A/N: I know I should really be working on my unfinished fanfiction, but this just had to be written. ItaDei has taken over my brain and it won't leave me alone! I was actually writing part of this during my biology class and my teacher came over behind me. I could tell she was wondering what I was doing and I am so glad she never found out—imagine the awkwardness! AAGGH! And my parents are always asking me what I'm writing about and why I'm acting so strange (strange as in crazy giggling and being a typical fangirl). I guess they will never know the cause of my insanity! Bwahaha. I wonder what pairings they would support if they watched Naruto though? SasoDei? HidanDei? Well, I bet they wouldn't go for yaoi actually! Maybe they would like NaruSaku? What an awful thought . . . I'm scarred for life . . . of course, that's just my bias—I kinda think NaruSaku is evil. NaruSasu all the way baby!

Anyway, this fic is a mixture of drama, humor, fluff and angst. I know it might be a weird transition from the angst to the humor and the fluff and back but I can't bring myself to change it! –wince–

Enjoy, and after you read it, tell me what you think! My sister isn't a very good beta . . . –cough–


Chapter I


Itachi loved the snow. It was silent, but it had a comforting silence. The Uchiha stood in the middle of its white folds with his hands open to the sky, face hidden in the high collar of his Akatsuki robe. The red clouds on the black fabric had been soaked with ice-water, turning them a dark red-brown. His tall figure appeared to be nothing but a black silhouette, standing still as a stone in the white ocean of snowflakes.

The Uchiha dropped to his knees and reached out a pale hand to touch the snow. Its icy crystals were only a few shades lighter than his skin. He crushed them in his palm. Icy water dripped from his fingers.


The dark-haired ninja turned his head at the voice, face impassive as ever.

"I was looking for you," Deidara explained, that friendly, lopsided smirk on his face. His golden hair was up in a high ponytail, with a lock of it hanging over one brilliant blue eye. The edges of his black Akatsuki robe parted over his chest. He was wearing his usual black trousers and black sleeveless shirt under his cloak, which revealed a narrow line of his stomach.

Itachi wondered how the blonde could walk in the snow like that and not feel the cold.

He turned back to look down at the ground. He had a mission that night, and he couldn't really afford to spend his time with Deidara. The blonde took a step forward so he was standing even with Itachi. Snow was catching in his hair.

Itachi wanted to touch the other ninja's honey-colored locks, but he wouldn't let himself. He frowned sourly.

"So," Deidara muttered. "Do you have a mission tonight? You're sulking again. I hate it when you sulk." He knelt down beside the Uchiha.

"Hn," Itachi snorted.


"No, I don't have a mission," the dark-haired ninja snapped. He hated lying to Deidara. But if he told the truth about the matter, he knew the blonde would get worried, and he didn't want that.

"Un," the other ninja said with a smile. "I'm glad. That means we can spend some time together, right?" Deidara put an arm around Itachi's shoulders and kissed the Uchiha's cheek affectionately.

"Yeah . . ." Itachi whispered, cursing to himself. Deidara wasn't going to let him out of his sight. The Uchiha sighed, smiling slightly. How was he ever going to leave for his mission without giving the whole thing away? It was better just to give in to Deidara in these situations. He resigned himself to his fate.

The blonde's lips were still brushing against his cheek-bone. Itachi turned his face so that he was eye to eye with the other ninja. "Yeah, we can spend some time together," he finished.

"Great!" Deidara said with a grin, pushing Itachi back on the snow and sprinkling a handful of the white flakes in the dark-haired ninja's face. "I love the snow, don't you?"

"I love you more," Itachi pointed out, immediately wincing at how fake it sounded. Deidara didn't seem to notice, however. A blush was rising in his cheeks.

"Itachi," he murmured, shaking his head. "That's so sweet, un!"

"Sure it is." Itachi brushed the snow off his face and glared up at Deidara.

"No, really!" Deidara pressed, punching the sarcastic Uchiha in the arm. "I don't get to hear you say stuff like that every day." The Uchiha looked up at the blonde questioningly and Deidara laughed. "You're so secretive. I hardly know what you're thinking most of the time, un."

"My thoughts aren't that interesting, you know," Itachi pointed out with one eyebrow raised.

Deidara moved closer, smiling, a skeptical look glinting in his eye. "I'm still interested in what you think . . ."

"Like what?"

"I don't know . . . . I'm interested in what you think about me."

"I think you're an art-obsessed freak, that's what I think," Itachi murmured lightly. Deidara pounced on him and pinned his shoulders to the snow. The blonde was smiling dangerously.

"Say that again and you'll be sorry, Uchiha."

"Art-obsessed freak," Itachi whispered again, this time drawing out the words.

"That's it! You're going down." Deidara grabbed a handful of snow and flung it in the Uchiha's face, cackling as Itachi's eyes narrowed in annoyance. "What? Don't get mad at me for wanting revenge. It's only natural," the blonde explained. He was still pinning Itachi to the snow.

