Author's Note: Goddamn plot bunny raped my mind and I kept thinking about this story until I finally wrote it down. I seem to have a slight fetish for highly powerful Narutos, as well as spellcasting Narutos. I'll think about that later, but for now, enjoy my plot bunny! I may have to keep it, now that I think about it.




Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Final Fantasy X, or Lulu.


Namikaze (though he doesn't know it yet) Uzumaki Naruto was currently in a crisis. Yes, this three year old child with short, spiky blonde hair, wide blue eyes the color of the ocean, and naturally tanned skin, marred only by three whisker-like birthmarks was in extreme trouble.

The old man had told him not to go outside on his birthday, October tenth, but he was too curious about the festival. So, following his three year old logic, he left the safety of his lonely apartment to follow his curiosity. Yes. He had an apartment at the age of three, something almost completely unheard of, even to the ninja populace. However, it wasn't because he was a prodigy (as nobody would even want to look at him without glaring, let alone teach him), but because the Orphanage had refused to take care of him.

So of course a three year old child would want to go see why all those people were having fun, right? It was foolish for the Sandaime to believe he'd stay inside.

He had left his apartment, and walked down the main road, completely oblivious to all the glares and malicious chuckling following him, looking on in wide-eyed amazement at all the pretty colors of the festival, the way only a child could. Of course, nobody seemed to believe that he was a child. To them, he was the Kyuubi incarnate, the Nine Tailed Demon Fox that had attacked their village only three years previous. The three fine whisker-like marks on his cheeks seemed to further their misguided belief that he was out to get them all, by hell or high water.

Of course, human stupidity is quite limitless, so instead of being smart and trying to train the 'Kyuubi' to become a human weapon, they attacked the boy often. Viciously. With everything including a spork, a chipped kitchen sink, and a pair of high heel shoes. Due to the nature of a child's mind, though, he didn't seem to ever remember it happening. Although that could be the memory erasing technique that the Hokage kept asking Yamanaka clan members to use on him for hope that 'the child will live a normal life'. You'd think that after the third time in a week he had to erase a traumatic event, he'd get the hint that he was not going to be normal. There were no lasting wounds or scars, mental or physical, however, so he believed in what he was doing.

The boy had, by now, made it to the middle of the festival. He was completely ignorant of how everyone quieted when seeing him, stopping their joyful laughter and playing the games to stare hatefully at him. Finally, one brave (or stupid) villager broke the awkward (to them) silence with a shout of "The demon is here! Now we can finish what the Yondaime started!"

Following traditional mob mentality, 68.2 percent of the villagers nodded in unison (the remaining 31.8 percent being out-cold from drinking), and proceeded to chase the boy, who believed it to be a game. That notion wore off real quickly when the pointy objects started to rain down on him as he ran, and kick started his adrenaline. Following the laws of idiotic, bloodthirsty mobs, most of the hail of weapons (and one plastic spork, with viciously sharpened tines) had missed, with only one or two grazing their 'prey'.

The prey in question was running as quickly as his three year old legs could carry him, trying to outrun fully grown humans. This, of course, was doomed to fail, and he was caught less than a minute later.

So here he was, in a burlap sack (cliché, no?) being tugged around what he assumed to be a forest (if the pointy sticks that kept jabbing into him as he was dragged around were any indicator). With a parting shot of 'you should just die out here, demon, and save our village from the disgrace of your blood on our soil', the man left, and Naruto struggled to get out of the sack. Succeeding, due to the drunken craftsmanship on the knot at the top, he looked around where he was left. His mind itched a little, and if he knew what it was, or why it was occurring, he would've called it déjà vu.

He was surrounded by tall trees, the green canopy blocking out most of the light and giving the forest floor a creepy lighting. He started to wander around a little; mostly in child-like wonder and came upon a cave. Not just an ordinary cave, but a cave with a bunch of orbs of 'pretty light' swirling around the entrance of it, that completely mesmerized the child.

The lights were rather soothing, and he fell asleep at the cave mouth after trying unsuccessfully to capture one of those pretty lights. Unknown to him, a single red eye was watching him from inside the cave, wondering why the child's parents hadn't come looking for him. The shadowy figure stepped out, too vague to be described in the twilight gloom, and looked around for a possible search party being formed. After about three hours of absolutely no sign of a search party, it came across the burlap sack, wondering how the hell it missed something like that on it's search. Noticing it had a few blonde strands of hair caught in it, as well as a trail leading back to the nearby village, it, rather wisely, guessed that someone had kidnapped the child and left it out here to die.

Parental instincts going into overdrive, the figure gently scooped up the small child, almost dropping it again when they realized how light it was, far too light to be normal. Lightly checking the baggy orange jumpsuit (and trying hard not to be blinded by the vibrant shade), it was rather astonished. The child should be dead from malnutrition by now! And he… was just prancing a few hours ago as if nothing was wrong, trying to catch the 'pretty lights' as he called them! This child was intriguing, indeed…

The figure decided that, since it had absolutely nothing else to do while it was here, it might as well take care of the boy. Who knows? It could just be the action to grant salvation.

The next day…

Waking up in a cave was a rather strange feeling for the boy. The cold, hard floor sparked something in him, slowly unlocking the hidden memories, but he paid it no attention for the moment. He looked around a bit, expecting to see 'Hokage-jiji', and was rather surprised that he wasn't in his apartment, or a hospital (though he wondered why he would wake up in a hospital), but in a cave. Not the traditional dank, creepy, moldy cave.

This was a cave with style; it had cushions for chairs, and a few purple rugs strewn about. There was a bed, neatly made and looking like it had been slept in recently, up against the back wall of the cave. There were even a few transparent stalactites (the ceiling ones. Stalagmites are the ground ones) dripping crystal clear water into bowls perched beneath them.

After looking around a bit, he collapsed again. The locked memories had finally broken free of a few dozen different memory techniques, and flooded his mind in a cacophony of pseudo-sensation.

