Title: Road to Heartbreak
Fandom: Lord of the Rings
Summary: I am willing to meet my end in the halls of Mandos as long as this feeling within my being never fades away... xxMMxx
Disclaimer: All known Characters are Tolkien's.
Road to Heartbreak
I know naught of what I feel where Aragorn is concerned and the mere thought frightens me considerably. In the very beginning when I first laid eyes on the man I was overwhelmed by his strength and friendly eyes. He was someone I found myself wanting to speak with often and wanted a friendship to blossom between the two of us. Friendship was not something I would achieve, however. Even though his step father was an elf and for half of his life he grew up around them he did not take a liking to my kind. I do not know the reason for his hatred, but I fear it may be because Lord Elrond, his step father, couldn't save his mother when she became ill and died shortly after. He has made it painfully clear how he feels about me, though, and I know I have no choice but to respect his wishes. If he dislikes me then there is nothing I can do to change his mind.
I try my best to stay clear of the mortal at all costs and I could say the same for him. He avoids all contact and interaction with me, but at least he is polite in his hatred. He truly astonishes me though, because I can see that within his heart a good man resides inside. He feels strongly about his loved ones and would protect them with his life; the same could be said for all mankind. He will make a great king one day, even if he is yet to realize this. He believes that he will fail as his father did in the past, but with a heart of gold he doesn't realize that he can't run astray. He feels too strongly for the things he truly believes in... with a quality like that he could never go wrong. I just wish he had more faith in himself like I have faith in him.
Even though his despises me, I have come to realize that I want more from him than mere friendship. Surely I would settle for his friendship since I don't even have that, but through the years that I have known him I have slowly fallen in love with him. I know it is a dangerous feeling to obtain, but I have no control over who my heart decides to love. How could I not love him, though? His cloudy grey eyes take my breath away and his humble heart trapped me within its grasp... yet, he does not know this and I will never let him come to realize it. I have never found men to be attractive, but the stubble on his face gives him personality and his roughness causes me to feel safe within his presence. I long to run my fingers through his brown locks and to place a delicate kiss upon his full lips. Not to mention I could get lost forever in those deep eyes of his for they seem to be never ending.
He would surely kill me if he were to ever come to know this though, so I must remain silent and keep all my feelings to myself. I am sure I am heading down the road to heartbreak which will eventually be my demise, but I can't bring myself to care. He makes me feel things that I never believed I could and without this love inside of me I know I would be lost. I am willing to meet my end in the halls of Mandos as long as this feeling within my being never fades away. It hurts to love him in silence, but I know if he knew about all I feel he would push me out of his life, therefore loving him in secret is worth it to me. He may not love me in return, or even like me for that matter, but at least he is in my life.
I am brought out of my train of thoughts when voices catch my attention. I would know that voice anywhere, but I have to wonder who Aragorn is talking to and what the conversation is about that they would feel the need to whisper. My curiosity has always gotten the best of me, so, silently, I make my way toward the voices and hide within the shadows so I won't be seen. Aragorn and Boromir are standing on the bridge, rather closely I might add, and whispering to each other so they won't be overheard. My Elven ears allow me to hear them clearly, however, and I feel as though I am eavesdropping on a conversation I don't want to hear.
"That was a rather good display you put on at the council Boromir; I don't think they suspected a thing." Aragorn says with a slight chuckle and Boromir is quick to release his own.
"I thought it was hilarious when the elf was quick to come to your defense."
"That elf has had a crush on me for some time now, it's rather pathetic really." Aragorn says with a roll of his eyes and I feel as though my heart has just been crushed by his bare hands.
"He doesn't realize that no man would ever want to be with an elf, they are below us, obviously. Besides, you are mine and I am not willing to let you go." Boromir responds as he pulls Aragorn into his arms and holds onto him as only a lover would.
"He will get over this little crush of his in due time and move on." Aragorn says before pulling Boromir's head down so he can place a passionate kiss upon his lips.
When I can no longer watch this display in front of me I quickly turn back the way I came and run into the library. I know it probably would have been best if I went to my bedchamber, but that would mean I would have to pass by the lovers and that is the last thing I could do in my current condition. I am feeling so many levels of hurt right now that I don't know what to do with myself. For one, it would seem that many few of the fellowship actually like me. How am I going to travel and fight amongst people that could care less about me? Sure, Gandalf and the hobbits have been kind to me, but the mortals and the dwarf despise everything about me! How could I possibly put my trust within these companions? Could I put my life in there hands and trust them to have my back while within battle? For another, Aragorn already has someone in his heart and in return has given that heart to another. I don't know why I didn't consider this as a possibility, but now I wish that I had. He believes this love within my heart is only a mere crush that will fade within time. If he believes that to be so then he really knows little about elves. Once we allow someone into our heart it is eternal and never can anyone else enter.
