and Harry's mouth dropped open a little.
"I've got half a mind to throw you out of here right now," He said dangerously.
"Like I haven't heard that before, especially from you, Harry," He said. No matter how bad it got, he would not go back to calling him Potter. That would truly signify that something had changed forever and could never go back. Harry flushed.
"Don't try guilting me, Malfoy, that was really low of you that one day-" Harry said, referring to the day of the final battle.
"Oh, yes, I'm the lowest of low, crying all over you!" He paused. "Like you aren't one of the shallowest blokes on the continent!" He fired back, forgetting his resolve about arguing.
"Oh really? And how's that?" Harry asked, folding his arms over his chest.
"You really have to ask?" Draco advanced on him, stepping right up into his face. "You dumped a pregnant teen for some girl you barely knew," He spat, backing away and letting Harry absorb that comment.
"Well, if I'd known at the time-" Harry said, and Draco flared with fury.
"Never your fault, is it?" Draco spat, and Mr. & Mrs. Weasley stood and slipped out of the room, beckoning George with them. "One week later, if you'd only stayed one more week, you'd have known her from the moment she was born. But you didn't," He said.
"And whose fault is that?!" Harry asked loudly, throwing his hands up.
"Oh, yeah, that conversation would have gone well: 'Hi, Harry, how're things going with your new girlfriend? By the way, I'm pregnant with your child'!" Draco said, keeping his voice quiet enough that he didn't upset Diana. She already looked displeased. "And how did that justify ripping an infant away from everything she knew?" At this point, Hermione stood up defiantly and stepped into the mix.
"Malfoy, I don't agree with your decision to keep this away from Harry. I never will," She paused, and then turned to look at Harry. "But Harry, you should know of all people that families should not be split up unless they have to. I've tried to talk to you about this, but you never listened to me. No, don't interrupt-" She held up her hand, stopping his rebuttal. "What in the world possessed you to think this was a good idea? You've alienated your daughter from the only family she ever knew, you caused a pair of grandparents a lot of sorrow at seeing her go and seeing their son in pain, and you hurt the mother of your child. How do you live with yourself?" She asked him. "I really don't know how you find this so acceptable," She seemed to have no words, and settled for shaking her head at him.
"Hermione, I-" Harry began, looking troubled and a little despairing.
"And from what I heard about when you dumped Malfoy, and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, I've heard you were rather callous about it! You've completely avoided talking about it, Harry, and ?I think maybe we deserve a few answers," She said, adjusting the baby on her hip. Draco glanced at Diana, who looked confused.
"I- Now?" Harry asked, but Hermione just gave him a look. He sighed. "Does Malfoy have to be here?" He asked resignedly.
"I think he deserves it, after the injustice you've dealt him. He can stay as long as he likes," She told him, sitting back down and beckoning Harry to do so. She pointed Draco to the love seat, which he took slowly. Harry sat down and sighed, rubbing his eyes.
"Hermione, do we really need to hear this? I'd rather not know about what Harry's done with Malfoy-" Ron said.
"If you don't want to hear it, leave. I want to know what Harry has to say about it," Hermione said. "At least he won't have to bottle it up if he doesn't want to," She said, and Ron sat back. There was a moment of silence, and then Harry raised his head.
"What do you want to know?" He asked quietly.
"Well... Start with the beginning. How did it start?" Hermione asked, and Harry almost blushed again.
"I... Don't really know how. It just did, really. I don't really remember much about it. It was, ah, right before the winter holidays in fifth year, actually," Harry flushed, and Draco saw Ginny's eyebrows rise next to him. He adjusted Diana on his lap.
"And it continued into sixth year?" Hermione asked, sounding a little surprised.
"Yeah. I mean, it was... nice, at first. Until Christmas in sixth year, I guess. Things went downhill from there. We didn't really do much, just talked. But Christmas was different," Draco saw him move his thumb to touch his ring, or where it would have been. Draco felt a stab of anger.
"You threw away the ring, I see," Draco said, and Harry looked up, noticing how he'd moved his hands.
"Oh. Yeah," Harry said, and Draco looked away. "Anyway, after Christmas we didn't talk much and we really kind of just grew apart," Draco felt a pang of sorrow; he hadn't grown apart at all. Just Harry. "In mid April I broke it off so I could go out with Ginny. And that's about it," Harry said, avoiding everyone's eyes.
"Except for Lily," Hermione said, and Draco stopped. Who the hell was Lily?
"Yeah. Save Lily," Harry finished. "She's about the only good thing that came out of that relationship at all," Suddenly Draco understood, and a fury swept through him.
"Wait," He asked. "Lily. What do you mean Lily?" He asked, and Harry blinked.
"Oh," He said. "That's what we call her now," He said, as though this was nothing at all.
"You changed her name?" Draco was furious. "Why the hell did you do that?" He asked incredulously.
