Summary: Things are as awkward as ever between Kanda and Allen. Now things have only become awkward 10 fold when Kumui sends Kanda and Allen on a mission. And why do they have to pretend to be betrothed? Yullen
Disclaimer: -twitch- what the hell do you expect me to say 'I OWN D. GREY MAN?!' –twitch again- These disclaimers are pointless which is why I will only do it for this chapter then they will be IGNORED.
1. String Theory
If Kanda had realized what events would come from him just going to the bath house, he would have probably waited to shower for another week. .. or two. Maybe even a month. He had gone weeks without proper bathing due to missions that refused to let him have some proper hygiene.
He had made for positive that no one would come into the bathhouse; he preferred to be alone while he bathed. Though Lavi had always said that it was probably because Kanda had a small-. The bottom line was that he didn't. Lavi was trying to annoy him, when didn't he try to annoy Kanda? The fact that Kanda had no idea why the hell Lavi wouldn't leave him alone had at last annoyed him even more.
After peering around the empty locker room Kanda slipped his clothing off and wrapped a towel loosely around his waist. He folded his black uniform and neatly set them inside of the metal locker before slipping the combination lock into the hole and spun the dial so it was set to '0'.
He had just returned from a two month long mission and sadly enough yet again to the black order. Ever since a bean sprout had somehow crawled into the order Kanda had found himself dreading so much as walking down a corridor.
Tearing out his read hair tie, Kanda wrapped the ribbon around his wrist and tied it into a knot before calmly walking to the hot communal bath. The bath was rather large, but Kanda never knew why the hell Kumui had spent the Black Orders precious money on a huge communal bath when he could have given them separate showers, away from people!
'Tch.' Kanda grumbled to himself. He placed his foot into the hot water and then slowly submerged himself. It was 9 at night and the stars sparkled above him everything was peaceful.
It wouldn't last long. Whenever Kanda would let his guard for so much as one second then-
-that damn Rabbi would have to ruin it. Damn it!
Kanda mustered the best glare that he could when he noticed a red haired teen running out of the locker room and right towards him. Lavi was in only a towel… oh God. Lavi was running in a towel towards him.
His glare grew more fierce. Maybe his glare could set the annoying boy on fire and kill him. Better not get too hopeful at least it would make him hopefully go away! As the old saying does 'you got want in one hand and shit in the other, which one fills up faster?'.
"Awww Yuu! Don't glare at me! It may give me the impression that you don't like me"
Lavi was getting the right impression. There was no way in hell that he would ever in a million years ever be able to get used to the red head. Kanda liked to think of Lavi as the person who had helped him perfect his glare. If it weren't for Lavi, his ferocious glare might be able to be compared to a kittens glare… or maybe a starving monkeys….
'Tch- Damn Lavi!" Kanda almost screeched as Lavi did a cannonball into the hot spring making hot water fly up his nose. Kanda had to stop himself from spluttering. A true warrior never spluttered in front of an enemy. And right now Lavi was the definite enemy; there was no doubt in Kanda's mind about it.
"hahahah! Yuu you should have seen the look on your face! You looked like a fish outta water!"
Kanda glared then angrily dragged himself out of the bath and left to any place away from the still rambling red head.
"Tim!" Allen called inside of the corridors. The golem had mysteriously gone missing and it was beginning to worry Allen. The golem was supposed to find Lavi and give the red head a message. That had been 3 hours ago, Allen knew that something bad must have happened.
Kanda had stomped into the locker room and immediately began taking out his anger on whatever poor defenseless locker he was able to find. The next day many people were sure to find their bathing lockers vandalized with the help of Kanda's sword, Mugen.
After 5 minutes of stomping around and grumbling something about 'dumb redheads' and 'why are the people with unnatural hair colors always so damn annoying' (Of course he had Allen in mind) he decided that he needed to get dressed. Currently he only had a hair tie on his wrist, and that was not considered to be adequate clothing.
