Xena: Warrior of England?


Lady Razeli

Disclaimer: I do not own Xena: Warrior Princess. Also some characters are based on real life people and obviously I don't own them.

Chapter One

"Good luck Gabrielle, I'll come visit you as often as I can except at Solstice, I'll be in Amphipolis," Xena told her. Gabrielle nodded as they hugged.

"I'm going to miss you Xena, are you sure you don't want to stay, you can be my champion." Xena laughed a little.

"No, as honored as I would be, I can't. It's just not something I want to do right now." Gabrielle nodded. "Well I must be going, I hear there's a Cyclops near some village to the East. Besides its time you took your place as Queen." They hugged one last time before Xena mounted Argo and departed.

"Thanks for helping me do this guys," Xena said to Hercules, Ares, Iolaus, and Autolycus.

"No problem," They said.

"I don't understand why you just won't let me zap you a house," Ares complained.

"Because Ares there's no fun in it." Xena left out for a moment.

"Besides Ares we get to actually be around Xena, if you just zapped her a house and the largest barn seen we wouldn't be here and neither would you."

"I made lemon bars."


"Man anybody who doesn't love lemon bars is insane," Autolycus commented.

"You don't have to tell us twice," Xena mumbled as she bit into another bar. Soon they were all finished. Xena had a cozy cottage with room to spare and now she could start her farm and new life. Xena was pregnant after a one-night stand with someone who was supposed to be her enemy potentially. She didn't tell Gabrielle that Marc-Anthony and her had, had relations. It was none of her business after all. Now she was pregnant.

Once the men had left after helping her build fences she bought a flock of sheep from an old farmer and got two Belgian Sheepdogs. The only problem was they didn't keep animals from killing off her sheep. So she got four Great Pyrenees guard dogs. They were so cute and affectionate. They were very good at keeping her herd safe.

"Sir, Sir!" Xena called the farmer came over. She held her one-year-old daughter on her hip.

"Yes, what can I do for you?" He asked seemingly annoyed that he was being interrupted in his work. He had goats to take care of. His sons watched as they herded the goats.

"I'd like to buy some of your goats." His attitude seemed to change immediately. He had dairy goats, which was a good thing in Xena's opinion. She bought a new mother and a male goat, but mostly she bought lots of kids to raise up. The farmer couldn't understand it, but he and his sons helped her herd the lot to her farm.

"I see you've got guard dogs." Xena nodded.

"Just got a new litter of pups in a few months ago."

"You selling?"

"I suppose I could let two or three off my hands." Xena saw a chance to get some of her much needed money back. He nodded and gave her back half her money seeing what kind of stock the puppies came from. His sons were thrilled.

"Chastity, stop poking the goat with the stick." Xena took the stick away from her young daughter. She was such a handful that Xena didn't know how she had managed to raise her and keep a flock of sheep, now she had goats too. She took her inside and soon they were drying fruits in the sun, so they would last longer. Chastity had brown eyes and hair. She looked just like her father. Xena hadn't told Gabrielle about her. In fact she had just seemed to wash off the face of the earth except she had began sending letters again, but Gabrielle had yet to reply to one personally. Her mother traveled to visit every now and again to see her granddaughter as well as Xena.

"Momma look at my bird." Xena looked at the parchment Chastity was drawing on. She was five years old. Xena smiled.

"Wow I'm impressed my little artist." Chastity smiled. Xena looked down when she felt pulling on her dress.

"What is it Lexie?" Xena asked.

"I go pee pee." Lexie was her three-year-old. After Chastity had turned two years of age Xena found that she wanted more children, so she found a good looking guy and procreated three more times. After Lexie there was Selene, two, and Aurelia, one.

"All right let's get you changed." Xena cleaned her bottom and changed her cloth diaper. She washed the soiled one and hung it to dry.

"Wow four daughters now," Ares said. "How about you let me give you a son."

"No thanks Ares, now if you'll excuse me I have to get back to work. I have a lot to do before the winter. She argued a little more before Ares left.

"Come on girls we have to go round up the animals." They all stood up and followed her to the sheep. They got hot after running around in the summer sun while she and the dogs herded the sheep into their pen, so they undressed down to their diapers except Chastity who wore panties. Xena dressed them, but she had gotten use to her girls stripping down to their diapers in the summer. Sometimes she didn't even bother to dress them. Sometimes she joined them, she had nothing to be ashamed of and she wouldn't have them being ashamed either.

"I can't wait for the day they learn to put their dresses on the fence." Xena picked up their clothing finding them with rips from where a goat had taken the liberty to chew on them. After the goats and sheep were in Xena rounded up the horses. Argo had bred a few Fillies and Foals before she had died to Xena's dismay, but Argo two was just as excellent as her mother was. Her brothers and sisters were beautiful and sold for a large profit. Except one of her foals that she kept and bred often to create lovely horses.

