Okay, as you all know I do not own Bleach and as some of you may aslo know, I have written a handful of Bleach fanfics. Some of them have been humor but this is the first Bleach one I have written that is a total parody. This is pretty much my friends, sister and I having insane conversations and making total crack jokes and they told me to put it in a fanfic. So you may not understand some things because it is for my friends, but please just try to keep up and do not flame me.
This is dedicated to my friends who helped me write it, PandaGirl413 and deathBERRRY, and my sister BakaKonekoRKL.
Please, enjoy and have a laugh, giggle, chuckle, cackle, or snicker, whichever I do not care Just Enjoy It!!
And whithout further adue I now present...
When They Are Bored…
Ichigo Kurosaki was sleeping soundly in his bed: for now anyway.
Then, he heard a loud crashing noise that sounded like all Hell was breaking loose, which could only mean one thing; Rukia was awake.
The door to his closet flew open and she leapt out into the room, dressed in her shihakushou. Ichigo grumbled as Kon woke up from the sudden commotion, and started talking in his very loud, annoying voice.
"Rukia! What's wrong?" He said, although to Ichigo it sounded like he had shouted it, for the lion was right next to the orange haired teen. But before she could answer the Mod Soul's question, the plushie was grabbed roughly by Ichigo and thrown across the room, smacking the wall with an, 'Ouch!'.
"Kon! Just shut the Hell up! I'm trying to sleep here!" Ichigo snarled.
And before the black haired Shinigami could say a word he shouted at her too. "You too Rukia, just leave me alone. It's Saturday and I don't feel like killing any freakin' Hollows." He mumbled into his pillow.
"Well actually Ichigo it's Tuesday, and I'm sorry but there's no avoiding it. A massive horde of them are attacking Soul Society and they need as much backup as they can get." She lied.
The truth was, that everyone in Soul Society was enjoying themselves with the little morning warm-up, and they did not need any assistance whatsoever. She was just bored today and felt like annoying Ichigo.
"No." He responded simply. "I'm not going."
"Is that a fact?" Rukia smirked. Then only one thought ran through Ichigo's head: Aww F - - -
He quickly grabbed the bedposts but it was too late.
Rukia had grabbed his ankles firmly, and he knew that he had already lost.
The short yet insanely strong girl yanked his feet with not even half of her might, and sent him flying, and he fell to the ground beside Kon on the other side of the room.
"Ow." He sat up rubbing his head. "What the Hell was that for you crazy midget?"
That hit a nerve.
"What was that?! I'll have you know that I am not short! In fact most Shinigami are this tall! And I speak for us all when I say that 'I would rather be short and sexy than tall and ugly'". She huffed.
"You would rather be short and WHAT?!" He yelled.
After a firm slap across the face Ichigo stood up, 'accidentally' stepping on Kon as he did so.
"I'm not going." He repeated. Rukia sighed.
"Well I know I can't force you to use the Substitute Shinigami badge that Ukitake Taichou gave you, and we'll never get that pill out of Kon. So, that only leaves us with one option; we'll have to do this the old fashioned way." She smiled somewhat manically and quickly reached into the closet.
Again, the same thought ran through Ichigo's head: F - - -
What was she up to now? What did she mean by 'The Old Fashioned Way'?
Then, Rukia turned around to face him, a red glove on her right hand.
"AWW HELL NO!" Ichigo shouted.
"Shut up you idiot! You're gonna wake up the rest of your family!" She hissed. But he disregarded her.
"No. I said I'm not going and I'm not!" He protested.
Rukia had to resort to the oldest trick in the book now, but she did not think that Ichigo was stupid enough to fall for it.
"Omigosh! Ichigo what is that?" She cried pointing out the window.
Surprisingly enough Ichigo turned around, and Rukia leapt at him with her arm outstretched, knocking the Shinigami out of him as his body fell to the floor.
"Aww man!" He complained.
He had lost.
Rukia was still dumbfounded.
"I can't believe you actually fell for it!" She laughed.
"Just shut up." He mumbled. "Well we might as well go now." He sighed.
"Oh?" Rukia taunted. "But I thought you weren't going to Soul Society Ichigo." She grinned.
"Okay for the last time just shut up! Now we've gotta put my body somewhere so my family doesn't think I died if they come up."
Without a second's hesitation, Rukia picked up his limp body, threw it in the closet, and closed the door.
"There, problem solved, now let's go!"
