Diving In A Pool Of Pain.
Summary. . . . . Months of bullying come to a head for Sam. Hurt and alone will he be able to get help, or will he succumb in a pool of pain?
Disclaimer. . . . . . Still belong to Kripkie, only the unrecognizable characters are mine.
A.N. . . . . Well this fic completely spiraled out of control on me, I'm so sorry for the delay in posting; I do hope though that you all enjoy the final chapter. And for those waiting for chapters on my other fics they're on their way. Thanks as always to Kris and Jean for the push I needed to get this finished, I'm sorry that your present wasn't completed in time though, Kris.
The smell of gun oil permeated the air in the small room as Dean diligently worked cleaning their weapons in preparation of the hunt they were about to go on, his hands working instinctively as his mind was taken else where. It had been three months since their dreadful journey to Jim's house. A journey that had started well, Sam's sedative and drugs keeping him under and oblivious to his pain. As the journey continued and the drugs had started to wear off, Sam's body had viciously reminded him of the beating it had recently sustained. Even after they had stopped for gas and Sam had been swapped to the back seat of the Impala, his head resting in Dean's lap as Caleb drove, the youngest Winchester's suffering never ceased. Every pothole, every turn, every stop would reverberate throughout Sam's weary body making him cry out in agony, the cries turning to screams as the journey progressed; screams that Dean still heard every night in his dreams. By the time they had reached Jim's, Sam had fallen into pain induced unconsciousness, his frail body and mind exhausted he hadn't woken again that day, or the day after.
Things had gotten better from that day though Sam, as they had all expected being out of the hospital, gaining more and more strength as each day passed, his bruises fading, his breaks healing, leaving only the knee to still give him trouble; his knee and the debilitating headaches that just wouldn't seem to go away, each one coming on so severely they would send Sam crashing to the floor, heaving and in tears, leaving the others powerless to help him, with no other option but to let Sam sleep them off; his fifteenth birthday passing in such a fashion, the cake going to waste as the day turned into a somber affair.
The most worrying things for both Dean and John though was Sam's inability to remember what had happened that fateful day, and his reluctance to talk about what he had lost. The forgotten memories they knew he would eventually get back, both men dreading that day, but the not talking about what he had lost from his body was something they didn't understand. Sam was after all the talker of the family, he was always the one who needed answers, explanations, reassurances, but no matter what they did, no matter how hard they tried, Sam refused to talk about this.
Dean was brought out of his musings by the sound of laughter coming through the open window from the yard outside; it was a sound he had missed, a sound that they had barely heard these past few months. He dropped the gun he was cleaning and walked over to the window, eager to see what had made his brother smile, not surprised in the least to see it was Jim's two dogs, Max and Paddy, which was the cause; both pups trying to jump for the rope that Sam was dangling, teasingly just out of their reach. Dean sat on the ledge content for the moment to just watch as Sam limped around the yard toying with the two dogs, a smile that had been sadly missed gracing his face once again.
"What are you looking at?" John asked when he came to check on Dean's progress a few minutes later.
"Sam." Dean answered without turning around wanting to enjoy the moment a while longer. "He looks happy for once, do you think this hunt is a good idea at this time?"
"Sam will be fine here with Jim, Dean. We need to start getting things back to how they used to be, get back to normal. If Sam sees us getting on with things, maybe he'll do the same."
"Yeah, maybe you're right. I just don't like leaving him alone."
"Jim will be here Dean, Sam won't be left alone."
Dean didn't answer just continued to watch Sam out of the window. He looked on as Sam's limited strength ran out and he dropped down to the grass to rest, Max and Paddy collapsing either side of him, the rope forgotten as they all tried to catch their breaths. Dean smiled to himself before turning to his Dad. "I'm gonna give Sam his meds, I'll let him know about the hunt at the same time."
Sam sat up as the screen door creaked open, Max choosing to run up to Dean, as Paddy rested his head back in Sam's lap. He watched as Dean walked over, the happiness he had been feeling ebbing away at the look of apprehension on his older brother's face.
