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Shego and Company - The Crooked Life
Some weeks after the conclusion of Far From Grace
A free woman and I'm still doing sit ups like I'm back in my cell. Oh well, feels more like actual exercise than just killing time now that I know I can hop into the shower anytime I like. Two months in Los Angeles... fucking La La Land. My mistake for letting Camille pick where we should hide out. Sunshine, beautiful scenery, douchebags and assholes as far as the eye can see. Oh yea, City of Angels, the fallen angels. If I wasn't America's mass murdering sweetheart, I might actually try and tolerate those people for a decent sunbathing session. The place is simple enough; cleanish, no rats, Lynn seems to like it ok but Camille can't keep her fucking mouth shut for two seconds, always yapping she deserves better. I miss working solo, even Dr. D would be a nice change of pace.
I peel myself off the linoleum when the girls get back; Lynn in a brown wig and Leon in brown skin. Lucky bitches; one's a good actress so she can keep coming up with covers and the other shapeshifts. Me? I'm green from head to toe, can't hide that under a bad hair piece and I don't like the idea of covering every inch of exposed skin with base. Essentially, it's the same deal I had in prison minus the arm restraints and guards waiting for me to sleep so they can diddle me, now I got Lynn to do that. "Not to sound like a total bitch but either of you bimbos planning on actually coming up with a heist anytime this year?"
Leon changes back and gets all pissy, trying to give me a hard look like it'll scare me or something. Ohh, look out, ninety pound skank on the loose. Lynn drops a bag of groceries on the kitchen counter. "Nothing good to steal yet, Go girl. Unless you wanna kidnap some big name celebs," she says. I shudder and shake my head; living with two fallen starlets was enough, I don't want to deal with any current Hollywood royalty on top of that. "Oh common, we snag a pop star, put up a ransom and wait for the money to roll in."
Not to mention my migraines to kick in. "No hostages. I don't want to do anything that involves dealing with anyone new for long periods of time. Just keep your eyes open, something's bound to come up.," I tell her before toweling off my sweat.
Camille can't go two second without complaining, I swear to god. "Ugh, do you have to do that, like, everyday? You smell totally rank and those bulges on your stomach are seriously gross."
Just as I was thinking about slapping Leon until her teeth fall out, Lynn got the drop on me and held me from behind, feeling up my mid section. "Get some taste, Camille, Shego is just toned and sexy while you're just flat and boring." She pulls close to my ear but she says it loud enough for Leon to hear it too. "She's just jealous because this guy was totally hitting on me and not her."
Well that's a fun piece of gossip. "You don't say? The polymorph princess got her feelings hurt?"
Camille was just seething. "Like I care, I only date celebrities, not Hollywood Boulevard trash. He wasn't even that cute."
Lynn giggles. "Oh, he was cute, cute enough for me to flirt with anyway. Too bad that address I gave him was fake, he might've been fun to play with."
I shake my head, sometimes, this girl can really make me smile. "Well at least you're keeping level headed enough not to blow our cover."
"Ohh, goody, does that mean I get to see more of your toned bulges now?"
Damn it if I couldn't keep myself from laughing. No way I'll get serious with a another woman but I can't believe I've let myself get this close to her. "Don't hold your breath. Just find something decent to steal, I'm hitting the shower." I make a b-line for the bathroom and make sure the door was locked before stripping down, we're not so hard up for cash that I need Lynn popping in and share a shower with me. I turn on the flow and just stand there, letting that nice, hot water beat against my skin. Damn it feels great, just makes me happy for some reason. Brand name shit, now that's what I'm talking about; soap that doesn't dry out my skin, shampoo and conditioner that actually does more then keep lice out of my hair. I get so lost lathering and scrubbing, I didn't notice Lynn picking the lock and breaking in until she was helping me rub the conditioner into my hair. "Damn it, Lynn!"
She's already bare ass naked and all she can do is laugh while I'm yelling at her. "Figured you could use some help on those hard to reach places."
Well, it's not like I can really stop her or that I care enough to try. "Fine but actually clean this time, don't just play. Not unless I still owe you something."
She grabs the spare luffa and gets to work. "Not that I can think of, you big spoiled sport. Mmm, I see you've been keeping your ass in shape, very firm."
"Less groping, more scrubbing."
She behaves after that, at least by her standards. When we both step out, Camille was getting ready to start more shit. You'd think we were hiding out in Napa Valley there's so much whine coming out of her "You two are such dykes, I swear to god."
I don't care enough to tell her to piss off but Lynn always seems to have fun antagonizing her. "Aww, are you jealous?"
"As if." When Leon turns around, Lynn grabs her wet towel and snaps it across Camille's scrawny ass. I got to admit, I laughed when she jumped off the ground and screamed like that. She kinda overreacted by changing her hand to a bear claw to try and maul Lynn's face off. "You bitch!"
Adrena Lynn, probably just to show off, ducks it by pulling a reverse somersault into a back flip and finish it with an obnoxious pose on the landing. "Ta-da!"
That's when I decided to play referee. I step up and start a little green kindling in the palm of my hand. "Alright children, behave or mama spanks." I was expecting Lynn to jump all over that spank comment but she saw I was serious and let it slide. At least now I'll get some peace and quiet from these two... for now anyway.
The day pretty much slows down after that, gets late before I know it. A decent bed, not as nice as the hospital bed but it beats a prison cot. Too bad I can't sleep. Two weeks I've been in this place and all the stolen cable, magazines, and newspapers can't quell this restlessness inside me. I need to step out, I need to do something. Past midnight, Lynn hasn't tried to sneak in under my sheets, guess that means the coast is clear. I slide out of bed and put on some basic dark clothes, no need to flash the old black and green and make myself a target for every cop and fed in a ten mile radius. Keep it simple, black clothes, black gloves, ski mask, you're just some forgettable thug looking for a quick score. Of course, that doesn't mean I can't be slick about it.
I open the window and leap out, a three story drop. A quick bounce off the awning breaks the momentum enough so I don't twist an ankle. Glad I haven't gotten too rusty. City still looks alive about a mile over, not so much on this side of town. What's this? A biker at this time of night? Now I won't need to call a cab. I lay low behind a tree and give the driver a flying dropkick to the side of the helmet. I land pretty neatly on my feet, the biker tumbles hard onto the grassy divider and the bike just skids on it's side. I prop the oriental importer back on it's wheels and straddle myself in. "Thanks for the ride, I'll leave it for the cops when I'm done with it." I rev up the engine, turn up the music and immediately eject the CD. I turn to the unlucky sap who's trying to get up, I think I might've broke one of his, yeah, now I'm sure it's a guy, I think I broke his leg. I throw the CD like a frisbee right across his visor. "Kenny G? Kenny fucking G? Are you fucking kidding me? You deserve to get jacked."
The little pussy pulls out his cellphone and I just ride off. Two minutes and this place is already starting to annoy me. Oh well, a quick smash and grab might cheer me up. If I'm lucky, I might even get into a high speed chase. Yeah, that'll really make this night worth while. Common L.A., look alive, Shego is back!