Woohoo! I made it to the third chapter! Well, I hope this is nice and angsty/dramatic for all you fans out there. I know I like it. I pray that everyone is following this well. I can't remember if I mentioned this in the preveous chapter, but I know that Dr. Cox's mom was already dead in the series. I didn't know that when I started writing this but I know now. So... let's just pretend that that one line he has in that one episode where he mentioned that his mom died and that he didn't attend the funeral just didn't happen so that this story can continue without being badgered and scorned. Thank you. Enjoy!

Chapter 3

Dr. Cox POV

The sun is bright and warm, the grass is the most solid shade of green and the sky has never been bluer. I am looking into an open coffin, staring at my mother's lifeless figure. Paige is standing next to me trying to tell me that she has been accepted into heaven. I know she is wrong.

To the other side of me stand Jordan and Jack. "I'm taking Jack and leaving." she says to me. I plead with her to stay. We start to argue about Jack.

My father walks up out of nowhere and smacks Jordan across the face. "Don't!" I yell out.

Jack starts to cry in Jordan's arms and my father forcibly grabs him. He starts shaking my son yelling, "You worthless piece of shit, stop crying! No one loves you! You'll never see your daddy again!" Jack cries harder, calling out to Jordan. Jack won't look at me.

"Stop!" I yell.

Father looks to me and drops Jack. "You'll never amount to anything. You know she killed herself because of you."

I look back to the open coffin and see Jordan lying inside. "No!" I scream. I look back to my father and he has Paige by the throat. "Stop! Don't hurt her."

"Trying to stick up for the little Cunt?"

"I hate you." I tell him.

He shoves Paige away and takes a few steps towards me. He lunges at me and I swing a punch at him. He trips me and pins my arms to the ground. I struggle to break free. "Please," I beg, "leave me alone."


I suddenly find myself in the on-call room covered in sweat. Newbie is leaning over me, holding down my wrists, looking terrified. I can't stop panting.

"Get out." I tell him, horrified by my behavior he had to witness.

He stares at me dumbly, "What?"

"Get out!" I yell. I'm beginning to wonder what sort of excuse I can cook up for this whole ordeal.

Newbie ran out of the room, looking just as shook up as I am.

I leaped up and slammed the door, locking everyone else on the outside. As I shut the door I got a glimpse of Pricilla stumbling into a supply closet. With my back against the door, I slide down and rest my head in my hands. I go over the dream and the short event following and start banging my head against the door repeatedly. I was still disturbed by the dream and my rude awakening. I carelessly checked my watch. Two hours until my shift would end. All I had to do is make it through two more hours of work and I could go home. How could I explain the ordeal to Newbie?

I silently and discretely slipped out of the on call room and made my way to the nearest bathroom. Looking into the mirror I see that the dark bags under my eyes have not lightened in the least. My eyes were bloodshot and crusty. The two day stubble on my cheeks and chin added to the "loosing it" look. I splashed my face and neck with water, fully waking me up.

I sighed to myself, "Just two more hours."

After two incredibly long hours of demanding work and awkwardness between Newbie and me, I finally allow myself into my apartment. It's a mess from my lack of care and a particularly destructive fight I had with Jordan before she left. I haven't had the will to clean up yet.

I am starving but don't want to eat. I wrap myself up in a fleece, plaid blanket and sit on the couch with a strong drink and watch home videos of Jack and Jordan: one of the few sentimental things that weren't destroyed in the fight.

Half a bottle of scotch later I had just finished watching Jack's second birthday with confused nostalgia. I then dug around in a pile of video cassettes and picked one at random. I blindly put it in the VHS player. Suddenly I see myself, happier then I've ever seen myself before. It's my wedding reception. I see myself kiss Jordan, who looks stunning. In the midst of the excitement Ben runs up takes a spontaneous picture. The tape plays on and I am reminded of happier times when Jordan loved me and Ben was alive. I lie down on my couch, cover my head with the blanket and will myself not to cry.


How am I going to get through the rest of today? Maybe it wasn't a big deal for Dr. Cox.

I push myself to my feet and look around for a tissue or something I can use to wipe my nose and eyes. I don't know why I'm crying. What happened in the on call room wasn't that traumatizing.

Once I gather myself I emerge into the chaotic world that is Sacred Heart. I get off in six hours. Just six more hours of this place and I can properly think this over.

I ran into Dr. Cox twice within the next two hours. He acted like he always does around me, except there was awkward tension and unspoken questions. The second time we were walking down the hallway together, not saying anything. Ted, who was standing next to a wall with a cup of coffee, commented as we passed, "Are you two fighting?"

Dr. Cox stared straight ahead and kept walking, determined to ignore the question. I, however, stopped and reprimanded him.

"Why would you ask, Ted?" I say in my peeved voice.

Ted looked baffled and bewildered, "I don't know. He always is yelling at you when you're doing well, but when you make him mad he blows up and then silently fumes, right?"

I make angry, flamboyant arm gestures, "I don't know what you're talking about." I then made a point to sharply turn away speedily walk away.

'I didn't think Perry and I were fighting? I know what happened in the on-call room was uncomfortable and it freaked me out, but I didn't know we were fighting. I should do something apologetic to make up for what happened.'

A light bulb went off in my head and I knew just what I could do.

It was nine o'clock as I stood outside the door to Dr. Cox's apartment. I knocked on the door. I tried to look through the peep hole, but couldn't really distinguish anything. I knocked again persistently.

"What do you want?" Perry yelled from the inside.

I stood, confused. For a moment I didn't know what to do. He certainly can't be that angry at me. I called out; "Dr. Cox?" like I didn't know it was him in there.

I didn't get a response. I decided to test the door handle. It was unlocked so I pushed it open just enough to get a look inside, at the same time knocking. "Dr. Cox, I just wanted to…"

What I saw surprised me. The place smelled of strong alcohol. There was broken glass in the kitchen along with other cooking utensils. A handful of pictures lay scattered in disarray and looked like someone took a go at cutting them up, as indicated by the open scissors lying amidst the pile. Dirt was seeping into the carpet next to a broken vase where a plant was once potted. By this point I opened the door completely and stepped inside the apartment. The television played what looked like some old home video. In that same room video cassettes and DVDs were strewn throughout the area. They looked as if someone pulled them all off of a shelf and didn't care where they landed. I then looked around to find Dr. Cox.

I saw a body shaped lump on the couch wrapped up in a blanket. I prayed that that lump was not Dr. Cox. I tentatively called his name again. The lump just curled up tighter. I looked around, not knowing what to do. I then decided to reach down and take a hold of the blanket, "Perry?" I asked as I nervously pulled the blanket away from his head.

He lied there curled up with his legs tucked into his chest with dark bags under his bloodshot eyes, looking defeated and uninspired. I chose my next words wisely. "What's up?"

I could have smacked myself in the face. '"What's up?" Am I serious?'

When he didn't respond with some snappy remark I realized that this wasn't any average, everyday problem. This was for serious. I sat down at the foot of his couch and awaited whatever came next.

To be continued...

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