At about noontime, Naruto finally awoke, and tried to sort through the new memories he had gained. He was rather surprised, as before he had no recollection of these events and… was that a plastic spork being driven into his eye? How did he have two working eyes now if one was impaled on a spork?

After coming to the conclusion that the memory must have been a dream, the child realized he wasn't alone in the cave. Rather badly done on his part, seeing as how he only realized it when a soft hand was laid on his shoulder. Using instincts he didn't even know he had, he curled up into a fetal position to protect himself. His conscious mind was asking 'from what?', and his subconscious was flipping it off and telling it to shut up, saying it had seniority, and experience.

After a few moments of suspenseful silence, he uncurled gradually, peeking through a gap in his fingers to see who had touched him. It was a rather pretty woman, though she was dressed in outlandish clothing. The first thing that struck him was her eyes, or more specifically, her one eye as her other was covered by her hair. It was a bright red, and the flickers of emotion swimming through it seemed to make her look older than she appeared. Her black hair was tied back in a knot, with four thin braids hanging down her back, and her bangs parted over her exposed right eye, the hair going down to rest against the side of her chin. Her lips had an odd purple shade of lipstick on them, which looked quite natural against her alabaster skin, and fit well with the 'thing' she had going. Her rather pronounced cleavage was barely covered by a fur-trimmed dress, and covered by half a dozen necklaces, ranging from pearls to beads to shiny stones. The dress was a dark gray color, bordering on black, and had intricate patterns embroidered on the wide sleeves and hem. The rest of her dress had the boy staring in shock and awe, wondering how she could stand to put that dress on every day. The front of the dress was rather open, but covered from sight from well over forty different belts, interlocked with each other in a mesh. The woman was also carrying a stuffed doll in one arm, in the resemblance of a knight wearing a pumpkin for a hat. It looked rather cute, and seemed to clash with her 'black' theme, as it was colored in a pale yellow and bright red.

Finally breaking away from her startling appearance, he looked up at her and smiled a little warily, his subconscious taking full control as his conscious kept trying to figure out what was with the wacky memories of… spork torture?

She smiled back at him in a warm gesture, leaning down and patting him on the head like one would a dog, his mind realizing that she had purple fingernail polish too.

The first words out of his mouth were: "Who are you? Are you going to hurt me too?"

Needless to say, the woman backed away as if slapped, her eye wide in startled realization that yes, the child was left out here to die, and it seemed as if more had probably happened to him.

The boy…well… his conscious and subconscious were in Mortal Kombat, his conscious arguing that that was no way to greet someone in a strange area, while his subconscious had the advantage that worse things could be said. His subconscious also had weapons. Clearly someone was going for the kill.

She dropped the doll to the floor, which, if Naruto was paying closer attention, he would've noticed that it landed on its plush feet and stayed up.

The woman slowly walked towards him, not wanting to scare him, and picked him up gently, cradling him in her arms as her 'motherly instincts' kicked in. Regardless of the fact that his eyes were wide in fear, and tears of his impending doom were threatening to spill, it looked like quite the same picture as one would if they had used the puppy-eyes.

His subconscious was winning the war, and his instincts kicked in to stiffen and curl up into as tiny a target as possible.

After three hours of convincing the boy that she wasn't going to hurt him, she finally introduced herself as Lulu. When Naruto inquired on her odd name, she simply stated that she was foreign. After Naruto had introduced himself, he asked her where he was, and why he was here. She had explained that she lived here, and that the reason to why would be found in that sack he was dragged here in.

He had explained that the villagers of Konoha dislike him for some reason, but his memories were all muddled and he couldn't sort them out correctly. The woman tapped him gently between the eyes and a purple aura flared for a moment before his mind snapped into focus, eyes widening at the realization of what had happened.

"Hokage-ojisan… had someone mess with my memories?"

This also shocked the woman, wondering what the three year old could have experienced that the Hokage would have had his memories locked. She tapped her chin thoughtfully, her magical senses were going haywire for some reason around this boy, and she was determined to find out. Unknown things had a habit of biting Lulu hard in the ass when she didn't investigate them, and she held a deep grudge against all that was unknown to her.

Politely asking the boy if he would mind if she did something to determine something about him (quite vaguely), and getting his confused acceptance (he simply replied: Wha…?), she expanded her consciousness into her magic, letting the purple aura flare into life again as she sought to find out that little unknown thing about the boy. Imagine her surprise when she uncovered that the boy was a Jinchuuriki (Power of the Human Sacrifice, literal human container) to the nine tailed demon fox, Kyuubi.

"Naruto… did you know there was a nine tailed demon fox sealed inside you?"

The boy blinked rapidly at that knowledge, until everything clicked into his mind. He flinched rather violently as he figured it out, dropping to sit on the ground with his head in his knees in despair.

"So that's why the villagers hate me? I'm… Kyuubi?"

Saving the child from his angst (toddler angst is quite lethal in large doses to others, as it is much more concentrated and confused than, say, teen angst, which is mostly drama), she rapped her knuckles on his head to get his attention. She explained, in no uncertain terms, that he was human. The fox was simply placed within a cage created from the boy's soul so that it couldn't destroy anything anymore. The Yondaime had apparently used him as the vessel, probably because of his date of birth.

"Naruto, would you like to meet the fox? That way you could, say, ask him more about your life, as I'm sure he would remember your memories, as the technique used probably didn't affect him."

The small child nodded reluctantly, and Lulu tapped his forehead again, muttering a "Sleep" and pulling him into a deep slumber. She spread her consciousness into her magic again, and dove into the boy's mind.

Inside… a sewer?

Lulu found herself as an occupant within a winding maze of sewers. She noticed the boy was sitting there as if it were an everyday occurrence, making her cringe at the thought of his life. She tapped him on the shoulder to gain his attention, before picking him up. She strode purposefully (read: dramatically letting her dress drag behind her) towards the source of a red glow deep from within the sewers. Upon reaching it, they both realized that the fox was big. Really big. Over a hundred feet tall big. They could barely see the tops of the cage bars, but blamed it on insufficient lighting. The bars were held together by a slip of paper with the kanji of 'seal' on it, and the red glow was emanating from behind the bars.

