Finally, the story has to come to an end. This is it, my longest RK ever! XD From super angsty to this, I hope no one would want to throw rocks at me after this last chapter DX I never owned at the beginning so I am not about to own anything now.
Our Last Happy Ending
It has been around a year since you came back, 3 years since you left.
The trees had changed colors from green to yellow and then it started to brown at the edges until it crumbled to the ground. Snow covered the fruitless trees and then frost was sprayed over the glazed windows. Seasons came by and this was the second summer. Hot and dreary, the heat made the air bend and shimmer underneath its force.
Tossing and turning in the thin bed sheets, beads of sweat rolled off of my cheeks. I sat up in the summer heated nights and thought about all the things that ran through my head. I sometimes wondered whether you really meant all the things you did, did you intend to ruin us or was it all just a big mistake that was never even in our control in the first place?
All these questions, one on top of another, they were piling up inside of me. But I never had the courage to ask you, perhaps I was afraid of the answer or perhaps I simply didn't care for what the answers may be.
The bad and the good, the good and the bad. You made me feel emotions I never thought could be possible. And you shrugged it off like it was nothing. Should I be grateful or should I be angry? I could barely grasp what I was feeling let alone distinguish the individual emotions blended altogether.
You were eerily strange in my dark world, your colors stood out so much. With your red hair and green eye, I couldn't say you were the light in my life but I couldn't deny your existence either.
It is hard to remember what we have gone through because I tried so hard to forget all the things that we shared. I tried to erase your warmth from my cold nights, delete those promises of tomorrow. Forgetting you was difficult; even I didn't realize how big of a wretched stamp you had left in my world.
I had gone through plenty of sleepless nights because of you. Frustrated at how come I couldn't be the one to understand what we shared now, you tear down my reasons and broken down the wall I built. It happened all too fast, how could anyone handle it?
And when I thought I have finally gotten over you, you stride in here, confident as ever. Your grin never wavered and you are just the same as ever. Time didn't seem to have taken a hold of you yet as your flaming red hair swayed with your movements. And then I realized I could never get over you.
I wanted to blame everything on you. But then again, if I hadn't liked you back, none of this would have happened.
The boat hit the dock and he felt the similar draft of the cold underground water tunnel rushing up the spiral staircase. He stepped foot on to the cobbled dock, the slippery rocks felt sturdy underneath.
"Welcome back." Rinali lightly greeted, she held a flickering lantern in one hand as she gave him a warm smile. She was always here when she had the time.
He nodded, it was expected of him. He wouldn't say something like 'I'm back,' it just wouldn't seem Kanda to do. And so he nodded and followed after her as the two of them made their way up the stairs.
"How was this time's mission?" Her heels clicked on the stone steps.
"Long." He shortly replied the girl's attempt at a conversation.
"This is your third time at a month long mission right?" Rinali asked again, not at all annoyed at the other's one-word answers. Kanda nodded in reply. "Four whole weeks in Germany, it must be boring for you." She commented with a thin smile.
"Che." They reached the top of the stairs, nothing changed, at least not in Kanda's eyes. The tiles were still as old and worn as before, cracks lining on every fragile surface, even the lights hanging from the ceiling still flickered since the last time he was here.
The metal clinked against each other as Rinali hung the lantern on to the wall, right next to the stone doorway that led back down to the underground water shaft.
"I need a rest, I came back from a mission this morning, just a couple hours before you. You should get some rest too." She smiled before heading towards another staircase, she knew the Order like the back of her hand. But before she left, she turned around, waved and called out to him. "I will see you at dinner… or maybe later, Kanda."
He merely just nodded before heading towards the Science Department.
Nothing changed at all, papers laid arrayed on the floor, covering almost all the possible surfaces left available. He pulled his jacket closer to his body, covering any exposed skin that wasn't necessary; he didn't need to get paper cuts these days. Skillfully, he navigated his way though the mountains of paper work, leaving behind dirty foot prints on the snow white sheets.
The door to Komui's office was wide open, he walked in, surveyed the messy room before resting his eyes on a turf of white. His eyes narrowed as the other looked up feeling icy gaze on him.
"Where is Komui?" He asked before he could even open his mouth.
"No need to be rude. He said he is coming back in a few minutes, Kanda."
"Moyashi." He greeted with a glare.
"The name is Allen." He stood up and evenly glared back at the taller man.
