A/N: I read a bunch of stories where Edward never returned and Bella was changed. In some of them Bella was way too nice (in my opinion), she is after all pretty stubborn. So that's why I wrote this. Was supposed to be a little one shot, but I am on Chapter 25.

Please R&R and I will post as soon as I can. Sorry about the typos, I know they're there, I just suck at finding them.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight but my lawyers are currently in negotiations with Ms. Meyers. I am hoping to at least get Rosalie out of the deal.

Chapter 1:

It's been twenty years since Edward left me in the forest behind Charlie's house. He said I would never see him again and I haven't. That doesn't mean I don't still love him, part of me always will. Another part of me hates him with a passion greater than my love.

It's been over nineteen years since I became a vampire. Victoria caught up to me one night; she evaded the wolves carefully planned patrols. She was going to kill me but decided her revenge would be more complete if she took away everything Edward loved about me, my smell, my frailty, my humanity.

She taunted me by saying Edward still loved me. She found the CD and photos he left under the floorboard. Her vampire smell recognized his faint odor on the only thing he left behind. She believed he was lying when he said he didn't love me anymore. A vampire Bella was the one thing he feared the most, so why not give it to him.

The wolves found me screaming in my bed. Jacob and Sam that is. Charlie had been called away to a fire on La Push, set by Victoria as a clever ruse to get him out of the house and to distract the wolves.

They took me to Jacob's house. I begged them to kill me, but Jacob refused. Sam wanted to, not out of cruelty but from compassion and his hatred of vampires. Jacob blamed himself for not protecting me better.

When Charlie returned home there was a note from me saying I had gone to find Edward. The handwriting didn't look much like mine but it was close enough. Weeks later a body was found in the woods and Charlie was told it was mine, found by the Sam, like he had found the time before. Animals had picked away at the body enough so that it was impossible to identify.

I was buried a few days later. I didn't know any of this. Jacob, Quill and Paul broke into the Cullen's house and took me there. They felt it was the safest place to hide me until we could come up with a better plan. The three of them could control my blood lust, which wasn't bad, much of my aversion to blood has passed on to my vampire life so I was more in control then most newborns, but not entirely. My strength was another issue, I broke a lot of things, of course I didn't mind, they were the Cullen's things and I enjoyed destroying their stuff, especially his.

When school restarted I couldn't go, for obvious reasons. We left the Cullen's house in and I moved in with Emily and Sam, since they didn't have to go to school and Charlie was hanging out at Billy's more than ever to deal with the loss of his daughter. My blood lust was not an issue as long as I hunted once a week, which Jacob would do with me. He laughed hysterically watching me attack animals twice my size. I had to be careful to avoid anywhere Charlie might see my on the reservation, or anyone who would recognize me. It was tedious, and I felt bad for Emily and Sam. Emily didn't mind my odor, but Sam and I found each other repulsive.

Victoria made a huge mistake. She returned to see her handiwork. She was faster than the wolves, but nowhere near as fast as I was. I tackled her and started to tear her apart, she was a more experienced fighter and would have defeated me easily but the wolves soon arrived and we had quite a bonfire that night.

Jacob and I were like brother and sister, I knew he wanted more but I couldn't give it to him. In some ways that is good, because he eventually imprinted on a girl named Heather from Canada and married her. They have two kids. They meet on a school field trip his senior year and married two years later.

I had too many close calls with Charlie seeing me on the reservation and decided to make my way on my own in the world. I knew Jacob's wife felt I hurting their relationship and I could see her point. We were friends, but she knew Jacob's and my history and didn't need the headache. Over the years we have grown closer. She is more secure with Jacob and understands me now. She no longer feels I threaten their relationship and that's made all the difference in the world.

I decided to finish high school and go to college. Of course I had little money and I was technically dead, so that made things more difficult. But through a contact Jacob knew I found someone to forge documents and I moved to Canada where it would be harder to check my records.

I spent about six months doing odd jobs, you know things that would have taken a normal person a long time to do, but I could do in minutes. I found cleaning houses soothing, it reminded me of when I lived with Charlie. I had a route of 10 houses a day. Everyone paid in cash, rarely were they home. When they were I had to work at human speed, which sucked, but sometimes I would skip that house until they left. I made quite a bundle of money.

After I had a nest egg of sorts I got an apartment near Vancouver. I had two sets of fake IDs. One said I was 21 and the other claimed I was 17. I used the 21 to get my own apartment, and the 17 to enroll in high school.

High School was tedious, but I had to graduate, I felt it was important for some reason I could never understand. Thanks to my vampire skills it was easy, and I of course had many suitors thanks to my vampire looks. I never dated and shied away from most people. I spent breaks in La Push with the only family I had left.

After high school I decided to go to college, what else was I going to do with my time? So I applied to Washington State, near Seattle. My grades were good enough to go to Harvard, but that was on the other side of the country and no one I knew lived there.

The summer between high school and college was one of the most fun times I ever had. I lived at Emily and Sam's, they had a baby boy and I adored him, Sam Jr. was his name but I usually called him my little man. Jacob and his wife were trying to have a baby, but hadn't any luck yet, not that Jacob minded, he said the trying was the best part.

One weekend I rented a car and drove to Arizona to see how my mother was. She and Phil had moved back there when he got a job as as a talent scout with the Arizona Diamondbacks baseball team. They even moved back into the house I lived in with my Mom. Renee couldn't know I was alive but I wanted to see her. The place where the ballet studio had been was now a parking lot; it was never rebuilt it after the fire. I was happy to see Renee was doing well. Phil was making good money these days. There were pictures of me in every room, I would have cried if I could.

When college started I decided to get a degree in English literature for two reasons. Most of the classes were at night and I loved literature. I graduated in three years. I came out of my shell a bit while in college. I went to a few frat parties and even a sorority mixer once. The sorority wanted me to pledge, which made me laugh. I don't know if they a pledge policy for vampires.

One guy really made an attempt to date me. It was kind of creepy. He was on the basketball team and was over 6' 2" tall. He was nice enough, but no Edward. I don't think he was used to being rejected. He became such a nuisance after awhile I had to change my numbers.

It was a lonely existence, but that was ok. I was always a bit of a loner. I had books and movies and music to keep me company.

I have since gone to high school twice more and college and grad school one time each.

I still make money by doing odd jobs. Cleaning office buildings at night is great work, no one sees me, I always make sure there are no cameras, and it gives me something to do. I have about seven companies I work for. They have never met me, but they are happy with the service. I formed a company so they could pay with checks, Swan Cleaners. Of course I don't use the name Swan anymore so they think it's just an animal I like. These days I use the last name Black, although I have a few aliases depending on where I am.

Next week I am going to start high school again, start as a Junior I should say. It's about a two-hour drive from Seattle, even at my speeds. I like to drive at night, so I will head out around ten, when it's dark and drive into Seattle, clean, and head back to high school in the morning. Jacob thinks I am insane for doing this, but Emily thinks it's hysterical.

What they don't understand is I need to keep busy. I don't need the money, and I don't need the education. But I do need to keep my mind from thinking… about him.