A follow-up to the episode "Chocolate with Nuts."
Warning: Contains nudity and implied slash.
The Real Estate Brokers
By Wool Socks
"I think I'll spend it now!" Patrick chimed as he wheeled his wheelbarrow full of cash to the cash register. He gave the cashier, our favorite PMS-ing cephalopod, his order after span of twenty minutes and a twenty-gallon bucket of drool.
"I want one Krabby patty please!" he ordered, unbridled happiness lacing his tone. Even Squidward was unable to dour the upbeat echinoderm's wondrous mood.
"Finally…for here or to go?" Realizing his deadly error, Squidward began to bang his head against the cash register as Patrick mulled over his options.
Patrick soon came up with an answer. "To go!"
Not wasting a second, Squidward jammed the wheelbarrow full of money into the cash register (or what was physically possible) and tossed a moldy old Krabby patty into the mouth of Patrick. Squidward ushered the chubby pink starfish out the door, setting him down the road to walk home.
"And don't come back until I'm dead!" Squidward shouted to Patrick's oblivious (and non-existent) ears as he tottered down the road as happy as a fat pink starfish could be.
Half way on the walk home, Patrick came to the realization that he once had a wheelbarrow full of money.
"I think I'll spend it now!" he chirped excitedly, displaying a toothy smile as he toted his imaginary wheelbarrow the other direction. As he continued on toward the Krusty Krab, he came into proximity of his best friend, SpongeBob SquarePants.
"Hi, Patrick!" he screamed, running past in a frenzy. SpongeBob seemed to take no notice of him save for the brusque wave and smile.
"You took my money, SquarePants!" Patrick shrieked accusingly, jabbing his fancy pinky finger at the racing yellow poriferan. "Just like my candy bar!"
This caused SpongeBob to stop in his tracks. "Patrick! I have to go to work! Besides, that was a long time ago! Like in 1999 or 2000 or something!" he began to jog backwards.
Patrick was foaming at the mouth. "YOU TOOK MY MONEY! NOW I'LL TAKE YOURS!"
SpongeBob held his hands up in placating submission. "Patrick! Patrick! Calm down! I'll help you earn some more money!"
Patrick's black eyes grew wide and eyelashes sprouted, and he gave SpongeBob a dreamy look. "Really?"
"Really," SpongeBob assured him, giving him a wan smile.
"Really really?" he cooed hopefully.
"REALLY REALLY!" SpongeBob screamed, grabbing chunks of spongy material.
Patrick jumped up and down excitably, clapping his hands together. "YAY!"
The two best friends sat in the ice cream parlor, sipping their chocolate milk shakes thoughtfully.
"How are we going to sell all these chocolate bars?" SpongeBob asked his friend tiredly, rubbing his temples as he drained his shake.
"I got it!" Patrick said, snapping his fingers. "Let's get naked!"
SpongeBob shook his head somberly, frowning. "No…let's save that for real estate."
"How are we supposed to make money?" Patrick whined over the edge of Mr. Krabbs' boatmobile (why Mr. Krabbs let them borrow it was a mystery in itself). "Sell boats?"
"No, Patrick," SpongeBob snickered, a devious smile curving his yellow lips. "Real estate!"
"Selling homes and properties and such."
"Oh. How do we do that?"
SpongeBob bestowed upon Patrick an appraising leer. "Take off your clothes. Now."
"SpongeBob!" Patrick gasped in maidenly modestly as SpongeBob peeled off his own clothing.
"Bikini Bottom Nude Realty! Think of the possibilities, Pat!" he waggled his eyebrows suggestively, "not to mention all the interest that'll be piqued once we get our advertisements out!"
The rest of the hot, steamy afternoon our heroes pasted up risqué advertisements for Bikini Bottom Nude Realty. They waited in anticipation for their first victim.
"Finally…A new home. But where are those representatives for the new realty?" Squidward huffed in annoyance, glancing at his watch in five second intervals. "Lazy…" he muttered.
When two more-than-familiar figures stepped out of the pink anchor that had once belonged to Mama Krabbs (rest in peace), Squidward's jaw slackened to the point it was skimming the bottom of the ocean.
"Hi, Squidward!" Patrick chirped happily as he stepped out fully nude from the house. Several steps behind him was a smirking SpongeBob, in the buff as well.
Patrick's cottage cheese and flab, however, did not deter SpongeBob from slapping Patrick's hindquarters possessively after Squidward's gawping.
"This," he said, patting Patrick's flabby ass. "Is all mine. You can have the house. It's all yours."
Squidward, a rubbernecker to the cockles of his heart, shoved a load of money into SpongeBob's arms and yelped happily. "Patrick and you can have my Easter Island head! Whoopee! No more dastardly neighbors!"
"Yay! I have money! I think I'll eat it now!" Patrick said, stuffing it all into his mouth at once.
SpongeBob stood, bleary-eyed and somber, tapping his fingers on his hip. "Not again…"
"I think I'll eat it now!"