"Come back and tell me that when you grow a couple more inches." Kanda smirked as he looked at the massive stacks of paper on the desk.
Allen, vein dangerously throbbing was about to retort when Komui pranced back in, another cup of coffee in his hand. Seemingly oblivious to the invocated arm and the drawn Mugen as he called out to Kanda, voice abnormally happy.
"Welcome back Kanda, how'd everything go?"
The two huffed, sat down on separate chairs before Kanda took out a mission report from his jacket. "Just fine."
"That's good to hear." He smiled cheerily, taking another sip of coffee as he took the folder in hand. Kanda got up to leave but Allen's voice stopped him in his steps.
"Oh yeah, Kanda?"
"What?" He turned and spared him a glance. Komui looked back and forth, smile widening behind his cup.
"Rabi is in the infirmary, he hurt himself during the last mission he had, while you were gone." Allen watched the other for any signs. "I think he broke his ankle or something."
Kanda just nodded before muttering. "Thanks."
That left Allen gapping in the room because mean Japanese men don't thank British boys with curses.
Rabi has realized, a long time ago that he loved Yuu. Yes, loved. He really wanted to say it wasn't true but as a Bookman Apprentice, he wasn't as stupid as to deny the obvious feelings that had finally bubbled over the top.
So yes, he did indeed loved Kanda Yuu. He loved him with all the emotions a Bookman should have never had. He knew it clearly and well, even down to the most precise detail. He has confirmed his love for Yuu, and once he confirmed it, there were no lies about it.
It can never change.
But did you realized that he used the past tense, he used loved, not love.
Yes, he loved Yuu, but what about now?
What about this exact moment in life where he was back at the Order living Rabi's life as an exorcist and serving as the future Bookman?
Junior was smart, so that meant Rabi was also quite smart. And with time he understood that his love had been washed, thinner and thinner till it was only a light feeling. He could blame it on the two years that they have been apart or he could have blamed it on the hate that they thought they could fall back on. But Rabi knew that none of these reasons could do much more besides being there so he could feel better.
But through all those nights, staring up at the ceiling while the weather outside changed from good to bad then from bad back to the good. He has came up with a final conclusion to all these emotions that they didn't get the time to name.
How did Yuu feel about him? He couldn't be sure. But like a concentrated juice drink mixed in with too much ice, when it melts, all that is left was a watery flavor with little originality.
A little more than like and a little less than love.
That's what happened.
Is that how it happened?
The stairs accident was never mentioned.
But Allen remembered it all, way too clearly despite it not even being his own encounter.
Kanda took that mission and he left the next morning. Rabi didn't say anything even as Allen informed of Kanda's leaving.
"He should be gone around now." I glanced at the clock. Rabi followed my gaze but his smile never faltered. He simply replied, quite naturally too. "I hope he doesn't get hurt."
I didn't understand the calm atmosphere, the kind comments and most of all the relaxed expression on his face, yes it was their relationship but I can't help it but be curious. It was, after all, human nature to do so.
"What happened?" I asked quietly just as Rabi cracked open another book. Another book, another afternoon spent inside that head of his, I am not stupid, I knew all the reading materials that I brought over were read already.
I am not as dense as to forget those little moments where he and Kanda would spend their rainy afternoons reading away in the library. I saw and I watched but I never made my presence known.
"What do you mean?" He glanced up, blinking his green eye in slight confusion. I knew he had an idea of what I was talking about but he wasn't sure and he always went with the safe side and played dumb. It was a little annoying at times but I had no control of what he do.
"You two act like nothing happened!" I furrowed my eyebrows, confusion knitted on to my face. It was true, nights after the accident; the two of them never said anything that seemed out of the usual. Perhaps I missed it, maybe they didn't need words to communicate. But as far as I was concern, they never did a single thing that broke the calm lake's glass-like surface.
"Because nothing did." He answered, face relaxed, just like always.
I am tired of the trips I had to make in order to get to the answer. I couldn't bother anymore, this time I asked, straight to the point. Not at all aware of what I could expect from the pair's silent decision." Is it hate or is it love?"
From love to hate and then back to friendship.
All was too delicate.
Allen couldn't say he understood, from lovers to friends.
How did it all happen?
From thick to thin, that's what happened.
Everything was too fragile for him to comprehend. He knew it wasn't his business to do so and so he backed off and waited in silence because he knew fate had a funny way of making everything come together. Allen had to give fate a silent salute.