She threw off her glove and pushed him towards the window, although he shouted that that was a terrible hiding spot for his body, but she paid him no attention.
And the two left for Soul Society, leaving behind a clueless and soon-to-be-dressed-up-by-Yuzu Kon.
"Come on let's go!"
Hitsugaya was urging Hinamori to run faster.
"What's the big deal? They're just Hollow; we deal with them every day. What's so special about today?" She asked.
"Because there's a challenge to see who can kill the most." He replied.
"Since when have you ever cared about stupid things like that?" She inquired.
"Since Matsumoto threatened to start rumors about you and me if I didn't." He mumbled.
"But you outrank her, she can't do anything to you."
"She can if she's drunk." After a moment of silence they continued to run throughout the empty streets of Seireitei, and then Hinamori burst out.
"Hey wait, what do you mean 'rumors about me and you'?" She asked him.
He was about to fake a response when Zaraki came running the other way, almost bowling the two over.
"Kenny's gonna kill the strongest one before you do Hitsu-chan!" Yachiru called out.
"W-W-What did she just call me?! " He steamed.
"Hm, Hitsu-chan, I never thought of that one." Hinamori mumbled to herself.
"Hey, don't you go getting any ideas." The aqua-eyed boy warned and they continued to run.
Just then, a Hell Butterfly fluttered down to them, and they stopped running as it landed on Hinamori's finger. She was silent for a moment as she received the message and then the black insect flew away.
"That was a message from Yamamoto Taichou. He says that he wants you to go to West Rukongai and get rid of a herd of Hollow there." She reported.
"Alright." He said, and the two continued to run.
Ichigo and Rukia stepped out of the portal and onto a grassy field in Soul Society.
"Where are we?" Ichigo asked looking around.
Rukia stared at him in disbelief.
"We're in Soul Society you idiot!" She shouted.
"I know that!" He fumed. "I meant what section are we in?!"
"Well next time be more specific!"
Ichigo was about to give her a piece of his mind, but he controlled himself from doing anything, for he knew that Rukia would just beat him up again.
"We're in the Western section." She said in her usual tone after a moment.
Suddenly, a roaring sort of noise was heard and the two whipped around, to face a mass of beasts.
Ichigo and Rukia unsheathed their Zanpakutou and got into their battle-ready stances, and Ichigo smirked.
"Let's kick some ass!"
"Apparently the Hollow are taking on the forms of animals."
Hinamori told the white haired boy beside her.
"How do you know that?"
"Because that's what the Hell Butterfly told me."
"I thought it told you to tell me to kill the Hollow in the Western section."
"W-Well it did. But it also told me what they looked like."
"And just what did they look like?"
Before she could answer, the two swerved through the forest of West Rukongai and came face to face with the Hollow.
"Oh you've got to be kidding me!" Hitsugaya moaned.
The two of them had run straight into the herd of them, and Hitsugaya now knew which animal Hollow he was assigned.
Although the figures of the creatures themselves were distorted, the overall shape was still there; they had long ears, and cottony tails, enough said.
Hinamori was also a bit wordless at how the creatures looked, but then out of the corner of her eye, she spotted bright orange hair that everyone could recognize, and no one could miss.
"Toshiro look!" She pointed towards the two other Shinigami standing not too far away.
"Kuchiki? Kurosaki? What are they doing here?" He asked himself.
But apparently Hinamori thought that he was asking her, for she replied.
"Don't know, but come on let's go!" And with that she darted away to her companions, and Hitsugaya reluctantly followed.
As soon as they reached the Substitute Shinigami and his friend, all four of them were surrounded.
"What are you guys doing here?" Ichigo and Hitsugaya asked in unison. The girls answered for them.
"We were ordered to come here and kill all of the Hollow that we found." Hinamori explained.
"And I was bored and wanted to annoy Ichigo so I made him come here." Rukia responded.
"You WHAT?!" Ichigo whipped around and glared at her.
"Oops! Did I say that out loud?" She asked innocently.
Ichigo looked as though he were going to crush her, but before things got out of hand, Hitsugaya got them all back into reality.
"Okay not now! We have to get rid of these ridiculous excuses for Hollow." He said, drawing his sword.
"Yeah, like that'll be a challenge." Ichigo grinned.
By now they all had their swords drawn and the rabbit-like things were circled around them. The Shinigami had all closed together in a square, each one back-to-back with the person opposite them. Then, they all took off at once, slashing the Hollow and each killing at last 5 at a time. There was no need for BanKai or even ShiKai.
