A/N I don't deserve your forgiveness when it comes to me being excessively lazy. But I am sorry.
If you forgot, this is a collection of one shots, each describing various views of Bella and Edward's relationship.
I decided to skip the volturi because nothing I came up with flowed right. Thanks a ton for all of your suggestions though!
Enjoy some Jacob angst instead :)
You know that feeling when you bang your elbow on something hard? And it feels like nails are digging into your skin? And then some annoying jerk has to ask 'did you hit your funny bone'? And you kind of want to scream at them because, well... isn't that obvious? And then you want to wipe that annoying smirk off their face?
Well that's kinda my situation except the jerk is Edward Cullen and he's watching as I clutch my chest against the pain that's flaring madly in my heart. And then he asks, 'lost the love of your life to a vampire?'
Ironic isn't it? That when you bang your funny bone it's not funny at all, and when you break your heart it doesn't break as much as burn, leaving behind embers as dark as night.
And werewolves are suppose to heal quick. Ha. That's a joke if I've ever heard one.
My heart still stung, even now. Then again, I am kind of asking for it. Standing on the vampire's land and all.
I feel like a creeper more than anything. Watching her from a blanket of shadows, trying to ignore the jealously as she twirls around in a white dress.
She looks beautiful, I suppose. I am man, after all. Though I much prefer her in jeans and a t-shirt. You know, the kind of things she wore when we would lounge out in the garage. She's a natural beauty. That's something I could never deny.
Like a rich jewel in an Ethiop's ear; Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear.
She's most beautiful when she laughs, though she rarely does. She's more for the timid smiles and forced chuckles. But I guess that's just another thing among the millions that draws me to her. I have to work for every laugh...
It doesn't look like she's having trouble with laughing now though, as the very bloodsucker I have come to loathe whispers something in her ear. I watch with growing envy as she bites on her lip to keep the music inside. He chuckles back at her and touches an icy cold finger tip to her cheek.
O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!
I swallow the jealously though, letting it scratch it's way down my throat, so that I will be able to twist my face into a smile later. Bella deserved that much. Who am I kidding? In my world Bella deserved everything... except the one thing she thought she desired most.
I immediately ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. I had promised myself that I wouldn't go there tonight. I was at her wedding after all. It was useless to putter over a fight I had lost a long time ago.
Is love a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous; and it pricks like thorn.
Behind me came a soft whimper. I spun around, forgetting that I wasn't alone, and immediately twisted my face to appear deadpanned. I didn't want their input. And I definitely didn't want their pity.
I met Sam's eyes first.
Now, I never considered myself a conceited person, but I couldn't help but stare at my reflection in the glassy coating of my Alpha's eye. Grimacing, I fingered the edge of my hair that had been chopped off with Sue's rusty kitchen scissors about an hour ago, trying to make myself somewhat presentable.
On Sam's right, Quil snickered.
"Shut it," I muttered, dropping my hand.
Sam hummed deep in his throat and tilted his head forward.
"The bloodsucker will bring her over."
A head tilt to the left.
"I'm not gallivanting into her wedding," I spat venomously.
Sam blinked and Quil let out another snicker. I rolled my eyes at them. They shouldn't even be here. I can take care of myself.
"Stay outta my way," I muttered before turning around to lurk around the shadows some more.
I was really starting to think the leech was loosing his touch when suddenly I felt his gaze penetrating the shadows. I sighed, long and deep.
I have more care to stay than will to go.
"What is it?"
Well... ouch. I furrowed my brow, rubbing one hand over my chest absently. Did the sound of her voice just burn me? Sting me? Stab me? Would this tiny, beautiful, taken woman always have so much control over me? If hearing her voice could cause pain? What would her presence do?
Come, death, and welcome! Juliet wills it so.
"A surprise wedding gift," the leech answered and I scoffed. I was the cheap piece of appliance she would end up returning anyway. Great.
