Desideratum (dih-sid-ur-RAY-tum) noun; plural desiderata
definition: something desired or considered necessary
"I can't find my sock."
"What sock?! My sock! My ankle sock with the blue around the top and the hole at the end for me to wiggle my little toe around."
Gus held in a groan and closed his laptop, sure he wouldn't be able to get much work done until he'd found a way to appease Shawn. Shawn had been living with Gus since they'd started up their Psych business, and this was the sixth sock he'd lost. "For a man with a photographic memory, you lose a lot of socks Shawn."
Shawn came out of the bedroom sockless...and shirtless. One of Shawn's tactics to divert his attention and win whatever argument was about to take place. "I did not lose them Gus, it's the damn monkeys!"
"Shawn, there are no monkeys in the house," Gus tried to explain calmly.
"Of course they're not in the house, Gus. Jeez, how many times do I have to explain it."
"...I should have never let you watch Planet of the Apes..."
Shawn continued as if he didn't hear Gus. "They use the time machines, Gus. That's why they steal the socks, they need the lint to power their evil time machines."
Gus rolled his eyes as Shawn ranted. He had an entire conspiracy plot planned out. "Monkeys can't build time machines Shawn."
"Well duh, that's what Bill Gates is for."
This was new. Gus raised an eyebrow at Shawn. "Bill Gates?"
Shawn sighed and walked over to where Gus sat on the couch, settling himself in the other man's lap. Another one of Shawn's tactics...Shawn won a lot of arguments.
"You're so naive Burton. You see, the monkeys aren't smart enough to build the time machines, they're only really evil. So they need Bill Gates to make the time machines for them. And Bill is all for helping the monkeys, 'cause the time machines make it easier to sneak around and steal the left hemisphere of everyone's brain to become even smarter. I mean, come on, you didn't actually think the dude got that smart on his own. But, Bill's too much of a priss to touch our dirty laundry, so he needs the monkeys to collect the lint to power the time machines. See?"
Shawn explained it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"And now they're after me. They're targeting my socks specifically to let me know they're after me, 'cause I've figured out their master plan. They're trying to drive me bananas by stealing all my favorite socks." Shawn nodded his head as he talked, obviously thinking about the evil Bill Gates and his sock-stealing monkeys.
"Uh huh...I don't think they'll have to try very hard Shawn."
"Do French people say 'Pardon my English' when they swear?"
"I don't know, I've never been to France Shawn."
Gus closed his cell phone again and turned back to his computer. This happened every time Shawn got stuck on a case. Shawn claims he had his epiphanies while ignoring the problem. Thus, Gus was given the job of distractor.
"How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt? Or does he use a bidet?"
"...I don't know, but thank you for that image."
"Why does every Abraham Lincoln impersonator sound the same, but we have like no audio recordings of the man?"
"It's another American conspiracy."
"If marbles aren't made of marble, why are they called marbles?"
"Who was in the kitchen with Dina?"
"It's one of the mysteries of life."
"Why didn't Wile E. Coyote ever sue ACME?"
"He needed someone to keep giving him explosives."
"How come there's a seafood restaurant at Sea World? I mean, that's just sick."
"Shawn, seriously, I'm at work!" Gus shut off his phone, determined to get his paper work done. He groaned and let his head fall against the desk when he looked at his computer screen to see an instant message.
SpencerSpaz94: If you burp and fart at the same time, would it create a vacuum in your stomach?
Gus had taken the longest route possible home from work, slightly dreading facing Shawn. Today had consisted of one annoying event after another, turning the whole day into a general pain. First the fight with Shawn about him going to see his father, then his assistant calling in sick, his shipments coming in late, throwing off his entire schedule. And now he'd probably have to deal with Shawn's cold shoulder and glaring all night.
Maybe he should lay off with bothering Shawn, but he hated seeing the two Spencer men always dancing around each other. If they could just sit and talk about things for once, maybe all the issues they had with each other would get resolved. Both father and son had too much pride for that, but Gus could be stubborn too.
When he walked through the door, Gus stopped half way in as he heard nothing but silence. It was never silent in their apartment, especially when Shawn was home. A peek back out the door confirmed that Shawn's bike was out front.
"Shawn?" Gus called out, but received no answer. He tossed his briefcase on the couch in the livingroom while searching the home for the other man.
Finally, he reached the bedroom and stared from his spot in the doorway. Shawn smiled up at him from the bed, looking completely at ease handcuffed to the headboard.
"Please don't tell me you actually went to a store and bought those."
Shawn's smile grew wider. "Of course not." Gus could sense something very bad coming. "Stole them from Lassi."
Shawn obviously went through some trouble to set this up, so he decided to forgo the reprimanding. "You remembered to steal the keys too, right?"
"Yup, they're in my pants." Gus crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway. "Which are right by your feet." Gus continued to stare. "In the front pocket." Gus looked scary when he smiled like that. "You're gonna leave me handcuffed, aren't you?"
Shawn groaned and leaned his head back against the pillow. "Well at least do something!"
Gus slowly started to strip as he walked over to the bed, then crawled on top of Shawn. "You know, most people just say 'I'm sorry'."
"Haven't you ever heard 'actions speak louder than words'?"