Disclaimer: GUN×SWORD does not belong to me. If it did, it'd be more WTF and/or creepy and less funny.
Author's Notes: So. Necro-fic. It was begging to be written when Joshua told Van that he was bringing Ray's body and Vulcan back to wherever. Second attempt at first person fiction. Going over this, I realize it's similar to my Death Note fanfic entitled Corpse. Thanks to Chaotic Lullaby for the beta.
When I lay my head on his chest, I close my eyes and pretend. If I do that, I can hear 'niisan's heartbeat and I can feel his chest moving up and down. If I do that, I can almost feel the hand that settles on the back of my head and the fingers that run through my hair. If I do that, I can pretend 'niisan's still alive and just sleeping.
But even if I pretend that 'niisan's just sleeping, I can only do that for around three minutes before I have to stop. Because if 'niisan were still alive, he wouldn't be so cold. He wouldn't smile or laugh and he wouldn't make jokes or anything but when he hugs me, he'd be warm.
'Niisan looks mean and his eyes are the color of ice but 'niisan's always been kind to me. He's always been there for me and he's always taken care of me. And I know the only reason why he left me behind was because he didn't want me to get hurt.
It's hard work, going back to Meuuniere, but I don't think that I can go back to where we lived before. I don't think the house is there anymore and the memories attached to it are too painful anyway so I guess it's okay. I don't think 'niisan would like to go back there. He was happy when he died and if we went back, he'd remember Shino-san and that would make him sad.
There are some days when I feel like just giving up and I remember everything that's happened and I think of 'niisan and how he used to be before. Before the Claw Man. Before Shino-san died. Before Shino-san.
I guess you could say that I hate Shino-san. It was her fault that everything happened. If 'niisan hadn't met her, we'd probably still be living happily in our house. Just the two of us. Alive. Just the two of us but at least we'd be alive.
When 'niisan asked me if I had liked Shino-san, I said that I did because I knew that he loved her. If I said that I didn't, 'niisan would be sad. How could I like someone who was the cause of everything terrible that had happened to us? But then I remember how happy 'niisan was whenever he was with Shino-san and I try to think of that when I wish she had never met 'niisan.
I wish 'niisan were alive to make my problems go away like he used to when we were younger.
When I lay my head on his chest, I close my eyes and cry.