"Here Chastity go feed the chickens, geese, and ducks with your sisters." Xena told her to get her children out of her way as she cleaned the horses' hooves. It was a tricky business and she didn't want them hurt. Xena grabbed a duck and broke its neck in one swift movement. She let the girls pluck off all the feathers while she put on some vegetables over the fire drawing water from the barrel. She lit candles for the coming night and set the table. Aurelia pulled on her apron getting muddy handprints on it.

"Aren't you filthy," Xena told her as she kissed a clean spot on her cheek. Aurelia had blond hair and blue eyes. The only one of her children with completely blond hair while Selene was more of a dirty blond, but she was leaning more towards brown these days with Hazel eyes. Lexie well Lexie took after her no question except her eyes were a beautiful Green not blue. Xena walked outside.

"Come on girls I think its time we drew water for your bath."

"I don't want a bath," Chastity told her.

"Too bad you're all dirty and you can't eat dinner covered in mud. They put the bird on the table. Xena grabbed their bath essentials and took them down to the river. She washed them all until they were clean and ushered them back naked to their delight in the nice warm air. The sun was just setting when they returned. She checked the vegetables to find they were ready and took them off the fire. She cleaned the fat duck and soon had it roasting on a spit.

"Girls come on you have to get dressed." She chased them around only stopping to make sure dinner wasn't burned before she caught them all and set them at the table. She quickly set food and water out for the dogs before she milked the cow for the night and locked up the barn. She made sure the pens were closed and the pigs were nestled in their sty down wind of the house. When she came back she took the duck off the fire and cut it up. She gave the youngest girls the legs and small portion of vegetables.

"Eat your vegetables," Xena ordered. She had to brive them with leftover pie from the other day. After dinner she played a few games with them and than told them a few stories before she put them to bed with a song. She checked on the animals again and made sure everything was okay.

"Son of a bitch those stupid wolves," Xena muttered finding her herd dogs dead. "Come on girls we've got to go into town." They buried the dogs to their dismay and came back with nothing. The only thing Xena could buy cheap was Llamas and they guarded like dogs. Unfortunately she didn't have time to go to Athens just yet. She was still looking for two workers. She got a cat to chase away the mice in her garden as well.

"I like the kitty mommy," Chastity told her as she petted her.

"I like her too, she's very useful." The cat jumped out of Chastity's arms and went to stalk her prey. "Come on, I need help watering the sheep." They brought bucket after bucket to the sheep. Xena didn't want to let them out. She had four girls to look after and she couldn't afford to herd all the herds without them. She gave the goats water and the brought them food, but it obviously wasn't enough.

"We have to find workers soon Chastity." Chastity nodded as they finally finished. But no one came and in fact she never found anyone to watch the animals while she went off to Athens for a good herd dog. She had to transform two puppies into herd dogs, but they weren't very skilled and they were better at guarding so often times chores went undone until late just looking after the sheep.

A year later Xena's prayer was answered when there was a knock on her door late one summer night when it was storming. Of course she still practiced her skills when the girls were asleep and was confident she could take on anyone.

"I hear you're looking for a worker," He said. Xena nodded. He was tall and strong.

"Yes, I am come in." She got him some food and milk. She sat down. "I'm sorry all I have is milk at the moment, apples are out of season." He shook his head as he gobbled down the duck, cornbread, steamed lettuce, and potatoes.

"Its fine, I haven't had a good meal in ages and it would be a miracle if you'd give me this job, I'm in desperate need of it."

"What did you do before this?" Xena asked.

"Look Ma'am, I'm very poor, my clothes are rags at this point. My father was a warrior and he raised me as one. I went to jail for something he did and he misused the second chance I gave him by ending up in jail with me after six years of my life was gone. I just got out and I've got no skills and no schooling. But I promise you I will work hard if you just show me what to do."

"Look…" Xena looked at him for a name.


"Eric, I'll be fair and give you a trial run, but you have to stay away from my daughters until I deem you safe enough, understood?" Xena asked. Eric nodded hoping she had cute daughters. "Good, I hope you won't mind sleeping in the barn, there's no room here and if I hire you, we'll build a small cottage for you later." He nodded. The next morning Eric turned out to be a very hard worker and worked hard at whatever job she gave him. She had him take out a small group of sheep and he didn't lose one. Soon he was helping to look after all the animals.

"So am I hired?" Eric asked. Xena nodded. She gave him some coins.

"Buy yourself some new clothes and a hair cut, you're going to need it working out in this sun." He nodded. "I'm afraid a lot of you pay comes in the form of your home and meals. Unfortunately since I decided to have kids so close together everything is hectic and I spend more on the animals than they make me in the market."

