Introducing…

The Super-Duper Really Excruciatingly Cliché Version Of Twilight!

Chapter One: The Beginning


Bella: Like, bye mom! I'll call you!

-in Forks-

Bella: OMG, Forks is so boring. But at least I got a car.

-at school-

Mike: Hey, Isabella! Want a tour? Let's make out!

Bella: It's Bella, dammit! And no, I'm falling for that rather-mysterious dude in my biology class – what's his name, Edgar? Edward?

Lauren: Why is that dipshit getting all the guys? Damn!

-the next day-

Bella: OMG! A CAR! NOOO!

Edward: I'll save you! -saves Bella-

Bella: Like, wow! How'd you get over here so darn fast? Wait, don't tell me- YOU'RE A VAMPIRE!

Edward: Um, no? What the hell are vampires? Hehehehe…

Bella: Whatever.

-later-

Mike: Wanna go to prom with me?

Bella: Um, no.

Eric: Wanna go to prom with ME, Bella?

Bella: Wanna go jump off a cliff, Eric?

Tyler: How about me?

Bella: For the last damn time, NO!

-blood typing in biology-

Bella: OMG, BLOOD! -faints-

Mike: I'll carry you to the nurse's office, Bella!

Edward: Go crawl in a hole, Mike, I got this. -picks up Bella-

Bella: Wait, why are you carrying me?

Edward: 'Cause I loooove you.

Bella: What?

Edward: Nothing. You got amnesia.

Bella: Okay!

-shopping with Jessica-

Bella: I'm gonna go wander off aimlessly and find a nice dark, scary alley to walk in even though that's totally dangerous, okay Jess?

Jessica: Okay. Have fun!

-in alley-

Freaky Stalkers 1, 2, & 3: Hey darlin', wanna go for a ride?

Bella: OMG! RAPISTS!

Edward: -poofs in out of nowhere- GET IN THE CAR, BELLA!

Bella: Okay!

Edward: I'm taking you to dinner.

Bella: Um, okay!

Chapter Two: I Like My Men Cold, Dead, and Sparkling

-in the meadow-

Bella: Like, OMG! You are a vampire! And you're sparkly!

Edward: Heck, yes. You like?

Bella: Ooh, baby, I LOVE! Wanna make out?

Edward: Hell yes!

-makes out-

Bella: That was fun!

Edward: Wanna play baseball?

Bella: Sure!

-in the Cullen's clearing thing, playing baseball-

-Victoria, James, and Laurent show up-

V, J, & L: GIVE US THE GIRL!

Edward: Never!

Chapter Three: The Fight

James: I'M GOING TO LIKE, KILL YOU BELLA, WOAH.

-James bites her-

Edward: NO! -snaps James' neck-

Bella: -in the hospital- Um, where am I?

Edward: YOU'RE ALIVE! BELLA! I LOVE YOU!

Bella: EDWARD! I LOVE YOU TOO!

Edward: I am so sorry, Bella. I should leave you even though that would kill both of us inside and we love each other.

Bella: You better not, Eddie! Bite me!

Edward: No! Let's go to prom!

Bella: Fine.

-at prom-

Bella: This is boring. Wanna make out?

Edward: Even though I'm planning to leave you forever, sure!

-makes out-


THE END!

A/N: Yay. New Moon and Eclipse are posted, too, enjoy!