"THIS IS SO INSULTING!" Hitsugaya bellowed above the roars. "Everyone else is probably off killing some worthy opponent, and what do I get? Rabbits! That's just insulting!"
"They remind me of Chappi!" Rukia squealed happily.
"Ow! Toshiro that was me!!" Hinamori yelped.
"This is way too much work for a Sunday!" Ichigo yelled.
"It's Tuesday!" Rukia shouted.
Finally, after about 10 minutes of fighting the un-intimidating rabbit-Hollow, the four Shinigami were victorious. They sheathed their swords and glanced around at one another.
"Should we go back to Seireitei now?" Hinamori asked.
"No there's too much commotion today, and I don't feel like facing Matsumoto right now. She's so damn annoying!" He grumbled.
"Well whatever I'm goin' home. C'mon lets go." Ichigo said, grabbing Rukia's arm and tried to pull her along with him.
"Aww you want me to come with you, how sweet! This is so sudden!" She kidded.
But Ichigo thought that she was serious, and did the closest thing he could do to blushing.
"You live at my house! Of course you're coming. Well, that is unless you wanna stay here for a few hundred years, be my guest!"
"Oh please, you don't even know how to get back to the Living World without me!" She smirked.
"Yeah I do, you just…uh…um…"
He fumbled for words for a minute, while Rukia, arms crossed, smiled and nodded to herself.
"Yeah. That's what I thought."
So the four of them wound up sitting down, in the grassy fields for no apparent reason.
The two boys just sat there with their arms crossed, looking as though they were mad at nothing. But that was just how they were; both of them always had a sour look on their face unless they were alone with the girl they loved.
The girls on the other hand, were much more social, and Hinamori glanced over at Rukia and sparked a conversation with the older girl.
"So Rukia-san, how is your friend, Orihime was it?"
"Oh she's just fine. We-" Rukia never got to finish her sentence for Ichigo cut her off rudely.
"Heh, isn't she goin' out with Uryuu now?" He laughed. Hitsugaya chuckled slightly.
"What, you mean that Quincy?" He asked, a bit boyishly.
"The Quincy Man!" Ichigo mused, and the two boys laughed again.
"Stop being so mean!" The girls said the name of the boy that had accompanied them there, and then merged their voices together on the final sentence.
"Sorry." Ichigo smirked. "It's just funny if you think about it. I mean come on! A Quincy? That doesn't sound too threatening now does it? I can just imagine him in his little cloak "Fear me! I am the almighty Quincy!' Seriously, Shinigami or Quincy, which one sounds more intimidating and which one sounds more like a drunken Pokemon?" He asked them.
Hitsugaya stifled a snicker, realizing just how right he was.
Rukia just bitch-slapped Ichigo across the face again and he said no more on that topic.
Then the violet-eyed girl continued talking with the chestnut-eyed girl.
"Well anyway, Orihime gave me this recipe…"
A sharp gasp from Hinamori caused Rukia's eyes to double in size. The other girl firmly placed her hands on Rukia's shoulder and shook her slightly.
"Oh my goodness! Rukia are you all right? You weren't poisoned or something like that were you? Are you going to die in 7 days?" The worried girl pressed the questions onto her friend.
"Oh come on Momo, her cooking isn't that bad." She said, gently removing the brown haired girl's hand s from her shoulders.
However, Ichigo thought differently.
"CoughCough YesItIs Cough!" He pretended to gag dramatically as an insult to the other girl's cooking 'skills'.
"Yeah I would know." Hitsugaya agreed. "I had to stay at her house once…with Matsumoto! She forced me to try some weird red bean paste, leek pie or something like that."
Hinamori gasped again.
"And you're still alive Toshiro?!" She squeaked teasingly and he grinned.
"Yeah, but at the time I thought I was gonna die." And the others laughed, even Rukia, and the ever-pouting Ichigo.
"But what did she make you try Rukia? Are you sick? Do you have a fever?" Hinamori joked good-naturedly, placing a hand on the other girl's forehead.
"I'm fine." Rukia huffed, pushing the lieutenant's hands away. "Now shut up all of you, and let me finish my damn sentence!"
They knew that she was not mad, but still they all kept quiet as she continued to speak to Hinamori, but since she was the only one talking, the all listened to her.
"So anyway, she gave me the ingredients to this strange desert that humans like, called pie, we all know what that is right?" They all nodded and she continued.
