"Come on Ed! It will be fun!" Emmet gave me an encouraging nudge, but all it did was fuel my anger.
"I'm am not going speed dating, and that's final." I said as calmly as possible,
"But Ed..." He said in a pleading tone, "My 'mate' at work said that he bagged a really fit girl from there 2 weeks ago..."
"Yeah, and are they still together?" I looked at him with patronising eyes. Jasper giggled from the doorway of our flat.
"Well, not really... but he said she was really fit and he would do it again any day!"
"Who is this mate of yours anyway? He sounds like a common perv."
"Erm... it's Jacob..."
"Ah, I see."
"What? What do you see?"
"That guy is a perv, and his ideal woman is probably blind with no sense of humour. I feel sorry for the girl he 'bagged'." I bet she had no idea what she was getting herself into, poor innocent girl. Probably scared for life.
"Hay! Well, at least he got laid!" I sniggered; it was very unlikely that he ever got laid. But then Emmet started murmuring, "Which is more than what I can say for you..."
"Right! That's it! I'll go to this stupid thing! As long as you promise not to make a fool out of us."
"I knew it, Edward you're way too easy." Jasper giggled again stepping forward and hitting me playfully on the shoulder.
"I'd shut it if I where you Jasper, because you're coming too." Ha, he's going to regret mocking me.
"WHAT!! I don't need to go speed dating to find a girl!" The shock on his face almost made me laugh out loud but I held my composer surprisingly well but I nearly lost it again as he started panicking and pacing the room, luckily Emmet cut in.
"Well you have been single for like 5 years now. Ever since that Betty girl dumped you."
"DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT MY BETTY!!" Jasper hurled himself at Emmet and wrapped his hands around his neck.
"Oh way to go Emmet." I said sarcastically, but this was exactly the type of stimulation I needed to get Jasper to come with me, I knew that I would never be able to cope with a full night with Emmet on my own without throttling him. "Come on Jasper, get off him. He's just an insensitive butt head who still doesn't know his right from left." Jasper slowly released Emmet's neck from his grip and moved away from. Emmet started chocking and gagging for breath,
"Man! And I thought it was Ed who had the anger issues." He slowly started to stand up and brushed himself down. But I couldn't take it any more,
"Would you please stop calling me that."
"What?" He looked up with a glint in his eyes, "Ed?"
"THAT'S IT! Jasper pin him down for me." He had pushed it too far; it was time for me to teach him a lesson.
"My pleasure." Jasper made his way towards Emmet with fire in his eyes while I walked into the kitchen and came back with duck tape and a permanent marker in my hands, wielding them like perfect weapons. Emmet looked up at me with pleading eyes and started begging,
"Hay guys, c-could we just but this all behind us? We don't have to go to this thing if you don't want to... I'm perfectly ok with it..." I leant over him, "Argh!" He started trying to buck Jasper off him but Jasper held him tight. "Would you leave me alone if I told you where I hid the remote?" Jasper and I looked at each other, then shrugged. "Emmet, Edward and I bought a replacement remote ages ago."
"WHAT!? And all this time I thought..."
"You thought what Emmet?" I said in a spooky voice.
"I thought that I was the only one who liked to watch porn!" He started laughing manically until it stopped aruptantly as I put the duck tape over his mouth.
"Ah, Jasper do you hear that?" Japer looked up at me quizzingly.
"Hear what Edward?"
"Exactly." I took off the lid of the marker and started drawing, on his head.