"I brought your meds Sam." Dean spoke up as he finally reached his brother, crouching down he handed Sam the three pills and the bottle of water, watching as Sam downed them, catching his brother's eye but breaking the contact first.
Sam started to think of all the bad scenarios as Dean stared off into space. The brother's sat in an uncomfortable silence, each trying to find the courage to speak up first, in the end it was Sam who could no longer stand the silence and spoke. "What's wrong?" He asked quietly.
Dean looked back up at Sam, hearing the fear in his brother's voice, fear he could now once again see in his brother's eyes. "Hey Sammy, it's nothing to worry about. It's just. . . . ." Dean swallowed and ran a hand across his nape before adding. "It's just that we're heading out for a hunt nearby later this afternoon."
"Oh, okay. I'll just go and get packed then."
"What?" Dean asked as Sam went to get up.
"I said I'll just go and get packed then."
"What? No Sam, you don't understand. Dad and I will be going to help Caleb; you're going to stay here with Jim. You're not ready yet to get back into hunting." Dean had expected Sam to be pissed when he found that he was going to be staying, so the reaction he received shocked him to the core. He watched as Sam seemed to deflate and shrink before him, watched as tears formed in his younger brother's eyes. "Sam, it's only for this hunt. You're still recovering. It'll be quicker this way. . . . ." As soon as the words had left his mouth, Dean instantly regretted them knowing that he had said the wrong thing and hurt Sam all the more, he watched as Sam seemed to shrink even further inside of himself, mumbling words Dean could barely hear. He asked Sam to repeat himself, his own heart breaking as he finally caught the words.
"It's because I'm only half a man now isn't it?"
"Sammy, God no, I promise it's not."
"Then why Dean, why do I have to stay behind?"
"Sam, you're not fully fit yet, you know that, and we'll only be gone for the night. If you came and you're knee gave out, you could get hurt. Or what if one of your headaches came on? Give yourself some time to heal, to get your full strength back, Sam. It has nothing to do with what you no longer have, and I don't for one second see you as half a man, Sam. You're twice the man most guys will ever be." At seeing Sam still doubt his words, Dean spoke again forcing words out that he had previously been struggling to say, knowing though that Sam now needed to hear them and that if he couldn't bring himself to say them, how could he expect Sam to start talking about it. "Testes don't make the man Sam; it's what you carry in here." Dean said as he place a hand on Sam's head. "And what you hold and have in here." This time the hand was placed over Sam's heart. "What you have lost is nothing to do with what makes you a man, it doesn't testify to that at all. I promise you Sam, the only reason you're not coming is because you're not fit yet. I'm not even taking the Impala because I don't want anyone else in your seat, nobody will sit there until you are ready to come back. I hope that you believe me?"
Sam looked at his brother, trying to find any hint of deception in his eyes, at finding only sincerity he nodded.
"Good." Dean eventually said as he pulled Sam in for a not too often given hug. "Now is there anything you want to do, or need before I have to leave?" Sam shook his head in his brother's warm confines, content to just sit there relishing in his brother's love.
Five hours later saw Sam lounging on the couch in Jim's living room, mindlessly flicking through the channels on the TV in the hopes of finding something decent to watch. Dean, their Dad and Caleb had left earlier on their hunt, leaving Sam and Jim just after dinner. Sam's eyes had just started to droop, the repetitive channel hopping making him tired even though it was only eight o clock, when the ringing of the phone in the hallway made him jump. He watched as Jim left the dishes he was cleaning and answered it, the older mans voice sounding grave and distressed as he answered the person on the other end of the line. He spoke for about five minutes before hanging up and entering the living room, a concerned look spoiling his features.
"Sam I need to go to town, one of my parishioners is seriously ill. I hate to leave you alone but I don't know how long I'll be."
"Its okay, Pastor Jim. I'm tired and was going to go to bed soon anyway. I have my cell phone and there are enough wards around, I'll be safe until you get back."
"I don't know Sam. . . . ."
"Please go and make sure they're okay. I'll be fine I promise."