A menacing, echoing, growling… snore? Broke the silence, startling them both. Lulu strode up to the bars and gave one a harsh smack, a loud "BOOM" echoing through the large cavern within the child's mind. She absently noted that this boy's sewer water-mind actually had no smell at all to it. Stepping away from the bars to evade a large claw by several inches, Lulu glared at the two giant, glowing red eyes appearing through the darkness.

A loud yawn resounded, coupled with a slight cough from Lulu, as she tried to make the demon fox focus without having to try to blast it. After the fox was done proclaiming (rather dramatically) that it didn't like to be woken up, Lulu finally snapped and launched a Thunder spell at the creature, lighting up the blackness with a bright flash of white light, as well as a resounding 'CRACK' from the spell striking it's target: The Kyuubi. Said spell caused the fur of the great creature to floof up uncontrollably, much to the delight of the small child who raced through the bars and onto the fox's head, with speeds rivaling that of a Hiraishin no Jutsu (Flying Thunder God Technique). Lulu had to hold in a snicker at the sight: A giggling Naruto playing with the fox's fluffy ears, while said fox was just staring at space, shocked that not only had someone not fallen prey to his awesome introduction, but the fact that there was a child. On his head. Playing with his ears and… 'Ooh… that feels good… ' Coherent thought immediately became non existent as the child scratched that one special spot that he couldn't ever seem to reach, causing the fox to give a murmur of content, as he was too damn dignified to purr, damnit! Maybe if his belly was rubbed… no! Bad thoughts! No purring!

Lulu finally retrieved the child from Kyuubi's head, much to the disappointment of Naruto, as well as the silent disappointment of the Kyuubi. Finally calming the boy down from whining that he 'liked petting Fluffy's ears', Lulu told him that this was the fox sealed in him. Said sentence caused the boy to giggle uncontrollably, before straightening up and putting on a 'Serious' face. This face, while intimidating on most Hyuuga members, was quite adorable on a small child. Except Hanabi. She's the devil. Naruto finally asked the question that had been burning in his mind. No, it's not 'why did you attack'. It was…

"Can I pet your ears some more?"

Lulu's jaw absolutely hit sea level at the question, as did the Kyuubi's. Taking the silence as an acceptance, the child bounded back up the fox's large leg, up across his back, and onto his head where he resumed petting the fuzzy ears.

Two hours later…

After a proclaimed 'because I felt like it. They were there, I was there, and I felt like fighting, so…yeah' to the question of 'why did you attack the village', Kyuubi finally got to ask his question.

"Brat, why is there a Black Mage in your mind? They were supposedly all dead thousands of years ago with the final one being Lulu, a summoner's guardian."

This caused Naruto to proclaim loudly that this woman's name was Lulu, and caused the fox to look at her as if he was studying her intently. After a few minutes, he asked a question that had her physically take a step back in shock, and Naruto to look on in confusion.

"Your soul couldn't pass on, could it? There's something tying you to the realm of the living."

The woman now had to explain that she was an Unsent soul, one who has ties to the realm of the living, or something they had to do, that they couldn't forget. She retained her humanity and her sanity by secluding herself away from the world, not having to deal with the jealousy of the living one normally gets when their soul still lives without a body. This was met with an unnervingly sympathetic stare from a three year old child, and a demon that seemed to actually be in agreement with its container.

Naruto and the fox finally came to an agreement between each other. He didn't quite forgive the fox for the destruction, but he understood why it attacked, after the fox had said 'Why do villagers attack you?' with a responded 'Because they felt like… oh.'

Truly, human stupidity knows no bounds, as the villagers were just as bad as the Kyuubi in that regard.

Lulu finally picked up the child to leave, after bidding goodbye to the fox. She was debating to herself whether or not to keep the child, before she remembered how he first acted when he met her. That sealed the deal. She was going to raise the boy as her own, and teach him to be a Black Mage like her. Maybe they could make a deal with the Kyuubi to help out…

Meanwhile, in Konoha…

The Sandaime was having a great day, by his standards. The Festival honoring the day of Kyuubi's defeat had gone off without a hitch, and he didn't have to pay a Yamanaka clan member to erase Naruto's memories again. Speaking of the boy, he hadn't seen him in two days…

He quickly pulled out his nifty crystal ball and started scrying for the whereabouts of the blonde boy, homing in on a tag of chakra left by the Hokage to make sure he knew where the boy was at all times.

What he saw puzzled him. The boy was currently in a cave, and talking animatedly with a pale-skinned, black-haired woman with a red eye… red eye…!

Before his thoughts could continue on the possibility that this woman was the Kyuubi, having been broken out of the seal, the woman looked directly at up, almost as if she could see that the Hokage was watching through a crystal ball. Before he could laugh at that thought, as nobody had ever detected his scrying (his perverse hobby of scrying into the women's bathing area proved that), his ball cracked in a blast of energy, feeling nothing like chakra. It finally shattered, the final image being the woman glaring up at the Sandaime.

The Hokage jumped in shock, as nothing like this had ever happened before. He, luckily, had a second crystal ball just in case situations like these. He shoved the shards of his previous crystal into the trash can, searching for the chakra tag once again. To his dismay, he was unable to find it. He quickly called four ANBU to spread out and search for any trace of the blonde boy, and to bring in that woman for questioning. Of course, the knowledge that they were searching for the 'demon', and the really vague description (as even Yuuhi Kurenai, the genjutsu mistress had black hair and red eyes, as did most of the women in the Uchiha clan, when their Sharingan is active) made them quite… slipshod and sluggish in their search.

After a week of no results, the Sandaime was forced to label the boy as dead, as nothing could be recovered that proved that he was still alive, and if the woman was who he thought she was, then she would have killed him after her freedom was won. This, of course, repealed his law referring to the boy, allowing most of the populace to tell their still impressionable young children tales of the 'demon boy' who used to live in Konoha.