"Well this one had just about every fruit known and unknown, and it wasn't half bad." She confessed.
Momo's joking about Orihime's cooking died away as she imagined the tasty sensation of every fruit ever to be combined all in one.
"Mmmm." She imagined the smell. "To think that I could combine all of my favorite fruits all in one like watermelons..." She trailed off at the thought.
"And peaches." Hitsugaya added.
"And strawberries." Rukia pointed out.
"Rukia that isn't nice! Why would you want to put Ichigo in a pie?" Momo giggled, and the three who were not Ichigo burst out laughing.
"What did you just say?" He fumed at the girl.
"Leave her alone." Hitsugaya warned half seriously.
"Oh like I'm afraid of a short little kid like you!" He spoke without thinking.
"WHAT WAS THAT?!" The taichou blazed, the temperature dropping a few degrees. "I am not a kid and I'll have you know that most Shinigami are this size, and I speak for us all when I say-
"I would rather be short and sexy than tall and ugly." Hinamori and Rukia joined in with him on the 'famous' phrase, and Ichigo got a horrible case of déjà vu.
Both girls and the white haired boy were short, apparently the average height of Shinigami. Ichigo just stayed silent and told himself to stop talking.
"It seems that we both have an obsession with fruits." Rukia whispered to Hitsugaya.
He gave her a puzzled look at first and then he understood, he loved peaches, and she love strawberries.
"Hm? What was that Shiro-chan?" Hinamori asked.
"Oh so now I'm back to the cursed 'Shiro-chan' again? What happened to 'Toshiro'?" He totally avoided her question. She just smiled.
"I thought I asked you- and you for that matter-" He directed his words at Ichigo, "To call me Hitsugaya taichou." He growled.
"Oh but you know you like 'Shiro-chan'." She said playfully.
"And I assume that you like Bed-W-" He was cut off when she threw herself at him and cover his mouth with her palm.
"Shhh! Not in front of them!" She pleaded. But Hitsugaya pushed her off of him and called her by her pet name anyway.
By this time, the other two had overheard their conversation and it was obvious that Rukia was trying with all of her self-control to keep herself from bursting out laughing. But she managed to be mature, unlike a certain orange haired boy who was laughing his head off next to her.
"Ichigo show some respect, if not self-control, you immature strawberry! Or would you rather have me call you by your other name?"
At those words, Ichigo ceased laughing immediately and sat up straight like an obedient dog.
"Please don't Rukia, I'm begging you!" He whimpered with his hands clasped together.
But Rukia had already set her mind to something, which meant she was going to do it.
"DeathBerry." She whispered to him, tauntingly.
"Rukia don't! If that jerky little kid taichou finds out he'll never let me live it down!" He sounded pitifully desperate.
"Never let you live down what?"
Hitsugaya suddenly appeared behind Ichigo by using his shunpou, and the strawberry nearly jumped out of his skin.
"And just what was it you called me? A jerky little kid?" He asked dangerously, and Hinamori had to hold him back from lunging at the other boy.
Then Rukia stepped in.
"Hey! Want to here what Ichigo's pet name is?"
She did not wait for an answer from the lieutenant or captain and did not wait for Ichigo to strangle her.
"DEATHBERRY!" She said loudly as if it were a chant.
There was a moment of dumbfounded silence afterwards, and then everyone but Ichigo burst out into uncontrollable laughter. Hitsugaya was laughing more then he ever had in his life, Rukia was short of breath from cackling and she received a death-glare from Ichigo, and Hinamori was rolling around in the grass, desperately trying to breathe but she was laughing too much.
After several more moments of breathless Shinigami and a pouting, and annoyed Ichigo, the others finally stopped laughing. However, Rukia was not finished yet.
"Hey guys, let's make a strawberry shortcake!" She piped. The others began to laugh again until finally, Ichigo snapped.
"Oh? Is that a mixture between me and you three midgets?!" He shouted.
The others stopped laughing instantly and an awkward silence blew by.
"Something tells me we just got pwnd." Hitsugaya finally said.
"'Ya think?" The two girls sighed.
"Oh Hell yeah you just got pwnd!" Ichigo stated triumphantly and crossed his arms.
"Oh yeah well what day is it?" Rukia asked with a smirk.
"Wednesday!" Ichigo yelled.
"No!" She yelled back.
"We're getting there, but no!"
"No!" She sighed.