When he turned around, Kanda's nightmares all came true in one moment. Right in front of him was a golemn. Not just ANY golem Allen Walkers golem. Wait kanda began to calculate the damage of this incident in his brain. Then it finally clicked.
He was in a locker room stark naked with a golem that had video recording and who so happened to belong to that bean sprout….
"Fuck," Kanda's anger melted away, which was to be replaced with pure horror. What would happen if the video of him were sent into the Moyashi's hands? A scene came before his eyes, the scene of the future if he did not get that golem and reset its memory."Hey Lavi," Allen would say
"Want to watch something? You'll like it."
NO! Kanda could not let it happen. The golem had began to retreat and Kanda looked desperately around the room to find something, ANYTHING. That's when he saw a pair of pants laying on a bench, clearly a godsend that he should put on the pants. In a matter of seconds Kanda was putting on the pants, wincing in pain due to forgetting to clear the zipper, and was running out of the locker room door.
"Bean sprout's golem! You better get your golden feather ass back here!Dammit!"
The black haired exorcist then began running down the hallways with his eye set on the golden orb and had ignored the stares that he had received. Not many people could say that they had seen Kanda with only pants that were too small, with no shirt, and his hair down. The more religious onlookers went into their rooms and began to pray to God that this was not a sign of the apocalypse.
Allen was impatiently pacing around his room. It had now been almost 4 hours and still no sign of Timcanopy. When he saw Lavi next or even lenalee he would ask one of them to help him find the golem. He knew that the golem had left for days at a time, but never for this long when Allen had given the golem special orders.
Four hours was much too long, Allen decided and he began to make his way out the door only to be greeted by a crowd of people that were in the hallway. It was queer, no one was usually out in the hallways at 11, but now it looked as though the entire black order were in a single hallway.
"Um- excuse me." Allen tapped on someone's shoulder. When Allen saw that he had gotten the full attention of the man in front of him he asked. "What's going on?"
The brawny man in front of him began laughing almost like a booming bark. "You didn't hear?" Allen shook his head. "The infamous Yuu Kanda is apparently running around these halls with only pants that are sizes too small on."
Allen mentally rolled his eyes, he didn't care about Kanda the only thing that he wanted was Timacanopy. He thanked the man for his time then began politely shoving through the crowds.
Relief sprung over him when he saw the familiar golden golem flutter towards him then the relief vanished as quickly as it had come when he saw a Kanda chasing after the golem.
This wasn't what Allen had expected. If it had been a different situation Allen would have keeled over laughing but Allen had found himself rooted to the spot and adorned a look of a deer caught in the headlights. It sure wasn't something that one saw every day, which in a way Allen was very grateful for.
When Timcanopy had reached Allen it immediately hid behind Allen.
"Moyashi!" Kanda yelled with Mugen in hand. This was definitely not a good situation.
"What, Kanda?" Allen tried to ask exasperatedly but failed. He was too busy trying to sink in the fact that what the man had told him was true and that there was a half naked Kanda in front of him. If he had felt more level headed he would have found a camera and claimed blackmail.
"What the hell is your problem?" Kanda almost screeched (in a very masculine way, I must add).
"Isn't that my line Kanda?" Allen yelled back. Kanda had a knack for pissing the white haired boy off. What the hell had happened to get the older boy so riled up? If it didn't affect him, Allen could care less but as fate would have it was affecting him… and it sent a very half- Allen mentally punched himself.
"Why did you send that damn golem of yours…." Kanda trailed off. Timcanopy poked its head from behind Allen's back as though it were surveying Kanda.
Allen nodded his head in order to try to prompt the other boy. Kanda only glared and muttered something about perverted beans and walked off. All in all had bewildered Allen. Usually Kanda never gave up so easily, unless if he were planning on doing something later on. Allen pushed the thought into the back of his mind. He didn't even know what the hell Kanda's problem was. It wasn't like it would affect him anyways.
"Come on Tim, we should get some sleep Kumui said that he would give us a mission briefing tomorrow. Apparently Lavi is coming with us," Allen let himself smile at the last thought.
