(Before the credits, we open on the Morgendorffer house. It seems a little older than when we saw it last. We go through a dissolve sequence of the front room, the kitchen, the stairway, the upstairs hall, and then finally Daria's room. The padding is still there, as is the bed and the TV bolted to the ceiling. But the floor is clean and the other walls are bare. Standing in the middle of the room with her back to us is a slender woman with long brown hair that reaches to her shoulder blades. She is dressed in jeans, and a beige jacket. She carries a gray backpack on one shoulder. The view switches to the woman's POV and we take in the room, which now has absolutely no signs that anyone has ever lived in it. As the view turns, we see that the desk is there, but like the rest of the room, there is nothing on it. The bookshelf next to the desk is empty, except for a framed photograph. Zoom in on the photo and we see a picture of Daria and Jane at the Zon. Both are wearing typical expressions, which means a closed lipped smile from Jane and no expression at all from Daria. We see the woman's hand come into the shot and pick up the photo.

(Change the view to just inside the door of the room. The woman's face is still away from us, but she is obviously looking at the photo. After a moment we hear the voice of Helen from off screen)

HELEN: (OS) Are you ready up there? Your father has the car all loaded.

JAKE: (os) Yeah, let's get rollin' kiddo! You wanna get all settled in before classes start on Tuesday!

HELEN: Daria! Are you coming?

(The woman turns to face the camera and we see that it is indeed Daria, although not looking the same as she did in high school. Her face is more slender, her hair looks straighter and is in a style which does not have her usual bangs. She still wears glasses, but the frames are smaller and more oval in shape, allowing us to see her eyebrows over them. Her face is still expressionless, but it seems more...open than before. We also see that she is wearing a green t-shirt under her jacket and she has some sort of necklace on.)

DARIA: I'm on my way down. Try not to let Quinn enjoy my departure too much. (she turns and looks back at the picture.) Well, partner, I hope I can get through this without you around to help me keep my sanity...fat chance.

(Cue Credits. New theme, new opening sequence, new title even...)

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The Daria Chronicles

by Erin Mills

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Theme:

La la LA la la...

Plus Ca Change
That's what they say
Life throws curves at you
Every day


And as you survive
Blocking the glare in your eyes
From the world around you
You realize...


It's just more of the same

It's just more of the same

It's just more of the same

It's just more of the saaaaaaaammme...

(Opening sequence: We see Daria walking across the quad of a large University. We see her studying in her room, looking at the wall, then reaching behind her for a nine iron and slamming it against the wall a few times, then putting down the golf club looking satisfied. We see her behind the check out desk in the library, writing, when a huge stack of books is placed on the desk, delivered by the hand of Upchuck, with his usual grin. Daria shrugs and "accidentally" knocks the pile onto Upchuck's foot. We then see Daria in a computer lab set up with Jodie. It appears to be the office of the University paper, and Daria is placing the finishing touches on a column entitled "Daria's Reality Check." Finally we see Daria, at the desk in her dorm room, in her night clothes (T-shirt, and shorts) writing in her journal. She closes the journal and gets up from the desk. Close up on the journal. The label on the front of it reads "The Daria Chronicles" with the title of the current episode underneath it, in this case:)



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Episode 1: Good-Bye Lawndale

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(Fade in on a a wide angle shot of Willmore University. It's a good sized campus with several buildings, lecture halls, and dormitories. We pan across the grounds and see several students engaged in the usual pre-semester hijinks associated with college life. During this time, we hear Daria's voice...)

DARIA:(VO) Saturday, September 16. Welcome to Willmore University. Located in the scenic township of Lakeside, fifty miles from Lawndale. Ideal distance, far enough away for it to be a hassle for my parents to drive in and nag me, while still being close enough for me to drive home on the weekends and beg for money.

(We see the Morgendorffer SUV pull into the parking lot of one of the dormitories. We see a sign declaring this as "Machevelli Hall" The SUV is soon followed by what looks like a green '99 Saturn LS. Helen and Jake get out of the SUV, while Daria climbs out of the Saturn.)