Then Rukia did some things to him that I will not mention, but it was enough to make him wince every time after that when he heard the word 'Tuesday'.
Then, Rukia got another brilliant idea.
"Watch this." She told Hitsugaya and Hinamori as she stealthily crept up behind the un-suspecting Ichigo.
Then she poked him in the sides and gave him a jumpstart. He squeaked girlishly and jumped up to his feet to face her, while the captain and lieutenant were laughing like there was no tomorrow.
"Geez! What the Hell was that for?! You scared the Shinigami outta me!" The others stopped laughing and they all just stared at him.
"Ichigo." Rukia spoke up.
"That wasn't funny."
"No but you see, it scared me so much that my soul came out of my body and…and…"
The others just gave him blank 'FTW?' looks. Then Rukia went on.
"Ichigo, stop trying, just stop. I win, you loose. What's so hard to understand about that?"
"The 'you winning' part!" He pouted.
Then it seemed as though he totally forgot his anger and changed into a better mood. "So where did you learn that anyway?" He asked.
"Your mom!" Rukia mumbled. "Oh sumimasen." She mentally smacked herself.
Crap! Hitsugaya thought and then before Ichigo could comprehend what she had just said, he and Hinamori jumped in between them.
"So who wants pie?!" Was the first thing that came to Hitsugaya's mind.
Ichigo gave him a look that said 'since-when-the-Hell-do-you-like-pie', but responded nonetheless.
"As long as its not strawberry shortcake." He attempted another joke.
Apparently he had not heard Rukia's words. The raven-haired girl gave the other two Shinigami a thankful glance and then turned to Ichigo.
"Stop trying." She repeated and spoke like a kindergarten teacher. He nodded.
"So Rukia, could you teach me how to do that?" Hinamori asked softly.
"Hey I heard that!" Hitsugaya snarled. "Don't get any ideas, Bed-Wetter!"
"But I already have one Shiro-chan!" She replied playfully. Then Rukia broke in.
"Okay then, I can show you but I need a volunteer. Hitsugaya taichou, thank you for volunteering!" She chose him automatically. The taichou looked up.
"What? I didn't volunteer! Use the DeathBerry." He told her, motioning at said berry.
"Hell no! Get away!" He shouted.
As the hyper Shinigami tried to pin him to the ground, Hinamori was frantically trying to figure out something to say or do to make them stop. Hitsugaya decided to try out Rukia's trick and crept up behind her.
Seconds later, Ichigo and Rukia stopped fighting when they heard a high-pitched scream and they look up.
Hitsugaya was chuckling to himself and Hinamori was panting with her arms crossed, holding her sides.
"What…was that for Toshiro?" She wheezed.
"I just wanted to see if it works." He replied.
"Well obviously it did! It worked on Ichigo before so why did you have to go and test it on me?" She glared at him thoughtfully and he helped her up off the ground.
"Well see? Now you know how to do it." Ichigo said. "You just poke the other persons flanks."
"Excuse me!? Poke them where?" Hinamori shrieked.
"In their sides." Rukia specified with a sigh of how brainless Ichigo was and that he should start using understandable language.
"Yeah seriously, who says flanks? That would be for horses or something like that." Hitsugaya sounded as though he was making fun of him, which he was.
"Guys I'm gonna tell ya again, just shut up!"
"Or what? You'll poke our flanks?" Rukia posed the question.
"No! I'll bash your heads in!" He lied with the most intimidating threat he could come up with.
"I'd like to see you try!" The other three chanted.
Ichigo opened his mouth for a comeback, but knew that he would loose anyway.
He was up against a taichou, a fukuutaichou, and Rukia; in his book, the odds could not get much more unbeatable.
After a moment in which the orange haired boy said nothing, the others took it as a signal that they were victorious.
I want to go home. He thought. Then, an idea sparked in his mind.
"Rukia! Little purple bunnies are taking over the world! So let's get back to Earth and stop them!" He spoke loudly even though she was standing three feet away from him.
"Bunnies?!" Rukia cried in false excitement because she knew it was a trick. "Let's go!"
She raced forward and grabbed Ichigo's arm and he grinned to the thought of going home and going back to bed. Then Rukia let go of his arm, turned around, and walked straight back to where Hitsugaya and Hinamori stood.
She sighed and looked at Ichigo like he was the biggest idiot ever, which he was; to her anyway.
