mini me

-A lil' bit of HikaHaru-

When kids hit one year old, it's like hanging out with a miniature drunk. You have to hold onto them. They bump into things. They laugh and cry. They urinate. They vomit.-- Johnny Depp

Note: Some quotes are lines from movies or whatever that the person said. They aren't all originally by the quotee (or whatever you call them).

-Based off of LizzaKysn's 5 quote challenge on the S H I N E forum

Disclaimer: Dun own, unbeta'd.

Maybe having a kid for the sake of finding an heir to the company was a good thing; but maybe having a kid especially when one has no experience whatsoever…was a bad idea…


"Hold on a bit, Hirui-chan," a woman mumbled slightly as she shoveled her papers into a folder. The neglected one-year old fell back into his crib and rolled around impatiently on the soft cushions. The brunette threaded her hands through her hair and sighed. "Oh jeez, Hikaru, where the heck did you put my things?"

"…did you check the desk?" Hikaru asked, while shoving open a metal drawer. He adeptly brushed through the many files, searching for the folder that his wife was looking for. After a quick flip through, he stood up and kicked it back in. "Maybe, the house maid just put it somewhere…"

Hirui reached out a small hand and struggled to grab his mom…or at least tried to, because his eyes were deceiving him and he really thought that he could just reach a hand out and grab his mom's shirt through the bars of the crib.


"Eh, look, Haruhi, looks like Hirui wants stick with you," Hikaru snickered slightly as he wandered towards the crib where their kid resided. The baby was staring at his dad expectantly, now calmed down and silent. "Neh? You wanna go with mama today, eh?"

"Chyah! Muma-mmumu."


"Hikaru, Hirui kind of…doesn't like you," Haruhi said with a small simper on her face, as she walked towards the crib that was located in their rather large room. She distractedly took one of the one-year old's hand into her own and shook it slightly. "He'll have to get used to seeing you around, since you're never home when he's awake."

He swiped back the caramel-colored tresses on his son's head and sighed deeply. "God, I shouldn't have been so busy for half of his life…" Haruhi placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, and kissed him lightly on the side of his head.

Hirui twitched, and gave a mild glare at his dad.

"Don't worry, Hikaru, you'll get to make up for it."


"Not now, Hirui-chan," the woman sighed slightly, as she patted down the hair on Hirui's head. The one-year old lit up and started to grab for her like mad. "I need to get my things in order before I can spend time with you today. So, Dada's going to watch you for a little while, alright?"

The baby made a whine, as the woman picked him up from the crib. "So, you'll be good to Dada, okay?"

"Yeah, come to Da—"

In a swift movement, Hirui scratched Hikaru across the cheek with the war cry of: "EYA!"


Haruhi's eyes widened and she immediately withdrew their baby from her husband. She chided him, "Hirui-chan!" Said baby only stayed quiet and in a pout, as Haruhi gently touched the cheek that he was scratched. "Hikaru, are you okay? It's not that bad is it now?"

"No…I'm fine…just a small minor scratch," Hikaru said with a small smile, as he wiped at the bright, red searing streak across his cheek. Haruhi frowned deeply at him before using her free hand to pinch his injured cheek.

"It's not a minor scratch, jeez…Hirui-chan, say sorry to Dada!"

"Nn!" And Hirui stubbornly buried his face into Haruhi's shoulder, and grabbed a small fistful of her shirt. Haruhi laughed dryly and tossed Hikaru a worried look.

'He really doesn't like you, Hikaru…' her eyes said softly.

Hikaru shrugged and sighed as he rubbed his cheek. '…I've figured that by now…'

'But I have no choice but to leave him in your care, Hikaru…'

'I know, I know. I'll try to live.'

Hikaru sweat dropped as he held the small kid in his hand. Hirui was glaring (how the hell did this baby learn how to glare?) at his father as I type. Hazel eyes bore into hazel eyes, and if the baby wasn't scratching Hikaru's cheek all day, Hirui would have looked like Hikaru. But only a smaller version.

