Warnings: Sexualty, Slash, Language, Sexual themes.

Disclaimer: Thou for art don't own.

Author's Note: This one is a litttttle weird. It started out as a challenge I wrote, then it turned into just a James/Remus, then it turned into a Sirius/Remus. This story is the result of exhaustion, writers block and a stupid muse that just won't die.



Music blasted across the decorated great hall. No one seemed to be having much fun. But James Potter intended to change that. Oh how he intended to change it.

He walked with open sneakiness to the punch bowl where I stood boredly

"Prongs…what do you think you're doing?" I asked, perking an eyebrow warily

"Nothing…" He said innocently, I perked an eyebrow higher, clearly letting him know I didn't believe him.

"Gosh Moony, let a guy get a drink." He said, a grin spreading across his face, I sighed

"Fine James. Go ahead." I stated, waving a hand airily and looking back to the few people that were dancing.

James poured himself a cup, and drank it in slow, thoughtful sips, then set his cup down, smiled at me and bid me good night.

I watched as he sidled out of the great hall and frowned…he was definitely up to something.

Severus walked past me, ignoring my presence as usual. He lifted the punch ladle and begin pouring himself some, I frowned

"Severus, I think James spiked that."

Severus sneered and glared at me, taking a drink anyways and walking away from the table. I sighed in annoyance and went back to watching the few couples that were actually dancing. Sirius and Amanda Pierce were at the center, dancing with more grace then the others. Sirius said something in her ear and her head tipped back and she let out a tinkling laugh.

The song slowly ended and Sirius gave her a final twirl and bowed gallantly. Amanda smiled and pecked him on the cheek before rushing over to her giggling friends. Sirius watched her go, and then he turned, slowly making his way through the crowds towards me. I straightened up a little and tucked my hands into my pockets, he smiled as he came to a stop next to me

"Having fun Remy?" He asked pleasantly, I rolled my eyes

"Bunches." I muttered in irritation. Sirius chuckled and poured himself a glass of punch. I frowned

"I wouldn't drink that Sirius, I think James did something to it." I stated, Sirius paused and looked down into the cup for a moment

"Nah, he couldn't have." He stated after a minute, I perked an eyebrow to challenge him "Slughorn gave us a shake down before we came in. He even confiscated my fire whiskey filled chocolates."

I blinked

"I didn't know you liked whiskey chocolates." I stated, Sirius blinked

"I don't really. They were for Amanda." He said, glancing at me

I blinked and glanced over at Amanda, who was giggling with her friends and looking over at Sirius occasionally. "Point is," He continued "James didn't have anything in his pockets."

I paused, that in itself was unusual. I gave the punch in Sirius' hand another weary glance. He chuckled and poured another glass, pushing it into my hands

"Here. Lighten up Moony."

He took a large sip as I sniffed the punch suspiciously, he perked an eyebrow and leaned on the wall next to me.

A couple hours and several glasses of punch later, Sirius and I were giggling in the Common room.

Sirius hiccuped and gave his fingers another yank. I snorted in laughter as the Chinese finger trap stayed where it was. He pouted

"Mooooonyyyyy. You said this would be fun." He whined, trying to work his fingers out. I giggled

"It is." I stated. Sirius frowned and thrust his hands towards me

"Take it off." He commanded, I smirked drunkenly

"No." I replied, crossing my arms stubbornly. Sirius sighed dramatically


He looked at me for a moment, before emitting a shrill war cry and pouncing, mind you, with his hands still attached to each other. He landed on my chest awkwardly, forcing all the air out of my lungs. Sirius teetered for a second, before falling forward, smashing our faces together.

And the first thing I realized, beyond the excruciating pain in my forehead...was the fact that something felt...right.

Sirius' eyes widened when he realized that we were now, in fact...kissing, and he started to pull away, a hint of embarrassment creeping into his eyes. And in that split second, I made my decision. I grabbed Sirius by the back of the neck and pulled him down, capturing his lips with mine. Sirius seemed shocked, just as he had the first time, but slowly, his slate blue eyes closed and his lips responded to mine. I slowly ran my hand down his back and he shivered at the contact, deepening the kiss. After a few seconds of my hands roaming, Sirius pulled away, flushed and with pouted lips. I blinked a few times and kept myself from groaning at the loss of contact. He thrust his hands in my face, still connected by the sleek blue tube.