Back with Naruto and Lulu…

Naruto was puzzled when Lulu seemed to glare at an imaginary foe on the ceiling, before a sound like breaking glass was heard to both of them. She let herself smirk, before tapping Naruto on the forehead and purifying his chakra system, dislodging the remnant of the Hokage's chakra that was acting as a tracer.

Seeing his puzzlement, she elaborated, stating what she had done, why she had done it, and how the Hokage was spying on him. The three year old was quite infuriated with the aged man, refusing to call him 'Hokage-jiji' any longer at the revelation that he had seemingly deemed him a flight risk (for good reason, due to his treatment) and had placed a tag on him without at least asking for his consent.

The boy had agreed to becoming Lulu's apprentice, after she had notified him of the fact that most ninja sensei's would refuse to teach him anything, due to his status in Konoha, and a lot of the other villages were either inhumane in their teaching practices, or turned their ninjas into living weapons. Black Mages, according to Lulu, had to be level headed at all times. Their destructive magic was too powerful for someone to go on a PMS killing spree, as it might level a large area. The boy had thought it over for a bit, and agreed to her terms, and started to change his behavior accordingly.

Lulu had also told him the significance of a weapon. While ninjas used their weapons for attacking, Black Mages used theirs as a channel for their more powerful spells, as well as slight weapons. Most Black Mages, she admitted, were physically weak, preferring to focus on evading and deflecting physical attacks than to deal them. Lulu's weapon, she had told him, was her doll. She showed him how she used it as a conduit for her energy by showing him the Ultima spell, making Naruto stare in shock how the doll perfectly mimicked her actions, only to nearly faint when he saw the destruction caused by the spell. He quickly decided he wanted an 'awesome doll' like 'Lulu-oneechan (sister)'.

The Black Mage thought this over for a minute, before a devilish smirk appeared on her face. She relayed her plan to the boy, who gave a great impression of an evil scientist at the idea, and agreed wholeheartedly. They both went back into the boy's seal to discuss it with the fox (read: blackmail and/or coerce it to agree).

Said fox was absolutely adamant about refusing to be a plush toy, until Naruto brought out the artillery and refused him ear scratching unless he agreed. This caused his stone-cold resolve to falter, as he really liked the scratching… Lulu's comment sealed the deal, saying that the Kyuubi would be Naruto's weapon to attack his enemies, should he so choose. The fox's power would be sealed completely into the plush toy, but kept in control by Naruto himself. She also told him that he'd have a helping hand in the more destructive arsenal of Black Magics, which made him drool at the thought of the environmental devastation caused by the higher spells.

A complex ritual later and Naruto was the proud owner of a living, breathing, and cuddly stuffed nine tailed fox, about a foot in height, and three in length from muzzle to tailtips.

It was the same coloration of the real Kyuubi, with the identical glowing shade of red for eye color. It would look rather menacing if it wasn't at the beck and call of a three year old…

Lulu started to write down what their training schedule would be, starting with him forgetting everything he ever learned about Chakra, as Mana was different. This caused her to almost fall flat on her face when she remembered that this was a three year old, and had not been to the Ninja Academy.

"Mana," she elaborated, "is the purely spiritual component of Chakra, which is composed of physical and spiritual energies. Chakra is less abundant in nature than Mana, which is why Black Mages use it more. And, as opposed to Chakra, if you use up all your Mana you don't die. To access your Mana, you have to meditate. This means you have to void yourself of emotion, and spread your consciousness to every part of your body to find your Mana source."

The boy was able to do it surprisingly quickly, causing Lulu to get a sadistic gleam in her eye as she thought about how idiotic the ninja village had to be to not realize the boy's potential. Or, they recognized it, and thought it was all the fox's doing. Either way, they tossed pure platinum away from them on a stupid bias.

Lulu quickly started to teach the boy how to control his Mana, starting with the animation of the plush dolls. The Kyuubi was rather peeved by this point, as, not only was he a cuddly plush toy, but he was immobile until the brat learned the basics of being a mage.

This was going to take awhile…

Two years later…

Naruto had successfully learned how to animate his doll, even improving on it a little. He stashed a bit of his Mana into the doll so that it could move on its own, something Lulu had never tried. It probably wouldn't have worked anyway, as her dolls had no consciousness, while Naruto's was Kyuubi. The fox was able to augment his power using his Youki, which surprised Lulu and made Naruto cackle in delight. The boy was becoming quite interesting, if the fox was being truthful to himself. The unlocked memories had scarred him deeply, causing trust to be a major issue. He would have to think more on this later, as there was a rabbit nearby, and he'd be damned if he didn't tear it limb from limb with his plush fangs!

With a battle roar, that sounded mostly like a yipping of a fox kit, the battle was joined!

Three years later…

Naruto had begun to learn the basics of Black Magic, intrigued at the thought of controlling four different elements. Lulu, regretfully, admitted that she never learned to manipulate more elements to the extent that she could with Fire, Lightning, Ice, and Water. Back when she was alive, those were considered the main elements, and she had devoted herself to studying them. Nowadays, things were done with Water, Earth, Air, Fire, and Lightning. Ice was completely forgotten.

Naruto decided to try something new, and threw himself into learning the five normal elements, stating that since he lived in this time, that he should at least try to conform to its ways. After a bit of mental prodding, Lulu was able to remember that, way back when she was still alive and not a hermit, there were one or two spells concerning Earth and Air, and that it shouldn't be hard to learn the entire element if he started from scratch, as opposed to if he had learned it her way and tried to learn the new elements.

With that decided, the boy trained in the five ninja elements, while learning the theory for Ice alongside them, to create it his way when he was finished with the standard five.

Kyuubi was, oddly, learning to have respect for the brat. He had an indomitable will of iron, and was reworking the foundations of ancient Black Magic using logic and determination. He was almost proud of him, though he quickly shoved that thought out of his stuffed mind while he hunted down a new rabbit warren that hadn't learned about his mighty presence yet.