"Okay…Hirui…Dada doesn't want to be mean so—"

Rebelliously, said baby pinched Hikaru's cheek painfully, stretching it like dough.

A vein popped on Hikaru's head.

"Hiruui, ded ryou hear wut I shaid?"

Slowly, the twenty-seven year old pulled his son's hand off his face and sat him at the end of his knee. Hikaru's eye twitched and they both met each other's eyes with hard stares. "I swear, Hirui, if you don't start listening to me—"

"Hikaru, are you threatening Hirui-chan again?" a voice interrupted his speech. Said husband froze and twitched slightly as he turned to face his wife who was standing behind the sofa he was sitting on. She placed down her small stack of papers and folders onto the coffee table and walked to the front of the sofa. "You're not going to get Hirui-chan to like you if you threaten him all the time."

"But he pinches me, and bites me, and—"


Hikaru's cheek turned slightly red, as he gave a bored look at Haruhi. "…slaps me…"

"Hirui-chan! That's not a good thing to do!" the brunette scolded, staring down at baby who was glumly sulking. She placed her hands on her hips and continued, "You have no right to hit your Dada. Where on earth did you learn this kind of behavior?"

Hikaru blinked slightly and looked at the small child in his hands. Tears started to bubble from the corners of his eyes. "Uhm…Haruhi, I think you should stop lecturing, Hirui…"

"Hikaru, you really should put some ice on your cheek, it's getting kind of swollen…" the woman said, ignoring Hikaru's previous comment. She gently took Hikaru's face into her hands. The Hitachiin winced slightly when her fingers gently prodded at the bruised flesh. "How many times did Hirui-chan hit you?"

"So many times that you won't even believe it."

The brunette inspected the bruises and sighed. "Hirui-chan really needs to stop hitting people…"


"Okay, Hirui-chan! You're going into your chair, now!" Haruhi exclaimed, as the small hand smacked the bruised cheek again. Hikaru winced slightly, and watched as his wife pulled Hirui off of him and seated him onto a baby rocking chair. "I've told you to stop hitting Dada, but you don't listen…"


She fastened the seatbelt to the rocking chair and stood up from the floor. "Hirui-chan, if you don't learn how to behave with Dada, I'm not going to like you anymore." The baby was stricken with dread as he watched his mom say such words. (Then again, how does he even understand?)

"Hikaru, wait here, okay? I'll get some ice for your cheek," Haruhi said, before dashing off towards the kitchen. It was deathly quiet between the man and the baby. Hikaru was staring at the solemn mini-Hika who was staring back at him.


"…ah…so you like Mama?" Hikaru asked innocently as he held his cheek. The intensity of the stare became crackle and lightning and Hirui pouted while swinging back and forth on his rocking chair.


Hikaru blinked slightly and he scratched his cheek slightly.

"…Hey, Haruhi…" Hikaru called out as he turned around on the sofa to look into the kitchen. He could see his wife moving about in the empty room, packing ice in a zip-lock bag. "Can you come here for a moment?"

She peeked out of the kitchen and blinked slightly, "Uhm…what for, Hikaru?"

"Just come," he said with a smirk. Hirui jerked slightly at this and he watched intently as his mom walked from the kitchen and to the demon that held many bruises on his cheek. She had an ice pack in her hands, as she neared them. Hikaru's smile widened, and his hand subtly slid towards her wrist.

"What is it—eep!" she squeaked in surprise, when Hikaru jerked her over the sofa suddenly. Haruhi fell onto Hikaru; her wrist was being held by large and strong hand, and her back being supported by his other hand. The gap between them was barely millimeters apart, and Haruhi's face heated up.

"H-Hikaru?" Her brown orbs slid towards Hirui who was staring with wide eyes. She whispered, breath spraying against the other pair of lips. "We shouldn't…not in front of Hirui-chan…"

"I know, but watch this…" Hikaru muttered, as his eyes narrowed slowly. Haruhi quirked a brow, yet when she opened her mouth to ask, it was immediately covered up by another pair of it. She made a noise at the back of her throat. "Mmn?"

