Date &Time: April 6th, Saturday Night

Place: Lavender & Parvati's dorm room

Gossip Participants: Hermione, Ginny, Lavender, Parvati, Padma, and Luna, self-invited.

Topic: Guys We Did, Guys We'd Do

"Harry is too skinny," observed Parvati Patil.

"Word," Lavender agreed.

"Not that skinny," argued Ginny.

"Still too skinny," said Padma. Her twin and she exchanged an understanding look.

"Take a picture of his cock and then we'll talk about what's skinny," pouted Ginny.

"Ginny!" cried Hermione in amazement. "You slept with Harry?"

Lavender rolled her eyes. "It's not that surprising, you know."

"I think it's surprising," said Luna thoughtfully. "I always thought he was a nice boy."

"I'll tell you right now that he is nice," grinned Ginny, and Hermione threw a pillow at her.

"How about Ron?" asked Parvati. Lavender grumbled and Hermione blushed a little bit.

"Get over it, Lavender," said Padma, rolling her eyes. "Won-Won is now Hermione's."

"I don't fret it," said Lavender briskly. "He wasn't that good anyway."

"He isn't good?" said Luna in a sort of confused voice.

"Too clumsy," said Lavender. "I mean, I got this close to drawing him a map."

"Hermione, you need to say something on this matter," demanded Ginny. "Is my brother good or no?"

"Well," replied Hermione. "I think he's good..."

"Because he was your first," scoffed Lavender, and Hermione turned red.

"He was not my first!" Hermione said hotly.

"Oh? You slept with Krum, too?" said Padma, her eyes wide. Hermione covered her mouth with her hand, but what was said was already said.

"What, in like our fourth year?" cried Parvati. "You slut!"

"Look who's talking!" laughed Lavender. "You so slept with Seamus Finnigan when you were like fourteen, too. Besides, Krum was older than her."

"I did not sleep with Finnigan!" cried Parvati in protest. "I swear!"

"I'm pretty sure there wasn't much sleeping going on..." grinned Ginny, and this time it was Parvati who threw a pillow at her.

"I thought we were talking about Ronald?" said Luna rather randomly.

"Thanks, Luna," said Hermione. "And I'll have everyone know that he's rather excellent."

"He doesn't look very excellent to me, though," said Padma. "Do you know who looks excellent? Draco Malfoy."

There was general agreement to this except for Hermione, who felt she had to be loyal to her best friends, and Luna, who just didn't care.

"It's not like any of you in here did him to prove his...excellency," pouted Hermione, crossing her arms.

"I certainly know some girls who did," said Lavender.

"Lucky bitches," said Parvati under her breath, but everyone heard her and burst out laughing.

"We gotta get some of those girls into this group," suggested Ginny. "Like Parkinson or something, who for sure slept with Malfoy."

"You think he'd sleep with her?" asked Hermione in surprise.

"Come on, the way she follows him around like a dog, he'd be merciful enough," laughed Lavender.

"All right, we never know until we get Pansy Parkinson in here," said Ginny. "Let's try and get her in here next week."

"How?" asked Padma. "She's a Slytherin."

"Well, Slytherin girls gossip, don't they?" said Ginny, "don't worry, we can get her in here. And she'll enlighten us on how good Malfoy is in bed. Mindless gossip dismissed!"

Date &Time: April 13th, Saturday Night

Place: Ginny's dorm room

Gossip Participants: Ginny, Helena Durham (Ginny's roommate), Hermione, Parvati, Padma, Lavender, Luna (self-invited again), Pansy Parkinson (oh yes!), and Ginger Stotts, a Slytherin who came to "protect" Pansy.

Topic: Harry's Naked Lower Half

"Order, order!" cried Ginny proudly as girls took their places, each with a pillow. "I'd like to welcome three new participants in this mindless gossip. Helena!"

Helena Durham, a blond-haired sixth year, got up sheepishly.

"She's here because she's my roommate and I couldn't persuade her to get out," joked Ginny, and Helena threw her pillow at her. Ginny caught it, grinning.

"Oh yes, if someone says anything offensive about you, the rule is to throw the pillow, no more, no less."

There was general agreement, so Ginny continued:

"Pansy Parkinson of Slytherin is here at our request, and her friend Ginger Stotts is here as well. Everyone, give a round of applause!"

The girls applauded as Pansy and Ginger attempted to scowl. They seemed to be enjoying the all-girls environment more than they would like to show.

"I'd also make clear that in this gossip, no House rivarly is allowed, though everyone knows Gryffindor is the best of all."

Padma, Luna, Pansy, and Ginger protested while the rest cheered.

"Anyway, tonight we will uncover the truth about Draco Malfoy in bed."

Pansy looked shocked. "Is that why I was invited?" she cried.

"Oh yes," said Parvati. Surprisingly, Pansy didn't look very offended; on the other hand, she looked rather proud. Ginger moved a bit in her seat.

"Now, please tell us: did you or did you not sleep with Draco Malfoy?" demanded Ginny.

"I did," admitted Pansy with a smug smile. "And he's heavenly."

"Told you so!" said Lavender, pointing at Hermione, who looked annoyed.

"It's not comparative," Hermione said. "Like, Pansy didn't sleep with didn't, did you?"

Pansy laughed at Hermione's suspicion. "Of course not! I'd never do him. But Draco...Merlin!"

