Standard disclaimer applies
Standard disclaimer applies.
Summary: It all started with a single question…
Rating: Rated M for language and maybe a little lime.
This is a humor fic that I'm going to try out. I'm not very good with the kind of humor that is popular on FFnet – mine's more self depreciation more than anything and a lot of dry humor, but I'm going to try and put in some of the kind of humor that readers seem to enjoy. So read it, and tell me how I did!
P.s. Why is FFnet acting up? It's taking ALL the page breaks out of my story!
The Snowball Effect
It keeps rolling, and rolling, and rolling...
Sango was being a bitch.
That was all Kagome could think as she glared at the back of the slayers head as they trudged through thick, waist length grass that was a lot harder to walk through than it looked. It wasn't as if she kissed Miroku on purpose!
A jewel shard had been stuck high in a tree, and since Inuyasha disappeared somewhere (most likely due to the soul stealers they saw floating around), Kagome had taken it upon herself to get the shard. But once she had gotten up there, she discovered it was a lot harder to get down. She had slipped and Miroku just happened to be under her (and both the girls knew why), and she landed on the poor monk and her mouth accidentally mashed with his.
And if Sango thought that either of them had enjoyed that then, well, she was a bitch and an idiot.
After slapping Miroku despite his fat lip and acting catty with Kagome despite hers, she had spent the rest of the day giving them the silent treatment and delivering scathing remarks every time the monk or priestess even looked at each other. Now she decided herself leader in Inuyasha's absence and took off in the opposite direction in which they were originally supposed to go and got them lost.
"Sango, perhaps we should find somewhere to rest and wait for Inuyasha. He'll know where we are and lead us to a village." Miroku said warily, eying the back of Sango's head from a safe distance behind Kagome.
"I know exactly where I'm going! I heard there was a village just over that rise!" Instead of asking where she heard that information from seemingly no one in the middle of nowhere, both companions sighed and followed her with exasperated looks and mild glares.
Kagome touched her fat lip gingerly and looked at Miroku. "Does it look as bad as it did earlier?"
He glanced at her lips and wiggled his eyebrows. "If I said yes will you allow me to give it some tender loving care?" At Kagome's dry look, he sighed regretfully. "It looks fine. How about me?"
It was still a little swollen but not as red or as unsightly as earlier, so Kagome shook her head. "Nah, it's alright. Maybe that'll teach you not to look where you aren't supposed to."
"And maybe it'll teach you not to dress like you aren't supposed to." Sango snapped as she turned her head to the side with a sniff. They finally made it into a clearing next to a large oak tree, the only tree in the entire grassy plain.
Kagome's mouth dropped, and even Miroku gaped at Sango as if grown a second head. Growling, Kagome stomped to Sango and grabbed at her shoulder before jerking her around. "Just because you're butt hurt that I got to kiss Miroku before you grew enough balls to, doesn't give you the right to make remarks about me!"
Sango gasped. "Don't talk to me that way! Priestesses aren't even supposed to use vulgar words!"
Studying the two bristling females, Miroku weighed the pros and cons of breaking the two up, but then the idea of a fight that might involve the shedding of clothing… well, he sat instead at the base of the tree and marveled over the fact that he was being fought over.
"I'll talk to you anyway I want to! You're the one that started over this mess over a stupid little kiss!" Both girls ignored the flash of a red haori as Inuyasha finally caught up to them, and ignored the way he stumbled on the word 'kiss' coming out of Kagome's mouth. "It's not as if I wanted to kiss Miroku anyways!"
"You kissed Miroku?!" Inuyasha growled and whipped his head around to glare at Miroku. But the allure of two girls fighting seemed too much even for him, and he sat down next to the dirty lecher and watched both girls with wide eyes.
"What, as if he's not kissable?!" Sango snapped, not even aware the effect that remark had on a now equally wide eyed monk. "You act as if you can kiss anyone!"
"Well, maybe I can!" Kagome replied with equal fire.
"I bet I can!"
"Then prove it!" Sango now had a smug grin on her face as she eyed Kagome with a triumphant grin on her face. "Prove that you can kiss just any one – and have them enjoy it!"
Faced with the double edged insult, Kagome wouldn't let herself back down. "Fine then! Give me your best shot!"