And that was when baby Hirui screamed.

Small hands pressed against' Hikaru's chest and roughly shoved him off. "Ehh, later, Hikaru!" Haruhi said urgently before running towards their baby who was crying loudly. She knelt down towards the rocking chair and coaxed the crying Hitachiin heir with a simper. "Hirui-chan…why are you crying?"


Hikaru righted himself from the push and scratched his head slightly. '…dammit.'

"…what about Dada?" Haruhi asked, as she picked up the one-year old. Said person stayed silent in the background as he took the abandoned ice pack into his hand and placed it to his cheek. "I'm sure that you love Dada, oh so very much…"

The baby responded by pouting and grabbing onto Haruhi's sleeve. "Uhm, let's try this again, okay? Hirui-chan?" She stood up and brought him to the sitting fashion designer. "Okay, Hikaru…here's another chance, so make it worthwhile…please?"

"I'll try…" he muttered as he cautiously took the now glaring Hirui into his hands. Immediately, like a switch, Hirui started to kick madly and scream in disagreement. "Haruhi! He's starting to hit me again!"


Said baby quieted down and limply hung from Hikaru's hold. "Eh?" Both parents blinked and Hirui stared lifelessly with the ever-so gloomy pout hanging on his face. "Did he get tired from complaining?"

Something started to dribble from the corner of Hirui's mouth. Hikaru blinked.


Wet, white, sticky, smelly liquid splashed onto Hikaru's shirt, staining it with a rather unpleasant baby vomit. Hikaru's eye twitched in disgust, and Haruhi stared dumbfounded. Hirui broke out into a smile; the icky partially digested milk clung to his teeth and oozed out from the small holes of his teeth.

In an instant, Hirui launched out from Hikaru's grasp and started to latch onto him. "H-Hirui…can you let go of my nose…please?" Hikaru asked, with a completely fake simper on his face. No doubt that his nose was in the tight grasp of a very small hand. The tiny hand let free his nose and moved upwards and upwards—


"No! Stoppit, Hirui-chan! Don't pull his hair!"

"Myaaah!!" Hirui grabbed the ice pack that was lying around unnoticed—

"Hirui, let go, let—"




"Hikaru!" Haruhi cried, as her eyes widened. Hirui waved around the ice pack in his hand, triumphant that he had brought down the evil monster that was trying to take his Mama away. His dad was lying on the sofa, KO'd, and throbbing painfully on the cheek and head where the ice pack had landed on.

Hirui gave his dad a last kick in the stomach before crawling over to his mom who was staring down hard at him. "Eh…heh?"

"You…naughty, naughty boy," Haruhi said, while picking him up by the arms. She was careful to avoid having her hands touch the places where vomit stained. She looked at him with a tsk. "You'll have to take a bath…"

The brunette scrunched up her nose at the stench, and turned slightly to her spouse who started to stir from the whack. "Ow…my head…"

"You're awake…" Haruhi breathed in relief, as she looked sympathetically down at him. Hikaru frowned and rubbed his sore head, and the stench of baby vomit came to his senses— "Yeah, that…come on, let's go to the bathroom to wash you and Hirui-chan."

"I don't understand how Hirui even learned to use violence against me like that," Hikaru groaned as Haruhi carefully tended to the bruises on his cheek. "All I can say is that someone's been a bad influence to him."

"Well, I'd say that he's just…unused to you, Hikaru," Haruhi softly replied, as she threw a tiny glance towards the sleeping baby in his crib. "I've told you many times in the last months to give some time off for Hirui-chan, but you were just too busy—"

Hikaru winced slightly from the contact his bruises were receiving. He mumbled, "I'm sorry, but something came up and I had to stay there after hours…for a whole week. I wish I could've though…now my son hates me to hell."