But my disconcerting thoughts were cut short as the leech twirled her closer. Her innocent eyes scanned the shadows and my skin tingled.
"Thank you," the bloodsucker murmured, his voice dripping like venomous honey. "This is very... kind of you."
Well. Here goes nothing.
"Kind is my middle name." My eyes remained locked on Bella's suddenly rigid figure. "Can I cut in?"
I watched in a twisted kind of amusement as her hand grasped her throat, her wide perplexed gaze softening the weight of the shadows.
How silver-sweet sound lovers' tongues by night, Like softest music to attending ears!
"Hey there, Bells," I said.
The hand grasping her throat fell to her side as she stumbled blindly into the darkness. My hands automatically reached for her, pulling her body towards my own where it belonged. Without effort, my mind took note of every detail of the moment, the thin satin of her dress failing in comparison the the smooth texture of her luminous skin. The loose mahogany curls that collected near her neck. The way her grip was fragile yet gripping across my torso.
Eyes, look your last! Arms, take your last embrace!
I rested my cheek against the top of her head as the bloodsucker murmured something about leaving before he finally did.
"Oh, Jacob," Bella sobbed suddenly, most likely messing up all her makeup. "Thank you!"
"Stop blubbering, Bella. You'll ruin your dress. It's just me."
"Just? Oh, Jake! Everything is perfect now."
For you, Bella. I sighed quietly and then I snorted.
"Yeah – the party can start. The best man finally made it."
"Now everyone I love is here."
One fire burns out another's burning, One pain is lessen'd by another's anguish.
My throat tightened and my jaw flexed but I softened my instinct by brushing my lips against her hair. There was a faint scent of strawberries beneath the sickly sweet vampire scent. She was still Bella. For now.
"Sorry I'm late, honey."
"I'm just so happy you came!"
My mind traveled back to that elegantly horrible wedding invitation. The leech had sent it against Bella's wishes. It stung to know that he had known what would make her happy in the long run. I'm not so sure I would have been able to return the favor.
"That was the idea."
Bella continued the easy conversation then, asking about my father and silently obliging when I began to sway back and forth with her, dancing. I purposely brought her hand to my heart then, letting it beat hotly beneath her skin in case she needed any reminding of my species. I told him I'd never give up.
O, I am Fortune's fool!
She was rightly curious about what made me decide to make my appearance tonight. But that was a question I could barely answer myself. All I knew was that I didn't regret it. This version of Bella, happy and indescribably beautiful was the one I opted to remember. Not the distraught, tired version I had left behind.
And since she had asked a question, I asked one in return. The very one I had been mauling over all morning as I raced back to her. Terrified of setting off her temper, I stumbled over my words hopelessly until she answered the question for me, knowing me so well.
"It's not tonight, Jacob," she whispered, and for some reason I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. That was ridiculous though because even though it wasn't tonight it could be tomorrow, or the next day. Did it really matter?
"What's the holdup?" I almost sneered, after she mentioned that the godforsaken morphing epidemic wouldn't happen for another week or two.
"I just didn't want to spend my honeymoon writhing in pain," she defended.
I laughed, deep and low in my chest. Would it matter? I told her that I didn't see the point in waiting. What were her and her leech going to do? Play checkers? They couldn't have a real honeymoon, for obvious reasons.
"That's a good thing though," I added quickly as a strange sort of anger flickered in her eyes. "Don't be embarrassed about it."
"I'm not putting anything off," she said fiercely, and then she said the words that were sure to pound the nail into my coffin. "And yes I can have a real honeymoon!"
My body became abruptly rigid and Bella stared up, meeting my horror struck gaze.
"What?" I choked. "What did you say?" My heart was beating too fast beneath her palm. I couldn't breath.
"About what...? Jake? What's wrong?"
"What do you mean? Have a real honeymoon? While you're still human? Are you kidding? That's a sick joke, Bella!"