Because Kanda, just like he promised, came back the day before Rabi was allowed to leave the infirmary.
How long has it been?
I knew it down to the exact minutes when it came to the question of, how long has it been?
But I wasn't one to complain.
Seal the bottle and cast it off to sea, it would be a miracle if it ever came back. But I should have known fate liked to screw with my head. Everything that I thought to have believed in came back to bite me in the ass.
Dragged back to the Black Order after two years, I really didn't know how I could face with all the things I left behind. I left thinking; even knowing I would never come back. I cut off all the strings, all the ties I had back at the tower only to have to return under the same alias. The Bookman hands me strings after strings and expected me to reconnect again.
Really, is this world all against me? (Okay fine, maybe I did like to complain but who could I blame?)
Sometimes I think its true and sometimes I would like to think it isn't. But then, who am I to go against the forces of this Earth, I really was in no condition, especially with the immense amounts of injuries on me.
He came in, frown on his face, he hasn't noticed me yet. I thought I knew him, I sincerely thought I actually knew him. Him and his long black hair, it was still the same hue, the dark velvety blue that each strand would have when it was caught in the light. His frosty lips, threats fell out without a care. His frail form, he really had no clue how much power he had over me.
He turned and saw me, horror, rage, and surprise instantly washed the colors from his cheeks. I wanted to say something; anything but I knew he was about to leave. I stayed silent and watched, eye indifferent even as I saw the fury of emotions that coiled in his eyes.
Maybe I should have gotten up, chased after him and tell him how much I have missed him. But with all those emotions and Mugen so close by, I knew that would be the dumbest idea that has crossed my mind.
I simply gave a sad smile and watched him leave. Maybe I should have just left for the second time because I knew at that moment, how much pain we were going to go through.
But I was selfish.
I stayed and went after that sealed bottle floating aimlessly in the ocean, thousands of miles away from its final destination.
He knocked against the door, knuckles hitting the white paint on the wooden surface. He replied despite the barrier in their way. "Come in."
The door opened and he greeted without looking up, "hey Alle—" But his voice died in his throat when he saw who it really was. The long black hair streaked with light, the black and white uniform, and the evenly frosty cold blue eyes that stared at him with mild amusement.
"I am not Moyashi, baka." He clicked his tongue disapprovingly as he closed the door behind him.
"Sorry Yuu." His smile widened without him even knowing. "Here take a sit," he motioned to the empty chairs by his bed. "Aren't you tired?"
Kanda remembered his sore muscles and his heavy eyelids but he shook his head and sat down nonetheless.
"So how did your mission go?" Rabi tilted his head and closed the book he has been reading; Bookman's choices weren't as bad as he expected it to be.
"Long and boring." The red head laughed at his reply as he placed the book back to the side table. "You are so negative, how about the sun and the pretty girls?"
"I am not like you, Rabi." Kanda gave him an annoyed stare.
"Fine, fine." Rabi waved him off before feeling Kanda's eyes resting on his injuries. He waited for Kanda to ask, it didn't take long.
His voice was laced with reluctance. He looked just like what happened around eight months ago. The two never talked about the incident, or everything that has happened before. Neither of them knew where they could start, there were so many possibilities.
There were simply too much for the two young men to face.
"Oh, the injuries…" He knew what the other thought even he had to give a weary smile at the irony. "The last mission I had, while I was trying to kill this Level 3 Akuma, my ankle got stuck behind two rocks."
He looked down at his hands, a little embarrassed as his mind played the occurrence once again. "And when I pulled my ankle out, I kind of broke it…" A moment of silence as the two pondered at what happened.
"Just say you broke your ankle killing an Akuma." Kanda pointed out, shaking his head at the other's careless acts for the Order despite his position as a future Bookman.
"But it sounds so embarrassing." His lips curled into a pout as he absentmindedly fiddled with the sheet covers. Kanda rolled his eyes but couldn't help but smirk as he waited for the other's reactions at his next comment.
"That's the point, isn't it, baka usagi?"
The nickname rolled off of his tongue as if his lips were made to form such sounds.
We have grown up and seen the uglier side of this world. We can't blame it on stupidity or the fact that we were naïve.
Time passed and our feelings were washed white.
But it wasn't gone, just simply mellowed out with a layer of friendship painted upon that.
We feel for one another but it wasn't as deep as love.