"I wouldn't really say 'hate'…"

Hikaru became thoughtfully silent, as Haruhi placed a bandage to his cheek. "There…it's done. How do you feel?" she asked, pulling away to rest on the soft cushions of their bed. Hikaru blinked slightly as he stared at the crib.

"I…think I have a good idea," Hikaru said with a smile, as he turned towards his wife who was staring at him questionably. Haruhi blinked as he slowly crawled towards her, with a sly grin. With his voice low, he whispered, "Okay, Haruhi, whatever you do…" He climbed on top of her, forcing her to fall on her back; he blocked her vision of the crib. "…don't look at Hirui."

"…w-what's this about?" she asked, surprised. "Hikaru…?"

"I want you to focus on me…only on me, Haruhi," he said monotonously while staring at her hard. His hazel eyes pierced her own, and pinned her in a frozen and clueless state. Haruhi blinked once before her head started to turn to the side. He caught her chin with his hand and forced her to look back at him.

"But…Hikaru, Hirui-chan could be watching—"

"Just leave him alone, he'll be fine," the light-brown haired man coaxed. Haruhi stared at him, still unaware, as his head lowered until his lips brushed her ears. "…listen to what I say, okay?"

Haruhi nodded hesitantly, unsure and not knowing that Hirui wasn't sleeping at all but watching with pure horror and dread, wanting to chuck a block at Hikaru. "Slowly and naturally, I want you to wrap your arms around my neck, okay?"

She obliged, her hands resting at the back of Hikaru's neck. Haruhi could hear Hirui start hiccupping; the first warning of the cry to come. She momentarily forgot about her task and was about to push him away, as she said: "Hirui-chan's going to—"

Roughly, lips pushed onto her mouth, silencing her impatiently. After a while, Hikaru pulled away a small pained…? –smirk on his face. "I told you, don't mind him. We have soundproof walls, so we won't call any attention from the maids…"


"Just listen to me, focus on me, and ignore Hirui."

Haruhi nodded determinedly.

"Raise your leg a little higher…"

"What?" Her face blazed with red. Hikaru tsked impatiently, and he said in a hushed voice, "Don't be too loud, and just raise it!"

Haruhi awkwardly bent a knee a bit closer and higher than the other, causing the wool skirt that she was wearing to slide down her thighs slightly. "Hikaru…I don't like this position…" she bluntly whispered. Hikaru frowned slightly.

"I don't care!"

"Tell me why we're doing this again?"

"I have my own reasons," Hikaru murmured. Haruhi blinked as Hikaru's eyes quickly flashed towards the side. "Anyways to just…be like this…" Haruhi's face burned as she felt hot breath blow onto her face. She shut her eyes tightly, as she felt the brush of his chapped lips against hers. "…is enough to make baby Hirui cry…see?"

It took a while for the loud cries for attention registered in her brain and Haruhi's eyes snapped open to see the ceiling; Hikaru had long gotten off her and was now sitting on his heels. "Hikaru…what's the whole purpose of this?" Haruhi asked, as she sat up.

"Look at Hirui…" Haruhi's brown eyes swept at the sobbing baby, whose cries never broke out of its loudness. Hikaru sighed as he stood up from the bed; said one-year old seemed to cease crying for a moment and watched Hikaru intently with large hazel eyes.

The man boringly raised his hands in the air and declared, "Alright, alright, already, Hirui! That's enough! You win, okay? Jeez." The Hitachiin wife only blinked confusedly as Hikaru grabbed her wrist and pulled her off the bed.


In a rough shove, Hikaru had pushed Haruhi towards the crib. In a cold voice, Hikaru said, "Hirui, you win. You can have Mama." Haruhi blinked as she stabled herself against the white wood of Hirui's bed.

She blinked and turned slightly as the baby laughed silently in joy, grabbing her arm sleeve. "Hi…" she started, but the words died down in her mouth when Hikaru turned to leave. "H-Hey…where're you…going?"

"I'm giving Mama to you, Hirui, so take care of her," he continued on, as if Haruhi's words didn't reach his ears. Hikaru strolled towards the door and laid his hand on the door. "Sorry, Haruhi, I'll be leaving you with Hirui now. Well, I've been noticing of late that it seems like our kid is a bit over protective and obsessed over you."