Four years later…

Naruto, now age twelve, had completely mastered the 'new basics', as he called them. He had the first tier and second tier of elemental spells down, and was working on the third. He had also mastered the few supplementary spells that Lulu knew, including Bio, Drain, Aspir, Toad, and Sleep.

The spirit had chuckled behind her hand when she saw that Naruto had taken Toad to a new level, turning rabbits into frogs to confuse his doll about the recent surge in frogs, and the decline in rabbits. The poor fox-doll had moped for hours until the spell wore off, ears laid back against his head, and his big, menacing red eyes brimming with tears of sadness.

Naruto and Kyuubi had started to get along quite well, and the fox had succeeded in corrupting the poor boy into learning his love of fighting, as well as a sadistic streak to rival Mitarashi Anko's. Lulu almost shuddered to think of what would happen if he learned Break.

After applying extreme amounts of pure, pre-teen logic, as well as curiosity, he had finally come to the conclusion that had shocked Lulu that it hadn't been thought of before. His question?

"What are spells exactly? I know they're Mana constructs to manipulate the elements, but is that all they are? Just patterns of weaving Mana into controlling elements?"

After applying some deep thought to this, she nodded, which caused the boy to give her a rather evil smirk.

"Then isn't it possible that there are limitless Spells out there to learn and create? All one has to do is practice weaving their Mana in a set way until it becomes instinctual when paired with the spoken word, and there you go. A new spell."

Lulu couldn't have been more proud of her student at that moment. He had successfully broken down the entirety of Black Magic to its core, and found out its secret. She hadn't even thought to try that before. At notifying her apprentice of this, his lips had twitched into a true, happy smile that he had made his neechan proud of him.

Apparently his mental scarring had been a bit worse than either Kyuubi or Lulu had thought, as the boy had quickly dropped most emotions after beginning his training. He hardly ever showed the slightest bit of anything, except to Lulu and sometimes to Kyuubi. While walking around alone (seemingly. Lulu tended to get overprotective of him and followed him when he walked off alone. She denied any knowledge to why she did it when questioned by Kyuubi, though) he was just as cold as ever. Normally even Lulu would smile to herself as she reminisced about the times when she was alive, but Naruto… hardly ever expressed himself in a true emotion. Sadism and mischief didn't count.

Two and a half years later…

Naruto had decided he was going to stick it to Konoha. Painfully. With a spork.

He was going to go back for the Genin exam after he was done training, and be a Konoha ninja. He was going to screw with them from the inside, under the protection of the Hokage who wouldn't do shit to him, afraid of harming his successor's legacy.

Oh yes, Naruto knew who his parents were now. After speaking with the Kyuubi on the subject, who had said that 'since you never asked, I thought you didn't care', he had learned he was born to Uzumaki Kushina, and Namikaze Minato, the fourth Hokage. The same prick who sealed his fate at birth had also been his father. Wow.

Naruto had learned that day that there was yet another thing to make fun of Konoha for. They threw away their beloved Yondaime's child, believing they were doing the Yondaime a favor by 'getting rid of the demon'. He laughed hollowly at that, wondering how stupid they could be to not realize the resemblance. Granted, they probably couldn't see it now, as he had changed a bit, but more on that later.

His training with Lulu had gone splendidly. He was now able to pair up with Kyuubi to cast the more powerful magic, and the fox was ecstatic. He likened the feeling of Ultima being channeled through him as 'an orgasm of the highest proportions, surpassing the feeling of destroying a village', causing Lulu to stare at her Onion Knight doll in intense suspicion.

He had mastered Lulu's entire spell repertoire, including the powerful Flare spell. He was considered her equal in all things pertaining to Black Magic, but the boy was still her junior in years. She had died at the age of 22, so she was still older than him, damnit!

Recently, the woman had been having strange feelings of faintness and a sense of fading. When she asked the doll about this, it had replied that she was completing whatever she had to do that was needed for her to pass on. They had kept this a secret from Naruto, however, not wanting to worry him.

The boy had grown into a rather attractive young man, not that Lulu would ever admit it. To her, he'd always be the little blonde boy she took in from a burlap sack. She gave him a book written by one of her former comrades, called 'Fanpeople and How to Escape Them' by Tidus. The boy raised a blonde eyebrow at the book, before Lulu and Kyuubi broke down and had to teach him about the Birds and the Bees.

He was about 5'11" tall, only a bit taller than Lulu. He had, in forsaking against his heritage, grown his spiky hair out long, which caused it to straighten the longer it got. It fell flat against his head, making him look a bit more mature than his age, and almost of noble descent. His golden locks ended at his knees, and were usually tied in a high ponytail. When questioned on the length of his hair and how impractical it might be, he replied (with a snicker), that he had created a spell to make his hair poisonous to the touch, slowly petrifying whoever was holding him by it. He also had said that, at knee length, it was finally long enough that it didn't resemble the spikes at all. The only telltale signs of his heritage were his blue eyes and golden hair color. After speaking with the Kyuubi on the subject of how to change one or the other, the fox had said that he could infuse youki into the teen's eyes to change their color, but couldn't do anything about the hair.

Agreeing to it, the fox had permanently combined a bit of his youki into Naruto's eyes, forever changing the color to an amethyst purple. Lulu thought it was pretty, and Naruto simply groaned in response. He was happy they weren't blue, though.

His body type was thin, but not heavily so. He was, as Lulu bluntly put it, 'built like willow branch'. His body would look fine on an acrobat, as Lulu had taught him her evasive tactics, forcing the boy to be able to react at an instant and bend to nearly Orochimaru's angles to avoid blows. Black Mages were nearly never physical, so his body didn't have a ninja's tone, but it was good enough for traveling long distances without getting tired. He had even taught himself how to run across the tree tops like the Konoha ninjas do.

On the boy's attire, Kyuubi had (jokingly) suggested he dress like Lulu. When the senior Black Mage had asked what he meant like that, he had replied (with a shrug of squishy-soft shoulders), that she dressed like a high class 'courtesan' and that it was distracting during a fight.