"Ichi, Ichi, Ichi." She shook her head from left to right in a 'tsk tsk ' kind of way. "I'm not that stupid…"
"Well at least you admitted you were stupid."
Ichigo was silenced with a death-glare and Rukia continued.
"I'm not as stupid as you." She re-phrased. "Anyway, you should know that when bunnies do in fact take over the Earth I will be there leading them." She smiled and the taller Shinigami rolled his eyes.
"C'mon!" Ichigo persisted. "Viva La Home!" Again he received blank stares from 3 sets of eyes.
"Oh, so now you think that if you speak in different languages we can leave?" Rukia raised an eyebrow. "And do you even know what that means?"
"Nope!" He replied almost proudly. "But it's catchy. Viva La… and then whatever you wanna say, something you have an obsession with. Like Viva La shortness-" He mocked Hitsugaya, "Viva La bunnies,-" He turned to Rukia, "or Viva La Aizen,-" He turned to Hinamori, "and for me Viva La GO HOME AND SLEEP! "
"No I think Ichigo likes Viva La flank." Hitsugaya stated with a maniacal grin.
"No, Viva La DeathBerry." Hinamori contradicted.
"Viva La SHUT THE HELL UP!" Ichigo raged.
"Hey!" Rukia interfered. "You brought this upon yourself! If you would just stop talking and stop trying to be funny, then these things would never happen. Honestly, I think it's because you're too tall, and your body is a hotel for stupidity." The others nodded in agreement. "Ichigo, for the last time, just give up." Rukia told him.
The hot head would probably keep trying, but she would just keep winning.
Above them, the sky was starting to darken and each one was beginning to wonder why they were still there. Hinamori nudged Hitsugaya.
"Can we go back now, Shiro-chan?" She pleaded.
"No, Bed-Wetter Momo." He replied dryly.
"Because you called me Shiro-chan."
"Fine, then I'm going without you, I'll see you later. Bye Rukia, Ichigo!" She called so that the others could hear her.
Rukia turned to her and smiled, waving back friendlily, but Ichigo was too tired and depressed to do more than grunt. He was depressed because Rukia refused to take him home until she felt like going back.
She's gonna keep me here for my whole Summer Vacation! He thought. Or at least until her army of rabbits is ready and she can go back to rule the world.
By this time, Hinamori had already disappeared from view.
"Why aren't you going back too?" Rukia directed the question at Hitsugaya. He turned to her and simply smiled.
"Oh I am, I just didn't tell her." He nodded to the direction where Hinamori had left.
Rukia did not fully understand, and then thought that he was going to do something stupid like try to scare her. But she said nothing, and they exchanged good-byes, except Ichigo.
"Leave." He said grouchily. "I'll be glad when you're gone, go away."
"Fine DeathBerry," He shared a grin with Rukia. "Have fun getting to sleep tonight with this one always watching you." He motioned to the raven-haired girl.
She half pouted and half laughed with agreement and Hitsugaya began to follow Hinamori's leave. When he was nearly out of earshot, Ichigo called out.
"Have fun getting jumpstarts, you lovebirds!" He spoke as if he were speaking to both of them. But surprisingly, Hitsugaya replied.
"And what would you call you two?" He shot back with an echo.
Ichigo was taken aback and the smirk was smacked right off of his face, and an embarrassed blush crept across Rukia's face. The conversation ended there, and Ichigo and Rukia were left alone.
"Let's go." She sighed reluctantly; she had been having fun.
"Really?" Ichigo asked like a little kid who was just promised a toy that they had wanted for a really long time.
"Yeah I guess so, I'm getting tired." Her lie sounded convincing.
"Good then let's go."
Hitsugaya had finally caught up to Hinamori in the streets of Seireitei, where he was planning on sneaking up behind her and giving her a jumpstart.
What he was not aware of, however, was that she had anticipated his actions from the start. She watched him from the corner of her eye and when she saw him make a move to try and surprise her, she whipped around at the last second to 'counterattack'. But he was closer to her than she had thought and they crashed into one another, and fell to the ground together; in one of the worst positions.
She lay on her back and he lay on top of her, and the second either knew what had happened, they quickly scrambled back up. But they were both so disorganized that they stumbled over the other's feet, falling once again to the ground, the positions reversed.
An embarrassed yelp escaped Hinamori as she noticed what had happened now, and she quickly pulled herself off of her friend and knelt down beside him.
"G-Gomen neh, Hitsugaya-kun!" She stammered as she saw all of the Shinigami around that had noticed the commotion and witnessed the entire performance.