DARIA: (VO, cont.) Upon my escape, read "graduation," from the asylum that masquerades as Lawndale High, my parents decided that chauffering me back and forth every other weekend was going to be a pain they didn't want...hence, the new car. Or more accurately, the used car. But it runs, it's recent, and more importantly, it's paid for.

(The three of them go into the lobby of the dorm. Inside is a table behind which is a female student who looks to be a year or two older than Daria. She has short blond hair and a terminally perky expression. An name tag reads "Kelly Monroe, Resident Assistant.")

KELLY: Hi! Welcome to Willmore. I'm Kelly, I'm one of the R.A.'s here. And you are?

DARIA: Esmerelda of the Seven Veils. I'm here on a Modern Dance scholarship.

HELEN: Daria! (to Kelly) I'm sorry, travel does strange things to her mind.

KELLY: Oh, no problem. I get like that on airplanes!

DARIA: (thought VO) Must be the lack of oxygen. (out loud) I'm Daria Morgendorffer.

KELLY: Okay! Let's see here... (she picks up a clipboard and begins riffling through the pages..) Hmmm...no...no...I'm sorry I don't see any Morgendorffer here.

DARIA: But--

HELEN: (cutting in) There must be some mistake. We have the dorm assignment right here. (she produces the letter. Kelly barely glances at it)

KELLY: Well, I'm sorry, but I don't have a Morgendorffer on the list. And this is the final head count for the building.

DARIA: I'm supposed to be rooming with Jodie Landon.

KELLY: Hmmm...let me check. (Business with the clipboard.) Ah! Here we go...Room 113A, Jodie Landon and Darla Mogendriffer...Hang on... (She peers closer.) Oh, jeez, stupid me! Looks like the ink ran on the sheet when it came out of the printer...or is that the ring from my iced tea glass?

DARIA: Excuse me.

KELLY: Oh, sorry. Looks like you are on the list after all, Darla.

DARIA: Daria. (thought VO) Oh, God, not this again.

KELLY: (passing over a key and a brochure) Okay! Here's your key, Daria, and that brochure has your meal plan card and all the information you need to get started.

DARIA: Great. Thanks.

KELLY: You're in room 113A which means your on the ground floor in the west wing of the building. Just go through those doors and down the hall. It's the sixth room on the right. I think your roommate checked in earlier today, so she may be down there now.

DARIA: (genuinely surprised) Oh! Okay..thanks.

KELLY: No problem. Sorry about the mix up.

HELEN: That's quite all right. Jake!

JAKE: (waking up from a light doze) Huh? What?

HELEN: Go out the car and start bringing Daria's things in.

JAKE: Oh, right.

(Cut to Rm. 113A. Daria enters and looks around. It's a fairly decent sized room. There are two twin beds, one up against each wall. At the foot of each one is a desk and chair with a small bookcase mounted to the wall above it. At the head of each bed is an 2 ft. square space then the closet with a small dresser inside. Daria's half of the room is predictably barren, while Jodie has apparently already settled in. Her bed is neatly made with unobtrusive bedding. The bookshelf holds several dozen volumes, mostly dealing with business administration. The space on top of the bookshelf holds a modest sized stereo. The desk is neatly laid out with a blotter, pens, pencils, tape dispenser, stapler, and a clock radio. There are no pictures of Jodie's family anywhere...)

(Jake appears with a couple of boxes and they begin unpacking Daria's things. During this...)

DARIA: (VO) Jodie had asked to room with me when she told me she was going to be attending Willmore. Turns out that my decision to tell the Ivy League to take a running jump after Jane left was the inspiration she needed to finally stand up to her father and tell him that she didn't see the shame in attending a local college. Andrew was less than supportive, to put it mildly. Fortunately, turning 18 meant that Jodie could finally get her hands on the trust fund her grandmother had set up for her when she was born. So she packed up some clothes, withdrew all the money from that account, and deposited it in another bank. She kept enough money pay tuition and board, get herself a used car, and sundry living expenses, and got the hell out of the Landon household. So, she was very much on her own and I guess she figured a familiar face couldn't hurt to have around. (beat) Yeah, I don't know why she asked me either.

