DISCLAIMER: "Kim Possible" and all characters within (c) The Walt Disney Company and its related entities. Kim Possible created by Mark McCorkle & Bob Schooley. All rights reserved.
SUMMARY: It's time for the King of Thieves tournament and Shego wants the best Possible sidekick. What will Kim ask in return, and how do Rocket Man and Sarah Bellum fit into the picture? KiGo.
TYPE: Kim/Shego, Slash
RATING: MPAA: PG-13
NOTES: Set about six months after "Graduation", and acknowledging everything from the TV show as canon. Some of the content will be a bit more 'adult' (i.e. suggestive) than that of the show.
Oh, and there are cuddle buddies that aren't as fluffy as this fic is likely to be. No angst or darkness here, folks.
"Mom! Dad! I'm home!" Kim Possible sailed in through the front door of her parents' (reconstructed after alien devastation) house. She was thrilled to be back after her first semester of university. Paris was great, but Middleton was home.
Gaining no answer, Kim frowned. Surely her parents wouldn't go out on the day she was due home?
"Mom? Dad? Tweebs?"
Hairs prickling on the back of her neck, Kim dropped her bag and silently padded through the kitchen. You're just being paranoid she told herself. Ron got home from Mexico a couple of days ago. They're probably all waiting to spring out and shout "Surprise!". The thought of the blond-haired boy brought a wistful smile to the redhead's lips. It had been nearly four months since she had seen him in person, though they'd spoken almost every day.
"Hi bubble butt."
Kim froze. The nickname was her mother's favorite, but the voice. The voice ...
The green-skinned thief smirked at her from the easy chair in the media room. She held a sheet of paper between two fingers.
"The one and only. Obviously your mom hasn't seen you in a while. 'Beach Ball Butt' might be more accurate, these days."
Kim growled and took a step forward, but Shego raised her free hand and let it flame with plasma.
"Uh uh, Kimmie. Not if you want to hear what happened to your folks." The pale woman waved the plasma dangerously close to the paper.
"Go ahead and burn it. I could just call them."
"Not according to this, you can't." Shego shook the paper. "Out of range, apparently. Here's the deal: you give me what I want, and I'll give you the note from your mother."
Kim clenched her fists. Shego looked too smug for this to be a bluff.
"What do you want?" She gritted at last.
"For this? A triple-shot, no fat, no foam latte."
"Your folks have a killer espresso machine."
"Your coffee." Kim scowled, placing the hot beverage on the table beside Shego's chair. No, not Shego's chair. My dad's chair, which Shego just happens to be sitting on.
"Shego." Kim's tone was dangerous
"Fine, fine." The green woman held up her hands in apparent surrender. "No biscotti. Though the next time I have you get me coffee I'll remember to bring one of those little French maid outfits. Or maybe, since you've been in Paris all this time, you already got one."
"Give. Me. The. Note."
"Keep your shirt on, Princess. Or not, if you prefer." Shego held out the paper, and Kim snatched it angrily.
Hi Bubble Butt,
Your father and I have been called away to an emergency symposium on the effects of space travel on brain chemistry. It may last for a week or more, and there's no phone reception at the site, so we'll be out of touch for a while. The boys have gone to stay with Uncle Slim.
Be Good. Love you.
Mom & Dad
Kim glared at the paper for several minutes, then glared at Shego. The green woman shrugged.
"Don't blame me for this, Pumpkin. I didn't have anything to do with it."
"Right. My parents suddenly disappear, and you just as suddenly re-emerge after six months of silence. I'm supposed to believe that these two things happening together is just a coincidence?"
"Doy. That's what 'coincidence' means."
"I'm serious, Shego. I haven't heard a single word of you since just after the Lorwardian Invasion, and suddenly you're back. Why now?"
"Simple, Kimmie. I need your help."
Shego glared at the hooting redhead as the younger woman struggled to draw breath between guffaws of laughter.
"I'm serious, Princess."
"Uh huh." Kim wiped tears of mirth from her eyes. "And you thought the best way to get my help was to come here and tick me off?"
"Nervous habit." Shego seethed. Kim stopped mid chortle.
"We spent four years kicking each other's asses, and now I have to come to you for help? You bet I'm nervous." Shego licked suddenly dry lips as Kim stared at her levelly. Finally the redhead sighed.
"Okay, what's happened to your brothers this time?"
The green woman gave a surprised bark of laughter.
"It's actually nothing to do with the cretins, for once. Every thirty years, there's a secret tournament. Invitation only, and only the best get invited."