"That's fine ma'am as long as I can count on a position here for a long time."

"You can unless you do something that gives me great reason to fire you." He nodded.

"I won't, if you don't mind I plan on working here until the day I die. This place will keep me out of trouble."

"I don't, but I expect once everyone hears you're working for me, they'll be talk and speculation as usual."

"I'll try not to give them any reason to suspect." Xena shrugged.

"It makes me no difference I like it when people suspect a scandal. You better be off to town we're going to be busy tomorrow there's wool to clean and spin for the end of summer market." He nodded.

"Am I allowed around your daughters now?" He asked. Xena nodded.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't approve of around them or too or you'll regret it." He nodded. "Chastity is my eldest, she's six years old. Lexie is four, Selene is three, and Aurelia is two."

"They're beautiful by the way and you're doing a great job raising them alone." Xena nodded.

"Thanks." Eric left. The days passed and Eric did a great job helping out with the herds and things.

"I've got plenty of chickens so you're welcome to kill a chicken or two for supper and you'll have to pick some vegetables from the garden. Otherwise you know where everything is and there's always meals at the tavern if you can't cook." Eric nodded. "We should be gone a week."

"Don't worry I'll take good care of the farm." Xena nodded.

"Mommy come on we're ready," Chastity said from the wagon. She was very excited to be traveling outside of the village. Xena had been promising to take her to Athens eventually. Xena pulled her hair back into a neat ponytail and made sure Argo II was properly hitched to the wagon.

"Calm down Chastity we're going." They waved to Eric before leaving. Xena used rope to tie her daughters together at wrist, they were explorers and if they wandered off from her well, the rope just made it easier for her to find everybody except Aurelia who was stuck to her hip.

"Girls, come on and stay quiet during the show." She took them to see a puppet show for children in a medium sized tent. They were excited and really loved it and their favorite was a juggler who kept them occupied while she bought two healthy sheep dog and two puppies from two different litters a male and a female. Afterwards she managed to haggle with a toy vendor to their delight before they set off for home.

"Mommy can we go back again?" Lexie asked.

"Sure one day, but I think our next trip will be to visit Grandma okay." Lexie nodded happily she loved Cyrene especially when she cooked.

"Eric!" Chastity exclaimed. She jumped out of the wagon with the other girls. Xena had to help Selene and Aurelia down who ran to Eric. He hugged them and smiled as they talked his ear off about Athens and everything they got to do. Xena took their satchels into her cottage and opened the doors and windows to let air in. When she came back out Eric was unhitching the wagon as the girls played with the dogs.

"Why aren't you out in the pasture?" Xena asked grabbing a brush she kept in front of the house for Argo. She led her by the reins away from the wagon and began to brush her now that she was free of her restraints.

"Well I hope you won't be mad at me, but I've found someone else to help us out. I've been giving her a trial run this pass week."

"Her?" Xena asked. Eric nodded.

"I didn't think you would mind she's a girl and she's a hard worker." Xena shook her head.

"You let her take all the sheep out?" Xena asked.

"No, I was with her until I saw you in the distance and came to help." Xena nodded. She brushed Argo while Eric went back to the fields and led her to water before she let gallop off to her peers.

"Come on girls I think baths are in order." They groaned. "I'll make pie." They ran for the water. She grabbed their things and soon they were all clean and in clean trousers that exposed the bottom half of their legs. Chastity grabbed her practice staff and let the pigs out of their pen. She was going to herd the sheep and the goats and she was determined to be good at it. So she practiced with the pigs. Lexie always wanting to copy Chastity grabbed a stick and joined her. Selene was content to draw like Chastity used too she loved to paint.

"Mommy I need paint." She showed her she was almost out.

"All right tomorrow we'll make some more for you, okay." Selene nodded. Xena milked the goats to make cheese, but stopped to make lunch when Aurelia said she was hungry. She got them some leftover, bread, meat, and cheese from their travels. She had enough left for dinner. The girl was too shy to meet Xena and Xena decided she'd rather meet her in the morning.

"Mommy what's this?" Chastity asked holding up a book. Xena looked at her.

"That is a story book."

"Story book?" Chastity asked looking confused. "What does it do?"

"Well a book is a record of a story." Chastity opened the book.

"I don't hear anything." Xena smiled.

"No, the book doesn't talk, you have to read it, do you see the words." Xena had neglected to teach her daughters the writing aspect of their letters and numbers. She knew that would have to change. "Come here I read you a little." The other girls were already asleep, tired out from their journey but Chastity as usual was still up. Xena sat down at the table and pulled Chastity into her lap. She opened the book to the first page. "Once upon a time in a far away land their lived a Princess…"