Title: Clipping Your Wings for Me
Fandom: Anime – Digimon 02
Author: Faker of Innocence aka goldenneko
Summary: She also wants to be selfish once in a while. Hikari-centric, Hikari's POV
Rating: PG-13 (Twisted mind, people!)
Warning: Selfish!Hikari. A bit of shonen-ai if you squint. First time writing Digimon. No beta-ed, so grammar errors.
Disclaimer: If I own Digimon, all the plot holes with filled up by the end of the series.
I always had the same, repeated dream.
I always dreamt of Takeru, my first ever friend. Okay, so I had to change that. My first human friend. He was still smiling in my dream, either to me or the rest of my friends. Everything was almost the same; his smiling face, his sparkling blue eyes, everything. There was something different about the Takeru in my dreams and the real Takeru, though.
The Takeru in my dreams always had a set of wings on his back.
His wings were exactly the same as the ones that Angemon has. Maybe because I always imagined Angemon to have golden hair and blues eyes - just like the angels they showed in the pictures; just like Takeru's. They always said angels give hope and happiness to people around them, and I honestly thought that both Angemon and Takeru did exactly that. Well, I think that was what Angemon did, with all the light around him and the 'I-will-destroy-the-darkness' speech.
Takeru was a bit different though.
You could always see him smiling, no matter what the situations are. Well, maybe not all, but that was what our classmates saw. He, as the chosen child of hope, gave out exactly that: hope. He made people trust him, with his smiles and confidence. He did not have the light around him like Angemon, and for our classmates, he never had the 'I-hate-the-power-of-darkness' look. Why, even Daisuke and Miyako never knew about it. Iori was always observant, Ken had almost the same look on his face, and I... just knew it. That's what best friends are for, right?
Except I did not think Takeru thought me as his best friend anymore.
He still acted as one, though; understanding me the most just by looking at me, keeping a distance from me when he thought I need it and approaching me when he thought was the right time. He was totally different from Daisuke and Miyako, who always shamelessly barged into other people's thought without even asking or thinking. Just like Taichi-niisan.
So unlike Takeru.
Now, Takeru was always close to Iori, and sometimes seemed to be close and secretive with Ken as well. Iori, of course, was his Jogress partner, but Ken? To other people, to people who did not understand, they were a unique – maybe even weird – combination. One always had a smile on his face; another had a distant look. One always spoke out his mind; another had to be pursued for his thoughts.
Of course I knew better than that. But I did not think Takeru knew that I knew as well.
Now, I still had the same dream, but with different ending.
Before everything changed between us, the Takeru in my dreams - with wings -, always smiled his real, genuine smile at me, and only at me. Even when there were others around me, he would look around towards them, gave them his usual smile, and then turned to me again. The Takeru in my dreams had that light around him, and would always hold my hands, until I woke up in the morning.
If only he could always be like that; in reality or in dreams.
Now that we had some distance between us, the dream changed. Well, not all of them. The start was always the same; he would stand there, alone, smiling with his wings spread out only a little. He would smile at me, and hold one of my hands. Then, our friends would be there.
It was at that time, the dream changed. In the changed dream, he would smile at them, but instead of staying with me, he would bring me to the group, still holding my hand. He would talk and laugh with most of them, give a brief hug to Yamato, ruffle Iori's hair affectionately, and give a secretive smile to Ken, which Ken would always reply with another secretive smile of his. His wings, by that time, were already spread wide open, as if he was ready to fly.
Ready to fly away from me.
At first, I let him go, let him fly away from me. But then I woke up crying in my sleep, afraid that Takeru would leave me for real. I would also end up hurting him when I met him that day for leaving me alone in my dream. It was stupid of me, I know. It eased my mind a bit when Takeru came and asked me if he did something wrong to me, knowing that he still cared.
But I could not continue to hurt him like that, not for something that I know he would never do.
Now, instead of letting him go, I forced the Takeru in my dreams to stay with me.I would clip his wings so that he would not go away. When I did that, Takeru would look at me, shocked and confused, as without his wings, he could not fly away for his freedom.
Without his wings, Takeru would never leave me.
I knew very well that it was selfish of me to do this, but what else I can do to stop him from leaving me alone?
In the real world, I had to act just the way people had expected me to act; kind, caring and unselfish. That was why I think I could at least be selfish once in a while, although it was only in my dreams.
Yet, why did I still end up crying, even when Takeru was now at my side?
There you go folks, selfish!Hikari. I know Hikari has this image of a perfect angel in front of her friends, so this fic might come out a bit weird. But Hikari is a human, and human will sometimes be selfish, right?
Like it, or hate it?
Please review and CC are very well accepted. Flames will be used to burn Demon at the Dark Ocean.
Thank you for reading.
F.o.I aka Goldenneko