"A martial arts tournament?" Kim frowned. "Because I think I would have been invited –"
"Did I say anything about martial arts? This is the 'King of Thieves' tournament. Only the best thieves in the world are invited. They're allowed whatever they and one sidekick can carry as equipment. There's a bunch of challenges, and the best thief is crowned as King – or Queen."
"So ... what's the sitch?" Kim frowned. "You didn't get an invite and now you want to pay them back by having me bust up the tournament?"
"Oh, I got an invite." Shego smirked as she drew a large golden ticket out of the top of her jumpsuit. "What I want is a sidekick. The best Possible, you might say."
"What do you ..." Kim trailed off as the light of understanding dawned in her eyes. "Oh, hell no. Not a chance."
"Anything?" Kim stressed the word. "I agree to be your sidekick for this tournament and you'll do anything?"
"Well, okay. Not anything." Shego admitted. "I won't kill anyone –"
"As if I'd ask for that!"
"- or become a so-called hero again. Just about anything short of that, though ..."
"And I have to choose right now?"
"Yes. I'm not having you spring some nasty surprise on me later."
"Fine." Kim started to tick off points on her fingers. "My price comes in three parts. One, from now until the end of the tournament you have to give an honest answer to any question I ask you."
"Two, from now on, you always have to refer to Ron by his real name."
"Oh, come on ..." Shego saw the expression on Kim's face and sighed. "Agreed. What's three?"
Kim had saved what she considered to be 'the big one' until last.
"Three: you have to give up villainy after the tournament."
"Kimmie, I already told you I wouldn't become a hero."
"Giving up villainy is not the same thing. You don't have to fight crime – though you could probably make good money as a security consultant – you just have to agree not to commit any more."
"Even if I do that, how can you trust me to keep my word?"
Kim started to bristle, then realized that it was a reasonable question.
"I ... don't know. There must be something you value enough to swear by."
"Not really, Pumpkin. About the only thing I care about is my pride, and I already had to tear that to pieces to come begging you for a favor."
"What about your reputation? That's what this is about, right?"
"Well, there's also a cool ten million for winning, but ye –" Shego caught the look on Kim's face. "Oh, did I forget to mention the cash prize?"
"I doubt 'forgetting' had anything to do with it." Kim said dryly. "New, fourth part of my price: the cash goes to set up university scholarships for underprivileged kids."
"You ... damn it. Fine."
"Right. Back on topic: your reputation is a big deal to you, right?"
"Yes ..." Shego could tell she was walking into a trap, but she couldn't see any alternative.
"Right. Then I know exactly how to make sure you keep your word. Follow me."
"No way, Pumpkin."
"You want my help, Shego? This is the last part of the price."
"It's completely humiliating."
"That's the point. Look at it this way. You keep your word, no-one but me will ever see it."
"You promise? Not even Nerdlinger or the buff –" Shego bit off her word as she saw Kim's eyes narrow. "Or Ron?"
"No-one. You have my word."
"Fine. I'll do it. But only if you promise that if we don't win the tournament, you'll delete it and never mention it to anyone."
"Agreed. Now remember: you have to sound like you mean it."
"I hate you."
"The feeling is mutual." Kim assured the green woman. She raised the Kimmunicator and pointed it at the scowling Shego. "Purple looks good on you. You should wear it more often."
"This outfit is ridiculous. How did you wear it in public and not get arrested?"
"Says she of the one-piece catsuit." Kim smirked. She had to admit that the skirt and top were a bit ... scant ... for Shego's frame.
Shego rolled her eyes and forced her scowl into a broad, plastic smile. I feel like a complete idiot. This tournament better be worth it. She took a deep breath, thrust her pompom laden hands into the air and completed her humiliation.
"M-A-D! D-O-G! That's how we spell: Vic-to-ry! Go, Mad Dogs, go, go, Mad Dogs, go, Mad Dogs, go, go, Mad Dogs!" The super-thief and reluctant cheerleader dropped into the splits, offered Kim the kind of smile that promised instant death if the redhead spoke a single word, and chirruped, "We're number one!" Kill me. Kill me now.
Author's Notes: nodrogs's "Stolen Happiness" challenge at KPSlash was the genesis for this fic. Credit him if you've enjoyed it, blame me if you haven't. If you're wondering if the golden ticket thing is a Last Action Hero reference, the answer is "No, it's a Roald Dahl one". I might try to squeeze in a reference to a kid's book in every update, just for fun.
Oh, and in case anyone is concerned about what this new fic means for updates to "Most Wanted": that fic is still active, and I will continue to update it on a regular basis.