"Revenge is natural? Hn. I suppose I agree with you there. But please get off me. I can't breathe."

"Un, I don't want to move," Deidara complained, touching the side of Itachi's mouth with a finger. The hand on Deidara's palm bit Itachi's lower lip gently and the Uchiha started. Deidara's shoulders shook with laughter at the expression on Itachi's face. "Cat got your tongue, un?"

Itachi gulped. "N-no . . ." he stuttered. "Hey, why don't we walk a bit? What do you say?"

Deidara nodded and pulled the Uchiha to his feet, putting an arm over the dark-haired ninja's shoulders. The snow had stopped falling. Their footsteps were muffled as they trudged over the white blanket covering the fields.

"If you're cold we could go back to our room, un."

"I'm fine."


The crunch of snow and the soft puffs of their breathing sank into the hollow silence of the woods they had entered.

"Deidara . . ."


"You trust me, don't you?"

"Of course I trust you," Deidara whispered, a bit surprised by the question. Itachi had stopped walking. The two were standing in a clearing between the black trunks of winter trees. A tangle of dark branches obscured the sky overhead. Itachi's face was blank, his eyes downcast, fastened on the head of a snowbell that was pushing its way up through the layers of a drift.

"I'd trust you with my life, un," Deidara added, his voice hardly disturbing the quiet. Itachi turned and wordlessly moved closer until their foreheads were touching.

"You say you'd trust me with your life," he whispered, half statement, half question. The Uchiha's eyes flickered up to meet Deidara's. "What is life?"

Deidara closed his eyes. "I think I have an idea." He heard the soft breath of the Uchiha and felt its warmth on his skin. The sound of one of Itachi's rare smiles. He opened his eyes and saw the look in the dark-haired ninja's eyes.

Itachi stared back at Deidara unblinkingly. Their faces were so close that the blonde could see the interwoven branches of trees reflected in Itachi's dark irises. "For one who takes lives so easily, it's strange to realize how little I know about them," the Uchiha murmured, eyes fixed on Deidara, but now seeing something else. The blonde could almost see thoughts and emotions running through those black eyes. Itachi's brow suddenly furrowed and he inhaled sharply.

Deidara took the Uchiha's shoulders and pulled him even closer, resting his forehead against the taller ninja's cheek. Whatever was troubling Itachi made the blonde irritated. The Uchiha didn't deserve to have worries like this, Deidara decided. "Don't be sad, un. You have your whole life to learn what life is," he murmured, laughing a bit to try and cheer Itachi up.

"Hn . . . my whole life . . ." the Uchiha muttered. "But I don't know how long I'll live."

"Don't be ridiculous. I wouldn't let anyone kill you, un!" Deidara exclaimed jealously.

Itachi pulled away so he could look into the blonde's eyes. His face was expressionless once more. "What have you got to do with any of this?" he asked incredulously.

"What have I got to do with this?" Deidara spluttered, anger seeping into his voice. "I have everything to do with this! You and me—that's how it's always going to be, right? Don't you see me in your future?" His hands had dropped from Itachi's shoulders. He clenched them at his sides, trying to control his breathing. "Don't you want me in your future?" he asked bitterly.

Itachi frowned at the blonde. "I want what you want," he replied coldly. "But you have no business with my death. When I die, I'm gone. I don't want you to cry over me. That's all. You'll just have to let me go."

"Why are you talking like this all of a sudden?" Deidara asked in a choked whisper. Itachi didn't answer. The silence grew until the dripping of melting snow echoed in their ears.

"How could I ever let you go, un?" Deidara murmured.

"You'll have to try."

"Maybe I won't need to!" the blonde retorted fiercely.

"Maybe . . . but . . ."

"Stop this," Deidara growled, taking the taller ninja's shoulders roughly. "You love me, right? So show it! Don't leave me here feeling dead inside!"

Itachi's face softened. They stood in silence for a moment as the snow fell around them. Itachi finally took Deidara's hand and pulled him closer. "I'm sorry, Deidara," he whispered, pushing the blonde's cloak off his shoulders. The black cloth fell to the snow-covered ground. Itachi's hands encircled Deidara's waist as he kissed the other ninja fiercely. The blonde felt himself being pushed backwards, coming in contact with the uneven bark of a tree. He gasped at the cold. Itachi had started lifting the hem of his shirt—the black fabric came over his head and joined the discarded Akatsuki robe.

"Trust me," Itachi murmured, kissing the blonde again as he ran fingers over the skin of the ninja's back. His hand darted to a pouch on his belt, reemerging with a needle poised between its fingers. His hand was behind Deidara in a flash.

Deidara sighed, his lips moving down to brush over the Uchiha's jaw. Itachi smiled, closing his eyes. "I'm sorry, Deidara," he whispered as he sank the needle into the blonde's arm. The sleeping drug would work almost instantly.

