I had to write something light and silly while continuing Years Later or I'll get all depressed. I'm going to have to continue this story, it's too tempting! Obi-Wan is a little bit OOC, but I think it's understandable and I do actually think he could react like this some times. And in this Obi-Wan has been recently knighted and Qui-Gon is alive. If I owned Star Wars there is no way I'd have killed him, I'd have put Anakin's head on a spike and made the male Jedi uniform consist of only the leggings and boots. Except perhaps in the case of Yoda...
'No. Absolutely and unequivocally no.'
'As in no. No, no no and no. No.'
'He says no too,' Obi-Wan stepped out in front of Qui-Gon. 'An enormous no on both parts.'
'Don't you think you are being a little bit immature about this, Kenobi?' Mace inquired acidly.
'With all due respect,' there wasn't an ounce of respect in his voice, 'why don't you take the mission?'
The assembled Council shuffled uncomfortably and there were several coughs. Mace fixed Obi-Wan with a level stare, brown eyes boring into him. 'What does Qui-Gon think about this?' Mace didn't shift his unblinking gaze.
'He thinks it's a. Very. Bad. Idea.' Obi-Wan snapped and narrowed his blue eyes further with each word.
'Actually,' Qui-Gon coughed diffidently from behind Obi-Wan, 'he doesn't thi-'
'As I said,' Obi-Wan overrode him with a dangerous edge in his voice, 'he thinks it most certainly won't succeed. And he thinks it's a most unfair way to treat a Jedi Knight. A male Jedi knight. Don't you Qui-Gon?' That came from between gritted teeth, a barely concealed threat.
'Council,' Qui-Gon calmly stepped forward and stretched out one hand across the side of Obi-Wan's face, pushing him out of the way, 'we will accept this mission.' Obi-Wan made strangled noises from behind Qui-Gon's hand and his eyes bulged frantically.
'I think you have entirely shocked the Council, Obi-Wan,' Qui-Gon strode down the Temple corridors, 'your perfect image has been shattered I'm afraid,' the corners of his mouth twitched in a concealed smile.
Obi-Wan didn't respond, only throwing Qui-Gon a dark stare with a sarcastic twist of his upper lip. Qui-Gon just looked amused.
'I've never seen you like this, this is definitely a different side to your personality my dear Obi-Wan.'
'Don't. Say. That. Word.' Obi-Wan spoke through clenched teeth, 'I'm not your 'dear' and I will never be your dear.'
'Why Obi-Wan!' Qui-Gon said airily, continuing to stride through the Temple, 'what a thing to say to your future husband.'
Several floors below Jedi raised their heads in curiousity as an echoing scream reverberated throughout the Temple.
Obi-Wan swiped viciously at the air with his lightsabre. Already Temple gossip central had been informed of his outburst in front of the Council, wide eyed younglings had gazed in wonder at him as he stalked through the corridors, their hero taking on a slightly view in their minds now. Older padawans tried to conceal large grins and senior Jedi either tutted disapprovingly or grinned openly, depending on their age. His blue lightsabre cut a swinging arc as he stepped briskly around the training mat. Sweat beaded on his creased forehead and Obi-Wan worked off his annoyance.
'We're leaving later today.'
Obi-Wan pointedly ignored Qui-Gon.
'You know, I haven't seen you sulk since you were a tiny padawan,' Qui-Gon drew his own lightsabre with a loud whir and stepped forward. 'You're sensible enough to know why this mission has to go this way.'
'There is nothing,' a blue lightsabre was swept upwards to collide brightly with a green one, 'sensible,' Obi-Wan jerked his arm stiffly and threw Qui-Gon's blade off, 'about this mission!'
'Really my little pouting padawan,' Qui-Gon had to quickly lift his arm to stop a vicious barrage of blows from Obi-Wan, 'there needs to be a couple for this mission, and we're the only available team at the moment.'
'You're not the one who has to be the wife!'
'You could be the man,' Obi-Wan's eyes lit up, 'and we could be gay,' Qui-Gon continued blandly.
'At least I won't have to wear a dress,' Obi-Wan muttered darkly. 'Why don't you be the wife?'
Qui-Gon lowered his lightsabre and fixed an amused look on Obi-Wan's murderous face. 'The 6ft bearded lady?'
Despite himself, Obi-Wan's face quivered briefly and his eyes twinkled briefly. 'I'm still not happy about this, and it's your fault,' he muttered halfheartedly.
Obi-Wan paced around the apartment, one hand raised to his mouth as he absently nibbled at his nails.
'You shouldn't do that you know, Lady Kenobi shouldn't have scraggy nails,' lowering his book Qui-Gon surveyed Obi-Wan.
'Yes, well Lady Kenobi shouldn't have stubble either but unfortunately she does,' Obi-Wan snapped back before sinking down onto the couch with an exasperated sigh. 'How's this going to work anyway? You dress me up as a nun?' There was a bite in his voice.
'No,' Qui-Gon laid aside his book carefully, 'you are a victim of a terrible fire and are very self conscious about your injuries, you wear gloves, a veil and long dresses.'
'Convenient,' Obi-Wan snorted.
'Here,' Qui-Gon bent briefly over the back of the couch, retrieving a large suitcase, 'your clothes,' he hefted the case onto Obi-Wan's lap.
With an air of doom, Obi-Wan cautiously opened the case and peered morbidly into it. 'No, you've got to be...surely not...no,' he winced and extracted a lacy velvet green item and lifted it to his cringing nose to give a brief sniff.
'It's the fashion on their planet,' Qui-Gon raised his book and retreated behind it, leaving Obi-Wan to strew items of clothing across the couch.
'What. The. Force?' A flatly disbelieving voice interrupted his reading, 'you are joking. There is no way in the Galaxy, no bloody way.'
Lowering his book again Qui-Gon threw back his head and gave a rare howl of laughter.
'The lace,' Qui-Gon waved a finger at the offending item, 'it'll really, um,' he choked down a snort, 'it's very, um, very you.'
Obi-Wan fixed him with a disgusted gaze before slowly transferring it to the item dangling gingerly off his finger. 'And what precisely,' he said acidly, 'am I supposed to put in it?'
Qui-Gon curled over and roared with laughter, the look on his friend's face too much to bear. 'Socks?' He choked out before laughing deeply again.
Obi-Wan threw the bra at him.