After sewing Kyuubi back together after the 'crazy bitch fried my stuffing for telling the truth', Naruto decided to not go with the belt-dress. He didn't think it'd look right on him anyway.

Instead, he was clothed in black shinobi-style pants, riding a bit low on his hips. The pants themselves were slightly baggy, and were bandaged just above the ankle so it didn't impede movement. His shirt, he decided, he'd take a note from Lulu's dress attire, much to Kyuubi's chagrin. It was a normal black long sleeve shirt, with wide sleeves in the traditional Mage style, allowing one to hide their hands, as well as 'makes it look cool when you cast spells' Lulu had said. The shirt itself ended just above his stomach, showing off his abdominal structure. The outfit looked rather interesting on the teen, as one could consider him a pretty, flat chested woman. However, when Kyuubi had brought this up, he spent the rest of the afternoon dodging high powered spells.

The whisker marks were gone from the ritual of transferring the Kyuubi into a plush toy, much to Naruto's glee. Now he could correctly infiltrate Konoha society… unless the Sandaime undid the law concerning his Jinchuuriki status. Then…well… more chaos for him. Woo! His facial structure had changed a little, after he had convinced (read: threatened to stop the ear scratching) Kyuubi to use youki to reconstruct his cheekbones to further distance himself from his parents. He truly could pass off as a noble, as he seemed to exude an air of dignity, grace, and indifference. If not for his clothing, he could pass as a blonde haired, amethyst eyed Hyuuga.

Much to the boy's chagrin, though, his golden skin tone was natural, and not even youki could change that.

One month later…

There were five months before Naruto had to go back to Konoha to do the Genin test, and Lulu had asked him to talk with her for a bit, saying it was important. After arriving at the cave in which they both dwelled in for the past eleven and a half years, he realized it must be really serious.

"You needed to speak with me about something?"

The woman looked up at him and smiled kindly, wrapping both arms around his chest and hugging him tightly to her. Something felt really off about this situation… Lulu wasn't normally one to enjoy physical contact, she looked like she was about to cry, and her body seemed… insubstantial. Quickly connecting all the dots, he looked up, eyes wide in disbelief.

"You're fading to the afterlife?"

The woman nodded sadly, still holding him as tight as she could, a few tears escaping her uncovered eye.

"I'm not sure whether to be happy or sad. I'm finally going to leave the mortal plane and go to where I belong… but… I'm going to miss you, Naruto. I finally realized what was keeping me here. I had never had a child I could call my own, and had always wanted to raise one. You had fulfilled that spot in my life, and now since you've grown old enough to take care of yourself, my life is finally complete. By tomorrow I'll be completely gone, so I wanted to spend this day with you before I left."

Naruto let a tear escape from his eye for the first time in over a decade, and hugged the woman tightly to him; afraid that the moment he lets go she would disappear forever.

"I'll miss you too… Lulu-okaasan… you're the best older-sister/parent I could have ever dreamed of, and took me in when nobody else wanted me. I will forever be grateful to you."

Lulu looked up, a little bit shocked at her new title, even if it was only temporary. She stood on the tips of her feet and gave him a kiss on the forehead, like she used to do way back when he was still a child.

"You're all I ever wanted in a son. Please promise me that you'll take care of yourself. I'm not going to make you promise to pass on the art of Black Magic, as I know you'll do what you believe is right. I trust in your decisions."

The rest of the day was spent reminiscing over all the time they had spent together. Finally around three in the morning, she started to shimmer and fade. Her final words before she disappeared were 'I love you, Naruto. I'll always be there for you, if only in memory.'

Naruto grabbed the Kyuubi doll and hugged the fox to him, taking solace in his last friend. The fox was silently mourning for the passing of the woman as well, as she had become a greatly respected individual in the fox's eyes. The woman could deal out incredible destruction one moment, and be as gentle as a spring breeze the next. Truly a wonderful individual.

The next day…

Naruto sealed up the entire area, preventing any trespassing individuals from desecrating the resting place of Lulu. He had used up most of his power to create a gleaming ice sculpture that would be forever frozen, in the exact likeness of Lulu, holding her Onion Knight doll in one arm. She was backed by all the likenesses of her friends from back when she was alive. In a plaque at the bottom, the words of 'To Lulu, the last Black Mage, a powerful summoner guardian, and a true mother' were burned into the ice with softly glowing purple flames in the shade of her lipstick.

After resting from the creation of an everlasting ice sculpture, complete with inscription that would forever burn, Naruto stood up and picked Kyuubi up from the ground, cradling him in his arm as Lulu had taught him. At the fox's puzzled stare, the boy replied 'we're going to travel for the next four months and see Fire Country outside of this cave'.

And for the next four months, the Sandaime was haunted by the reports of a tall, blonde haired teenager, carrying a stuffed nine tailed fox plush toy from all over Fire Country.

Four months later…

Naruto, now fifteen as his birthday had just passed, was currently standing outside the gates of Konoha. He was waiting for the damn gate guard to realize someone was there and open the gate.

After several minutes of waiting, he finally gave up and set the Kyuubi toy down. Naruto gave a sadistic smirk as Kyuubi sprinted as fast as his little feet could carry him towards the gates…

A passing traveler would later recount to his friends in a bar about a 'blonde guy who's fox plush broke down Konoha's gates. No, I wasn't drunk.'

After sufficiently 'knocking', Naruto gathered the doll in his arm. He could swear he could hear a muttered 'damn right it didn't stand up to me. I'm the fuckin' Kyuubi no fuckin' Kitsune.'

A swarm of ANBU surrounded him, as if preparing for an attack. The teen merely looked up, pulled a mock-innocent face and declared:

"What? Nobody was paying attention to open the gate for me, so I let myself in."

Most of the ANBU guards fell flat on their faces at the revelation, turning as one to glare at the gate guard who had broken out of his sleep to stare in awe at the thirty foot tall gates that were currently lying on the ground.

As they turned back to the blonde man, they realized he was gone, with not even a footprint to denote he was ever there. The Captain quickly used Shunshin (Body Flicker) to head to the Hokage's office to announce the possible intruder.

