AN - - - Well, this is just something that I sat down and wrote, and didn't realize it was about Sawyer and Kate later. It's not very good, but I like to post everything I write here, soo... Have at it. Set mid-Eggtown, and as such there are spoilers through it.
She likes to think she knows better then to fall into a trap like him again. But she doesn't know, so she does fall and although she assumes falling again would be as miserable it was the first time, it isn't and she isn't quite sure why.
For a long time, she thought he was all bark and no bite, thought he was just dangerously beautiful and it never even crossed her mind that he might actually be dangerous until she found his letter. What were the chances of two criminals on one plane – and that they both would've survived? Zero to none.
And yet here he was, and there was his past, and it was undeniable that both of them had been impossible possibilities for far too long.
It takes her a long time to realize she's as self-centered as he is, and even longer to realize that's what's keeping them apart. She loves him, she knows, and certainly more than Jack, but the problem is she loves freedom so much more. She'd die for him in an instant, because dieing is so easy, but to make a commitment to him, to be locked away for him is more than she can handle. She knows that it hurts him, and although it bothers her that it hurts him, she's never really all that affected, herself.
She doesn't want to hurt him, and she certainly doesn't want to keep running back to Jack but she can't exactly help herself so she does anyway, and hands the con ammunition in the process. She wants to spend her life with him but she doesn't, and for the space of a day she dreams about really and truly dating him, before she stops herself, knowing it'll never work and even if it did, she'd never really want it, anyway. Someone else would want it, and she'd love to be able to want it, but she doesn't.
So she lays in his bed and is so pleased with the knowledge that she doesn't have to have sex with him every night, that, although he'd rather it, she doesn't have to be his and his alone.
She dreams of marriage, that night, and wakes up from a nightmare. She stays still for a moment, thinking of how she'll be flirting with Jack, soon, because this can't last for too much longer, but she rolls over to kiss along his jaw anyway.