We stepped on the desperate lines of being friends, we were careful. But it wasn't enough; the perfect scenery where you and I were fine was far from reality. We knew it had to end; we dragged it on for too long.
Now we were together for the sake of what?
None of us can be sure.
"Yuu, can you accompany me outside?" The red head asked, resting his eye on the Japanese.
It has been a habit of Yuu to come find him, after every mission since the very first one after his accident. It was a change since three years ago it would always be the red head seeking out the other. Rabi didn't ask why Yuu did what he did, he was afraid that their carefully placed balance would tip.
"Why now?" Kanda looked up but made no move to help him get out of bed.
"I have been cooped up for like how long?" Rabi lifted the heavy sheets off of his frame, sitting up straight. "Besides even the nurse said I could almost leave."
"Then you can leave when they tell you to." He replied but stood up and walked over without another question.
"Hey, do you remember, Yuu?" Rabi slowly swung his legs over the edge of his bed, the bottom of his foot touched the cold tiles on the ground.
"Is it important?" Kanda held out a hand to steady the other as he slowly stood up, he watched with blue eyes.
Looking up, Rabi's lips curled into a thin grin, "of course Yuu!"
He staggered a few steps, heavily leaning on the other's sturdier frame, he was getting used to the feeling of standing on two feet again. Kanda tightened his hold on Rabi's arm; he watched his messy movements and tried to correspond with them.
They have to get off the balance soon, Rabi thought, now was the time as good as any other.
"Three years ago today, you said good bye to me."
Their hands simultaneously touched the doorknob, none of them pulled back. Instead their grip tightened on the cool metal. Their eyes never met, they never needed to because they saw it. In the back of their minds they remembered their very first good bye. And how it really should have been a see you if it wasn't for all their feelings of regret and remorse clouding their senses.
Turning it, the door opened outwards.
"Come on, Yuu, let's go for a little walk." He commented lightly, body still leaning on to the other but he slowly hopped outwards, almost pulling Kanda along. And then the other asked a small question from the actual reality of life.
He turned around, barely able to contain his amusement. "Nah!"
The green orb met with blue.
Kanda Yuu never believed in something as fake as superficial love. And not even Rabi's sappy love for romance could change his view about something as unrealistic as unconditional love. But Kanda will silently admit that he had no control over his feelings, as he didn't like to lie to himself and perhaps it was his lack of belief that could make him think things through.
But we are no longer young and foolish like we used to be.
Could we really afford to make the same mistakes twice?
Neither of us had the answers anymore.
Rabi never wanted to fall in love, as a Bookman Apprentice he really did thought he could have pulled through life without sparing another glance in a certain direction. Sadly that never happened, he fell into fate's trap and tumbled through so many obstacles only to end up at the starting line once again. But maybe it was only for the best, he could still never understand.
He looked up, staring out into the open skies that stretched on, further then his eye could see. Smelling the fresh scent of grass beneath him, it has been a while since he had been outside; he finally touched the skies as if they were his own rather than having that piece of glass separating the two.
"We really have come a long way to this point, eh?"
He shrugged, taking a seat beside the other. The green grass felt damp beneath the material of his pants.
"I think this should be recorded as our first mile stone!" Rabi laughed lightly, looking out to the sky painted a red lavender signaling the setting of the pale yellow sun.
"Our first?" Kanda lazily turned his head to raise an eyebrow at the other.
"Okay fine, maybe our fifth or sixth but hey we should celebrate another mile stone we've hit." Rabi didn't turn his head, merely glanced over from the corner of his eye. He caught Kanda looking at him, staring and boring those icy blue eyes into the side of his head shamelessly.
If it had been before, Kanda wouldn't even bother to look at him. But then, if it had been before, Rabi would have an arm slung over his shoulders, an easy grin sliding over his lips.
And then he snorted. "You mean run into?"
"If you want to put it like that." Rabi replied, used to the other's pessimistic attitude.
"Celebrate eh?" He looked up at the sky, his eyes leaving the red head. "You want to celebrate how much we screwed up?"
"Not screwed up, we only made mistakes." Rabi corrected, not at all affected by his companion's comments. He had an urge to say them too but it would only ruin his image further.
"Mistakes that only cost us days and nights to fix." Kanda gave a small dry laugh, recognizing the things the two of them faced. He didn't quite believe Rabi's attempt at making their mistakes seem so… simple.
