This is my first Fanfic. I surely hope you guys like it! Please review after you are done reading it!
I LOVE YOU GUYS!
This is just a one ch. kind of thing.
The love that I had is gone. Gone because he decided to leave me, to not love me anymore. It has only been 3 months, but life is dead now, life was dead when he said those words that I mustn't think; no more shall it live in me. I am like a walking corpse. I have tried to live out my days normally without him. It's all too hard and to agonizing to even think that I actually had him, but he didn't want me anymore.
I squeezed my eyes shut. I did not want to open them and have to face another day of pure torture, but it did not help that his face, beautiful as could be, came into my head. It haunted me; that perfect face, with those perfect eyes. I let out a small cry as I saw that his eyes were not moving; they did not have any emotion. His own face an unreadable mask; even though I could tell that he wasn't seeing me the way he said he did. He looked as if I were some flesh eating disease. Like I was the worst thing that had ever crossed his path; I knew I was, I tortured him with my blood. He stood there too and watched me with his golden eyes and then when I realized I had been holding my breath, probably waiting for the same words to come out of his mouth. Even as I tried to hold the words back that were the worst words that could ever be said, but only by one person. It didn't stop them from busting through my walls that I have spent time building up.
It will be as if I never existed.
I shot up in my bed, gasping for air and clutching my stomach. I had just gone too far, I had let myself see his perfect face for so long. I was a masochist; I tortured myself by always thinking of him. I pulled the covers off of me and felt my cold skin, it was dewed with sweat. I shook my head to try and get rid of his face; it was hard to stop thinking of him, but I tried my best. I got up from my bed and walked across the room, opening my closet door. I hated that today was Saturday; just another day that I had to find something to do. That for one did not include sitting down and letting my mind wallow in what was. I looked through my clothes scanning something to wear that would partly shield me form the rain. My eyes fell to the black trash bag that had once been a present from...
It took me several moments to see what I was staring at and when I did finally notice, I slammed my closet door shut and stalked out of the room. I was not going to let my self think of…them today. I walked into the bathroom and immediately undressed and got in the shower. I turned it as hot as it would go; letting my skin burn. Letting it try to wash away all the memories that made me clutch at my heart in pain and fall to the shower floor.
I shoved my tearless sobs back as I tried to gain control over my mind. I was thinking about Bella again and it wasn't pretty. I actually heard her voice, heard what was the most amazing and beautiful sound that would ever be. I sat in an alley way; the sun was just beginning to spread light across the sky. I pulled myself off of the ground and walked over to a broken window near by and crawled inside. I went to the very corner of the room and sat back down, curling my legs up to my chest. I was pathetic; she probably didn't want me back, she probably didn't want anything to do with me. It was heart breaking to know that I had ruined such an amazing time with Bella.
My pain broke through my chest even worst then before and I started to sob again.
"Oh Bella…. Why was I such a fool?! Why?" I growled to myself as I let the rest of my body fall to the ground. I gripped at my head and dug my nails as hard as I could into my skin, trying to get the memories to fade. What was I doing? Was I going crazy? Well I already knew that answer; I had already turned crazy when I decided to leave Bella. But I did it for her soul; she didn't deserve me. She deserved someone that could protect her, not someone that wished to kill her every second.
I remember my arms around her and her scent. God the smell that drove me wild that I always loved; it was so sweet the best smell that I had ever smelled, that has ever crossed my path in the one-hundred years I have lived. I bet her blood would taste even better; it running thick as water and better then anything I would have ever tasted. God! I needed to stop doing this. What was I a masochist? Wait, no, I could answer that, of course I was! Thinking about her non-stop is what's got me on the ground and sobbing.
I put clothes on and brushed threw my brown hair, braiding it. I walked around my room for at least ten minutes when I figured I didn't have anything to do today. I was going to pull my hair out if I didn't do something that didn't include being alone today. I needed to be near someone even if I didn't listen to them. I walked to my window and stared out into the rain. Oh how I loved the rain, the sunless sky's, the beautiful cloudy picture; it helped me know that he still existed in this unbearable world. Even if we weren't side by side and he didn't love me. I still got to know that he wasn't all made up by my imagination.
