It all feels like one horrendous dream. Out of all things to happen, the worst possible thing occurs. My brain is dead. It seems like every single one of my thoughts is connected to my mom. They always end up with her. Yesterday's events seem so blurry. I don't remember what exactly happened after I was told. The only thing that comes to mind is me crying. That seems like the only thing I've been capable of doing. I must've been crying for hours since I woke up in my bed, well the guest room bed. One of the guys must've carried me up here.
Things seem so out of place. I have never wanted anything more than some more time with my mom, to at least say goodbye. I've taken my time with her for granted. She was, is just one of those people who I thought would be in my life forever. I wish I hugged her longer. I wish I listened to her voice more. I wish spent more time with her. My heart clenches. She will never see me get married. She will never hold her grandchild. There are no more "just because" hugs. No more encouraging words when people tease me. No more of our mother-daughter days going to the spa or just staying at home watching movies. No more talks. No more of her. If I had known that those priceless moments would be end forever, I would've made the most of them. I wish she had told me.
It doesn't seem fair. She's my mom. Mothers are a girl's solid rock support.
"Brie, I've brought you breakfast," a voice says opening the door. Troy. I glance at the clock and see its ten o'clock. I've been staring at the wall for two hours and crying for three since I've woken up. I sit up and catch my appearance on the vanity mirror. I look just as bad as I feel. My hair is standing up in places it shouldn't, my eyes are bloodshot, there are dried tear stains on my face, and my whole demeanor seems numb. I want to smile at him as a thank you but it just doesn't come out. It comes out more of a wince.
He jumps into the bed and takes me into his arms. Troy kisses my forehead as I start to cry again. I'm surprised my eyes haven't run out of water with all the crying I've done. When I calm down after thirty or so minutes, I take a small bite out of my waffle.
"Brie, baby, you need to eat. You haven't eaten since lunch yesterday," Troy tells me, gently taking the fork out of my hands and feeding me a sliced strawberry. He's right. My stomach has been grumbling, but that was the furthest thing from my mind. After I finish eating, we just lay there. No words need to be said. A comfortable silence that doesn't need to broken surrounds us. Soon I fall asleep, dreaming of my mom.
"She's in here Robert," I hear Laura say. My dad is here. I pretend to sleep a bit longer to see if they are going to say anything. I'm glad Troy is still here. I can hide my face in his chest.
"Oh my baby girl," my dad said, touching my head. "How has she been Laur?"
"She's been crying non-stop. We heard her crying at five in the morning. She's devastated." Laura chokes up. I can tell she's about to cry.
"She looks just like Maria. Oh, I knew we shouldn't have left. She wanted to see the world one more time before she died. I had to give that to her with all she'd given me. She wasn't supposed to go so soon. She had six months! SIX MONTHS! We were supposed to tell Gabby. She wasn't supposed to find out like this."
My dad is crying. I haven't seen my dad cry since I saw the video of when I was born. My daddy is the strong tough guy. Now, he's sobbing on the ground. Jack came in once he heard my dad screaming. They are comforting at the edge of the bed.
My mom and dad have the kind of love I hope to find in someone in the future. They love each other regardless of any flaw. They're high school sweethearts. They stuck together when they had barely a dollar to their names in the beginning of their marriage. Their love is definitely fairy tale worthy.
I wiggle my way out of Troy's arms, waking him up. I immediately jump into my dad's arms. We cry together for our loss. We'll be mourning her forever.
"I'm so sorry Gabriella. She wasn't supposed to leave us so soon. We were supposed to tell you. She had six months left. She was my soul mate. God, you look so much like her."
"I miss her so much dad. I wish I could spend more time with her. I wish she were here now."
"Princess, she'll always be with you. She's going to be your angel," my dad promised.
My dad told me everything. They found out about her cancer at the beginning of my junior year. They didn't want to tell me because I already had so much on my plate. They knew I would just drop everything to be there for her. They didn't want to take away my chance to make a good future for myself. They wanted me to have a normal high school experience. They left this summer to give my mom a chance to see the world one last time before spending the last four months with me and dad. That's how it was supposed to be. Fucking fate is twisted and evil. I could've had a chance to cherish my time with her.
Two days ago, I moved out of the Bolton house and went back to my house next door. Today was the funeral. It was the most terrible experience of my life. Everyone wearing black, thousands of tears being shed, and seeing my mom's face for the last time in person. I haven't cried so hard in my life. My dad almost jumped in with my mom. He was torn to a billion pieces. His screams of agony stood out of everyone's cries. Jack had to hold him back from stopping the burial.
I'm sitting at the bench by the lake. It was the only place that I could get away. People kept on asking me if I were okay or giving me looks of sympathy. My dad is at our house going over old photographs of their life together. His crying broke my heart. My mom always torn down his tough demeanor. I needed to get away to a place where I can cry on my own. My house wasn't exactly the best place. It was filled with memories. I even caught my dad spraying her perfume on her side of their bed. I can't even go into my parents' room.
I felt someone put a jacket over my shoulders. I must've been shivering since I'm only in pajamas. I already know its Troy. He probably saw me through his window. He just sits next to me.
"Do you remember that one time when your mom completely covered me and Chad's face with brownie mix?"
I look up at him weirdly. But nod because yes, I do remember. It was when Jen and I were ten, Chad and Troy were twelve. They all came over to my house because we were having a barbeque later that night. Chad and Troy were irritating my mom because they really wanted to eat her homemade brownies and were nagging her about them. She finally got annoyed; she grabbed the spoon, scooped up large quantities of the batter and rubbed it on their faces. Jen and I spent two hours laughing.
"She was great. Do you remember when I had to learn how to drive with her because she was the only one who knew how to drive stick? 'If you can drive stick, you can drive anything!' She made you come with us remember?"
I nod again, not knowing where this conversation was going.
"That was so fun. I remember you screaming in the backseat and your mom yelling at me in Filipino when I did something wrong. It was so cool that she awarded me with cookies when I did something right."
"Troy, where are you going with this?" I finally speak. He sighed and grabbed my hands.
"I just want you to remember all the amazing memories you have with your mom and how amazing she was. Hold on to them forever. You have more memories than I do, but those few will definitely be kept in my heart. Don't let them go because you want to get rid of the pain. I guess there's a reason why all the good times with a person suddenly start coming back when they're lost. It's so we the living don't forget how lucky we were to spend time with that person. Your mom was awesome."
For the first time since my mom died, I smiled a real smile. Not only because of what Troy said, but all the memories that I don't usually recall started filling my brain. I feel like just writing them in a book. Troy hugs me. He walks me back to my backyard, kissing my cheek as a good bye.
"Troy," I call out before he leaves my sight.
"Thank you. You seem to know what I'm feeling even before I do."
"I just want you to be happy. I'll do anything to make you happy."
I smile. "Thank you."
I run up and kiss his cheek. He cups my face in his hands and kisses my forehead.
"Get some sleep Brie. I know for a fact that you've barely gotten ten hours of sleep in the past three days. I'll be by your side in the morning with your breakfast in hand my lady."
I may have found someone that is slowly, but surely picking up my broken pieces.
OKAY! Here it is. Sorry it's kind of short but I wanted to get it out as soon as possible. I didn't end up changing my penname because I couldn't think of one. lols. But anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and PLEASE REVIEW!