Jim seemed torn between his options, torn between priest and hunter. He couldn't let his parishioner down in their time of need, but at the same time Sam needed him also. He had a bad feeling that no matter what decision he made, it would turn out bad for the other person. "Sam, do not leave this house. Do you understand me? I'll put down some extra protections and wards. If anyone comes here, do not answer the door. Keep your cell phone handy, I'll try and keep you updated as to when I'll be back. Be safe Sam, I don't relish returning to a rampaging Dean because you hurt yourself again."
"Pastor Jim, I'll be fine. Now go, I'd hate for this person to pass away alone. I'm just gonna watch TV for a while longer and then go to bed. And before you ask, yes I have a knife and holy water under my pillow." Jim turned on his heels and left the room still not liking his decision, but Sam was right he couldn't allow his parishioner to die alone.
Sam started channel hopping again as soon as he heard Jim's car driving away, determined to find something to watch whilst he finished his drink. As the numbers got higher though and still nothing had grabbed his attention, Sam thought about shutting off the TV and getting a book instead, a sports channel finally did though what all the other channels couldn't and Sam soon found his eyes fixated on the screen. He watched in fascination as the man strode confidently forward before positioning himself on the edge. Sam's eyes grew wide as the guy jumped off; he didn't see the intricate twists, he didn't see the perfect turns, he just saw the guy jump and hit the water. It was like a bomb went off in his head clearing away all the cobwebs and cotton wool that had been clouding his mind since the day he had awakened in the hospital, everything about his beating came rushing back, overwhelming him, crushing him.
The bullying, Kris, their talk, feeling happy for once, the coaches words, hitting Drew, getting pushed into the water, the laps, the feeling that something was amiss, the missing clothes, the shame as his towel was grabbed, the gay taunts, stepping away from Drew's fist, stepping back into Josh's waiting arms, the pain and feel of the beating, waking up, finding blood down there, his phone gone, wishing and praying for Dean, the struggle to get up and out, the defeat at finding his escape locked, going back the other way, hearing his phone, seeing his clothes, the excruciating painful steps up the ladder, reaching the top, his fear of heights, falling to his knees, the terror of falling off the edge, the agony as his body hit the water hard, the coldness, his struggles to breath and get out.
Sam's face glistened with tears as the latent memories finally resurfaced and flooded his mind, and phantom pains pierced his body. A person had done this to him, someone his own age, not something supernatural, not something evil, a teenager. Sam had always been the one who could see the good in everyone but that trust had now been shattered, he felt his anger growing, the need for retribution getting stronger, he no longer cared why this had happened, he just wanted revenge. Wiping at his face, Sam knew what he had to do. Picking up the Impala keys, even though he was only fifteen he knew how to drive and had a fake license, Sam walked out of the front door.
Drew Peter's slept the sleep of a man with no worries. After Dean's attack and his subsequent shame, he had suffered some sleepless nights and some hellish days; the photo's circulating quickly around the town, causing both him and his family untold embarrassment. It hadn't taken him long though to get back to his previous ways, a few threats here and there and people soon forgot what had happened, even if deep down Drew didn't. Within a month people had forgotten all about what had happened at the pool, their attention now focused on someone else. Someone Drew himself had set up.
He had waited impatiently for Sam Winchester to come back to school but when the rumors began to circulate that he and his family had skipped town, Drew had turned his hate towards the other person he felt responsible, Kris. A few choice words to the schools resident gossip along with some cut and pasted provocative photos and Kris' reputation had been shot; her family making the decision in the end to leave the town for good. So it was that Drew was back as the top dog at school and currently sound asleep at home. So deeply was he asleep, he didn't hear the door to his room slowly open, didn't hear the footsteps across his flooring, didn't feel the bed dip beside him as Sam crept onto it, but he did feel Sam's hand as it clamped harshly down over his mouth.
Instantly awake Drew's eyes shot open and attempted to see who was holding him captive in the gloom, those eyes widening in fear as he finally caught sight of Sam. If it had of been the Sam Winchester he had previously spent months terrorizing, Drew didn't think he'd have been as worried as he was, the thing was this wasn't that same Sam. This Sam was calm, controlled and uneasily void of any emotion what so ever. No terror, no fear, no hurt, no anger, just blank. And that blankness terrified Drew immensely. He watched as Sam brought something from behind his back, cowering even further into the mattress, his heart thumping loudly in his chest, as the moonlight shining through the curtain less window glistened menacingly off the curved blade in Sam's hand. He was going to die here and there was no one here to save him, his parents away for the night, leaving him all alone.