With a triumphant flip of hair over her shoulder, Sango preened a little before crossing her arms. "I bet you can't kiss Sesshoumaru!"
Silence met this bet and Kagome joined Miroku and Inuyasha in staring with wide eyes at the slayer.
"S-Sesshoumaru?" she squeaked, her fighting stance faltering just a bit.
Inuyasha's ears drooped a little at Kagome's defeat, but stood on end when Kagome straightened and cocked a curvy hip to the side. "Who's to say I can't? I bet before this month is through, I'll have planted one on that dog to where he'll feel as if he can't get enough!"
"What?!" All three of her companions screeched, but only caused Kagome's grin to widen.
"That's right," she said, not at all daunted by her outrageous claim. "And I'll enjoy it too. Sesshoumaru won't be able to get enough of me."
Sango merely sniffed and looked away, muttering a terse, "C'mon." before continuing on her way towards the edge of the grassy clearing to where the forest started.
Kagome kept a smooth front, but as the hours went on, inside she was really starting to get worried. How could she make a claim like that? She could've just said she'd kiss the stupid demon and be done with it, but nooo, she had to tell them he'd enjoy it too! But how could she even get the demon lord to notice her without wanting to kill her? Inuyasha couldn't be there if she did kiss him, otherwise he'd probably want to kill her too.
Summary and dilema?
How can she kiss the demon lord, without getting killed, by herself, and get close enough to kiss him? Worse, how can she get him to enjoy it? She's never kissed a boy in her life!
By the time they made it back to Kaede's village, Kagome was barely holding her smug veneer in place. "I'm going home." She announced to the group as they sat around the camp fire. "I'll be back by tomorrow!"
Kagome paced back and forth by the well in her time and chewed on her bottom lip with worry. She couldn't back down now, no matter how much she wanted to. Not only would Sango gloat, but she'd look like a cowardly idiot of she didn't follow through. So how would she be able to get close? It was the only question that she couldn't answer by herself.
She walked slowly towards the house; trying to think of ways she could figure out how to get closer to him. She thought of this all this all through dinner until she finally called Yuka.
"Oh, hey Kagome! How are you feeling?" Yuka asked.
"I'm doing well, thanks. Hey Yuka…" Kagome started, not knowing how to continue. Inspiration struck and Kagome smiled. "You see, one of my hospital buddies from when I had, um, small pox, and you see…"
"And that's how I have to figure out how to kiss this guy! Yuka, what do I do?" That last part was with a wail, and Kagome started pacing again because she couldn't figure out why she was stupid enough to have agreed in the first place. Stupid Sango! She knew it was impossible!
"Hmm…" Yuka started, "Okay, what does he like?"
"Like?" Kagome asked with a frown. What does his likes have to do with anything?
"Yes, 'like'." Yuka said patiently, as if speaking to a child. "What are his likes and dislikes? Who does he hang out with? How does he treat them and why do they hang out with him in the first place? What does he wear? What does he like others to where? Kagome, don't you know anything about him?"
"Um, he's really hot?" Kagome said weakly, feeling daunted because she didn't know anything about him other than he tried to kill her a few times.
But she couldn't tell Yuka that.
Yuka was sighing over the phone. "Kagome," she stressed, and Kagome could just see her friend shaking her head. "So what do you know about him?"
Kagome frowned and stared down at her bed spread. "He adopted a human girl named Rin."
There, that was a start.
Yuka was giggling. "Of course she'd be human, silly. What else?"
"Um," She tapped her chin in thought after a few nervous giggles. "He's the quiet type. He doesn't speak very much because he places a lot of value in words and doesn't like to waste them."
Now where did that come from? Kagome wondered but didn't know. It couldn't have been her first impression of him, because the first time she really saw him he tried to melt her with his poison.
"Okay, so he's the intellectual type." Yuka said, and Kagome's eyes widened at this. "Intellectual types are curious, so tempt him with something that he doesn't know about, or try to impress him with something you do. What else?"
What else? Yuka just revealed more about Sesshoumaru than Kagome even knew. "I… I don't know."
"I suggest," Her friend said emphatically after giving a hopeless sigh, "That you find out."
Review, tell me what you think.