I don't know what came over me. One moment I'm washing dishes, and the next I'm at my computer, writing fanfiction that I've never even considered writing before. Fullmetal Alchemist was just too precious for me to dilute with my fanfics…so much for that theory.

This was inspired by that Starburst© commercial. The one with the kleptomaniac that was all "Oh, of course I'm not a klepto" but he totally was.

Disclaimer: I don't own. The end.

Chapter One – The Godfather

"Are you two the Elric brothers?"

Two teenagers looked up at the police officers that stood tall over both of them, looking ever so threatening.

"If we say yes…do we get arrested?" Alphonse Elric asked, looking respectably nervous in the presence of the law.

"That varies, did you do something illegal?" The first cop asked, puffing a cigarette lightly.

Edward Elric darted his amber eyes about nervously. "Uh, no?" 'Please don't let them ask about the DVDs in my bag…please don't let them!' He never really thought the FBI really would come after you for burning movies. Guess this shows what he knows.

The first police officer put his hand on the handle of his gun. "If you're not criminals and you are the Elric brothers, then it would be in your best interest to follow us," he said, straightening up even taller.

Edward waved his hands in front of him. "Hold on!" he said. "We're waiting here for our godfather. He told us that he'd meet us here, and we're not budging until he gets here!"

"Yeah, what he said!" Alphonse agreed. They stared up at the two tall men determinedly.

The second police officer sighed, running his hands through his white hair. "We'll handcuff you if you don't come willingly."

"Well that's different. Okay, let's get in the car Ed."

"Al! You're supposed to go with my idea! I'm your big brother!"

The dirty-blond boy chuckled nervously. "Ed…they've got handcuffs. They don't look afraid to use them on innocent kids."

The first cop laughed. "We sure aren't kid. Now, are you gonna get in the car willingly or what?" he asked with a sadistic smile.

The sixteen-year-old faltered, and got in the back of the police car.

"Great job kid." Smoker Cop said with a grin. He and the other cop grabbed the boys' luggage, stuffing the bags in the trunk. "I'll be sure to tell the chief how you agreed so easily."

"For the record, I'm not a kid. I'm sixteen."

"Like I said, great job kid."


"And you couldn't get us from the airport again, why?"

A tall, black-haired man sighed, sifting through a stack of papers in annoyance. "I already told you, Edward," he replied. "I'm chief of police. I've got a lot of work to do, and I just couldn't take the time off. I mean, Havoc and Falman didn't exactly bully you here, did they?"

Edward huffed, leaning back in his chair. "If you don't consider threatening arrest to be bullying, then no. God, you're the worst godfather ever, Roy."

Alphonse shook his head. "Ed's just irritated, Mr. Mustang. He doesn't mean it." He smiled. "If it makes you feel better, I think you're a great godfather!"

"Thank you Al," Roy threw a dirty look at Edward, who rolled his eyes. "At least someone appreciates me for taking in you two after Trisha's death. Ungrateful bastard."

"Shut up." The older blond muttered. "I'm hungry."

"You want donuts? The station is always stocked with donuts."

"Too many calories. Sorry, I'm watching my figure."

Roy smirked from behind a sheet of paper. "Translation: I'm still trying to get taller after six years of my growth's inactivity."

"I'll KILL you!" Edward hissed, jumping out his seat.

The door to the chief's office burst open, a blonde woman jumping inside, rolling on the ground and holding up her gun.

"Put your hands in the air!" she barked, cocking the gun. "Any wrong move and I will shoot!"

"Holy shit." Edward whimpered, putting his hands high over his head.

The black-haired man waved a hand. "False alarm, Hawkeye. These are my godchildren, the ones who I told you about?"

The blonde got off the ground and put the gun back in its holster. "Oh, you mean the kids who you were tricked into getting custody of?"

"Er, yeah. This is Edward and Alphonse Elric. Say hello, boys, to Riza Hawkeye."

"Hi Miss Hawkeye," the boys chorused.

Roy chuckled at the frightened look on Edward's face. "Ed here is sixteen, and Al is fifteen. Would you mind doing me a favor and getting them registered at that high school nearest the station?"

"Central?" she asked. The man nodded, scribbling on another sheet of paper. "I didn't have the time to do it myself, so I'd greatly appreciate it if you'd get that for me."

"Sure chief. Are you going to keep these two kids in here with you, or are you going to let them wander about like roamers?"

"They're big boys. I'm sure they can handle a few hours stuck in here with me." Roy replied, grinning. "Besides, we have so much to catch up on! How long has it been? Five, six years?"

"Try three weeks, you ass." Ed grumbled.

"Whatever; just get that done for me, please."

"All right, I see you later chief." Hawkeye narrowed her eyes at Edward. "And I'll be keeping my eyes on you, kid."

And she left, slamming the door behind her.

"I don't think I've ever been so frightened in my life. Ever." The older teenager said, hand on his chest and breathing heavily.

Roy nodded. "You see Edward, that is why you don't fuck with me. When you fuck with me, you fuck with the entire police force."

"There is no way that every single person in this station loves you that much."

"Oh yeah?" The chief put down his paper and let out an over exaggerated sigh. "Man, I sure am thirty. I wish I had some coffee."

The door, once again, slammed open, and several police officers poured into the room, each holding a steaming cup of coffee. Roy selected one and nodded, flashing them a bright smile. "Thanks guys, you're all doing a great job!"

They all grinned back at him, rushing back out to get to work. Alphonse stared at the closed door in amazement.

"That's true love right there, brother."

Ed glared. "You dirty bastard," he growled at Roy.

"Yep, bastard to the bone. That's me all right."

Al turned back around to Roy. "So, what can you tell us about the school we're going to?" he asked.

The black-haired man chuckled nervously. "Well, it's a high school. It's near this police station, so you can walk here afterwards. And…we're a little more closely acquainted with the school than we'd like to be," he answered.

"When you say 'we'…" Ed said slowly.

"I mean the whole police force in this station."

That didn't sound good.


Glad I got that out my system. I've always wanted to write something FMA…glad I got the chance to.