"Because she has my mum's eyes," Harry said, as though this explained everything.
"So I carried her for nine months in my own body, stayed up for days on end taking care of her, changing all her nappies and dressing her everyday up until four months ago, and suddenly you deserve to pick her name more than I do? I put a lot of thought into what I named her. I went though books and looked at meanings and thought of how it would sound with my surname, everything one could, and the moment you get her you start calling her your mother's name?" He asked incredulously.
"My mother was-" Harry said, eyes flashing.
"I know that, Harry. I'm not questioning your mother or your family at all. I'm curious why you found my opinion about our daughter so-" Draco stopped, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. "No. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Clearly it doesn't matter to you anyway. She's Lily now," He settled his eyes on Diana, Lily now, and he wondered just how much she'd changed. There was silence for a moment.
"So... That's all that happened?" Hermione asked tentatively.
"No," Draco answered for her. "He forgot to mentions just how nice it was before Christmas that year. Or maybe it was just words to him, I don't know. Sure had me fooled," He fixed Harry with a blank stare that would guilt him more than anything. "Was it, Harry? Be honest with me. Did you mean it?" Draco asked, meeting his gaze. Harry struggled for a moment, and Draco could tell Ron was begging to ask what they were talking about. But Draco had to know, had to know if Harry'd meant it. It had hurt Draco so bad when he'd thought Harry didn't love him anymore, and now that he thought about it, he wasn't sure he wanted to know. But he needed to, for his sanity.
"Yes," He said after a few moments, quietly and refusing to meet Draco's gaze.
"Good," Draco said, swallowing a lump in his throat. "But Harry's forgetting something. That isn't all that happened. Surely you remember, Harry, the day you killed Voldemort... At the Manor, when you came to talk to me," Draco spat. "Did a lot more than talk, didn't we?" He began.
"Oh, shut up. You were crying all over the place, I was trying to comfort you," He said scathingly.
"Yeah, I felt very comforted bent over the bed with your-" Ron cut him off with a loud noise of disgust.
"Do we really need to hear this?" He asked, and Hermione shot him a look, but looked quite uncomfortable already.
"No," Harry said, on his feet and glaring heatedly at Draco. Said blond looked down Diana, Lily, he corrected himself, on his lap for one last time and steeled his courage. He kissed her head gently and caressed her hair. He stood and handed her carefully to Harry after one last hug.
"By the way," He said quietly. "We didn't use a spell. I got pregnant," Harry froze, staring in shock. Draco felt all eyes on him, and he sucked in a deep breath. "I miscarried," He turned and was gone from the room, fighting off the sobs that were building behind his throat.
A week later, Draco received an owl.
It was from Hermione. She'd wanted to inform him that she was watching Lily and someone named Teddy the next day, and that he was welcomed to stop by if he wanted to. She's given him an address, and he'd sat at the kitchen table for almost ten minutes in silence staring at it.
In reflection, it had been a really stupid thing to go and see Harry. And telling him about the other baby... It had brought up pains in him that made his chest weigh with grief, and his eyes sting when he closed them. But after a long time thinking about it, he decided he would go see Hermione the next day.
For the time being, he sat down on the sofa with muggle novel about the Holocaust and tried to read. War and genocide was the best thing to take his mind off of Lily. He was forcing himself to call her that now, so that if he were ever to see her again, he wouldn't slip up. It seemed like that had been a good idea, seeing as how Hermione had offered him a chance to see her. He simply couldn't go on calling her something she would never recognize as her name.
A wave of anger rode over him, and his brow furrowed in contempt. It made him so angry that Harry had just up and decided to change her name. What kind of decision is that? She looked like a Diana, not a Lily, by all means. Anyone who looked at her could see she did, and he was no fool. He knew he'd embarrassed himself in front of Harry, the Weasleys, and Hermione, but he almost couldn't be bothered. When it came to Diana, what else was there but to stand up and defend himself?
Lily, he reminded himself. Her name wasn't Diana.
He stood up with a sigh, putting on a pot of tea. He had thought of owling Narcissa, but he hadn't spoken to her in three months. She never knew what to say to him, she he'd just moved out and into his tiny flat. He was better off on his own.
On a whim, he went to the hall closet and dug out the only three boxes in it. He wrenched them open and began pulling things out of it, until he found what he was looking for. A little yellow square of fabric, made of slightly fuzzy material. He rubbed his thumbs over it, holding it close to him and letting memories wash over him. She needed to have this. It was her baby blanket, it was wrong that she didn't have it. And that would be that, he decided, and set it out on the table.
He couldn't bring himself to put her stuffed dragon with it, and repacked the boxes and pushed them back into the closet.
Author's Note: Well, I hope that satisfies. Your thoughts are welcome, but I would ask that if you find you don't like the story, don't read it and torment me about it.