He absent-mindedly began to pet the golem as he made his way to his room.
Kanda Angrily stomped around the corridors towards his room. He had failed in his mission to capture that damn golem and delete the damning video. The next day he was sure to hear about it. Even more annoying Rabbi to deal with, fuck.
He could feel his heart sinking and his stomach uncomfortably churning. He didn't even know why the hell he cared if that damn shrimp saw! Nor did he care to explore the different causes for him caring. It wasn't like he hadn't been forced to be in compromising situations on missions, which sadly happened a lot.
So this shouldn't bug him. Except he felt as though anyone who saw what the golem had seen would soon be raping him with their eyes just to annoy him, especially that damn Rabbi.
All Kanda knew was that he needed to get that damn golem.
"I wonder what Kanda was so irked about," Allen mused to himself. He had seen the exorcist angry but not once had he seen Kanda lose his cool like he just had. Maybe he was PMSing. Allen had heard from Master Cross that males went through emotional PMSing, he had never really believed it until he had met Kanda.
Kanda just had a stick lodged in his ass, Allen had always assumed. Allen opened his door and wandered in.
"Oh did you deliver the message to Lavi?" Allen asked when he suddenly remembered why he had sent the golem out in the first place.
The golem fluttered around which Allen wrongly assumed to be a 'yes'.
"Can you please show it to me?" When the words left his mouth Allen instantly regretted it.
Pacing in his room Kanda had no idea what the hell to do. When he had tried to relax, he couldn't, when he tried eating, he thought of baths (which reminded him of OTHER things), and somehow every thought miraculously drifted to the dumb idiotic Allen.
He had long changed and had left the undersized pants stuffed into a dark corner of his room; it would be a long time before he would even consider recollecting that little incident. Now his long black hair was tied into a secure ponytail and Mugen in place by his side.
"Must destroy the evidence," Kanda said to himself. "The ends justify the means!" Kanda yelled and rushed out of the room with Mugen in his hand. He was gonna get himself a golem… and a few witnesses.
Looking around the locker room that was in disarray, which he immediately blamed Yuu for, Lavi noticed that something was missing.
"Where are my pants?" Lavi screamed. It wasn't everyday that one's pants were stolen leaving them with only a towel for clothing. This was definitely not good. Though Lavi was very good natured he couldn't help feel a little violated. Some pervert was off with his pants.
Lavi than began wondering who the hell had the nerve to do that. But those thoughts quickly left him when he realized "how the hell am I going to get to my room?"
Maybe he could wing it. If he were a ninja, like Kanda (or was he a samurai… it was one of those Asian things!), then he could sneak into his room. Though his room was conveniently the room farthest from the bathhouse. Lavi cursed under his breath than began to tap his fingers together and walk in a circle inside of the locker room.
He needed a plan of attack, fast.
All Allen could do was blankly stare at the video that the golem was showing him. It shocked him that throughout the entire thing all he could think was 'that's not Lavi'. In a way he felt like he were watching bad porn… except there was no sex… ok so it didn't feel like he was watching porn but it sure as hell did feel like he were doing something naughty.
The video engrossed him though his mind screamed 'turn away now! Don't destroy your innocence by watching this!' his eyes stayed glued like they were coated with superglue to the tape.
Only when the door banged open did Allen have the decency to look up. Only to see a very mortified Kanda.
Kanda stared at Allen then to the Video that was still playing, then at Allen again. Afterwards he slammed the door shut and held tightly to Mugen, he was itching for a fight. One that involved blood and manliness! Lots of manliness, but not too much otherwise that may remind him of some of the more recent unsavory experiences.
Allen gaped at the door, he was sure that Kanda had just come through there. The moment was too short for Allen to realize what had happened. Long after the video was done Allen had realized exactly the extent to what had happened. He determined that this was anything but dandy.
The next morning came and the only thing that got him out of bed was a loud knock on his door. He groggily got up and opened the door to find lenalee standing there with a folder in hand and her usual smile.