(Dissolve to later. Daria's half of the room looks settled in now. The bed is made, the Kafka poster hanging above it. The cheese and heart models are on top of the bookcase. The bookcase is filled with books of varying degrees of literary merit. We see some clothes hanging in the closet. On the desk is Daria's computer, while her TV, VCR, and the cart they rest on are sitting in the gap between Daria and Jodie's desks.)

HELEN: Well, it looks like you're all settled in.

DARIA: Thanks for the help.

JAKE: Hey, no problem, kiddo! That's what we're here for.

HELEN: (stalling the departure) All right, Daria, do you have everything?

DARIA: Yes, Mom.

HELEN: Toiletries, office supplies, calling card...

DARIA: Yes, Mom, I do...

HELEN: ...laundry detergent, dryer sheets--

DARIA: Mom, I have everything I could possibly need short of a blowtorch and some rusty metal to do sculpture with.

JAKE: A BLOWTORCH?! Daria, what in God's name would you need with a BLOWTORCH!

HELEN: It was a joke, dear. Remember, you were going to try harder to recoginze those.

JAKE: (sheepishly) Oh, right. Sorry, kiddo.

DARIA: (slight smile. She knows she's going to miss that.) That's all right, Dad.

HELEN: Well, we probably ought to get going. Killer breakfast meeting on Monday and a mountain of breifs to get through.

JAKE: (reaches into his wallet and gives Daria two 100-dollar bills) I know you've got money set aside for books and whatnot, so this is just for day to day cash. (leans in and whispers) If the cafeteria food here is as bad as at Middleton, you'll need it.

DARIA: Thanks, Dad.

JAKE: I don't suppose--nah, you're too old for that sort of thing.

(To both Helen and Jake's surprise, Daria hugs them both tightly. Appropriate shocked looks from both.)

DARIA: Thanks, both of you. You've been a real help the last couple of months. (She lets them go) But if you ever tell anyone I did that, I'll deny it.

JAKE & HELEN: (Smile at each other.)

HELEN: All right, Daria, if you're all settled in we're going to go now.

DARIA: Okay. I thought I'd wait a few minutes and see if Jodie shows up. If not, I'm going to go look around campus for a while.

HELEN: Sounds good. Get yourself familiar with where everything is. College campuses can be very confusing.

JAKE: Yeah, I remember my freshman year. I went looking for my American History class and ended up roaming in the steam tunnels for a week. Not that the old man cared when they called him to tell them his ONLY CHILD HAD BEEN DOWN IN THE DARK WITH THE RATS FOR--

HELEN: Jake!

DARIA: Dad!

JAKE: I'm fine!

HELEN: We'd better go. Call us if you need anything, sweetie.

DARIA: All right.

(Helen and Jake make their goodbyes and leave. Daria goes back to the bed and picks up her backpack. She takes out the photo of her and Jane and puts it on the bookshelf. She leans over the desk and begins placing pens, pencils, and other school supplies in the desk. She pauses and looks up at the photo.)

DARIA: (VO) In all honesty, I was expecting things to be a little weird after I was finally cut loose from the Morgendorffer nest. I mean, let's face it, the first time you realize that, from this point on, you are in charge of your own life is kind of intimidating. Once the euphoria dies off, anyway. But here I am, on my own, ready to take on college life.

(Daria sighs and looks sadly at the picture.)

DARIA: (VO) Where's Jane when I need her?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK. Bumper: Similar to S4 sliding images)



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Coming soon from Shallow 15 Productions: She doesn't know who she is. She doesn't know where she came from. She only knows one thing. Something is after her...

...and it won't stop until it finds her.

ZERO BLUE

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(Back to Daria's dorm room. Daria is sitting at the desk with her feet up on the bed, reading. Theres a rattling at the door, and Jodie comes into the room. She doesn't look that different from before, but she is wearing black slacks and a sweater with black and magenta diagonal stripes. From the neckline we can see the collar of a white blouse. The sleeves of the sweater are pushed up to her elbows. She's carrying a couple of grocery bags. Daria puts down her book)

JODIE: Oh, hi!

DARIA: (Getting up and taking one of the bags) Hi.

JODIE: When did you get here?

DARIA: A couple of hours ago. The parents left about a half hour ago. I thought I'd hang around and see if you showed up. (beat) What's with the bags?