"Off." He demanded. I smirked

"As you command."


And of course, the first thing I realized the next morning, was that I was naked. The second was that someone else was hogging my bed. I blinked a few times to make sure I wasn't still dreaming and turned to see who belonged to the offending scrawny legs. Sirius was laying beside me, equally naked, and still fast asleep. I debated slipping out of the bed unnoticed, then smacked myself mentally, Sirius was in my bed. A fact he would surely notice even if I acted like I wasn't there. Finally, I decided to bite the silver bullet. And I poked him in the side.

...Nothing happened.

Again, I tried, again nothing happened, I poked him harder, and was rewarded with a slight moan. And when I poked him in the forehead, he bolted awake, smashing his head against mine. Again. With a groan, I clutched my poor forehead and fought back tears of pain. Sirius rubbed his eyes tiredly, not seeming at all pained.

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?" He yawned, eyes still half closed. I bite my lip as his awareness of his surroundings slowly grew.

"Moony. Why are you in my bed starkers? I mean...I'm starkers too, but for me thats nothing new."

I stared at him

"Sirius, you're in my bed starkers."

Sirius blinked and peeked out the curtains

"Well I'll be." He stated. He looked back to me and smirked

"Well Moony. I guess we fed the snake." He chuckled. I stared at him


"Um...fed the snake. You know...made whoopee, hid the log, went to pleasure town."

I stared at him even more

"Um...Had sex?" He stated, almost as if he were worried I wouldn't know what that one meant either. I glared at him

"No shit."

"Hey Moony...calm down." He stated, I growled quietly and forced myself not to smack him.

"Calm down? Sirius...this changes everything."

"Of course it does! You're my bitch now!" He cried with a grin. He paused and looked frustrated for a moment, trying to see his back for some reason, before giving up and doing a quick mirror spell.

"Daaaaaamn. Moony likes to scratch hm?" He paused and slowly smirked "Kinky. I can dig it."

I flushed and smacked him upside the head. He pouted and rubbed the spot


"Goddamn it Sirius! I told you that James spiked the punch, but would you listen? Noooooo." I seethed. I would've paced if I hadn't been sitting. And naked. Sirius frowned and waved a hand

"Psh. Nonsense He wouldn't have done something like that without including me ." I glared at him as a door closed. I peeked out of my curtains to see a fully dressed James walking towards his bed.

"Uh. Good morning James." I greeted, he glanced over and gave a grin

"Mornin' Moony. Sleep good?" He asked, picking up his books. I blinked

"Uh...yeah. James, did you, by chance spike the punch last night?" I asked, James smirked a little and nodded

"Yep." He stated, I glanced back at Sirius with my best 'I told you so' expression. Sirius had the decency to look sheepish. James opened the door and turned back towards my bed.

"Yep. I spiked it with water Moony." He stated, and before I could question him further, he turned and started out the door with a smirk"Good morning to you too Sirius."

I blushed as the door shut and sat back down. Sirius was looking at me with an idiotic grin.

"What??" I asked after a few moments, feeling my face heat up. Sirius smiled wider and pulled me close.

"I'm just so glad this finally happened. Even if I was tricked into thinking I was drunk." I blinked and pulled away slightly, staring at him

"You mean you...?"

"Think you are the sexiest, smartest, kinkiest, werewolf alive."

I blushed and bowed my head in embarrassment. Sirius tutted and tipped my chin up.

"And you're mine." He stated, looking into my eyes. I bit my lip, and he slowly leaned down and gave me the tenderest kiss I had ever received.


James growled as he pulled the blue tube off of Peter's fingers for the fifth time.

"Honestly. You couldn't get out of a Chinese finger trap if your life depended on it."

Nahaha, placebo alcohol. It was James up until the sex euphimisms, and then I was like..."WTF? I'm channeling Sirius!". So I changed it.

XD; Anywho.

Review if you didn't die reading this piece of trash.