The Super-Duper Really Excruciatingly Cliché Version Of Eclipse!
Chapter One: Dealing with Jacob
Bella: Okay Jake, here's the deal. I love Edward. You need to leave me alone. KAY?
Jacob: NEVER! I shall keep trying!
Bella: Okay, ding dong. Even though you're so annoying to the point where I want to gouge your eyes out, I'll still be your friend!
Chapter Two: Kidnapped
Alice: You're coming home with ME, Bella!
Bella: Oh. Joy. -sulks-
-later that night…-
Edward: Sorry, did I wake you? (A/N: Because that's just all he cares about..)
Bella: Yeah, no, who cares? I LOVE YOU.
-Edward let's his insanity from a century of sexual repression take over-
Bella: -le gasp- You're breaking the boundaries?
Edward: -sigh- No, I just can't. I'll kill you.
Bella: Ugh, well, that blows.
Chapter Three: Jacob Tries Again
Jacob: KISS ME!
Bella: Get the hell offa me! EDWARD!
Edward: Jacob Black, I will not hesitate to rip your arms off and snap your neck if you touch her again.
Jacob: Whatever. It was worth it.
Chapter Four: Married(!!)
Bella: EDWARD, please! -rips off shirt-
Edward: Marry me first.
Bella: Um, what?
Edward: Will you like, marry me?
Bella: If it'll make you sleep with me, sure!
Chapter Five: Tent Time
Bella: F-f-f-fuck, it's cold!
Jacob: You could take your clothes off, if you want.
Jacob: I'm gonna kill myself if you don't kiss me, Bella, because I'm just that idiotic.
Bella: NO! Kiss me, Jake! (gagging inside)
Jacob: About time! Okay, bye Bella.
Bella: EDWARD, OMG, forgive me babe!
Edward: Of course I do.
Bella: How about we do it now?
Edward: (being the prude he is) We'll do it, Bella, but not now.
-Jasper appears out of thin air-
Jasper: Damn you guys, all this sexual tension is killing me. Will you get it over with already?
Edward and Bella: oO
Chapter Six: Bye- Bye, Victoria
-Victoria's head comes off-
Bella: Hot damn, there's something I never expected to see.
Edward: ARE YOU OKAAAAAY?
Bella: Yesh, how are you?
Edward: I'm fine, of course, since I'm a super amazing vampire and Victoria is no match for me!
Bella: How's Jake?
-at Jacob's house-
Bella: OMG, Jake, I don't love you! Bye!
Chapter Seven: Alice's Plans
Alice: OMG, Bella, your wedding's gonna be awesome! Just because I'm planning it, of course.
Bella: Sure. Okay.
-in the meadow-
-Edward jumps on Bella-
Edward: Oh, Bella, I'm a horrible person. Let's do it NOW.
Invisible Jasper: FINALLY!
Bella: Wait, no, I'm doing this the "RIGHT" way!
Invisible Jasper: NOOOO!
Edward: Ugh, fine. I was actually looking forward to this, you know.
-makes out because that's all they can do-
A/N: Finally done. I hope that didn't bore you guys to tears. :D