At the Hokage's Office…

Naruto was currently sitting in the lobby, waiting for an opening in the aged man's schedule to open up. The secretary stared to glare at his fox toy, asking (quite rudely) how he dare bring in something like that into wonderful Konoha. He simply looked at her, looked at the toy, blinked a little, looked back up at her and replied in a polite yet mocking tone:

"You're a really stupid woman if you want to take your anger out on a toy, even if it does resemble a demon fox. Wow. Give yourself a pat on the back, for I'm sure your mind must truly believe that the stuffing used to create this doll is made out of 99 percent evil and 1 percent demon. I hope you're proud of yourself for turning your blind hatred onto inanimate objects."

The woman was quite shocked at how this attractive blonde man could tell her politely that she was stupid, and get away with it. She was resisting the urge to call him –sama, as it was!

Before she could drum up her courage to reply, he walked past her, saying he was sure that he would get more done if he simply asked the Hokage directly if he had any openings. If his secretary was ignorant enough to take hatred out on inanimate objects, then could she be trusted to do her job correctly?

After nodding to the two ANBU guarding the door, he knocked on the door. Hearing a muffled 'Enter', he stepped inside.

As soon as he entered, some man was pointing at him and loudly yelling that he broke down the gates. He looked at the man, blinked, then looked down at his toy, who he could swear started to fidget as if holding in laughter. He finally looked back up at the Hokage, who was staring at him in heavy suspicion, and said the same thing he had said to the ANBU.

"Your person at the gate was doing his job inadequately and was too busy snoring to open the gate for me, so I let myself in. If I was truly an enemy, I would've killed him on my way in, now wouldn't I?"

He looked over to the man who was now sputtering in disbelief at the blonde teen's audacity. His glittering eyes hardened into a glare, completely outclassing that of a Hyuuga or an Uchiha as he spoke to the man.

"If you can't do your job and figure out who is an enemy and who is not, then quit now before you cause unnecessary deaths. I have something to speak with the Hokage about, and you're currently making a complete ass out of yourself. Kindly remove yourself from the premises, or I shall help you in that regard."

The ANBU stared a bit in disbelief, before pulling himself up to his full height of about 5'8", trying to be as intimidating as possible. His mouth twisted in a sneer, and his voice took on a haughty tone as he spoke down to this civilian who dare try to threaten him, an ANBU captain.

"What right do you think you have to order me around?"

He could swear even the man's fox toy was smirking at him at this, and he didn't have much time to think on the possibility of an inanimate object having facial muscles before he was dislodged from the room forcefully via the open window.

Naruto had given him a quick snap kick to the stomach, augmented by a little of his magic to increase the force. The man was sent flying over thirty feet before hitting the side of a building, immediately knocked out. He turned back to the Hokage who was about to push his "Call the ANBU" button when the teen spoke, shutting the door behind him and closing the window.

"Before you even try to call more ANBU on me, I have done nothing wrong. He asked me what right I have, and I showed him. I have the right of diplomatic immunity due to not being a citizen of Konoha while I am here. As I am not under any of your laws, and he was threatening my authority, I dispatched him in the way I felt befitted him. He really should learn to do his job correctly, though. I came here to apply for the Genin exam, as I have been traveling for the past twelve years."

The Hokage was shocked, as he had to admit, the teen had him in a political loophole. Although… the way he rattled off his speech… reminded him too much of Itachi. As soon as he caught sight of the fox doll in the man's arm, he realized that this was the man who he'd been trying to track down for some time, and quickly put a silencing jutsu on the room.

He put an edge of authority on his voice as he spoke, as if daring the man to deny his demands.

"I need your name, as well as age, and I need you to accompany me to the Council Room to have them discuss whether or not you can join the Academy for the exams."

The man's lips twitched a little, before settling back into the emotionless line. His eyes, however, were absolutely glittering in sadistic amusement.

"My name… is Naruto. Age fifteen."

The Hokage's jaw dropped, pipe clattering to the floor. He looked at the boy, took in his golden skin, flaxen hair, and the Kyuubi doll in his arms, and nearly gasped. There was no way this was the same Naruto that had disappeared twelve years ago. Naruto had whisker-marks, blue eyes, and didn't know of the fox. And his facial structure didn't match. His mind was troubled, though, at the resemblance, so he chose to ask.

"Any surname?"

Naruto debated it a little, before picking up his fox toy and asking it a question out loud, causing the Hokage to doubt his sanity.

"What do you think? Should I tell him?"

The Hokage immediately went for the ANBU button when the doll responded.

"Eh, sure. It'll be a kick in the pants to him."

Before he could press the button and call in the ANBU to interrogate the teen who had a talking doll, a polite cough caught his attention. Both the doll and the young man were glaring at him.

"My original name was Namikaze-Uzumaki Naruto. I gave up my surname years ago when this village abandoned me. As I was announced dead, there isn't shit you can do about it, Hokage-san. I am currently not a citizen, due to my status of 'death'. By the way, you may want to tell the Yamanakas to work on their memory jutsu, since the one they kept using on me, at your order, only locked the memories. It didn't erase anything."

Sarutobi stared at the young man before him, before his eyes caught onto the fox plush currently standing on the blonde's shoulder, and glared heatedly at it.

Naruto caught this, and glared right back, a violet aura flaring for a moment and blasting everything away from him, causing paperwork to whirl, staplers and pens to embed into the walls, and the Hokage to apply chakra to his feet to stand still.

"Before you even dare to say anything about the doll, he has actually been more a friend to me than anyone in Konoha. I earned his respect through my hard work, and if you cannot see past the fact that he's a demon, then I'll simply go to Kumo or Iwa. I'm positive they'd simply adore having someone like me there."

At this, the Hokage's ears perked up a bit. He gave one more halfhearted glare at the fox toy, who smirked smugly back at him, before sighing in resignation. He really did need that boy, damnit. It was the only remnant of his successor he had left. His mind finally wrapped around the last part of the blonde's statement, and he quirked an eyebrow.

