Edward and I were sitting in the living room, watching television. I liked watching Discovery Channel and the History Channel, which I had never really taken an interest in before. All the things that change once you become a vampire, I guess. Sudden interest in things you couldn't care less about before. Suddenly, Emmett came barreling in, wielding a bible. He planted himself in front of the TV, making me scowl. His next words shocked me.

"Jesus is a vampire!"

We stared at him. Edward recovered first.

"Emmett, you idiot. Go put Carlisle's bible back. Jesus isn't a vampire."

"Come on, Edward, look at the facts! He was killed, then rose from the dead after three days! Three days! Does this ring any bells, kids?!" Emmett shouted, triumphant. Edward just glared.

"Jesus is not a vampire, Emmett. Jesus then rose into heaven to sit at God's right hand. How many vampires could do that?"

"Obviously he was a good vampire. Like us."

"Emmett. Go. Put. The. Bible. Back. Now!" Edward growled. Emmet scowled, but left. I resumed my avid goggling of a giant sting ray. After a few minutes, we heard another delighted bellow.

"Jesus is a zombie!"