Angela: Two people are at fault for this one being so late. Compy because she keeps not giving me her sections, and myself because my internet decided to go AWOL for a week and I wasn't able to get on to poke and prod her for her sections. I apologize for both of us.
ComputerFreak101: -busy remodeling her room-
ShaCha: I finished ittttt, and I so very much want a pet Light to dress up and cuddle right now. ;3 Or cake...but alas, I have neither golden pretty boy or cake.... Kelpy should give me cake.
Lerena: Yet another chapter. Misa's fun. x3
Angela: -gives out cake to everyone- And I'm sure you'll all love this one. x3
ShaCha: THE CAKE IS A LIE! DX
To Light's credit, he actually tried a little of the jam-infested tea he'd been offered, but pulled a face rather promptly and deemed it utterly disgusting, pouring the gloopy mess onto the brim of the oblivious B's hat. The eyeball-obsessed psychopath never noticed, and so Light stood rather sulkily by as the rest of the court happily ignored him, having their tea break during his trial (not that Light wanted to be tried anytime soon, of course, but a little attention would be nice. He had a decent-sized ego to feed, after all).
Light sighed, crossing his arms over his chest – relieved of course that his chest was currently very much flat – and glowering at everyone else around him. L, panda-monkey-rabbit detective that he was, was perched on a bench to the side, slurping tea with a horrible wet noise with one hand and using the other limb to shovel cake into his mouth between slurps. Mello was occupied in consoling the still-distraught Matt; Matt was…apparently attempting to hang himself using his ceremonial robes, and Misa was cheerily ignoring him, daintily sipping tea as she sat on her throne.
Light's head whipped around so fast he almost gave himself whiplash. Damn. Where was B?
Losing a lunatic who had designs for your demise was...not a good thing.
"My, my, Light…so your wicked ways of wickedness have led you here before the Wicked Witch herself? Oh wait, wrong story…"
Light froze and stared at the arrival of the one thing that may be worse than B (and he was very hesitant to admit that). Ryuuku was sprawled on Misa's head like a gangly black and blue hat, grinning at Light while Misa and the rest of the court drank tea, oblivious.
"What's with all the tea, anyway?" the Shinigami Cat asked, wrinkling his nose at the court. "I thought you were all Japanese, not British."
"Think they have apple tea?"
"This is all your fault!" yelled Light, pointing at Ryuuku.
"Light-kun…?" Light jabbed his finger forward again.
"Misa! On your head, it's Ryuuku! He's the one that caused all of this, not me!"
"Oh my, it seems Kira has finally lost it…"
"Wha…? I didn't cause anything!"
"I say we subdue him. Heh heh heh…"
"Yes, you did, you're the reason I'm facing death!"
"Now, Mello, put down the mallet…"
"Well maybe if you played Mario Kart with me more often!" wailed Ryuuku, switching from playful to dramatic (though with Ryuuku, the words could very well be synonyms).
"What does video games have to do with this?!"
"VIDEO GAMES!" With that anguished shriek, Matt threw himself onto Misa, his suicidal urges transformed into a need to die avenging his fallen game console. The model screamed, flailing her arms and falling off her chair in the process.
"Stop it, stop it, get him off of me!"
"Matt, please calm down," deadpanned L.
"I know what to do!" Before Light could register despair at the new voice, B appeared out of nowhere, throwing his jam jar at the feuding royals. The jar beaned Matt in the head and smashed open, splattering Misa and everyone else with jam. Light could only wonder what kind of explosives were rigged in the thing before B turned him and L, grinning.
"Jam solves everything."
"Indeed." L returned to his cake.
Light merely watched, as one might a car crash, as Matt continued to claw at Misa's jam soaked face and dress, and Mello, determined to release some pent up rage against the Queen and still holding his mallet, smashed it down into the fray, knocking Matt off Misa but effectively smacking her Highness upside the head.
"OFF WITH HIS HEAD! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!"
"I agree!" cried Mello. He tossed the mallet down, and Light could only catch it with a sense of growing horror before Misa wiped the jam out of her eyes and zeroed in on Light. Poor mallet holding, jam covered Light.
There was dead silence in the courtroom. Then…
"Since you're going to die anyway…May I have your eyeballs?"
Light ran, ignoring B. He wasn't really all that appalled that B would ask such a question at this point, but he wouldn't satisfy him with an answer.
"Enough! Off with Light-kun's head! Off with his head! I said off with it now!" she pointed in his direction. When the guards hesitated, she screamed and stood up. "Listen to your queen!"
"He ran away..." said a guard.
The guards looked at each other and shrugged, but they chased after Light.
Light sped up when he realized the guards were following him.
They made a terrific din considering they were only made out of paper, helmets and armour jingling and jangling upon their sheet-thin frames as they pursued their fleeing suspect. Light thought he could hear B's shrieking laughter in the background, but the brunet didn't dare look back in case he tripped over his own feet and went sprawling – he had to look where he was going, trying to go as quickly down the hill he'd chosen as his escape route as possible without stumbling and breaking his neck.
"Catch that cake!"
Despite himself, Light couldn't help but shoot a confused glance over his shoulder, suddenly thankful that he'd chosen to do so when it gave him enough warning to dive out of the way of the runaway cake-car that rumbled past him at breakneck speeds down the embankment, a terrified Matt and a jubilant Mello clutching to the vehicle for dear life (the blond passenger having snatched off his bunny ears and flung them up into the air crying something about eloping to Kansas).
"What….?" Light stared after the rapidly receding car, the rumbling gradually dying down, but the wailing behind –
"They stole my cake!" L, mop-haired, shoe-phobic, cake-and-Kira-obsessed (in that order) L, looked deeply, grievously, and most pointedly traumatized. L without cake was not a happy white bunny.
