Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
In Her Eyes
By Silver Sailor Ganymede
Severus Snape has black eyes – black as coal and night and death. Severus does not like his eyes. They are too dark, too cold, too like his father's. Severus is scared of his own eyes, not liking what he finds when he stares into a mirror. What looks back at him is never what he wants. Yes, Severus hates his eyes.
Lily Evans has green eyes – green as grass and leaves and life. Severus loves Lily's eyes. They are as bright and vibrant as she is, reflecting her personality perfectly. Green is not terrifying, merely calming, at least when the gaze he meets is hers. Yes, Severus loves Lily's eyes.
Sometimes, Severus wonders whether Lily could possibly, just possibly, love him as much as he loves her. It's a faint hope, but it's there. She stands up for him when Potter and his cronies torment him. She hangs round with him despite the sneers they attract, from the Gryffindors and the Slytherins together. She is his friend. Yes, Lily is his friend and there is always laughter in her beautiful green eyes.
But one day all this changes – one stupid joke, one small word: it changes everything forever. The hypocritical taunt, 'mudblood', sent stupidly in her direction: in the direction of his friend, of the one who is trying to help him. Now, there is sadness in Lily's beautiful green eyes.
He tries to apologise, tries to right his wrongs, take back the hurt he's caused. It's too late for that, far too late. Lily asks him why he has become so cold (so dead, Severus thinks, dead and bleak and black, just like his gaze). He tries and tries to take it back, but she just won't listen. He can't blame her, but it still hurts – hurts even more. Now, he is met with the sight of only anger in Lily's beautiful green eyes.
She disappears from his life after that, but she does not disappear. She hates him, but she is still there; she is always there. Now Lily is with Potter, that horrible biggotted James Potter. But Potter makes her smile, Potter makes her laugh; Severus made her frown, Severus made her cry. There is love in Lily's eyes, but that love is not for him: never for him.
When Severus joins the Death Eaters, he tries to tell himself that it is all for a good cause, that what he is doing is right. He is cleansing the world of mudblood filth, just like his fellow Slytherins have told him he should. But Severus cannot help but feel sickened – sickened by his own hypocrisy, sickened by the fact that one day, perhaps, she would be the one lying dead at the end of his wand. Whenever he closes his eyes, Severus can see Lily's eyes staring down at him, full of hatred and disappointment.
Years later – so much later that he thinks she has forgotten him, though he never forgot her, Severus goes to Dumbledore. He cannot do this anymore, not when he knows that she might be in danger. Dumbledore's eyes are full of anger and digust, and Severus knows that is probably how Lily will react too when she finds out what he's done. But maybe, just maybe, there will be a hint of happiness in Lily's eyes when she finds out that he has finally done what's right – finally done what she told him to so many years ago.
When Severus hears of Lily's death, his eyes are filled with tears that snake down his face against his will. He does not want to think about it, but all he can see now is her eyes, her beautiful green eyes – once full of life, but now so lifeless, and again it was his fault.
Lily Potter had green eyes: beautiful and terrible and green as the curse that took away her life. Severus knows that he will never see Lily's eyes again. Lily is dead. Severus' eyes (those hideous, black eyes) are just as dead as she is.