"What do you mean 'someone like you'? Aside from the Jinchuuriki status, I don't believe there was anything too different about you."

Naruto simply smirked, his eyes flashing in amusement.

"I guess you could say I have a bloodline. And it's all me, the Kyuubi has been in that doll for the past twelve years, so he has nothing to do with it. I am highly proficient in using elemental techniques without handseals, and can do some techniques in tandem with my doll to cause large environmental destruction."

The Hokage was quite shocked at this, and thought about it a little. There was no record of a bloodline like that, ever. Perhaps becoming a Jinchuuriki had changed parts of his DNA and created it? The fox did like widespread destruction…

"Very well. I'll allow you to take the Genin test tomorrow. Will you accompany me to the council room?"

The teen nodded, the fox toy hopping up into his arms and laying motionless, as if it really was inanimate. The Hokage grabbed onto his shoulder, feeling quite regretful that this had happened to his successor's son, and used Shunshin to get to the council room.

In the Council Room…

The Hokage and Naruto appeared into the room with a standard puff of black smoke. The Council stared in astonishment at the teen's clothing, before they all noticed the fox doll and glared as one at it.

Naruto, noticing their enmity, had a sudden urge to be chaotic. He raised his arm above his head and sliced diagonally to the lower right, a single clear word escaping his lips.


A veritable tsunami spawned out of thin air and charged the Council, doing not much more than simply drenching them. They stared at the boy, who they had pushed off to the side in their heads as not a threat, and had instead focused on the doll entirely.

The Hokage was shocked, but quickly regained composure and addressed the soaked council.

"We are gathered here to assess the possibility of this young man here becoming a Konoha shinobi. As you can see, he has a bloodline ability that allows him to use elemental manipulation abilities without hand seals."

The entire council perked up at this, before the man stepped forward, the nine tailed fox doll on his shoulder and glared at them.

"I will say this right now. I will not be a breeding stock for you, or anyone else. If you try to control me in any way, I will not only destroy the attempt, but the one who ordered it, as well as a large section of residential area of where they reside. This is not a threat, this is a promise, as I will not tolerate being simply brown nosed by bloodline-lovers. I refuse to have a harem to create super soldiers for you, and you can take your Clan Restoration Act and shove it. If you have any objections, direct them to my doll while I prepare something of a lightning variety to eternally silence you."

The Hokage gaped at the boy who had just openly threatened the Council, who were all fuming at the audacity of this commoner to dare address the Honored Council in such a way, and even threaten them! Before they could protest, though, he had said something else which made them realize what a sensitive state they were in.

"You are currently all soaking wet. If I so choose, even a slight shock could cause a heart to stop. Like I said, I refuse to be your puppet, your experiment, or your breeding stock. I would simply be an employee, not a slave."

The Hokage nodded a little at the analogy, and the Council realized that this man had them by the balls. Danzo, being the ever-loving bastard he is, decided to open his mouth.

"Surely we could make some sort of a deal to integrate your bloodline into Konoha?"

At this, the doll moved. The fact that the doll moved shocked everyone, as it stood in front of Naruto with its teeth bared and tails flicking from side to side in a hypnotic pattern. The man uttered a single word before the room descended into chaos.


A swirl of orange flame spiraled down under Danzo's feet before exploding into a pillar of white-hot flame, completely incinerating the man, yet doing no damage to anyone nearby.

Sarutobi was shocked at the brutality, realizing that he really didn't know anything about this Naruto. It was foolish for him to believe that the boy could disappear for twelve years and come back the same he left, sans the burlap bag.

The Hokage finally had to pound on a desk and yell to restore silence, and the entire Council started shouting for the death of the man who killed Danzo. But mostly, they wanted to kill him for having an animated Kyuubi doll.

Having enough of it, the teen started to leave. The most arrogant of the council, mainly the civilian side, asked where he was going.

"I am leaving to somewhere I am wanted as a person, not as a tool. I'll leave to go to Kumo, Iwa, or Suna so that I don't have to put up with this."

This caused the council, to, predictably, fall down at his feet, wanting such a great bloodline. They offered everything they had; namely wealth, women and popularity.

Naruto gave them the most chilling glare he could come up with and shut them all up.

"You only want me for my bloodline. You people make me sick at how you raise all those with bloodlines onto a pedestal, pandering to their every whim. I've made a decision, however. I'll become a shinobi for this village, if only to spite all of you. I'll work directly under the Hokage, meaning you can't sink your claws into me. You people are worse than the Kyuubi ever was. At least he probably had a good reason, whereas you all are so pompous and idiotic that you believe you can control everything. Now that I think about it, he had a damn good idea trying to destroy this village. Hokage-san, I'll be going to the academy tomorrow to take the Genin exam. Any and all attempts to blackmail, convince, or coerce me into assisting the council will be met with lethal force. If you have a problem with that, I'll leave and never return."

The golden haired teen picked up Kyuubi, who was actually rolling on the floor in hysterics at this point and disappeared in a swirl of water, the ground not even wet where he once stood.

The Hokage looked up at the shocked council members, his two teammates grinning conspiratorially, as if they could somehow get the boy on their side.

"I hope you all are proud of what you have done. That boy probably has more power than even I do, and any attempts to gain his favor will now be met with death. He could possibly destroy the village should he have a mind to, so I suggest you all leave him alone."

Most weren't listening, however, and were plotting how to get their daughters to seduce the man…

The Hokage sighed and left, realizing just why Naruto had changed so much. Human stupidity really does know no bounds.

Author's Note: Plotbunnies away! Definitely had a fixation on sporks when writing this... I think... Anyway. No pairing for Naruto, as he's too focused for love.

Reviews would be helpful, as I'm not sure if I should continue writing this plot bunny out. If I do, then I will be writing both this and my other story in tandem, not showing preferential treatment to one over the other. I will finish my stories, damnit. I refuse to be one of those people who you go 'Damn, that was a good story. Too bad they never completed it.'