"Even though we still only managed to patch up some." Rabi tilted his head to the side, pondering quietly. Junior scratched his dry ink pen along the paper as his smile widened. The problem with Bookman may be settled but it never meant that the fight with his inner demon would cease.
"Some is good enough… we aren't God." Kanda whispered, as if feeling the dark shadow slowly creeping back into Rabi's thoughts.
Rabi looked over, his eye widened a little bit, surprised at the comfort the Japanese decided to give him. And then he smiled; it was a silent thank you. It didn't matter if the other saw it or not.
The skies were no longer the red lavender shade, it was blending with the darkness, tainted with dark blotches of brown and a surprising shade of blood red.
"Where does this mile stone put us?"
Enemies, friends, or lovers?
That was the real question behind it but neither of them had the courage to ask.
Rabi looked up; it was Yuu that broke the silence and asked the question the two desperately wanted an answer to. His green orb softened before he replied, sincerely.
"I don't know Yuu, I really can't tell you."
"Che." It was that infamous phrase, but he saw Kanda gnawed at his bottom lip lightly. He could tell the other was nervous, if not just a little scared. Minor details like these were what Rabi could catch at all times but Rabi didn't know Kanda and the same could be applied to the other.
They didn't know one another but it was okay. They have survived so far and nothing seemed to be pulling them back because of their lack of knowledge of each other's character.
Now Rabi only had to settle his last growing concern.
"Do you love me?" He leaned over and batted his eyelashes at the other, pouting lightly. He knew the sudden change was strange but it was hard to resist teasing the great Kanda Yuu.
"Don't ask me these things." Kanda turned his head and refused to look at the other, but Rabi saw the redness at the base of the other's ear.
"Alright then, do you hate me?" He asked, his voice sunk from a teasing tone to a more nervous one, as if he was afraid to ask the question. And perhaps he really was but like Kanda, he had his pride too.
He didn't turn to face him but he didn't get up and leave either. Slowly he replied, voice reluctant and equally solemn, as if he wished he could have. "No."
Rabi smiled, out of relief or maybe out of sincerity, either way the two of them didn't care. The two knew hating would have been so much easier; they would have gotten out of it all with barely a scratch. Maybe a carved up heart but it was the easier way out. They didn't know why but hating was the closed door and that didn't leave them another chance at that horrid feeling they had never been able to grow accustom to.
"Then are we going to be friends for life?"
This may be something even worst than the other choices they stumbled upon.
A pause as the two pondered over the question, Rabi asked but the two knew since the beginning of when their friendship started, it had to end as soon as they got off the balance. So Kanda replied for them.
"Good because I think I can wait, Yuu." Rabi assured him and then he added. "I have my own uncertainties too." Like Junior's untamed behaviors. He didn't bother to add it in, just like his lack of explanation at the Bookman business, but Kanda didn't seem to mind, as he never bothered asking.
"I don't know how long I will take."
"Me neither, but I can wait for both our sake." His fingers found the other's hand; lightly he placed his over it. His green eye shaped like a crescent moon. A truthful smile on his pale lips as the sky changed another shade of bright crimson that could match his own.
"I have a whole life time to wait for you to catch up with me."
Kanda looked down, his ebony bangs fell to cover his eyes, a tiny smile that almost seemed to not be there adorned his lips. It was a silent promise that he will eventually catch up. "It's getting cold, let's go in."
He took a hold of Rabi's hand and pulled him up. Their hands laced together at their sides, they weren't willing to let go so easily once more. They may not know what path they were headed towards but they had a clear view of who would be there when they needed them the most.
Because fate was no longer in place, it was trust that slipped through the cracks this time.
Their shoulders touched one another as they made their way back into the tower, standing alone against the fading purple skies. Their black intertwined silhouettes painted the stone cold walls with a warming touch.
They have finally caught up with their happy ending.
They were so… sugary! (dies of embarrassment) Were they too much? Don't kill me if they were… -sigh- I wouldn't forgive myself if I separated the two but I couldn't make them kiss either. So you all had to settle for this ending. –bows- I apologize now if I disappointed anyone, do complain if you want. OTL
Now as a final farewell because this lovely story has finally shriveled to an end. (No matter how pathetic it was D:) Thank you for all your support, both readers and reviewers alike. All your comments were taken to the heart and I thank you truly for sticking with me all the way no matter what kind of messy ideas I end up with.
Thank you again and let's say Happy B-day to Rabi, shall we? v