I DON'T OWN NARUTO – (The Haiku)


Thou never be mine

For crazy ruins great things

Aren't you glad!

… … …

A Note to Team Seven


226. Naruto, you are not to assassinate the rival ramen vendors of Ichiraku in this village or any other.

227. You are not to steal Tenten's weapon scrolls and play piggy-in-the-middle with your kage bunshin as she tries to get them back.

228. Sakura, you are not to ambush Ino, throw her in a sack and serve her up as pigs-in-blankets. You are then not to serve her up to Sasuke's snake summons for lunch.

229. Don't play patt-a-cake on Chouji's stomach unless you are prepared to run for your life.

230. Don't steal Genma Shiranui's senbon and stick it on the Hokage's chair. They will both be mad at you.

231. Don't steal Asuma's cigarettes and make a 'small' bonfire on Tsunade's chair.

232. All of you are not to booby-trap every door in the Academy to dump custard on anyone who opens them. What are you even doing there!

233. The Nine-Tail's Cloak is not Naruto's 'rage beacon'.

234. He is not powering up his Power Ranger suit either. Don't give him any ideas.

235. 'I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts' is not to be sung in the presence of Tsunade. Or Anko. Tsunade will hit you, and you do not want to know about Anko.

236. For the love of all that is holy, DON'T talk to Sai about the song.

237. Asuma is not Obi Wan. He does not possess the force, 'the fork', or a lightsaber.

238. Naruto, you are not to challenge Sora to a fight to the death to decide which one of you shall earn the title of Luke Skywalker. Neither of you ever will be.

239. Don't tease Chouji with food. He may not be able to hold chopsticks, but it was his hands that were burned, not his feet; so he can still kick your ass.

240. You are not to put a tracking device on Kakashi so you can keep an eye on him. You're actually stalking him aren't you?

241. Kakashi is not going senile and 'therefore you are only concerned for his safety', we don't believe you and he's only thirty. If anyone's going senile it's Jiraiya.

242. Yamato, don't drag Naruto around by his necklace when he doesn't listen. A swift smack to the head should do fine; as opposed to him being almost strangled and losing more brain cells, of course.

243. Don't feed Kiba dog food. Just because he didn't notice does not make it okay.

244. Sai, don't strap Naruto to a windmill so he can get in touch with his Wind Nature. We already guessed that it was Lee's idea, and we don't care. If Lee gives you anymore advice, check with Sakura first if it is okay.

245. Yes Sakura, you should answer Sai's questions. You were chosen because we thought you would be mature about it and be the voice of reason, but if you're going to complain… you could always be doing D-ranked missions for the next month.

246. Naruto, don't give Sai the Icha Icha series and tell him he should go talk to Sakura about his questions. She was mortified, and we all know how she can get in situations like that. The next time you do it we will tell her it was your idea. (Wear a hard hat.)

247. While Sakura is doing her sentence… I mean D-rank missions… Yamato is to fill in as the one who keeps the rest of us from attempting to kill Sai. You're an ANBU and he's only asking questions a child would ask, so suck it up you big wuss.

248. Naruto, do you need to be reminded of the rule about attacking civilians? WE KNOW you haven't attacked anyone, WE KNOW you wouldn't hit a lady and WE KNOW that Kakashi had to sit on you when things got too heated at Ichiraku's (we have the photographic proof, as does the rest of the village). However, WE DO NOT CARE that Ayame started it with a ladle, we only care that she whooped your ass.

249. Naruto, you are not to punish Konohamaru, Moegi and Udon for selling the photos of Kakashi and the ramen lady beating on you. Their sensei will punish them, so please let them out of the Forest of Death; we're sure they've wet their pants thoroughly enough.

250. Sakura and Sai are not to have mud-ball fights in the streets. We do not care if either or both of you are trying to educate the other on the taste of mud in relation to Sakura's food pills. Everyone has had enough, and if either of you are seen with mud of any sort within a hundred foot radius of a restaurant again… well, Tsunade-sama and the local vendors will not be restrained.

… … …

Please review, tell me what you think.

Again, prompts will be much appreciated… it helps to make me think better.

And anyone wondering about 'the fork', see David Strassman; that's his but never gets old. HAHA.