JODIE: Oh, just some non-perishable junk food. Chris and I figured it'd be a good idea to stock up since the school charges an arm and a leg for it.

DARIA: Chris?

JODIE: Oh, right, you haven't met her yet. Well, I have good news and bad news...

DARIA: Give me the good news first.

JODIE: The good news is that Chris is an intelligent, sardonic, and witty girl who lives upstairs.

DARIA: Okay. What's the bad news?

(The door suddenly burst open and a Native American girl with short close cropped black hair, dressed in a white T-shirt and yellow running shorts dashes in and grabs Jodie by her shoulders.)

GIRL: Jodie! She's SQUEAKING again! You gotta call her off!

(From out in the hallway we hear a VERY fmailiar voice...)

VOICE: Hey, Chris? Where'd you go?!

JODIE: (to Daria) The bad news is, she's Brittany's roommate.

(Brittany comes into the room. She's still in a cheerleaders outfit, only this one is black with a red skirt, Willmore's colors.)

BRITTANY: Oh HERE you are! I was beginning to wor--Oh, HI, Daria! I didn't know you were Jodie's roommate!

DARIA: Hello, Brittany. (whispered to Jodie) How the HELL did she get accepted here?

JODIE: (whispered) Her Uncle Bob's on the Admissions committee.

DARIA: Figures.

JODIE: That's not the worst part though.

DARIA: Excuse me?

BRITTANY: This is so GREAT! I was worried that the only people from Lawndale that were coming here would be me and Kevvy!

DARIA: KEVIN got accepted here?

BRITTANY: YES! He got a football scholarship!

DARIA: Of course he did. (to the girl) I know we just met and all, but would it be possible for you to kill me now? Jodie won't do it.

GIRL: Oh, sure, and who's going to put me out of MY misery? I have to live with her.

JODIE: Daria Morgendorffer, this is Christine Sanchez.

CHRIS: (shaking Daria's hand) Nice to meetcha. Everybody calls me Chris.

DARIA: Charmed. Everybody calls me rarely.

CHRIS: So, Rarely, what ya majoring in? I found out Jodie and I are in the same field.

DARIA: (letting the "Rarely" comment slide, for now.) Business administration, right?

CHRIS: Yep. I figured if I'm gonna take over Granddad's Bingo parlor back home, I better know how to run the place.

DARIA: Bingo parlor?

CHRIS: Yeah, I'm a Seminole. My Granddad runs a Bingo parlor out in the Everglades. Wants me to take over the business eventually.

DARIA: Thank God for government intervention.

CHRIS: (straightfaced) Oh yeah, the ability to gamble on the reservation sure makes up for the near extermination of the tribe.

DARIA: (uncomfortably) I--uh...sorry.

(Chris immediately smiles.)

CHRIS: Gotcha. Don't worry, I don't hold one person responsible for the entire race.

DARIA: Actually, if you believe Sick Sad World, I'm an alien love goddess out to steal the skins of every human being on the planet.

CHRIS: I THOUGHT you looked familiar!

DARIA: You SAW that?

CHRIS: Never missed an episode of SSW. Hell, sometimes it was the only way to convince myself that there were psychos in places other than Miami.

DARIA: You've obviously never been to Lawndale High.

CHRIS: I know, Jodie's been telling me horror stories.

DARIA: I can imagine.

BRITTANY: Hey! Lawndale wasn't that bad!

JODIE: Okay, now that we're all acquainted, could somebody please help me put this stuff away?

(The four of them begin emptying the grocery bags and putting bags of chips, cookies and other junk food on the shelves of the closets. As they work, Chris notices Daria's necklace.)

CHRIS: Hey, Rarely, where'd you get the killer necklace?

DARIA: It's Daria.

CHRIS: (smirking) Oh, does "Rarely" bother you?

DARIA: A little.

CHRIS: Okay, sorry...Rarely.

JODIE: Let it go, Daria. She does this to nearly everyone.

CHRIS: Yeah, unfortunately, it doesn't always work, like when I met Brick.

DARIA: Brick?

JODIE: Kevin.