Wearing my forest green tunic and leggings, I stand at the entrance of Rivendell and wait for the rest of the fellowship to arrive. Within my heart lies a heavy burden and I found little to no rest throughout the night. I fear I won't be at my best during the quest and that bothers me considerably. I don't see how I will be able to manage being around Boromir and Aragorn now that I know their secret. I am a warrior, however, and I refuse to back out of this very important quest. I have promised to protect the hobbits with my life and am determined to help Frodo get the ring to Mount Doom even if emotionally I am dying.
"If you don't mind my curiosity, why are you always so quiet Legolas?"
Quite startled by the voice and mentally scolding myself for being caught off guard, I turn to face the little hobbit that is now standing beside me. I give him a warm smile before answering his question.
"'Tis just how I have always been little one, 'tis natural to me. Besides, I think you talk enough for the both of us."
Pippin blushes at my words and I let out a soft laugh. I don't know what it is about this little hobbit, but he has found his way into my heart. It amazes me how much he can eat and how joyful he seems to be all the time. In a way I am envious of him for I wish I could be more like that. Nothing seems to dampen his spirits and I hope that this mission doesn't manage to change that for I know what battles do to one's mind.
Before he has a chance to say anything else the rest of the fellowship arrives and we are ready to begin. I try my best to avoid any contact with Aragorn and won't allow myself to even glance in his direction. I know this probably is strange behavior for me since I usually can't keep my eyes off of him, but the scene last night won't give my mind a rest and just his presence is near killing me. To look into his eyes would be my undoing and I can't allow that to happen, I refuse to allow myself to cry... not while there is still a quest to complete.
Venturing to the front of the fellowship, I walk briskly ahead of them so as to be alone. I can feel eyes upon my back, but I do not turn to see the expressions on my companions' faces. Before long, however, Gandalf is walking beside me, or at least trying to keep up with me, and looking at me with concern. Slowing my pace considerably so the wizard doesn't use up all of his strength I prepare myself for a mountain of questions. I know I am acting rather strange, but with all this new knowledge I am unsure of how to act. I do not want to let on to my troubled heart and mind, but I also cannot find it within me to act as I used to. My heart is in pain and am finding it hard to hide it very well.
"Why are you walking so quickly Legolas? Do you wish not to accompany us?" Gandalf inquires with an expression of confusion etched onto his aged features.
"Nay, I am simply walking ahead as to keep my ears and eyes open to any danger that could be lurking about." I reply softly as to only be heard by Gandalf.
"I hardly believe we will run into any evil so early on in the journey, you need not to be alert as of now." His voice is merriful as he says this and it is hard not to smile at the warmth of his voice.
"'Tis never too early to be alert mellon-nin; you cannot forget to expect the unexpected."
"True these words are, but I am sure the hobbits would enjoy your company for 'tis obvious they have taken a liking to you."
"As I have to them." I respond in a reassuring tone. "I was simply performing my duty to the fellowship."
"And we appreciate that, but you need not ignore us either." He says with a calm tone as to soften the harsh words. "What I am trying to say is we desire your company Legolas."
"I realize that and I am sorry if it seemed I was being rude Gandalf, twas not my intention."
"I know that dear elf, I wasn't trying to imply that you didn't want our company because you don't consider any of us to be friends. I was simply telling you that we are your friends and you need not to be so far ahead of us as of yet." He says with a reassuring smile as he lays a hand on my shoulder. His expression quickly changes to concern, however. "What ails you Legolas?"
"'Tis nothing Gandalf." I say with a tight smile, even though I tried to make it more convincing. "Just preparing for the journey ahead of us."
With that said, I slow my pace even more and am now walk along side Pippin who has decided to instantly strike up a conversation. This wee hobbit's passion for knowledge causes a smile to form on my face as he asks me of Mirkwood, and for the time being all misery is pushed to the back of my mind.
Mellon-nin... My friend
A/N: This is my first Lord of the Rings fic so please be gentle with me. small smile