"Well that backfired." He stated sitting up, Hinamori smiled with humiliation and a blush.
"Well, I suppose it could have been worse." She sighed as they stood up.
"Oh yeah? How so?" He asked doubtfully.
"Well…Rangiku-san could be here…"
"Good point." He sighed automatically. "Well come on I'll walk you home now." He offered.
"Alright… You're trying to avoid Rangiku-san aren't you?" She smiled.
"No, not at all!" he defended himself. She gave him a knowing look.
"Okay, whatever you say."
As the two walked towards the 5th division, they did not know that a certain orange haired fukuutaichou had witnessed the whole scene.
"Bye." Hinamori told him when she reached her building. Hitsugaya nodded.
"Bye." He repeated with a smile.
She disappeared into the building and left the white haired boy staring at the place where she had vanished with the dumbest look on his face. He looked like a lovesick puppy as he stared into nothing, his eyes blank, and his mind was fixed on the fact that he would not admit how much he loved her.
As Hinamori reached her quarters, she glanced down over the balcony to find that the taichou of the 10th division was still standing there. She grinned to herself and leaned over the rail.
"Ano, Hitsugaya-kun?" She called down to him. "How long do you plan on standing there, staring at absolutely nothing?" He jumped at the sound of her voice and looked up.
"Well…um…I was just-"
"Yeah sure." She cut him off.
"Just…just shut up and go to sleep." He huffed, once again becoming his old self.
"Whatever you say, Hitsugaya taichou." She giggled to herself and disappeared.
He stood there a moment longer, confused that she had actually called him by his proper title.
Then he shook his head, and made his way back to the 10th division building. As he entered his office, he was greeted by the insanely annoying voice of his fukuutaichou.
"Taaaichoooou!" She sang. "I hear that you lost the bet on who could kill the most Hollow!" Hitsugaya blinked for a second, and then slapped his palm to his forehead as he remembered the deal that he had been forced to make with her and groaned.
"Well since you lost, I might accidentally slip up tonight at the bar and start a rumor or two about you and Hinamori-chan!" She began to make her way past him and out the door.
"Matsumoto!" He shouted after her.
"Oh I promise taichou, I won't embarrass you!" She lied. But then, her taichou sighed and shook his head.
"Matsumoto, I think we did enough of that ourselves."
Ichigo fell, face down onto his bed with a moan of exhaustion.
It had taken him and Rukia almost an hour to get back home.
Everyone else in his family was asleep and apparently did not care that he was gone all day.
It was about midnight now, although they had gotten back at about 10. Rukia had hogged the bathroom for about half an hour, taking a shower and who knows what else. Ichigo thought that she was staring at herself in the mirror for ten minutes, or just stood there and waited for him to go insane and break down the door. When she had not answered him nor came out after about 25 minutes, Ichigo had thought that she had jumped out the window and left. But then she had allowed him to enter and exited the bathroom and made her way to his bedroom.
Then, as he was in the bathroom, Rukia took his alarm clock with her as she disappeared into the closet. Then, he came back and just fell onto his bed, completely oblivious to the fact that the clock was gone.
I don't care, I'm sleepin' till midnight tomorrow. He thought.
Neither one of them had even taken time to notice the fact that Kon was no where to be found, he was trapped in Yuzu's room in a pink and white frilly dress covered in ribbons.
Ichigo was out like a light within 30 seconds, Rukia could tell because he was snoring.
Then, she silently slid open the closet door and jumped from her bed and landed lightly on the bedroom floor. She twisted the knob on the alarm clock in her hands, setting it to go off at 1am.
Then, she carefully slid it under Ichigo's pillow.
Then she smirked to herself, and went back into the closet, and pulled out two earplugs.
And finally, she buried herself under the sheets, and closed her eyes, a smile still on her evil little face.
Who would have guessed that that is what they do when they are bored?
A/N: Well there you have it! My first Bleach parody and my longest oneshot so far (it was almost 30 pages long XD)
So I hope that you all had a good laugh or two, but like I said, it was written for my friends and only they will really understand some parts, (for example, only PandaGirl413 will really understand the Viva La AIzen part xD). So again, please do not flame me!! (I also apoligize for any spelling mistakes, because I bet that there are some, but even if there are, I can not change them once the story is up so...sumimasen).
Please please PLEASE review!! If I find that people liked this one than I will write another parody.
Thanks for reading!! xD