CHRIS: He thought it was a compliment. I meant that he had the intelligence of a brick.

BRITTANY: (looking up from the back of a bag of chips) Hey! You stay away from my Kevvy!

CHRIS: (sighs) Yes, Brittany, I know. He's yours, all yours...(quietly) and you can HAVE him. (back to Daria) So where'd you get the necklace from?

(Close up on Daria's necklace. It's a gold hoop, on top of which rest a crossed silver quill pen and a silver dagger. A silver chain holds the hoop.)

DARIA: Oh, a friend of mine made it before she left.

JODIE: How is Jane, anyway? Have you heard from her?

DARIA: Not recently. She's still working on trying to get settled. Culture shock and all.

JODIE: It's still got to be exciting for her though.

DARIA: (Quietly) Yeah...exciting.

(Cut to Chris, who senses that this is something Daria doesn't want to talk about. She glances at Daria's clock radio. It's 5:30 PM.)

CHRIS: Hey, anyone given any thought to dinner plans?

DARIA: I was just planning on going to the cafeteria.

CHRIS: (Shaking her head) No good there, Rarely. Caf doesn't open for business until classes start on Tuesday.

DARIA: Wonderful.

JODIE: Why don't we go get Mack and go out to dinner? There's a couple of good restaurants around town.

BRITTANY: And Kevvy!

(Daria, Jodie and Chris exchange glances and sigh.)

JODIE: And Kevin, I suppose.

CHRIS: Fine, but if that little toad insists on coming with us, I'm sitting as far away from him as possible.

DARIA: What little toad?

JODIE: Um, that's the OTHER bad news...

(Cut to a townhouse in another part of Lakeside. The girls are standing on the steps leading to the front door. Jodie rings the bell and the door opens...)

UPCHUCK: Why HELLO there, lovely ladies...

(Cut to Jodie looking apologetic and Daria looking like she's either going to be ill or kill somebody.)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)



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NEXT ON "THE DARIA CHRONICLES:" Daria begins her first week of classes at Willmore. Along the way, she meets several new faces, and begins to realize why, in college, sometimes you HAVE to get a job. "Book Learnin'" next time on "The Daria Chronicles."
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(Back to the show. We see a large restaurant with a large red neon sign proclaiming it to be "Red October's" Cut to the interior. It's a wood panneled restaurant with various nautical paraphenalia on the walls. The tables are tale, with equally tall chairs to go with them. It's fairly crowded, there's a jukebox in one corner. At one large table sits Daria, Jodie, Mack, Chris, Kevin, Brittany, and, unfortunately, Upchuck. True to her word, Chris is sitting in the seat farthest away from Ruttheimer. However, this also means that Daria is seated directly across from him. Jodie is sitting next to her, Mack across from her. Daria is attempting to ignore Upchuck, without much success. Kevin is wearing a football uniform also in the Willmore colors. Mack is in a red T-shirt, jeans and a black leather vest. Upchuck is in his usual outfit except the shirt is powder blue instead of yellow, and he's added a denim jacket.)

DARIA: (to Mack) Okay, you want to explain to me why an reasonably intelligent individual who seems to have all his brain cells in working order, such as yourself, would voluntarily reside in the same house as Austin Powers's evil twin over here?

UPCHUCK: Oh, it's quite simple, I'm cheap.

DARIA: Tell us something we don't know, Upchuck.

MACK: Actually, he's right. He's renting out the rooms in the townhouse for only 200 a month.

UPCHUCK: The house is paid for. Dad uses it when he's in Lakeside on business. It just seemed like a waste to let it sit there, so Dad turned it over to me while I'm here and said to rent out some rooms.

DARIA: And you rented them to guys?

UPCHUCK: Well, that was one of the stipulations Dad made. So obviously I couldn't rent the rooms out to lovely luscious ladies like yourselves. Rrrrr.

CHRIS: So, no girl would come near the place, huh?

MACK: Not a one.

(Mild laughter. Daria looks around the restaurant with interest.)

DARIA: Interesting place.

CHRIS: Yeah, it's the ultimate college hangout. The guy that runs it started it out as a seafood place, then added pizza, and finally after somebody pointed out the name he added sandwiches.

