A.N: Hello my peepity-peeps! Okay, so I was reading the reviews I received for, "I'm not gay!" and I must say. I am supremely pleased. (smiles) So, I was in kind of a comedic-sarcastic mood and figured, you know those little drabbles I do sometimes before a story and after a story? Well why not make a comedic oneshot using said drabbles! And I shall call it as follows! Haha. So I don't own Naruto... yet. Shh! If word get's to Masashi Kishimoto, my cookie empire will fall and all the panda-rific gaara plushies that you all get will come crashing down!! It's top-secret, but I will own Naruto soon. MWAHAHAHAAH!! –cough, cough-
The Art of Sarcasm.
(walks into random room and closes door. Sit's with the Naruto cast.)
Ashuurii: Hey, how's it going?
Naruto: HEYY ASHUURII-CHAN!! MY FAVORITE WRITER!!
Itachi: Hello, Sakura-chan.
Ashuurii: (looks around suspiciously...) 'hm... whom shall I mess with, with my awesome sarcasm powers?! Aha! That little boy with the chicken-butt hairstyle looks too emo to respond! Perfect!! Mwahahaha!! –cough, cough-'
Sasuke: Why are you muttering to yourself?
Ashuurii: Why does your hair look like a chicken's ass? I mean were you born that way?
Itachi: Yup. I remember the day you popped out.
Sasuke: That was rather disturbing. NEVER say something like that again.
Itachi: (cries anime tears and hugs Deidara)
Ashuurii: Brotherly-love... how sweet.
Sasuke: Shut up!
Ashuurii: YOUR MOM'S A CORN-DOG WHAT NOW?! HEH? PRETTY BOY?! YOU WANT A PIECE OF THIS?! DO YAH, DO YAH, DO YAH?!
Sasuke: Your on drugs. Look dude, back off the pot. It's not good for you.
Ashuurii: I happen to know, Uchiha Sasuke that you, on the day of yesterday were seen masturbating to volume 12. of Icha Icha Paradise!! Do you or do you not plead guilty of such actions?!
Kakashi: That's my boy!! (cries anime tears) I'm so proud!!
Sasuke: Get off you damn pervert!! And NO I DID NOT!! It's all lies!! LIES I TELL YOU! LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!
Sakura: Sasuke, why are you sweating so much?
Ashuurii: Because he's nervous!! He does the dirty-dirty with a picture of Sakura in red leather panties and a whip every night!! Hahahahaha!!
Kakashi: You dog you!! Roof roof!!
Naruto: Is there a dog in here? COME HERE LITTLE PUPPY! I HAVE RAMEN!!
Sakura: (gasp!!) SASUKE-KUN!!
Sasuke: (blushes madly) SAKURA!! IT'S ALL LIES!! I SWEAR!!
Ashuurii: Oh really? Then did you or did you not prance around for a week singing the song, Sexyback by Justin Timberlake? Hm Uchiha Sasuke?!
Fugaku: Whoa, Sasuke. No son of mine will be a queer.
Mikoto: FUGAKU UCHIHA!! DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE TALK TO MY SON THAT WAY!!
Fugaku: You do realize without me, you wouldn't have had son's. One of which murdered us!!
Itachi: Sorry mommy. Sorry daddy. (puppy eyes) Sasuke made me. He said he's steal my cookies if I didn't.
Fugaku and Mikoto: Your grounded mister!!
Sasuke: But mommy!! MOMMY NO!!
Ashuurii: Such a loving family... (smiles)
Gaara: Did I hear... COOKIES?!
Ashuurii: (gives cookies)
Sakura: I'm shocked.
Ashuurii: Au contraire mon-ami. Did you or did you not moan in your sleep last night at precisely 11:52 PM, crying out for Sasuke?! Your precious Sasuke-kun?!
Itachi: Sasuke you double dog!! Arf arrrooooooo!!
Sasuke: You sicken me. (looks away shamefully)
Ashuurii: Quite frankly I believe you all need counseling...
Ashuurii: WHAT?! WHAT IS IT D-D!?
Deidara: It's... it's... it's a SEAMONKEY!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!
Itachi: NOO!! IT WILL RAPE US!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVESS!!
Ashuurii: that's not sea monkey... it's... SASUKE UCHIHA!! HE'S A RAPIST RUN!!
Sakura: He's a Micheal Jackson copy!! Oh no!! ahh!!
Naruto: Ew, you perv.
Kakashi: I am ashamed. Honeslty Sasuke, have you no dignity? If you want sex so badly, screw Sakura.
Ashuurii: Nicely done Kakashi. I second that motion.
Naruto: Dudes!! DO THE DEW!!
Ashuurii: Right on!! Guess what!!
Hinata: I love Naruto!!
Everyone: (gasp!!) (sweatdrop)
Naruto: (cries anime tears) I LOVE YOU TOO!!
(Passionate making session takes place in the corner)
Ashuurii: Everyone avert your eyes please!! Pay no attention to the sexually deprived teens behind us!!
Sasuke: (smirk) what a loser...
Ashuurii: (clears throat) Ahem... you have no room to talk Mr. Ice-cube... I have a good reason to believe you however are sexually and socially inept! So sad. Pity really.
Sakura: That is so true.
Sasuke: Sakura!! How could you!! (chidori's her ass across the room)
Ashuurii: Are you barking mad!? Are you completely corrupt!!
Sakura: (stand's up.) Take this you jackass!! (sucker-punches Sasuke in the balls with a chakra infused fist)... ooh. He'd have a good mind to have worn a jock-strap. With a cup. Ew...
Sasuke: Mommy... it hurts... (cries)
Sakura: Take that!! Men are such babies...
Ashuurii: Sweetie, men are incapable of doing even the simplest tasks and think that by simply yelling a few colorful fraises at a device which refuses to cooperate, that it will magically work. They are a primitive and lazy species. Pity.
Ino: So sad.
Sakura: You gotta feel bad for them.
Hinata: Poor things.
Neji: Your feminists all of you.
Sasuke: Not to mention sadists.
Naruto: I'm cool. As long as I have ramen and Hinata, life is good.
Kakashi: Ah, my dear friend's that is true. Life is sweet.
Ashuurii: Indeed Kakashi, indeed.
And with that, everyone left said room and mindless, random, and sarcastic bantering to carry on with said "wonderful life", love is in the air my friend's, love is in the air.
(Sasuke runs back in and grabs Sakura)
Moment's later, cries of pleasure are heard in the halls. Now what on earth could be going on in there? (smirks)
Read and Review!!