Umm...there really is no explanation for this. A friend and I were talking like what-if? And this happenned.
Disclaimer- I wish I did, but I dont.
"How on earth did that happen?"
"Oh, yeah, real nice to say the first time you see your daughter, Severus."
"Look at that Hermione!"
"I did look at her, after I went through labor!"
"You sure they didn't mix her up?"
"I just birthed her!"
"Would you stop looking at her like she's a specimen?"
"What am I supposed to look at her like then?"
"Oh I don't know, your daughter?"
"Are you sure she's mine?"
"What part of I just gave birth to her do you not seem to comprehend?"
"You could have cheated on me."
"Right and who would I have cheated on you with to produce this?"
"Oh, you're right! This must have all come to pass after the last time we did it in his rubber room."
"See? A confession."
"Oh yeah. You know me and my thing for straightjackets."
"Now don't you feel so much better with that out in the open?"
"You are so full of it."
"No, I am kind and compassionate and will not disown you for straying from me."
"Yeah, all right Mr. Sainthood, what should we name her?"
"Oh, now he's quiet."
"No no, just racking my mental libraries."
"Oh God, that was never good when we were picking out names before."
"Alright I admit I had some follies,-"
"Some follies? You wanted to name him Fahim."
"It means scholar in Arabic!"
"But we're not Arabic!"
"Oh, a minor detail. Speaking of which, weren't you having a boy?"
"No I said I had a feeling it was going to be a boy."
"Nice to see your Divination is as strong as ever."
"I'd say something but there's a baby present."
"She's practically comatose. Guess she inherited the sleep-like-a-rock gene from you."
"At least she didn't inherit your gene to snore."
"I have an exceptionally large nose! I can't help but snore."
"Yeah, and I have an exceptionally large ass, I can't help but not wake up."
"I thought I was only supposed to mention the positive parts of your physique?"
"Ow! Don't hit me woman, you're holding a baby."
"Let's get back to the manner of naming said baby, shall we?"
" How about Caoilfhionn?"
"Oh yeah, that won't get her beat up in school."
"It means slender and fair."
"I don't care what it means; it looks like Crookshanks jumped on my keyboard."
"Frida? Means fair."
"Can we get a bit more contemporary?"
"Can you stop about the hair!"
"It's unnatural, Hermione! How did you and I have a blond haired child?"
"It could be our relatives! Do any of yours have blond hair?"
"Do I look like I come from a family of blondes?
"Yes, and your skin makes you look like a beach bum with that perpetual tan you have."
"Oh hah hah."
"My aunt is a blonde. Aunt Paulette."
"Which one is that?"
"Oh yes that's right. Without a light in her closet."
"She does not get dressed in the dark, she's just a bit…eccentric."
"Yes well I am never speaking to her again because of this."
"Because she is proof blond hair runs in my family?"
"And now mine! A blonde Snape!"
"Oh calm down."
"My poor mother is rolling in her grave."
"Now you're just being overdramatic."
"I am not."
"You're mother was just in here delivering flowers!"
"She will be rolling when she hears the news! A blond Snape!
"Alright we get the point. I think it's pretty. I always wanted to have hair like straw."
"You did, it was just more texture than color."
"Ouch! You're not setting a very good example for my baby."
"Oh, now you're sure she's yours?"
"Oh, now you're thinking she's not?"
"Oh, just take her!"
"Wow, she's so small."
"Another thing she gets from you."
"Was that an insult at things inappropriate for the baby?"
"Of course not darling."
"Yeah sure. What about Tegan?"
"If I had known that was all it would take for you to think of a normal name I'd have handed her to you hours ago."
"It means fair."
"Well it's not a normal hair color for a Snape!"
"So we're agreed?"
"Mhmm. I'm tired. I'm going to rest. Goodnight love. Goodnight, little Tegan. Don't worry, you're daddy will get used to your hair eventually."
"Goodnight my love. And don't you worry little Tegan. There's always hair potions."
Review? I want to know if I'm the only one laughing like a loon at this.