DARIA: What do you mean?

CHRIS: Red October's...submarine sandwiches.

DARIA: That's...really bad.

CHRIS: Get used to it, Rarely.

MACK: "Rarely?"

JODIE: I'll explain later.

KEVIN: Nah, I ordered my steak sandwich well done.

(pause.)

KEVIN: What?

(The waitress arrives and passes out the plates. Chris and Brittany have salad, Kevin has a steak sandwich, Jodie and Mack are splitting a platter of shrimp, Upchuck has steamed oysters, and Daria has a plate of cheese fries.)

JODIE: Is that all you're having?

DARIA: It's a travel thing. I don't like to eat heavy after moving.

BRITTANY: But what about all those pizzas you and Jane always ate after walking to the Pizza King after school back in Lawndale? You were moving then.

DARIA: Yes, but only under duress.

BRITTANY: I don't think I've ever seen you in a dress...well, except when you had that part playing Mrs. Lincoln before she went crazy.

CHRIS: Say what?

JODIE: I'll explain later.

MACK: (to Upchuck) Oysters?

UPCHUCK: Well known for their potency. (Smarmy grin) And for passing it along to those who ingest them...

(Cut to underneath the table. Upchuck's foot oozes across and begins to caress Chris's bare leg. Cut to Chris, who stiffens for a split second, with a mouthful of salad. She chews, swallows, then turns to Jodie.)

CHRIS: Jodie?

JODIE: (with a mouthful of shrimp) Mmm?

CHRIS: I know we only met yesterday, but would you please pass this down.

(She gives Jodie a light punch to the shoulder. Jodie looks shocked for a minute and stares at Chris.)

CHRIS: (motioning) Pass it down.

(Jodie swallows the shrimp, then smiles and turns to Daria.)

JODIE: Daria?

DARIA: Yeah?

JODIE: (punches Daria in the shoulder and points at Upchuck.) Pass it down.

(Daria looks at Jodie, then at Chris, who nods. Cut to the underside of the table where we see Daria's leg pull back. Cut to above the table, there's a thud, the table jumps slightly and Upchuck's eyes widen sharply.)

UPCHUCK: eep.

(He pitches face first into the oysters. A round of applause. Daria gives her usual smile.)

(Cut to Rm. 113A. Daria is sitting at her desk in her nightclothes, a blue T-shirt and gray shorts. She's writing in her journal.)

DARIA: (VO) So that was the first day at Willmore. I met someone new who seems to be my kind of person, hooked up with a couple of people I can tolerate and who seem like they could become friends...and then there's Kevin, Brittany, and Upchuck...

(Jodie comes into the room in a robe, drying her hair with a towel.)

JODIE: Hey, Daria, you going to be up long?

DARIA: No, just finishing up my journal entry. I'll be going to bed soon.

JODIE: Cool. (She plugs in a hair dryer and begins drying her hair. Daria goes back to writing.)

DARIA: (VO) So what do I think? I think it's too early to say yet how college life will treat me. But...it may not suck as much as I thought it would without Jane...

(At that point, there's a LOUD bass rumble that begins to vibrate the whole room. It sounds like bad hip-hop music. Daria and Jodie look annoyed. Daria gets up, goes to Jodie's closet, looks at her questioningly, Jodie nods. Daria pulls a 9-iron out of Jodie's golf bag, and leave the room. Jodie listens for a minute, then theres an even LOUDER colllection of thuds and rumbles. TRhe volume drops off sharply. Daria returns with the golf club, puts it back in the golf bag, and goes back to her journal. Jodie shrugs and goes back to her hair drying.)

DARIA: (VO) ...Then again...

(Cut to the credits. Similar to the original Daria credits with makeovers as follows:

Daria as a cop.
Jodie as Florence Nightingale
Mack as John Wayne
Kevin as Fred Astaire
Brittany as a baseball player
Chris as Groucho Marx
Upchuck as Marty Feldman


fade out.)


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"Daria" and related characters are copyright (C) 2000-2001 MTV Networks and Viacom International. Willmore University, Christine Sanchez, Kelly Monroe and all related locations and characters are copyright (C) 2000 by Erin Mills.
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