"Not to sound rude, but I always thought he was rather using you," Luna said in a misty voice. Girls looked startled at her; it was unlike her to make such a statement.

"I think what Loony, I mean, Luna, is trying to say here is that he seems like he would be rather forceful rather than caring and all," Helena said.

"Oh, not really," said Ginger. "He knows how to control his feelings and don't do girls unless he's begged for."

Pansy stared at Ginger, aghast. "You slept with Draco?"

"I'm guessing she begged for it?" suggested Hermione, making everyone laugh.

"I'll have you know that it's worth it," Ginger said, receiving a scowl from Pansy.

"Hey, I have a question," said Padma. "You almost never see Slytherin girls date out of the Slytherin House. Why is that?"

"Isn't it obvious?" droned Pansy. "We're mostly pure-bloods and want to keep the line clean. No offense, Hermione."

"None taken," said Hermione, rolling her eyes.

"But how about when you are attracted to guys outside of your House?" asked Lavender, curious.

"We just grin and bear it," said Ginger with a sigh. "Wait, is whatever said in here promised secrecy?"

The girls stared at each other.

"Now it is! Spill," said Ginny.

"Some Slytherin girls have fantasies about guys from other Houses and have gossip meets like this on Fridays."

"Ginger!" cried Pansy, exasperated. "You can't tell them that!"

"It's okay, it's okay!" said Hermione hurriedly. "Your secret is safe with us. Anyway, who are some guys you girls are interested in?"

"Well," began Ginger. "I know that Pansy has some unhealthy obsession over-"

"GINGER!" cried Pansy, throwing her pillow at Ginger, who caught it with a smile.

"I like this rule. If this was the Slytherin gossip, I'd be Crucio-ed by now."

"Shut up, Ginger, or I'm going to spill your obsession with a certain Gryffindor!"

"Whatever, Pansy. I fancy Neville Longbottom!" said Ginger victoriously. The girls stared at her, shocked.

"Neville?" said Ginny, wide-eyed. "Are you serious?"

"Oh yeah, he's totally adorable," said Ginger bravely. "And Pansy's obsessed with none other than-"

"Ginger!" cried Pansy again, grabbing Luna's pillow and throwing it at Ginger.

"-Harry Potter!"

There was a stunned silence.

And some more silence.

And some more.

"Harry?" breathed Ginny.

"Sickly obsessed," finished Ginger.

"It's just a fantasy," said Pansy quickly. "I'd never date him."

"More like fuck him," said Ginger with a sly smile.

"You know what? It's okay!" said Hermione quickly. "Girls have fantasies. And that's all that is. Tell us, really. Elaborate."

"Hermione!" whined Ginny. "He's my boyfriend!"

"That pratically everyone lusts for...maybe after your brother," said Helena, earning a shocked look from both Ginny and Hermione.

"What? Ron's hot," Helena said with a laugh.

"Later. We'll talk about that later," said Hermione. "Pansy, do elaborate."

"Well," began Pansy rather uneasily, "it's just...seeing Draco bash him all the time, I kind of got sorry for him...then how he always got back at Draco...him in his Quidditch suit...and...yeah..."

"I know, I know," said Parvati. "Harry really is hot."

"I thought you said he was too skinny!" cried Ginny, throwing her pillow at Parvati.

"You said we should take a look at his cock before we talked," said Parvati with a sly grin.

"You didn't," gasped Ginny.

"Oh, yes she did," said Lavender. "I have proof in my bag right here."

"What proof?" asked Luna, confused.

"Parvati snuck into the boys' shower and took a picture," said Padma, rolling her eyes.

"Merlin's beard!" cried Hermione. "That's against school rules!"

"Oh, really?" said Lavender sarcastically, reaching for her bag. "And no, Pansy, I'm not giving you the photo for your scrapbook of Harry."

Pansy looked rather disappointed.

Ginny was still aghast. "I can't believe you took the picture of his..."

"...manhood," said Lavender triumphantly, taking out a photo.

The picture was passed around and admired (especially by Pansy) by everyone except Hermione, who refused to see her best friend's naked lower half.

"You're missing out," said Helena. Ginny was cool about it now that everyone admitted he wasn't so skinny after all.

"No thanks, no!" said Hermione. "I don't want to see it."

"I know you want to," sang Parvati, waving the photo in the air as Hermione covered her eyes with her hands.

"It's not that impressive, really," said Luna in a dreamy voice. "Flying Foosies have penises two feet long and one foot thick."

"What are Flying Foosies?" asked Lavender in an excited voice. She seemed particularly interested.

"Come on, Hermione!" urged Parvati, ignoring Lavender, "it's really good."

"Stop acting like you're so proper," said Ginny with a grin. "We all know how naughty you are deep inside."

Hermione had to give up.

"Okay, fine, show me it," she said. Everyone cheered, and the photo was passed along to her.

"Oh my," Hermione said with a gasp, her eyes wide. "Merlin!"

"And that's when it's not erect," said Padma proudly.

"Can I have a copy of that?" asked Pansy, "please?"

"No," said Parvati, taking the photo back and stuffing it in her backpack. "There has to be fair trade."

"Malfoy's cock!" cried Ginny at once. The girls cheered.

"Fine," said Pansy. "A copy of his will be delivered to you the next time we meet. And trust me, it's bigger."

"We'll look forward to it," said Ginny smugly. "Mindless gossip dismissed!"