I started to cry as I thought about how he gave me so much time, though if it wasn't even enough time to call a lifetime, it was enough to call the best part of my life.
I fell to the ground and let my mind wander over the thoughts of him. I didn't care about it anymore, I would suffer; I would die thinking of him if I had to.
I pulled my self to my knees and crawled over to my closet and pulled out that trash bag. I tore it open and dug out the stereo, cradling it in my arms.
It will be as if I never existed.
I heard his voice, crystal clear and velvet smooth, in my ears and I let the words repeat in my head over and over. I let go of the stereo and started to crawl over to my bed side table when I felt something budge under one of my hands. I looked down at my floor to see one of my floor boards barely sticking up above the over wooden boards. I pushed my hand down on it again and heard it squeak and give in under my hand again. I did it again until I finally started tearing at the floor. I didn't know what it could be, even if there wasn't something under there, I was still going to find out.
It took me several minutes and my now covered in blood fingers until I finally was able to get the board up. I pulled as hard as I could until it broke away from the rest of the floor. When I gazed upon the darkness of the hole, I almost nearly fainted. My breath caught and then I gasped as I pulled the objects out.
I can't take it any longer. I want to go back to her so bad, but, well, if she didn't want me anymore then I could handle it; it wouldn't be worst then her dying. It was hard to imagine life without Bella before I met her, but to have spent so much time with her and then just leave her and realize that life is like a living hell without her beauty to shimmer upon me.
I squeezed my eyes shut; her face was awaiting me right there. I saw her big beautiful brown eyes staring at me, giving me a look that said something like 'Come and get me'. Her hair was flowing around her face making her look so precious. It reminded me of the first day I kissed her; when we were on the way home from the meadow. She had that look of love in her being; when she gave me that look, I got the feeling that she could stop a war in progress with her love and care.
Then as I watched her, her eyes turned into sadness, so terribly sad, that it made my cold heart shatter into a million pieces. It was the look that came into her eyes when I told her we were leaving. I remember seeing tears in those eyes; I just couldn't believe that she thought I really didn't love her, she believed me right when the words were out of my mouth. I remember hearing that last word come from her beautiful mouth.
It echoed through my head a million times, portraying the same tone of desperation in her one word.
I shot up from my position on the dirt covered ground. "Damn it!!" I yelled to no one inparticular. I punched the brick wall and it gave way under my blow. "Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!!" I punched the wall again and then kicked at it, both of the blows giving way under me as the first one did. I groaned, loud to be at that, and then yelled a string of profanities.
I did almost nearly faint, but I didn't; I held my grounds. I stared at the picture of…; I took a deep breath and let myself think the name, Edward. I cringed, but tried to relax my muscles as much as they would. I turned my attention back to the picture of the beautiful angel. Oh, how I longed for that face to be more then in a picture, I wanted so badly with all of my being to be with him right now. To have his arms wrapped around me, to kiss him, to feel his cold skin, to breath in that mind blowing, sweet smell of his. But most of all, I wanted to look into his eyes. I wanted to forget my name, to forget my surroundings. I wanted to get lost in his golden eyes.
I didn't wrap my arm around myself this time; instead I grabbed at the skin above my heart and dug my nails into my skin. I started to cry hysterically and I dropped to were my cheek felt the rough wood. I didn't know what to do; if I thought I was a masochist before, then I must be insanely suicidal. I looked at the picture again of Edward. It was the picture right before we went to his house for my birthday party; that bittersweet memory.
I hurt so badly inside, but I still pulled out the other object that remained under the now broken floor board. It was the CD he made me. I hadn't listened to music ever since he left, but I opened up my CD player and stuck the CD inside and let it play. Once it started I began sobbing, it was my lullaby that was first and it was so sad. It was the most amazing melody I had ever heard, so sweet and soft, almost like it was speaking to me. That was when I thought he loved me.
I looked back into the hole in my floor and saw something white in there. I pulled it out and it looked like a…note? I unfolded it and saw there where words on the white paper. It read:
By now you have found this note along with the other things I hid. I am sorry, I love you, but I had to leave to protect you. I hope you understand. I will always love you, but it is just not safe for you to be near me.
Always and forever,