The Super-Duper Really Excruciatingly Cliché Version Of Eclipse!

Chapter One: Dealing with Jacob

Bella: Okay Jake, here's the deal. I love Edward. You need to leave me alone. KAY?

Jacob: NEVER! I shall keep trying!

Bella: Okay, ding dong. Even though you're so annoying to the point where I want to gouge your eyes out, I'll still be your friend!

Chapter Two: Kidnapped

Alice: You're coming home with ME, Bella!

Bella: Oh. Joy. -sulks-

-later that night…-

Edward: Sorry, did I wake you? (A/N: Because that's just all he cares about..)

Bella: Yeah, no, who cares? I LOVE YOU.

-Edward let's his insanity from a century of sexual repression take over-

Bella: -le gasp- You're breaking the boundaries?

Edward: -sigh- No, I just can't. I'll kill you.

Bella: Ugh, well, that blows.

Chapter Three: Jacob Tries Again

Jacob: KISS ME!

-kisses Bella-

Bella: Get the hell offa me! EDWARD!

Edward: Jacob Black, I will not hesitate to rip your arms off and snap your neck if you touch her again.

Jacob: Whatever. It was worth it.

Chapter Four: Married(!!)

Bella: EDWARD, please! -rips off shirt-

Edward: Marry me first.

Bella: Um, what?

Edward: Will you like, marry me?

Bella: If it'll make you sleep with me, sure!

Chapter Five: Tent Time

Bella: F-f-f-fuck, it's cold!

Jacob: You could take your clothes off, if you want.

Edward: -GROWL-


Jacob: I'm gonna kill myself if you don't kiss me, Bella, because I'm just that idiotic.

Bella: NO! Kiss me, Jake! (gagging inside)


Jacob: About time! Okay, bye Bella.

-more later-

Bella: EDWARD, OMG, forgive me babe!

Edward: Of course I do.

Bella: How about we do it now?

Edward: (being the prude he is) We'll do it, Bella, but not now.

Bella: RAWR.

-Jasper appears out of thin air-

Jasper: Damn you guys, all this sexual tension is killing me. Will you get it over with already?

-Jasper disappears-

Edward and Bella: oO

Chapter Six: Bye- Bye, Victoria

Everyone: FIGHT!

-Victoria's head comes off-

Bella: Hot damn, there's something I never expected to see.


Bella: Yesh, how are you?

Edward: I'm fine, of course, since I'm a super amazing vampire and Victoria is no match for me!

Bella: How's Jake?

Edward: Umm…

-at Jacob's house-

Bella: OMG, Jake, I don't love you! Bye!

Jacob: Goddammit.

Chapter Seven: Alice's Plans

Alice: OMG, Bella, your wedding's gonna be awesome! Just because I'm planning it, of course.

Bella: Sure. Okay.

-in the meadow-

-Edward jumps on Bella-

Edward: Oh, Bella, I'm a horrible person. Let's do it NOW.

Invisible Jasper: FINALLY!

Bella: Wait, no, I'm doing this the "RIGHT" way!

Invisible Jasper: NOOOO!

Edward: Ugh, fine. I was actually looking forward to this, you know.

Bella: Sorray.

-makes out because that's all they can do-


A/N: Finally done. I hope that didn't bore you guys to tears. :D