Title: Nobody Said
Pairing: Meredith & Derek
Disclaimer:I have £-31 in the world. I don't think it's mine.
Summary:"nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard..." Meredith and Derek, post-Desire. Where do they go from here?
Authors Note:well this is the first thing I've written in a while, so I hope you enjoy! I know it's harking back a little, but I was thinking about how differently things could've gone after the ferryboat... and well, this is what appeared in my overactive imagination. Lyrics used at the are by Tegan and Sara. Enjoy, & please let me know what you think!
Where do you go, with your broken heart in tow?
What do you do, with the left over you?
I spent the scariest hour of my life trying to breathe for you. I love you and I want you but I don't know what to...
His words swam through her head – over and over, round and round, up and down... any direction they could find, actually. One sorry sentence after another, slamming right into her consciousness with a force she somehow didn't have the energy to resist.
Coming in the voice of the man she loved... well, they were almost unbearable. She'd wanted to jump in, stop him, deny it all... but it was like her voice was restrained.
His next accusation hit her with heartbreaking force.
You didn't swim. You didn't swim and you know how to...
He knew. He'd known, the entire time, and she'd been stupid enough to think that going back to bright and shiny would be enough to keep the pretence going. Enough to convince them both that nothing had even gone wrong.
But he knew, and he'd kept it to himself.
It was supposed to be her with the trust issues, the communication issues. But he'd sounded so... defeated. After all they'd struggled through, he'd sounded like suddenly, he couldn't quite convince himself that she was still worth fighting for. Which was quite possibly a worse feeling than anything she'd felt in that water.
Because she had fought. When it got to that critical moment, she'd fought. Admittedly, she'd needed a little convincing, and there was no denying that moment where she'd given up, but really... who could blame her?
Not that excusing herself would do any good, at this point.
It was true, she had given up. And that was possibly the worst thing she could have done to him. Sometimes, she forgot that he wasn't quite as strong as her mind pictured him to be. He had a lot to live up to in that McDreamy nickname, because he wasn't perfect. Nobody was.
He'd pulled her out of the water. And he wasn't sure if he could keep pulling her.
I don't know if I wanna...keep trying to breathe for you.
Wasn't sure if she could keep herself afloat.
She did know how to swim. Literally and figuratively, she knew how to swim, and suddenly she was realising that she didn't really have an excuse, that she wouldn't really blame him for not fighting for this.
That really, they might not be so different after all, if this was the point where he gave up.
But maybe she didn't want to give up. Maybe, she wanted there to be something worth saving. She wanted to be his knight in shining whatever, and give him something to believe in. To be strong enough to fight for this, to fight for them. She just wasn't quite sure that the strength was there anymore. Wasn't sure quite where the fight instinct was hiding.
Almost in answer to her question, she heard the unmistakable metal clinch of the door opening.
And right in that second, she realised that she did want to keep breathing.
But this time, it really might be too late.