I do not in any way own NCIS. I am just using DPB's wonderful characters.

I have been really curious about the way that Ziva dealt with killing Ari, and eveyone else thinking of him as a monster. This could be a slight Tiva, Jibbs, and McAbby. But none of that is the main focus. This is more Ziva-centric. I really love that character and how deep she can go. There are a couple bad words. Hope that doesn't offend anyone, if it does...uhhh get over it.




Ziva jolted up from her bed. She was drenched in sweat and was breathing hard. Not again. Not again. She shook it off and went to her kitchen to grab a glass of water to cool down.

Walking into the office she noticed that the usual din was gone. This only happened when everyone in the NCIS building knew that Gibbs was on the warpath. Tony was sitting at his desk trying to keep his attention glued to his computer screen, but Ziva noticed Tony's glance to her when she walked in the room.

"Where's Gibbs?" she asked, not sure whether she should be playful or not.

"Went to get some more coffee," said McGee. "Second cup of the morning."

"Why is he so upset? What's going…" she stopped as eveyone's eyes slide to Ziva's empty desk.

"I…I forgot," She stuttered.

The words stung Tony and made him pissed off.

"Forgot? Don't you remember? Uh, Ziva? Don't you remember that bastard Ari, your undercover agent, shooting Kate in her head," he shouted while getting closer to Ziva and poked her in the head where the bullet went through to emphasize his point.

Tony went in for a second tap when Ziva grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back. "Back off Tony!" she shouted. "I didn't mean that I forgot…that," she said while releasing his arm.

Gibbs walked back into the office and the tension was noticeable. Ziva and Tony wouldn't even look at each other. Shit. This was going to be a long day.

"DiNozzo, with me."

"Yes sir, boss," Tony said jumping up from his chair unsure of where they were going. Gibbs walked up the stairs to Director Shepard's office. Cynthia didn't even try to stop him this time. Suddenly Gibbs stopped before the door and Tony practically ran into him.


"Sor..uhh, OK boss," Tony said utterly confused.

"Hello, Jethro." Jen said to him in a very professional tone.

"Is there anything that we will be called into today?" Gibbs said rather directly.

"I don't know of anything, and we have Cassidy's team picking up the slack if anything does come in."

"Good. Today my team is desk jockeys. I don't think they would be much use out there, Jen," his eyes had finally softened.

"I am sorry about Kate. I wish I could have met her."

"She would have liked you," Gibbs said walking out the door.

"Boss…" Tony started, but Gibbs cut him off.

"It is a paperwork day today Tony. And give Ziva a break, you don't know everything Tony." Gibbs said to him, so only he could hear, walking down the stairs.

The day was almost over and the paperwork had been mind numbing, and both Tony and Ziva behaved.

McGee finished first and went to see if Abby wanted to go get something to drink. Soon it turned into almost every member of the team in a bar drowning their sorrows.

Ziva wasn't there and Tony noticed.

What is a matter with her? She is being so….so cold. Kate was my partner for two years. She was my friend, my… How could Ziva be so indifferent to me, to everyone, all day?

Gibbs looked at Tony and knew what he was thinking.

"She had some extra work to finish when I left Tony." Gibbs said to him in his authoritative voice to show how serious he was about this.

"She should be here." Tony told him.

"She has her own things to deal with Tony. Cut her some slack."


She woke up again, thoroughly confused as to where she was. At her desk. She must have finished her extra work and just passed out where she was. She kept having the same dream. She knew what day it was, and what day was coming. I am so glad the weekend is here. I am ready to relax and hog out.

When she got home she noticed something different. It was Tony sitting in her couch. She could smell the Scotch emanating off of him. He sat there and he was staring at something in his hands.

"Tony what are you doing here?" Ziva said not laughing; she was tired and did not want to deal with a drunk Tony.

"Wha…What is this?" Tony said as non-slurringly as possible, while he picked up a photo. It was of Ari and Ziva more than six months before he had been shot. "Is this why you were so cold today? Because instead of mourning Kate, you were mourning the monster that killed her?"

Ziva quickly and quietly pulled the photo from Tony's hand with her left and pushed her right hand over his throat and easily used her whole body in pushing the drunken frame of Tony against the wall that had shelves of pictures, where Tony originally got the photo. This made a thump. Ziva put her face next to his cheek and whispered into his ear, trying hard not to squeeze the life out of him.

"He was not a monster," Ziva said in a low, scary whisper, as if daring Tony to make a move. "He was my everything…before." She let him go and put the photo back it belonged, backwards facing the wall.

Ok. So this was supposed to be a one shot but it doesn't have to be. I could/ can add another chapter. I kinda like the way it ends but it can keep going. PLEASE REVIEW!!