I begged her with my eyes to smile and ease my fears. I begged her to do that thing she always did when I joked around, kind of bite her lip and chuckle. I begged her to erase those words so I didn't go completely insane.
She did none of those things.
Instead, she glared at me. She told me it was none of my business. I could feel vomit rise in my throat and my vision was suddenly red.
She winced suddenly. "Ow, Jake! Let go!"
Was I hurting her? I couldn't tell. It felt like my skin had burst into flames and I couldn't find her through the smoke.
I begged her once more, this time out loud, to tell me it was all a joke. She ignored my plea.
"Jake – stop!"
Stop what? Loving her? Caring? No can do Bella. No can do.
A voice spoke through the flames, slicing them with shards of ice. "Take your hands off her!"
And there were two growls, chasing away the smoke.
"Jacob, bro, back away." Seth. Where had he come from? "You're losing it."
Was I? To me it was Bella who was most fit for a mental institution right about now.
"You'll hurt her," Seth whispered in a strangely calm voice that didn't fit the situation. "Let her go."
Seth's words swirled around in my brain. And for a moment they seemed alot deeper than they were likely intended to be.
"Now!" The ice snarled.
I let my hands drop numbly, unsure of how much strength was ripping through them. Even in my disdain I hopped I hadn't hurt her.
And then she was six feet away... with him.
"I'll kill you," I sneered, my gaze focused on the manipulating, undeserving leech. I vaguely registered the weak human arms trying to restrain me. "I'll kill you myself! I'll do it now!"
The unforgiving flames licked at my chest and I couldn't think of anything else besides the bloodsucker's flesh ripping beneath my claws, the pure adrenaline of destroying him. The idea was intoxicating. It was something I'd wanted to do for the longest time. And I finally had a legitimate enough reason.
He'd kill her if I didn't kill him first. Kill her for his own pleasure. Taking first her bodily innocence and then her blood. The vomit rose again.
Death lies on her like an untimely frost Upon the sweetest flower of all the field.
I could stop it. I could take him. I could love her.
But then, in that moment as I meet her eyes peeking out from behind his arms, the reality of the situation hit me between the eyes. The red became white and my mouth was suddenly too dry. I don't know why the notion hit me at that moment. Perhaps it was the helplessness outlined by brown irises, maybe Seth's pitiful struggle against my strength, or perhaps even the suffocation of the crowded darkness set me off.
But it was like a slap in the face when I suddenly realized that though I had consciously accepted Bella's refusal to entertain the idea of loving me like she could... my subconscious mind had never come to terms with the fact that while she was busy not loving me, she was loving somebody else. More. She couldn't love me like that because she wasn't even in possession of her own heart. And I knew first hand that when you give those things away you rarely receive the chance to return or exchange.
It wasn't fair that Bella had two and I had none, but there was nobody to fault.
Stupid freshman year literature had led me to the misconception that I could be her Romeo, watching her dance from the crowd at the big party, waiting to steal her away and call her my own. What I hadn't prepared myself for was the role of Paris. Unwanted by Juliet, yet stupidly loyal. And as the puzzle pieces slid it to place I realized how anguishing it is to be an extra in somebody else's love story. Perhaps that's all I ever was. An extra.
My epiphany momentarily weakened me enough for Sam and Seth to push me away. The moment we were out of her sight though they released my trembling form and I succumbed to the instinct.
I couldn't think, couldn't breath. The whispered lines of Romeo in my brain mashed together until the energy found it's way to my legs and I ran.
I wouldn't be able to save her, I realized through my haze. Because you can't save someone who didn't want to be saved.
And then I kept running because it hadn't escaped my mind that Paris dies at the end of the play too.
These violent delights have violent ends.
Edward and Bella. Husband and wife. My life and my enemy.
Never was a story of more woe Than this of my love and her killer.
Thank you for those that stuck through the long wait with me. I love you all, hard, thanks.
Oh, and thanks to Shakespeare for letting me cite his quotes there. I'm sure he wouldn't mind...