Allen took them muttered his thanks and crawled back under the covers. Not until 30 minutes later did he actually open the file. He anxiously scanned over the file to find out who his partner was going to be, he was paired with Lavi. Allen exhaled with relief and tucked the file under his bed; he would read the rest of it when he got more sleep. At least he wasn't paired up with Kanda that would be awkward.
Next time Allen groggily woke up it was around 10: 30. He never slept this late! If Master Cross were here he would have gotten an earful from the man. It only took a matter of 30 seconds for him to throw on his exorcist uniform and grab the file from under his bed, and run out of the door.
Kumui had wanted to see him when he first woke up and he assumed that the coffee addict wouldn't have wanted Allen to come so late. People ducked and Allen said rushed apologies he could only think about reaching the older man's office.
"S-Sorry I'm late!" Allen huffed. He rested his hands on his knees and allowed himself to take a quick break at the doorway.
The Chief was inside along with this usual cup of coffee and dazed expression that he always wore when he sensed a 'storm' of some kind coming.
"Where's Lavi?" Allen asked. Something wasn't right. Knowing Lavi he would e the first person here in order to get the mission.
Kumui nervously smiled. "Allen, there's been a change of plans."
Allen gave Kumui a questioning look then his question was answered when Kanda came bursting through the door and yelled "Why the hell do you want me on such short notice?"
When Kanda saw Allen he froze. After last night the last thing he wanted was to be within a mile of the white haired exorcist much less a few feet.
"Good news! You guys have a mission together!"
Kumui's smile faltered when he noticed the glare that he was receiving from Kanda. It was probably the deadliest glare that he had ever seen from the exorcist. This was going to be a long day, Kumui thought as he took yet another sip of his steaming hot coffee.
After an hour of explaining the mission Kanda's glare only became worse and Allen looked traumatized. When he was done briefing them Kumui looked at the wall instead of looking wither of them in the eye. These were the times when he was grateful for having glasses so that no one could see his eyes.
"I didn't know the order did undercover missions…." Allen said and trailed off. The older man could tell that there was a forced calm around Allen. Kanda's forced calm was inexistent.
"Get the damn redheaded idiot to do this!" Kanda groaned. Kumui glared at Kanda then reverted back to his good natured self.
"If you don't do this, Yuu Kanda I will demote you to a finder."
"Allen is there anything you want to say?" Kumui asked with a very fake and unnaturally bright smile. Almost like in the teeth whitener adds, except worse.
"N-no" Allen stuttered and felt himself shrinking back at the power of Kumui's gaze. "I just didn't know that we did undercover missions."
"we're like detectives in a way." Kumui explained. "We either show and tell people who we are, but othertimes it is much more affective if we pretend like we are someone else. In this case we need to pretend. From my sources that I have received this person is familiar with the black order and the innocence. Making it virtually impossible to find him or the innocence."
Allen gave him a quizzical look and decided to not say anything. "Anymore questions?" Kumui asked. He looked between Kanda and Allen when neither one responed he said. "Well good then you shall be off soon."
Kanda stayed behind.
"So what you're saying is that brother asked you and Kanda to pretend to be betrothed in a village that's far away from here because the order thinks that there may be a man who has innocence?" lenalee asked. She noticed the despair on Allen's face. "Why?"
Allen exhaled then said all too calmly, "Because apparently this person is supposed to have a soft spot for the betrothed or recently married." Allen paused then continued before lenalee could ask why Kanda. "And of course he wouldn't dream of sending his baby sister."
Before lenalee could interrupt Allen dove farther into the horrid story. "And Miranda is too old. Then he was originally going to send Lavi and I," Allen bitterly said. "But of course with my luck I get stuck with Kanda. Kanda out of all people!"
The girls gave him a knowing smile then began rubbing Allen's back, a gesture that Allen was not comfortable with.
Hopefully the mission would be done and over with so then he could get on with his life. A life with little to no Kanda.
He willed the paperwork to burst into flames. He still stood angrily in Kumui's office long after the bean had left. He was going to try to change Kumui's mind even if it killed him!