"Anyways, have fun."

And he left, through the door, leaving it partially hanging. Haruhi blinked slightly, feeling her heart twisting in weird ways. She stared at the door continually, wishing and expecting Hikaru to walk back in and say that it was a joke. That this was all a joke.

"…ehehe…Hirui-chan…it seems like it's just you and me…today," Haruhi muttered, giving him a sad smile. Hirui stared up with big round eyes, wondering why his mama was feeling so depressed. "…I wonder if Hikaru was serious…"

She picked him up and set him on her shoulder. "Maybe I spoiled you a bit too much…and Hikaru got lonely…"

Hirui hung onto Haruhi's shoulder and thought. (Yes, babies can think. Sort of.) His mama was sad because Dada left. So if Dada is back, then Mama would be happy, and Hirui would be happy too!

He made a slight noise at the back of his throat.

Haruhi was too busy pacing around the room, worrying about how she was ignoring her husband and giving too much attention to Hirui.


The brunette froze and she pulled Hirui off her shoulder. "H-Hirui-chan…what did you just say?" she asked, as her lips twitched upwards. He was almost at the point of tears, and he mumbled another syllable, truly sorry for his idiotic actions that day.

Hikaru sighed heavily as he lay on the bed in the guest room. Maybe he was a bit too harsh when he left. Hikaru turned slightly onto his side and sighed again. He wasn't really fit for parenthood, maybe he could've had counseling…

Although he knew that Hirui was a baby and needed all the attention he should get, Hikaru couldn't help but feel jealous and ignored when Haruhi constantly attends to their kid. He was indeed stupid and selfish, when Hirui had been right all along…

…but where the hell did he even learn how to hit like that?

The Hitachiin shut his tired eyes.

'…I'll sleep here and try to live here…without ever running into—'

Tmp, tmp, tmp—



Hikaru's eyes grew wide as a certain brunette and something in her arms ran towards him, jumping, literally, onto his stomach. His eyes bulged out as the immediate weight made him flop like a pained rag doll— "Oof!"

"Hikaru!" Something overshadowed his face and once he opened his hazel eyes he could see concerned and apologetic brown orbs peering at him.


"I'm so sorry for ignoring you! I knew I shouldn't have, but I did! I'm so sorry!"


"Hirui-chan says he's sorry too!"


"Uh…" Hikaru blinked stupidly as he stared at the two individuals that sat on his stomach. "…you're forgiven…?"

Twin smiles sprung onto Haruhi's and Hirui's face, and Haruhi breathed out a sigh of relief, as she crawled off Hikaru's stomach, leaving Hirui on the bed sheets alone. "I was so scared that you left the house…"

"I wouldn't," Hikaru assured with a simper. "I'd never do that…you know…"

"Eheh…I must've overreacted then…"

Hirui stared at Hikaru and then to Haruhi; to his mama to his dada; to his mother and to the son of a—

…maybe not so much of a s.o.b, Hirui concluded.

Hirui's mind clicked, and he grabbed a lock of dark chocolate hair and a lock of caramel tresses in both of his hands. In an instant, he tugged them together, forcing their faces to come close and their lips met coincidentally. The baby cheered at his creation; genuinely gleeful at Hikaru.

"Dada! Mama! Chyah!"

A/N: I know that in Japan, babies don't call their dad's dada, they call them Papa. Of course, I want to make it cute. XD; It's cute that way, so dun diss me, dammit! Anyways, this is done for a challenge at SHINE. SO GO THERE, DAMMIT. ALL I'M DOING IS BEGGING YOU, DAMMIT! LISTEN! Anyways... :D

I bent all rules of baby-ness, so don't say things like: Babies can't hit people, they can't think, they can't reason. I KNOW! So, don't tell me that please. XD Anyways...reveiw and go to Shine at my profile page! :D

-Love y'alls,