Drew started to panic, started to fight as that thought entered his head. Sam's weakened state going against him as Drew managed to buck him off of him and onto the floor. Both boys's bounced quickly back to their feet, stanced and ready for the first punch or kick to be given; Drew's mouth, always his own worst enemy, couldn't keep shut though as his bravery returned. He sent a torrent after torrent of abuse and taunts Sam's way in an attempt to break him, but still all he got in return was that silent blank mask. It began to unravel Drew's courage yet again and with it his mouth got more and more out of control, spewing out verbal bashings yet again, this time mentioning Dean, their Dad and Kris. It was the mentioning of Kris' name that set Sam off, unleashing like a tightly coiled spring, Sam pounced.
The battle was bloody, cruel and vicious, both boys landing heavy kicks, punches, bites and elbows on each other. This time though the odds were even, it was one on one and Sam refused this time to hold back, every trick and cheat Dean had ever taught him he used to his advantage until Drew was nothing more than an unconscious, beaten, broken mess on the floor, Sam adding insult to injury by stamping aggressively on Drew's shoulder hearing a resounding pop as it dislocated from his torso, it didn't even cover what he had lost but maybe it would cost Drew his future scholarship. Not caring if Drew lived or died Sam left the house as stealthily as he had arrived. Jumping into the Impala, Sam left the town he hoped never to see again. Once he had made it to the state line though Sam's consciousness and caring nature got the better of him and became too much. Stopping at the first payphone he found he dialed the number for the police in the town they had been staying in and reported seeing a break in occurring at Drew's house. Even after everything the guy had done, after everything he had taken, Sam couldn't see a person die.
It was mid day before a battered and bone weary Sam was pulling the Impala into Jim's driveway, at seeing the lack of vehicles his hope soared that he could make it into the house, shower and change before anyone saw him, he knew he would have to explain away the new bruises to his face, but he could blame them on a tumble over the dogs. As he placed the Impala into park in its space though, Sam's hopes were dashed as he spotted an irate Dean perched on the steps leading to the front door. Turning off the engine, Sam slowly and tentatively stepped out and leant his exhausted body against the frame work, his head dropping to his chest and his bangs falling into his eyes, unable to look Dean's way.
Dean got up from the steps and made his way over to his younger brother, the anger he had been feeling abating as he took in Sam's appearance, blood was clearly visible on his face along with fresh bruises, and Dean couldn't help but notice the way Sam had struggled to get out of the car, or the way his arm was held protectively against his ribs. As Dean got closer still he also began to notice Sam's shoulders shake as sobs began to wrack his body, and the tears that now ran down his checks, clearing paths through the blood that was already drying there. His anger and fear disappearing Dean pulled Sam in close and allowed his younger brother to sob his heart out on his shoulder.
As the tears began to dry, Dean placed a hand either side of Sam's bruised and bloodied face and forced his younger brother to look at him. Questions formed in Dean's mind and radiated unasked from his eyes, but he waited wanting Sam to open up to him first.
"I remember." Sam eventually whispered out. "I remember everything." The tears came again then, this time from both brothers'.
"Are you okay?" Dean managed to choke out.
Sam looked up willingly this time, a smile forming as he answered. "No, but I will be."
Dean placed a strong arm around his brother supporting his weight as they made their way inside. "C'mon lets get you cleaned up and call the others back. You had us worried Sam, Dad, Caleb and Jim are all out there looking for you. Where have you been?"
Sam was quiet for a second before he answered. "I went to find resolution, and to take care of a demon."
A.N. . . . . . . . Well that's it! A month to the day that it was supposed to be finished it finally is. I hope you all enjoyed the ride with me, and I thank you all for the wonderful reviews and adds to favorite lists. Will catch you all soon, Peanut x