Deidara's head fell back, his eyes staring unseeingly up at the black branches overhead. Itachi's arm shot out to catch his shoulders as he started to tip backwards.

The Uchiha wrapped Deidara in the blonde's own Akatsuki robe and carried him back to the hideout, which had grown silent. The halls were deserted. Through a window Itachi saw that the evening light on the snow had turned the white field an eerie grey-blue.

Itachi set Deidara down on the bed in their shared room, making sure the blonde was warm enough before he turned to open the door. With his hand on the handle, Itachi paused and then finally decided to turn back. He walked over to the bed once more and placed a kiss on Deidara's lips. The blonde would wake in a couple hours, and by then Itachi would be back from his mission.

The Uchiha slipped Deidara's sandals off his feet and set them by the door.

This was all stupid, really. But it was better this way than how it would be if Deidara had to wait with all his worries.

"Deidara, you're my most horrible weakness," Itachi murmured. "But I guess love doesn't care for convenience, eh? Love . . . what a strange thing for us to know, two murderers like us . . ." he whispered humorlessly.

Itachi stood up again and walked to the door, opening it and stepping through it before closing it behind him. The soft click left the room in silence.


"You love me, right? So show it! Don't leave me here feeling dead inside!"

Itachi's face softened and he took a step closer. "I'm sorry, Deidara," he whispered, pushing the blonde's cloak off his shoulders. The black cloth fell to the ground. Itachi's hands moved to circle Deidara's waist as he kissed the other ninja fiercely. The blonde felt himself being pushed backwards, coming in contact with the uneven bark of a tree. He gasped at the cold and the intensity of the kiss. Itachi had started lifting the hem of his shirt—their kiss was broken and the black fabric came over his head to join the discarded Akatsuki robe in the snow.

"Trust me," Itachi murmured, kissing the blonde again as he ran fingers over the skin of the ninja's back. Deidara shivered at the touch, his stomach flipping as tingles ran up and down his spine.

Through half-closed lids, Deidara saw Itachi's hand rise, poised with a needle between his fingertips, the Uchiha's eyes flashing red with the Sharingan. So that's what Itachi meant to do! Of course the Uchiha had been lying about having no mission. And now the bastard wanted save him from his worries by giving his a sleeping drug.

Deidara cursed, breaking the kiss and moving his lips lower to brush the Uchiha's jaw. He felt Itachi smile slightly. In that small interval of time, the blonde reached into a pouch on his own belt and took out a small tablet, quickly putting it on his tongue before he felt the small stab of pain in his arm.

He was glad he had brought his usual equipment with him today. The blonde had a minimal knowledge of medicine, but he always carried antidotes to various poisons with him to be safe. It had finally paid off! The only that puzzled him was why Itachi had been carrying a sleeping drug in the first place, unless the Uchiha had been planning it all along . . .

"I'm sorry, Deidara," he heard Itachi whisper. The sleeping drug started to circulate his system immediately and he felt a wave of dizziness, but the antidote he'd taken cleared his vision.

Remembering that he was supposed to be drugged, Deidara let his head fall back and relaxed his limbs, ready to drop to the ground. He felt Itachi's arm circle his shoulders just in time. With his eyes closed, he felt himself lifted into the Uchiha's arms with his cloak around him.

He didn't know why he had taken the antidote. Maybe it was partly his instincts as a ninja, or maybe it was, secretly, that he wanted to know what Itachi acted like when he didn't know he was being watched.

Deidara felt the air grow warmer and he knew they had entered the hideout. The tap of footsteps up the stairs and the creak of a door, and then he was set down on their bed. He heard Itachi's footsteps receding, but then they stopped.

Had Itachi noticed that he wasn't asleep? Deidara's heartbeat thudded fearfully for a moment, but then he forced himself to calm down as the footsteps grew nearer again. He felt a soft kiss on his lips and a release of breath. The Uchiha slipped his sandals off. Then Itachi started to speak. Deidara craned his ears so he could catch ever word.

"Deidara, you're my most horrible weakness," the Uchiha muttered. "But I guess love doesn't care for convenience, eh?" A pause and a world-weary sigh and then Itachi started again. "Love . . . what a strange thing for us to know, two murderers like us . . ."

The Uchiha's cloak rustled as he stood up again and walked to the door. Deidara heard it creak open and then click closed, leaving the room in silence.

He waited a few more moments before opening his eyes and sitting up. He went over what Itachi had said again and again in his mind. Weakness, love . . .

With a sigh of aggravation, Deidara stood up, hanging his Akatsuki robe on its hook. He unfolded a silk robe that went down to the middle of his thighs and put it on over his black trousers, tying the sash around his waist. He sat down to wait for Itachi. The snow had started falling, heavier than it had been earlier that day, but more wet this time, and less fluffy. It would turn to rain soon. Deidara closed his eyes.

Why did Itachi have to be so difficult?