B, slouching at his predecessor's side, removed the jam-covered finger he'd been sucking on in his mouth, holding the moist digit up into the breeze to air his theory. An appropriate silence fell for the surely genius revelation - even the jingling cards falling still for a moment in reverence. "…This is all Yagami-kun's fault."
"What?!" Light screeched, and for one horrible instant he thought himself in female-mode once more, the pitch he'd hit had been that high –
"Or should I say Yagami-chan?" B tilted his head to one side, the green hat he was wearing tilting also – And all that lovely, sugar-infested, jam-laden gloop that B had tried to pass off as tea, and that Light had dumped on the other's clothing in utter disgust, slid straight off the hat's brim and down onto the shorter Misa at the other's side with a gloriously satisfying 'plop'. Light was off and running once more before the psychotic Queen's lipstick-painted lips had even finished opening to shriek for Light's imminent demise.
The jingling of the card guards resumed once more, now joined by the banshee howling of a cake-deprived L, the delighted cackling of a completely screwed-up B, and the wailings of an utterly distraught Misa.
Light, running for his life, limbs and quite gorgeous head of hair, invariably had to screw up somehow. It was simply fate. Fleeing for the very existence of his perfect self upon the face of the earth down a hill he of course put a foot down wrong, twisting his ankle and then –
"Light-kun, if you do not open your eyes presently I am going to call Watari and have you removed to confinement once more, as you are currently hindering the Kira Investigation by deliberately inconveniencing its head detective." A thoughtful pause. "And stopping him getting cake."
"Yagami-kun." The owner of the irritating, sleep-disturbing voice was clearly getting impatient – Light felt a toe poke him in the side and he curled into himself instinctively, trying to protect his poor stomach. "As I thought." A sniff. "Yagami-kun is deliberately feigning concussion to hinder the progress of the investigation. It is now twenty percent more likely that Yagami Light is, in fact, Ki-"
"L...?" Light's eyes finally flickered open, the boy hissing and closing his lids once more when a painful amount of light hit his poor irises. His head hurt, tribal drums calling for war at his abused temples. Another pause, slight, the feeling of a presence crouching down, a shadow passing over Light's face.
"Light-kun?" Cool fingers, long and spindly, touched the boy's forehead, a quiet 'hm' escaping the one inspecting. "Open your eyes." Blearily, Light did as he was bid, the thundering in his head trebling in volume at the act. "So you do have concussion…" L, the owner of both hand and annoying voice, looked vaguely concerned. Light would've been mildly touched at that had he not felt as awful as he did at that moment in time, his bewildered mind preoccupied in idly wondering just why it was he was lying nigh face-down on the cold floor of the headquarters.
"Yagami-kun fell asleep at his desk," said L rather shortly. "Deciding for once Yagami-kun might actually need his rest I let him be, but then Yagami-kun had to stir in his sleep, thereby both falling off his chair and smacking his head off of the metal desk." The black-haired detective was frowning, concerned expression off before lost in a dark cloud of distinct displeasure. "The resulting drag on the chain joining us caused me to drop my cake, pulling me from the chair to hit the floor beside the comatose Yagami-kun."
'Ah.' So that was why l was so –
"Yagami-kun is extremely clumsy in his sleep."
"I am not." The defense slipped out automatically, but the frown alongside it only caused another painful throb somewhere deep within Light's cranium.
"I believe Light-kun's concussion disproves his statement." L, stupid, idiotic, apathetic L, was unsympathetic. "Now if Light-kun could kindly raise himself from the floor so I may call Watari for some more of the cake he so rudely deprived me of earlier?"
Visions of cake danced before Light's eyes, a beautiful cake-car, a runaway rabbit, a distraught King/squeaky mouse thing, a hyperventilating Watari. The stoned huminallar-human-caterpillar-bug thing, a table of tea and jam, twins with different colored eyes, the lime-green-hatted B. The screeching Takada, the oinking pig-Jack-lawyer, the oblivious Sayu and the scowling Misa stomping her foot. The costumed task force, the quacking Matsuda and the perverted, apple-demanding cat–shinigami Ryuk and – and –
It slipped away like a daydream, a nightmarish hallucination, leaving only disquiet and confusion behind, and a deep-seated thankfulness of –
"I'm away from those lunatics!" It was a very startled L who was bowled over by a suddenly energized Light, the detective's suspect suddenly going absolutely crazy and outright glomping his chain-buddy into the floor.
"Yagami-kun…?" L was, much to his chagrin, utterly bewildered.
"They're gone, they're gone, they're gone, they're gone, they're - you." Amber eyes suddenly zeroed in on L (Light Yagami recovered from concussions fast, it seemed), their golden color suddenly an extremely irritated shade.
L internally debated whether he should call in a doctor. One with a nice white jacket for his suspect. Hopefully some sedative too, judging by the unholy gleam of murder sneaking into Light's expression. (L quietly and subtly began trying to ease his suspect off of him without inciting the boy to grievous bodily harm.) "I'm who now, Yagami-kun?"
Light scowled at him, shifting, his whole aura decidedly ominous.
L promptly gave up on subtlety, and tried outright pushing the other off of him.
All hell broke loose.
Watari absent-mindedly wondered, later, when he walked into the main room at the Investigation headquarters, why Light Yagami was ranting about breasts, magenta frills and cake as he attempted to strangle L with the chain between their two handcuffs, but he merely dismissed it as another oddity of the two genius, antagonistic young men being forced into such close proximity for so long together.
The boys were strange like that.
Angela: And so our adventures with Light in the land of Wonderland comes to a close, and we say goodbye to Alice and friends. But! It's not over yet. There's much more to come. Stick around folks, we're off to Oz!