Disclaimer: I don't own any of Rowling characters, and I'm not sure I want to own these Mary Sues either.

The stories in this collection:

1. Are meant to be Mary Sues. Didn't you get that from the story title?

2. Have not been beta read. Please don't hassle me about technical errors; I'll fix'em when I see'em.

3. Are strictly for entertainment purposes. They are supposed to be funny. That's why they're in the humor section.

4. Will be short one-shots. At least the pain will be over quickly.

The following was inspired by an answer to a friend's meme on LJ.

Autumn Dandelion

Perfect as usual, Autumn Dandelion thought as she brushed her flowing golden tresses, her violet eyes flashing with merriment. There's no way Professor Snape can resist me!

She bounced off to her Potions class in her white mini-skirt and super-tight baby T. Hogwarts uniforms were just not her thing. Once in the dungeon classroom, she was the center of attention. She winked at The-Boy-Who-Lived-To-Fawn-Over-Her-In-Vain, making him blush.

"Today we will be testing our Aging Potions," began Snape, holding up a small glass bottle.

If I was a bit older... Autumn's hand shot into the air. "I'll volunteer, Snapey!"

Autumn snatched the bottle from his hand and sipped the potion. At once she felt the subtle shifting in her lithe seventeen-year-old body. She was twenty-one, very sexy! Oh, wait! Late-twenties, not bad. Forties. Fifties. Sixties! Seventies!

"Stop!" she pleaded. When the transformation ended, she was well past one hundred. Her once-abundant golden hair was white and sparse, and her lovely features were sagging and wrinkly. She was hideous!

"Perhaps you should have waited until I revealed it was Longbottom's sample we were testing, Miss Dandelion?"

With tears trickling from her cataract-afflicted eyes, Autumn took her seat, waiting either to be given the antidote or for the potion to wear off.

"Watch this," Malfoy said in a stage whisper. He leaned forward and blew on her, causing her some of her remaining hair to float away like dandelion fluff.