"Why me?" Kanda demanded of Kumui. Normally he was uncaring about when a mission was or what kind it was. But this mission went past the line. It was so far past the line that the line was no longer even visible!
"You're the only exorcist we have." Kumui stated.
"Liar," Kanda hissed. "Tell me the truth."
A sigh escaped from Kumui's lips and Kanda knew that the other man was becoming serious meaning that he meant business.
"You and Allen need to learn how to work together."
"Yes, and making us pretend to be engaged will make everything better!" Kanda roared. After last night he wanted nothing to do with the damn beansprout. There was no way in hell that he wanted to pretend to be engaged to the boy.
"That's what I was hoping for." Kumui stated and lifted the white mug to his lips and drank more of the sweet, sweet nectar that was known as coffee.
"Goddammit!" Kanda was half tempted to reach for Mugen and cut up anything within the swords distance. "When do we leave?" Kanda grunted as an afterthought. If he were to hack Kumui to bits then people were sure to know that it was him, even though he was almost to the point where he could care less.
Setting down the white mug Kumui looked down at the watch on his wrist. "5 minutes ago. You better hurry."
Kanda stomped off and tried to find that damn bean sprout before it got to the point where they would have to walk to the godforsaken town.
By the time that Kanda had reached Allen's room he congratulated himself for not taking out Mugen and reeking havoc upon the order. Though he had seriously considered it. VERY seriously considered it.
He banged onto the wooden door to hear hushed voices. Damn it this was taking too long. Kanda waited for what seemed like hours (in normal time 8 seconds. But whose counting!). His patience had been spent he drew Mugen.
"Mugen!" Kanda yelled then chopped the door down as though it were butter.
lenalee and Allen looked at Kanda with shock written across their faces. They were both sitting on Allen's bed and it appeared that they were talking. Though Kanda thanked the heavens that he had not found them in a compromising position he had already been traumatized enough for his lifetime.
"Hurry up Beansprout," Kanda said as though he had not just chopped down a door. Kind of as though they were merely talking about the weather.
When Allen didn't budge Kanda strode across the room and picked up Allen from the scruff of his collar and dragged him from the room with a bewildered lenalee still rooted to the bed.
Allen heard Kanda muttering something about wanting to get this mission over with and weirdly enough soba noodles.
After 20 minutes of running they had caught up with the train and had surprised many of the people who were boarded. It was times like these that Allen was grateful for his Black order uniform. Though they weren't inconspicuous they sure helped a hell of a lot.
Kanda and Allen found a train compartment and sat on the opposite side of the other. It was an unspoken rule between them that they would not talk about the mission. But Allen could not help but wonder how this mission would work.
"Kanda?" Kanda nodded making Allen assume that he was paying attention. "How are we going to do this mission?"
Kanda glared at Allen before saying, "we get the innocence and we get the hell out, just like any other mission, Moyashi."
Allen grunted, "That's not what I meant, Kanda! And you know it!"
This was going to be a long mission. Too long. And every minute of it was going to be his own personal living hell.
APOLOGIES FOR OOCNESS!
Well I didn't reread this because I am too tired and I have school tomorrow. Yes I know, there ARE some discrepancies from this ff to the actual thing. But if you guys were looking for CANON read the actual book and not a ff! lol! The title cam out because I had no idea what to name this story so I clicked shuffle on my iPod and Bounce! By System of a Down came up. And I was just all like 'ok….'
Yes, there will be lemons…. Just don't remind me about that…. It will be a while like in a few chapters…. I need to practice writing lemons, everyone knows that a BAD lemon can ruin a good ff. (not that my ff is very good!)
What ever did happen to Lavi? Find out soon! I haven't said in this chapter because I wasn't sure how peeps would react to KumuiLavi… My friends freaked out bny it so I most likely wont have it. Lol
Review! It is my Hand Sanitizer because apparently I'm not allowed to sniff its godliness anymore., Seriously I update 3x faster when I get reviews.